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purge-that-urge-rhackathon · 7 years

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How about an au where Handsome Jack held a course for Hyperion dorks 'How to pick up woman/or anyone attractive', to which Vaughn, Rhys and even Tim attends to but in the end Rhys ends up in Jack s' bed for a sex marathon because he failed his first exam and ... LONG LEGS.

Dammit anon i should have been working on chaptered work today instead xD hahaha This labeled as Extra Credit. Also on my ao3 here :) My masterlist archive of bullshit i write can be found linked at the top of the blog or here.

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Rhys shouldn’t have been here. The odds had to be a million to one that he’d be here. Pressed into purple sheets. Legs in the air. Knees over strong, sweat-slicked shoulders, nearly bent in half and getting the pounding of his goddamn life.

Enrolling in a class on how to pick up anyone, as the pamphlet had promised, run by a guy who called himself ‘Handsome Jack’ should have been the tip off right there. Even if Vaughn swore it was legit, Rhys had only gone along as a joke.

Everyone else in the class had taken to it like ducks to water. Even Vaughn was blowing him away in terms of pulling off the various pickup lines and confident swagger that Jack demanded they perfect. The older man with the mismatched eyes was tearing them apart to remold them in his image (his words, not Rhys’) and trying to play to their strengths.

He’d stripped Vaughn to the gasps of the others in the class, their shock at the serious abs his best bro had going the envy of everyone there.

“Timmy I could just eat you up,” Jack had told the freckled young man sitting in the back. “Come on, let’s hear your best line for seducing muscles over here.”

Tim was red-faced, a fact Jack took with much enjoyment to tease him about. “He’s uh…. He’s not really my type…”

“Bull. In this class, everyone is your type. You gotta practice somehow.” Jack turned his look from Tim to Rhys. “You. String bean. Seduce this beefcake.”

Rhys had snorted and Vaughn had glared and crossed his arms. There went his ride home. Rhys turned his attention to Jack. “Uh, we kind of already live together.”

“Damn, you work fa-ast kiddo,” Jack said sarcastically at Rhys’ attempt to get out of the exercise. “You should have loads of material to work with then. Seduce him.”

Rhys shrugged and got out of his seat with a sheepish look, though his eyes sparkled with amusement as he approached his best bro. Judging by Vaughn’s face, the shorter man knew Rhys wasn’t going to take this seriously.

“Uh, hey there, you.” Nope, Rhys wasn’t gonna take this seriously at all.

“God that is so unsexy. We’ve been over this,” Jack huffed, rolling his eyes. “Would you just hit him with the sexiest line you can think of?”

“Um, sooooo… I’ve got the rent check early.”

Vaughn’s somewhat aggravated look deepened while the rest of the class snickered and chuckled. “Would you take this seriously please bro?”

“Jesus crunch you suck at this.” Jack’s voice was exasperated, and the older man shooed Vaughn back to his seat.

“Can I–”

“Yeah yeah put your shirt back on. Your freakishly toned body is making me feel things,” the older man said dismissively before turning his attention back to Rhys. He looked the younger man up and down, one brow quirked. “Okay kitten, you obviously aren’t taking this seriously. Or if you are, then you are seriously never going to get laid I mean damn when was the last time you got your dick wet buttercup?”

Rhys at least had the shame to blush at being called out, ready to retreat back to his seat, but the intense stare Jack was giving him pinned him in place. The filthy leer that morphed onto the other man’s handsome face gave Rhys butterflies.

“Or are you the type that likes to wet other’s dicks, sweetpea?” Rhys ignored Vaughn’s snort as Jack entered his personal space, attention focused on the older man’s grin. Jack wet his lips, and his eyes sparkled in amusement as Rhys’ eyes watched the movement. Jack took the younger man’s chin in his hand, running his warm thumb under that full lower lip. “Bet you’re real good at it. Those pretty lips look reeeal capable. You don’t even need to try, do you sweetheart? Bet they all come to you like flies to honey.”

Rhys made a noise unmistakably needy, immediately embarrassed but his eyes focused on Jack instead of the snickers from the other members of the room. Jack’s thumb hovered just shy of being in the younger man’s mouth, pulling away before Rhys could make up his mind on how he felt about that. He made another noise as Jack was quickly stepping away with a dirty, satisfied chuckle.

“And there’s a lesson for all of you right there: any situation can be turned into seduction! Hope you kids are taking notes because I’m testing you in an hour.” He gave Rhys a look that clearly expected him to return to his seat, and the younger man did so, unable to look Jack in the eye for the rest of their ‘instruction’.

Rhys did not pass the test at the end. Not even close. And to make matters worse, Vaughn left him behind while Jack went off on him about being statistically impossible.

Vaughn passed with flying colors, and at least three-quarters of the class had absorbed enough of Jack’s tactics to answer in the manner the man expected. Rhys didn’t think open-ended questions like ‘what’s the best thing to compliment about your date’s appearance?’ could have a right answer, (let alone be ‘the size of your bank account’) so how he’d even failed at all didn’t register with him.

“Rhysie. Cupcake. Sugartits,” Jack began, trying to keep the exasperation from his voice. “In all of my time trying to get losers laid, you’re the only good-looking thing I was actually concerned about never getting his rocks off again.”

“Uhhh…”

“Really kitten when was the last time you got laid?”

“Well, I mean, work has been busy and–”

“Oh frickin’ hell kid no.” Jack stood up and grabbed his jacket, pulling his arms through with a huff and seriousness that didn’t leave room for argument. “I have a one-hundred percent pass average and you’re not screwing that up for me. Come on.”

Jack was walking out the door as Rhys stood there watching blankly. “Uhh…”

Jack stopped to regard him with even further exasperation. “Come on kiddo jesus. Some of us have private lives they’d like to get back to.”

“I don’t–”

“Extra credit, dumb dumb,” the older man said with a roll of those green and blue eyes. “I’m not letting anyone say shit about my program not working. You’re gonna be a master of seduction of it kills you. Now come on.”

Rhys wasn’t sure if it was a boon to him that he was in bed with Jack, but Jack seemed to be under the assumption that it was Rhys’ fault they were in this situation– not that either of them were complaining for the matter.

“God-damn… little… cock-bait…” Jack ground out, every word punctuated with a thrust.

“Oh fuck yes Jack!” Rhys moaned, the older man’s cock brushing against his prostate as the Jack tugged Rhys’ hips more snugly against his thighs. Jack’s mouth crushed against his own, silencing his moans as Jack’s tongue writhed in the younger man’s mouth.

“You sexy little long-legged shit,” Jack ground out, grinding himself against Rhys’ ass as his thrusts took a haphazard rhythm and he began jerking the younger man’s cock with vigor. Rhys’ moans were loud and filthy, every sound the younger man made going right to Jack’s cock and winding him up further. “Don’t even… nghh… even have to try…. fffuck that’s good….” The older man nipped at Rhys’ calf up on his shoulder, and the younger man cried out at the scrape of teeth on flesh.

“J-Jack…. Jack I’m gonna come, I-I’m gonna, gonnaaaaah my gooooood yessssss…”

Rhys’ cock went off in spurts as Jack worked him through his orgasm, the little pitching moans and gasps as his warm and slick hole clenched around Jack wringing the older man’s own end from him with a harsh shout.

“Fuck! Rhysie… oh Rhysie…”

His cock lurched inside the younger man’s still-pulsating hole, gyrating his hips as he spilled and ground his cock and balls against the soft backside. Jack was groaning hard, still driving little thrusts into Rhys as he gave the younger man every last drop he had to give.

Jack let Rhys’ tired legs finally rest aside him off the older man’s shoulders where they laid limply open, Jack still between his thighs. The older man bent to kiss and lightly bite at Rhys’ neck as the younger man chuckled, both catching their breath and sweaty and satisfied. Rhys’ release was cooling on his stomach, but if Jack cared, he didn’t mention it as he lowered himself onto the younger man.

“You filthy little thing… letting some stranger come inside you,” Jack chuckled as he pressed kisses to Rhys’ neck and ran a firm hand from Rhys’ thigh to hip and back again. “These pretty legs should come with a warning…”

Rhys snickered. “Well it has been a long time, so why not?”

His cocky tone, though satisfied and lazy, didn’t go unmissed. “You little shit,” Jack snickered, biting his ear. Rhys’ recently-spent cock gave an interested twitch between them, and Jack huffed. “You’re lucky you’re so goddamned hot.”

“Do I pass?” Rhys asked with a light laugh.

Jack pulled off him to give him a frown and a quirked brow that took the younger man by surprise. “Hell no you don’t pass. You can’t seduce worth a shit,” Jack told him, head immediately dropping as Rhys’ body gave a surprised little clench around his soft cock still inside him. “Fuck, baby…” Jack bit his neck again, but pulled out of the younger man with a filthy wet sound. “You’re lucky you’re pretty much a walking wet-dream or you’d never get laid.”

Rhys snorted and rolled his eyes, but Jack grabbed his chin and crushed their mouths together in a kiss that resulted in Rhys getting half-hard and breathless.

“Seriously though, you’re shit at it,” Jack growled against his lips. “Irresistible little fuck… Anyone who looks at those legs for two seconds is gonna want them around their waist without you saying anything.”

“I thought the whole purpose of your class was to get me laid,” Rhys pouted out with a smirk, and he ground his half-hard cock against Jack’s belly, getting a moan of renewed interest. “I got laid, that should be a pass.”

“Hell no.” Jack’s voice was adamant but the look in his eyes was making him breathe harder already. Jack kissed him again and Rhys curled happy fingers into the older man’s hair, purring into Jack’s more-experienced mouth. He moaned when Jack took his lips between his teeth before letting him go. “I’m not passing you until you can actually seduce someone, kitten.”

“So if I can get you into bed again…?”

“No, I don’t count,” Jack said quickly, thumb brushing back and forth over Rhys’ hipbone. “My dick has a bias. We’re gonna stick a full face-mask on you and get you to flirt with someone at a bar.”

“I think that’s how you get arrested,” the younger man said with a laugh, moaning as Jack ground his thickening cock against Rhys’ used little pink hole. The younger man made a mewling sound of want and grasped at Jack’s back.

“We’ll wait for halloween then.”

“Halloween is ages away. I can’t wait til then.”

“I’m dedicated to having a perfect record, kitten. I’ll just have to give you free extra credit until I think you’re ready.”

The shit-eating grin on Rhys’ face made Jack certain that, even though he was the clear winner in this situation, that Rhys was the victor. “Extra credit as in more–?”

“Charm school, yep.” Jack stopped the patronizing laugh that trickled from the younger man’s mouth by kissing him yet again. Jack’s cock was a nice, firm weight against Rhys, and the younger man made a noise of want that Jack swallowed down. “Fuck, you really are sex on legs. You’re doing this on purpose aren’t you?”

Rhys’ chuckles didn’t help his case, and his amusement didn’t end when Jack resheathed himself in the younger man, muttering about how he knew Rhys was cheating at this whole seduction thing but he wasn’t sure how. They were both covered in Rhys’ tacky release that would only be added to by the time Jack was done with him, the older man upset that the results were still the same even if Rhys hadn’t used his tactics.

Rhys left with Jack’s number successfully entered into his phone, the older man scowling the entire time. Couldn’t find an answer for a nonexistent problem, after all.

He’d try to work things out further through more study sessions in the near future.

#rhack #handsome jack #rhys #fanfic #my fic #poisonjack #dammit anon i should have spent the last few hours writing that rhys/axton update AHAHHA XD #imma take a break now and do my makeup and head to the market LOLOLOL XD #this was fun how dare you xD hehehehe #thank <3 #borderlands #tftbl

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