#( writing piece: lourdes rasmussen. )

[melodiiesxfmadness]

memorial day, 2015.

Arlington National Cemetery Arlington, Virginia content warning: war conditions, marine deaths.

Lourdes was quiet as she stepped out of the rental vehicle, bumping the driver’s side door shut with her hip as she placed the all too familiar dress cover on her head. Light brown hair had been fixed in a french twist and held in place with a dozen bobby pins, along with megahold hairspray. Black dress shoes had been shined the night before, dress slacks ironed out properly as well so it matched the stark white dress shirt beneath the dress jacket. Crisp white gloves adorned both hands, and she could feel them shake a little while walking away from the vehicle towards the marker for SECTION 60. This is where the buried those who had died in combat during Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom, where members from her battalion were buried. She remembered getting a phone call back in 2005 while still in college about Mullen, he was the first to go.

Mullen had been the translator for them, especially after she had transitioned out and could speak multiple languages as a matter of fact. The worst part about it is that he had left behind a young wife and newborn set of twins. Something that seemed to be rather common when military personnel got killed while in combat, they were always leaving someone behind - a risk they were all taking when they signed the contracts. For her it would have been her family, she didn’t like to think about how he had died. That’s because it was all too common again for them, an ambush during a night patrol of the area where insurgents had been spotted earlier that day. Just walked right into a trap in an abandoned house. He decided to just go in first without waiting. However, a LOT of the time when out on patrol … or on a mission … plans tend to get SIDELINED because it’s a warzone. Planning often goes out the window a LOT and things get overlooked because you’re in the middle of trying to not only keep yourself alive, but your fellow marines as well as not have civilian casualties either or get hit with friendly fire.

It wasn’t any surprise to her that the cemetery was overflowing with flowers, and visitors - it was only nine o’clock in the morning too. She quietly greeted those she past by while heading for the graves of her fallen brothers, head tilting briefly at the familiar figure standing before Mullen’s grave. “Fancy seeing you here, Silva.” Her voice made the 6’5” man turn around, like the majority of those still walking around - he was battle weary and battle hardened, it was easily readable on his face. His right arm was completely gone now, having gotten blown off by a grenade during battle in 2008 so he was honorably discharged and sent home. Obviously, it was a prosthetic underneath the dress uniform and he extended his hand to her.

“At least we’re both still here in some capacity, Rasmussen. Still chasing down idiots jumping their bails I take it?”

Lourdes nodded her head, “Took a few days off from that in order to come up here. You seen Clément, Brewer and Ainsworth yet sir?” Silva actually outranked her, well he HAD stayed in longer so now he was a retired Gunnery Sergeant.

Silva shook his head, “Not yet, we can go together.” He offered her his left arm so they could walk together and find the rest of the graves of their fallen brothers. “Mullen’s former wife hasn’t been here since after he got buried, from what I’ve heard. His kids come up with their grandparents, she moved them to Louisiana three months after the funeral. Wanted nothing to do with any of us.”

This didn’t surprise Lourdes at all - it would have if she didn’t understand that significant others tended to BLAME the military for what happened to their loved ones. They knew the risk when they signed up, they still went - fought for their freedom. The blame game always happened, especially when someone was hurting really bad. “Are you at all surprised? Fairly certain she had a shoutin’ match with Brewer after the funeral ‘cause they were close … blamed him for not stoppin’ Mullen.” She shrugged, “I remember her dad pulling her away from him and telling her to quiet down - that it wasn’t helpin’ any.”

Silva nodded his head, “I remember that. Both babies were there and started crying up a storm because she was raising her voice.” They stopped in front of three more graves now, “You weren’t with us when it happened but Brewer and Clément both died from driving over an IED while on the way back from patrol one morning … Ainsworth got shot in the neck by a kid … no more than fifteen.”

Lourdes cringed a little bit when he told her that. “I never did bother asking how they died … because deaths in a combat zone tend to usually be … well, gruesome no matter what.” Silva nodded his head, wrapping an arm around her loosely to hold her in a soft hug.

“I was going to tell you after the funerals, while at the bar with everyone else but you were so excited ‘bout telling me that you had just started working with some other bail bond places so you could travel and not be stuck in South Carolina…” Silva whispered a little. “I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to tell you then, didn’t want to darken your happy cloud.”

Lourdes sniffled a bit, removing a glove to brush her fingers along the bottom of her eyes while tears fell. “It’s all right sir. I understand why you didn’t and why you are now, I would have done the same … or sent a letter.” She sniffled again and thanked him quietly as he handed her a small tissue pack, dabbing her eyes dry. Thankfully, she opted to not wear any makeup at all, it was just easier when she knew what kind of day she was going to have.

Silva took the tissue pack back and removed one for himself, drying his own eyes. “Some of the finest individuals I’ve ever had the pleasure of serving with are buried here, Rasmussen.”

Lourdes inhaled a deep breath, “Ooh-rah sir.” She managed to say not too loudly so as to not disturb anyone around them.

Silva chuckled a little bit, “Ooh-rah.” He unwrapped his arm from around Lourdes and they left the section that their fallen were buried in, walking her back to the rental car and opening the driver’s side door for her. “You headin’ back to South Carolina now or?”

Lourdes shook her head, “Back to my hotel for a few hours - flight leaves at 9:15 tonight so just going to pack up and likely sleep before heading to the airport sir.” Silva nodded his head before she closed the door and started the vehicle, driving off quietly for her hotel.

#content warning; war conditions. #content warning; marine deaths. #( original character. ) #( writing piece: lourdes rasmussen. )

[melodiiesxfmadness]

--- Greenville, SC.

Thirteen years had really flown by and Lourdes’ hadn’t expected it to come up this fast, mostly because there had been weeks or a few months where time dragged its feet. The construction of the farmhouse, barn and two corrals had taken this long - better slow and safe rather than quick and structurally unsound. A month ago, Lourdes had purchased two more dogs - Australian shepherds from a breeder that was local. In six months they’d be coming home to the ranch. Sol and Luna were older now, so they wouldn’t be running around for much longer which was fine. Her Malinois’ would sit on the porch with either Gabe or Mari, just watching the ranch hands do their thing - take care of the horses or help with lessons. Whatever tasks were needed for the day. She was loading the last box of her things into the trailer that was hitched to the back of her car, which she planned on selling in order to buy a truck once she was in Colorado. Locking up the trailer, she gave one last look at the dark brick house that had been home since she got out of the Marines. Sol and Luna were seated in the back of the car, looking at her from the open window and watching her as she went to the mailbox and put the keys inside. The real estate agent was coming by in an hour to pick up the keys for the new owner, they had bought all but anything for the dogs. It had made the move a little easier, other than all the money she’d been saving over the last few years plus her military pension. “ . . . Time to get on the road,” She whispered to the two, walking around the front of the Dodge Charger to the driver’s side.

She was nervous. It was a twenty-five hour drive from Greenville to Pasgosa Springs, which she was splitting up into a two day drive. SHE WAS NERVOUS. This future wasn’t just her own, she had managed to talk David into retiring into an easy life with her - obviously his kids were coming with him. She loved those two as much as she loved him, there was no way she would have even mentioned it at Christmas all those years ago if she had intentions of pulling them apart.

‘ La familia lo era todo y la intención de permanecer juntos. ’ ( Family was everything and meant to stay together. )

She had grown up living with her paternal grandparents, they helped raise her and her sisters’ while her parents worked their hardest to keep the roof over their heads. Family dynamics had changed quite a bit since she was younger but the world had also changed, and it was so easy sometimes to walk away instead of toughing it out and working through problems. Although, if anyone asked her why she wanted them to stay together … that was definitely the reason, because despite the hard times it was important to not give up on each other.

Her focus shifted back to the drive ahead - most of it spent listening to a podcast, the dogs slept in the back and only woke up when she stopped at a little park six hours into the journey so they could run around in the fresh air and do their business. She fed them before letting them back into the car, stopping somewhere to get food for herself before making it to where they were staying for the night. Sleep wasn’t going to come easy for her, the tv was playing softly in the background to also mute the … noisy neighbors in the room next door. Her white noise machine was all packed up, now she regretted putting it in her suitcase instead. “ … If this keeps up past one am, I’m calling the front desk.” Begrudgingly, she rolled over onto her stomach and turned off the bedside lamp so only the glow from the television illuminated the room. Somehow, despite her nervousness … she drifted off to sleep and woke up to her face being licked. Rolling over, she kicked off the covers finally and opened the room door to the balcony - thankful she had a room on the second floor and letting her dogs do their business on some newspaper before feeding them again before leaving. Picking up breakfast along the way after getting gas for her car.

— Pagosa Springs, CO.

WELCOME TO LUCKY SPRINGS RANCH.

The last two hours of the trip had really caused her nervousness to uptick in activity, she had to stop a few extra times to leave the car to take a walk up and down the side of the highway or wherever she had pulled over. Sol and Luna had joined her every time, one or the other actually sitting in the passenger’s seat to try and keep her company. She had turned off the podcast the closer they got to the ranch, rolling the windows down and letting the cool breeze fill the car with the scent of the earth - trees, the grass, the dirt underneath it and the dew as it had rained the night before. Clouds were still lingering in the sky, threatening to open up again, moving the passenger’s seat forward so the dogs could get out while she unlocked the front door. The house was fully furnished because once it had been finished? She had ordered it room by room - or had pieces delivered by local shops, coming out a day or two in advance to oversee it being put in the proper room or to build it herself. For now though, she went back to at least unloading the boxes from the trailer and got whatever else she had in the trunk.

She’d bring the trailer to the rental place to return it in the morning, clearly too tired from unloading everything and unpacking the kitchen boxes - she flopped on the couch. Grateful to finally be home … and wondering how long it would be now before David and the kids would come walking through that door. A small smile appearing on her sleepy face as she curled up into the couch, drifting to sleep.

#louxdes #( writing piece: lourdes rasmussen. )

[melodiiesxfmadness]

the worst day since yesterday. ( 2022 writing piece. )

Removing the leather bound journal from her mini backpack, she unraveled the ties from around it and swore under her breath as the felt tip pen unceremoniously fell out and to the floor.

— 𝓝𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓶𝓫𝓮𝓻 28𝓽𝓱, 2022.

So … it's been a while since I last wrote anything in you. Sorry about that I guess? But the it's been a few months since I've actually needed to. That was the plan though …. right? To journal only to help clear my mind for the worst days. … And today was definitely one of the worst that I've had to deal with in a loooooong time. Lourdes was seated in her car in the parking lot of Carolina Bail Bonding Inc. Everybody had gone home for the day and she … was taking a little longer to help clear her mind for the drive home. Sniffling softly, she brought a hand up to wipe away the tears from her eyes. Staring down at the edge of that index finger, noticing that it had little black smears on them, not caring that her mascara was smudged now. The mechanical pencil moved carefully against the paper once more.

Here's the story. Someone's beloved abuela showed up this afternoon just after lunch … because the owner got a phone call from her grandson's defense attorney. The man didn't have the time or the energy to find a translator or try to tell her what was going on. Her grandson has been gone for two months, out on bail for his reckless driving while drunk that killed three kids. … He received a mystery call from some country with no extradition to the states, telling him the kid isn't coming back. This older woman reminds me of my own abuela, who lived with me and my family while growing up. She spoke nothing but Spanish, so I had the misfortune of having to sit her down and translate the best I could … … … — Eso se debe a que su nieto no solo no compareció ante el tribunal sin una buena razón, sino que se saltó la fianza y huyó del país ... el tribunal la mantenía en casa. { That because her grandson not only failed to appear in court without a good reason, jumping his bail and fled the country ... the court was keeping her home. } A home she worked likely most of her life to keep, that she raised her family and their families in. Her hands were shaking as she held the journal, dropping it into the passenger's seat just as two drops fell into the page before she did. Tears mixed with mascara stained the page, she couldn’t finish it. She was too exhausted - too mentally and emotionally exhausted from the turmoil of today. Placing both hands on the wheel, she dropped her head down between her arms as a cry of anguish tore from her throat now.

After some time had passed, Lourdes finally started the engine once she had cried as much as possible. Having wrapped up the journal again, placing it and the pencil inside the mini backpack once more and used a make-up wipe to clear away what remained of her mascara. Once home, she let the dogs run around outside while putting their food together. All she did was shower and put on her most comfortable pajamas, no energy to even eat herself.

The journal entry would remain incomplete for now, it weighed too heavy on her heart. Turning on the white noise machine to try and help her fall asleep.

#louxdes #( older writing piece: lourdes rasmussen. )