#'tenderest parts of you' I don't even know what that means

[ladytauria]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @zeroducks-2! thank you <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

90 total, with 8 of them for my original fiction pseud.

What’s your total A03 word count?

266,163. however, i like to subtract 2 of the original works i wrote, 'cause most of the writing is no longer canon to the project it was written for xD so, 198,925. still impressive!

What fandoms do you write for?

whatever fandom i'm obsessed with at the moment.

in the past, that's been super robot monkey team hyper force go!; how to train your dragon; ghost hunt; percy jackson & the olympians; legend of zelda; and ducktales (2017). there are a few other fandoms but those works never left my drafts xD

currently, it's DCU, & mostly bats at that <3

What are your top five fics by kudos?

in a diner at midnight (1,161 kudos) -> first story in my reverse robins series, as well as the first batfic i ever published lol. Tim catches Jason stealing the Batmobile's tires after he was sent back to the car, and does what any good Robin would: laugh his ass off and then buy him dinner.

you know just what i need (1,158 kudos) -> Tim is an omega. Jason is an alpha. Jason likes him, but he knows he blew his chances at being with Tim years ago. That changes, after he finds out that Tim has experienced a string of rejections, as he prefers to dominate alphas in bed. Jason is... entirely unopposed to this.

early confrontations (814) -> another part of the reverse robins series. When Jason finds out that Tim might be alive and operating as the Red Hood, he decides the best course of action is to break into his apartment.

inquiring minds (794) -> the only non-DC fic on this list. Ducktales (2017). Penumbra wants to know how Donald didn't burn up in Earth's atmosphere.

held together (792) -> another part of the reverse robins series. After Bruce accuses Jason of killing Garzonas, he goes to Tim for comfort.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

There for a while I was only responding if someone had a question, but now I do try to respond more, even if just to say thank you, or send back a heart emoji in return xD

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm. I don't write a lot of unhappy endings xD But "empty promises" is probably the angstiest ending I've written. Maybe "twenty to one."

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm…

Edit: I didn’t realize I forgot to finish answering this one!! Most of my fics end happily so I’m not sure which one has the happiest 🤔 I will have to look through and edit again with a proper answer lmao

Do you get hate on your fic?

Not in a while. Only once on AO3. Twice on FFN. Some people weren't very happy I wrote genderfluid Link :) And then prior to that-- I mean. It was hate, I guess, but it was more funny than anything else. Guest account was upset at the length of my oneshot collection entries and started advertising for a date, lmao. Ah, trolls.

Do you write smut?

Yes. Usually with feelings, and on occasion, with plot.

Do you write crossovers?

Hmm, I have had a conversation about crossing over my first fandom with DC, but idk if that will ever actually leave my drafts ^^;

That said, I do like the idea of writing fusions?

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

Have you ever co-written a fic?

Not in a very long time! And the two I was co-writing never did get finished, lol.

What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

I hop fandoms and multi-ship too much to have an "all-time" favorite ship. But currently I vibe hardest with JayTim.

What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Hmm...

So I tend to either plod along at WIPs until they're either finished or I've moved fandoms xD Every now and then I will scrap one, but for the most part, there's a pretty good chance of me finishing the fics I start.

That said...

I don't know exactly what the problem is, but I've been having a really difficult time working on the tenderest of touches. Stray!Tim x Hood!Jason teaming up to kill the Joker, and as they're waiting for their plans to come to fruition, they end up having lots of ill-advised kinky sex... which slowly causes their feelings for each other to deepen and reveal themselves.

There are also some identity shenanigans, as Jason never learned Tim's secret ID and Tim has no idea that Hood is his dead first crush :)

What’s your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at conveying emotion. I also think I do alright with dialogue :) And, hm, metaphors / imagery?

What’s your writing weaknesses?

Character voice. Not so much in dialogue, but in the prose? I tend to stick to 3rd Person Limited, and I feel like my personal writing voice tends to come out too strong & overwhelm the character's.

Endings. Sometimes I find the right one, but other times I meander for a while, or just. Decide to stop it at a certain point, which can be a little abrupt.

Juggling more than so many characters. This one hasn't shown up so much in DC fics because I don't think I've really written much with more than 3 characters, but that's about my limit. After that I end up forgetting people / certain characters end up kind of disappearing.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

A word here or two, yes. A couple of lines, maybe. But any more than that... not likely?

First fandom you wrote for?

Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go! An old Disney cartoon from the early 00s. It was... mecha-anime adjacent, centering around a human and his five cybernetic monkey teammates trying to stop their planet from being (destroyed? ruined? corrupted?) by the Skeleton King.

Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Hmm...

Okay, actually my favorite fic I've written hasn't been posted yet. I was persuaded to make it longer and--well. I had ideas, so. That's what I'm doing :)

But of the ones I have posted...

It's a toss-up. Because like... I have two that I genuinely enjoy re-reading because (at least for the moment xD) I have no complaints. And then there are two I'm just. Genuinely proud of the concept and the outcome, even if there are areas I might want to fix, I think I did a good job anyway.

And then there's one that I'm genuinely just proud of finishing bc of how much trouble I had with it xD

Anyway. Um.

I'm gonna go with the two i enjoy re-reading the most---

drape me in your warmth // patience is a virtue (rewarded by sin)

no pressure tagging... @paprikadotmp4 // @kieran-granola // @generatorcat // @disniq // @enak-s // @glaciya

#tag games #my posts #abt me

[afieldinengland]

The entirety of the problem is the hurt part of yourself that keeps telling you that you deserve to be treated cruelly. You don't deserve that, whatever you do or don't, simply because you are a child of this world and no children of the earth deserve such torment. I know it is hard to believe it, and please don't feel bad for being unable to stop these cruel thoughts, but it is the truth, as natural as the land itself. You couldn't be filthy even if you tried, there is no such thing, my tenderest boyfox! I'd take you here to my cabin if I could, we'd be a little stuck with no reception and the roads getting muddy after 2 days of rain, but it is well stocked with food and wood for the fireplace, and no demons of the mind or the cruel winter gods can come near you when I'm beside you - HWA (perfectly okay to answer late, my boy - I might not be able to reply very fast either, the conditions being what they are)

oh, gentlest one, i think you may be right. there is that wounded, frightened part of me up here, and i think perhaps i’ve been listening to it too much without replying— he’s just a scared child, after all, and as much as i nurture him i also need to talk to him, to reason with him when he’s in one of his terrors. heart, you really are one of the kindest creatures in the forest 💓 i shall remember that truth, the natural fact of it. and never filthy, do you mean that? oh, how forgiving you are of your boyfox, even when he talks extremely. i can’t imagine anywhere i’d rather be than in your arms in that cabin, lover. i think i’d also benefit from being cut off from the noise and nonsense of the world for a while. how truly you know me, how you understand my fears 💓 yes, gentle one, no cruel god can come near when i’m at your side, where i know i’m safe. kiss me, then, my forest-spirit— i’d stoke the fireplace well, and we could simply doze before it, unbothered by the world outside

#answered #my delightful one 💓 i hope the cabin is treating you well— and indeed that the magic of the mountains is too!! #i can’t think of anywhere i’d rather be stuck— truest love #herb wine anon

[rankuros]

thinking so soooo much about green day playing dookie and american idiot in their entirety on tour this year. here are all of my thoughts about it that i can think of right now because i don't want to annoy my friends

guaranteed to hear She again, which i think i have only heard live once and which is really really high on my list of favorite green day songs

lots of songs i've never heard live that i am going to fucking die when i hear. i have always considered Whatsername my favorite green day song and i've never heard it live. and i'm going to cry for the rest of my life after i do. nothing will ever mean as much to me as Whatsername live. i am going to be changed afterwards

also Give Me Novacaine. are you fucking kidding me. live? one of BJA's tenderest love songs? (say what you want but BJA knows how to write a love song, it is one of my favorite things about him)

Chump leading into Longview will be so fun, Longview is already fun live because they let Mike go crazy so it will be the Mike show for even longer, i'm a big fan of the Mike show ❤️

Having a Blast? i am excited to hear it but it will be unsettling in a crowd. i was one year old when the album came out so i don't know what the reception of that song was but i am pretty sure it would not be well received now. it is very dear to me regardless. who among us has not wanted to lead a long trail of destruction at some point

SEEEVENTEEN AND STRUNG OUT ON CONFUSION

it's going to be the queerest green day tour ever (or at least since before i was old enough to see them lmao) because they'll have to play bobby sox, and coming clean will be there, and i can't imagine king for a day is OFF the setlist. i don't know what they'll cut to make room for cumulatively more than Dookie's entire runtime so that's a little alarming if i think about it too much

is Tre going to sing All By Myself

are Mike and Tre going to sing on Homecoming!!!! AUUUGUGGH Rock and Roll Girlfriend is going to be so much fun

oh man the last 2 mins of Homecoming will be so good to just scream in a stadium full of people, i love that part even though it's repetitive, it's the perfect amount of punchy

i literally just want to hear Whatsername so fucking bad i feel like i'm going to cry just thinking about it. imm listening to it rn. music is just noises so how can it do this to me

#AND IN THE DARKEST NIGHT #IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME RIGHT #I'LL NEVER TURN BACK TIME #FORGETTING YOU #BUT NOT THE TIME

[mab1905]

More Fitzjames content? Yeah... here’s a playlist for ya’ll...

These are songs which I think describe him at different points in his character developement or simply different aspects of his personality. Somewhat James/Crozier (Fitzier) but all about James.

(25 songs, 1 hour 33 min)

Song List + Most Character-Relevant Lyrics:

Fancy — Orville Peck

We didn't have money for food or rent / To say the least, we was hard pressed / Then Mama spent every last penny we had / To buy me a dancin' dress / Mama washed and combed and curled my hair / And she painted my eyes and lips / Stepped into a satin dancin' dress / That had a slit in the side clean up to my hips / It was red velvet trim, and it fit me good / Starin' back from the lookin' glass / There stood a woman where a half-gown boy had stood / ... / It sounded like somebody else that was talkin' / Askin', "Mama, what do I do?" / She said, "Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy / They'll be nice to you" / "Here's your one chance, Fancy, don't let me down / Here's your one chance, Fancy, don't let me down / Lord, forgive me for what I do / But if you want out, well, it's up to you / Now don't let me down now / Your mama's gonna move you uptown"

gold rush — Taylor Swift

What must it be like / To grow up that beautiful? / With your hair falling into place like dominos / ... / At dinner parties / I call you out on your contrarian shit / And the coastal town / We wandered 'round had never / Seen a love as pure as it / And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea / 'Cause you know it could never be

The Name Of The Game — ABBA

Your smile, and the sound of your voice / And the way you see through me / Got a feeling, you give me no choice / But it means a lot to me / So I wanna know / What's the name of the game?

Spectrum — Florence + The Machine

And when we come for you / We'll be dressed up all in blue / With the ocean in our arms / Kiss your eyes and kiss your palms / And when it's time to pray / We'll be dressed up all in grey / With metal on our tongues / And silver in our lungs / ... / And when we come back we'll be dressed in black / And you'll scream my name aloud / And we won't eat and we won't sleep / We'll drag bodies from the ground / So say my name / And every colour illuminates / And we are shining / And we'll never be afraid again

Dreamy Bruises — Sylvan Esso

How can we question / What we knows feels right / Black eyes turn to marigolds / In the morning light / Ohweeohweeoh kids move so slow / Shaken all over like some dogs at the pool / Ohweeohweeoh kids move so slow / They’re kicken all the records over acting like they hanging water / Ohweeohweeoh kids move so slow / Down in the basement where the sun don't show / Ohweeohweeoh kids movie so slow / Naked dollars wonder piles dreamy bruises rotten lovers / And they say I want you / To bend me back in two / To make me sing your tune / To make those words so smooth / Fill me like a song do

Wolf — Sylvan Esso

But no birds nor beast does he eat / He only wants the tenderest meat / And oh the sounds he makes them speak / Under all different patterns of sheets / ... / The modern wolf, the modern wolf / Drippin' in all the lives that he took / He'll go on home, try to wash them off / But when he shaves, he hears them call

Francis Forever — Mitski

On sunny days I go out walking / I end up on a tree-lined street / I look up at the gaps of sunlight / I miss you more than anything / I don't need the world to see / That I've been the best I can be, but / I don't think I could stand to be / Where you don't see me / And autumn comes when you're not yet done / With the summer passing by, but / I don't think I could stand to be / Where you don't see me

James — MGMT

James / If you need a friend / Come right over / Don't even knock / And I'll be home / The door is always open / And we both can say, "Who's laughing now?" / Oh, James / My little doll / You just go outside and you call / Oh, James / Oh, you're never too far off / If your fire's out / There's no need to shout / I'm always home / And walk on in / I'll make you tea and breakfast / And we both can say, "Who's laughing now?"

South London Forever — Florence + The Machine

I drive past the place that I was born / And the places that I used to drink / Young and drunk and stumbling in the street / Outside the Joiners Arm's like foals unsteady on their feet / With the art students and the boys in bands / High on E and holding hands with someone that I just met / I thought it doesn't get / Better than this / There can be nothing better than this / Better than this / And we climbed onto the roof, the museum / And someone made love in the glass / And I'd forgot my name / And the way back to my mother's house / With your black cool eyes and your bitten lips / The world is at your fingertips / It doesn't get better than this / What else could be better than this? / Oh, don't you know I have seen / I have seen the fields aflame / And everything I ever did / Was just another way to scream your name

Oh! You Pretty things — David Bowie

I think about a world to come / Where the books were found by the Golden ones / Written in pain, written in awe / By a puzzled man who questioned / What we work here for / All the strangers came today / And it looks as though they're here to stay / Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things) / Don't you know you're driving your / Mamas and Papas insane / Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things) / Don't you know you're driving your / Mamas and Papas insane / Let me make it plain / You gotta make way for the Homo Superior

Venus As A Boy — Björk

His wicked sense of humor / Suggests exciting sex / His fingers they focus on her and touches / He's Venus as a boy / ... / All across your lips, oh, then until / Well be that it's a little now, until / He believes in a beauty / He's Venus as a boy / He believes in a beauty and gentle

Winds Change — Orville Peck

Had a lover but I lost my patience / Gonna get a song on a radio station / Got a fire but you just can't use it / I don't mean no lies, baby, please don't lose it / Lost my way on the other side / I know why, I don't know when / From the way that we said goodbye / I knew I'd never see you again / Left my mind in the Salt Lake City / Met a lot of men who would call me pretty / Pack of reds, watch the days get colder / Don't it make you cry, how we're getting older?

Fluorescent Adolescent — Arctic Monkeys

Oh the boy's a slag / The best you ever had / The best you ever had is just a memory / And those dreams weren't as daft as they seem / Not as daft as they seem / My love, when you dream them up... / Flicking through a little book of sex tips / Remember when the boys were all electric? / Now when she's told she's gonna get it / I'm guessing that she'd rather just forget it / Clinging to not getting sentimental / Said she wasn't going but she went still / Likes her gentlemen not to be gentle / Was it a Mecca dauber or a betting pencil? / Oh the boy's a slag / The best you ever had / The best you ever had is just a memory / And those dreams weren't as daft as they seem / Not as daft as they seem / My love, when you dream them up / Falling about / You took a left off Last Laugh Lane / Just sounding it out / But you're not coming back again.

Cheerleader — St. Vincent

I've had good times / With some bad guys / I've told whole lies / With a half smile / Held your bare bones / With my clothes on / I've thrown rocks / Then hid both my arms / I've played dumb / When I knew better / Tried so hard / Just to be clever / I know honest thieves / I call family / I've seen America / With no clothes on / I don't know what I deserve / But for you I could work / Cause I don’t want to be a cheerleader no more

Queen Bitch — David Bowie

She's so swishy in her satin and tat / In her frock coat and bipperty-bopperty hat / Oh God, I could do better than that / Oh, yeah / She's an old-time ambassador / Of sweet talking, night walking games / Oh and she's known in the darkest clubs / For pushing ahead of the dames / If she says she can do it / Then she can do it, she don't make false claims / But she's a queen and such a queen / Such a laughter is sucked in their brains / Now she's leading him on / And she'll lay him right down / Yes, she's leading him on / And she'll lay him right down / But it could have been me / Yes, it could have been me

Boys Keep Swinging — David Bowie

Heaven loves ya / The clouds part for ya / Nothing stands in your way / When you're a boy / Clothes always fit ya / Life is a pop of the cherry / When you're a boy / When you're a boy / You can wear a uniform / When you're a boy / Other boys check you out / You get a girl / These are your favorite things / When you're a boy / Boys / Boys / Boys keep swinging

Caterpillars (Of The Common Wealth) — Will Connolly

You know you'll always be my valentine / Now swear to god that you will never tell / They're streaming every indiscretion live / For caterpillars of the commonwealth / Gotta go / You can stay / Make yourself at home / Gotta go / This campaign / Don't run itself you know / You've got potential little parasite / I tie your hands so i can wish you well / Cuz i'm a gentleman and you are like / A caterpillar of the commonwealth / Gotta go / I said no / You need to know your role / Gotta go / I said no / It's all under control

Imposters (Little By Little) — The Fratellis

You wear your mask, I'll wear mine / They don't come cheap, but they fit just fine / You can be her and I can be him / We can both sink when the rest all swim / ... / We can pretend that our fates were entwined / A beautiful lie is the beautiful kind / Everybody knows that the sun still sets / And everybody gives and everybody gets / ... / I could be the one that you just can't shake / Till you swear that your eyes go blind / We can disappear till the sun burns a hole / In the life that we left behind

Sweet Painted Lady — Elton John

I'm back on dry land once again / Opportunity awaits me like a rat in the drain / We're all hunting honey with money to burn / Just a short time to show you the tricks that we've learned / If the boys all behave themselves here / Well, there's pretty young ladies and beer in the rear / ... / Forget us we'll have gone very soon / Just forget we ever slept in your rooms / And we'll leave the smell of the sea in your beds / Where love's just a job and nothing is said

Super Trouper — ABBA

Super trouper beams are gonna blind me / But I won't feel blue / Like I always do / 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you / ... / So I'll be there when you arrive / The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive / And when you take me in your arms / And hold me tight / I know it's gonna mean so much tonight

Babooshka — Kate Bush

She sent him scented letters / And he received them with a strange delight / Just like / His wife / But how she was before the tears / And how she was before the years flew by / And how she was when she was beautiful / She signed the letter / All yours...

Paris is Burning — St. Vincent

I write to give word the war is over / Send my cinders home to mother / They gave me a medal for my valor / Leaden trumpets spit the soot of power / They say, "I'm on your side / "When nobody is, 'cause nobody is / "Come sit right here and sleep / "While I slip poison in your ear" / We are waiting on a telegram / To give us news of the fall / I am sorry to report / Dear Paris is burning after all

Dream of Sheep — Kate Bush

Oh I'll wake up to any sound of engines / Every gull a seeking craft / I can't keep my eyes open / Wish I had my radio / I'd tune into some friendly voices / Talking 'bout stupid things / I can't be left to my imagination / Let me be weak, let me sleep and dream of sheep / Ooh, their breath is warm / And they smell like sleep / And they say they take me home / Like poppies, heavy with seed / They take me deeper and deeper

Hunger — Florence + The Machine

At seventeen, I started to starve myself / I thought that love was a kind of emptiness / And at least I understood then, the hunger I felt / And I didn't have to call it loneliness / ... / Tell me what you need, oh, you look so free / The way you use your body, baby, come on and work it for me / Don't let it get you down, you're the best thing I've seen / We never found the answer but we knew one thing / ... / And it's Friday night and it's kicking in / In that pink dress, they're gonna crucify me / Oh, and you in all your vibrant youth / How could anything bad ever happen to you? / You make a fool of death with your beauty, and for a moment / I forget to worry

#Spotify #fanmix #gay #fanwork #playlist #i have a crippling addiction to making playlists #james fitzjames #fitzier #francis crozier #francis rawdon moira crozier #Jim fitzjimmy #james fitzjames + gender = ? we dont know her #spotify playlist

[hwauas]

🕊️: "masquerade"

choi san | 최산 - 2,743 words

the euphoria of the moment. the light music echoing on the walls. the different voices of people talking together. the masked faces.

the room usually quiet was today animated, crowded with well dressed people. men, wearing so well their suits. women, wearing elegantly their dresses.

they all had a common point: they were wearing masks.

     your sister forced you to come since you were almost unreachable lately; you were studying a lot. and when you were not studying, you were either out to enjoy the weather, or taking care of horses your family owned. as the nice eldest child of the family, the heavy weight of responsibilities was on you. the first one to be independent, the role model of your siblings, and of course, the first one to achieve your goals. you had to stay determined. you couldn't give up.

     your sister was only a year younger, and she already had a sense of responsibility. this is exactly why you came with her tonight to this masquerade — even though she didn't let you the opportunity to say no. what could go wrong? it was a masquerade only high-leveled people like your family — and, so, you — could attend.

     you often wished you weren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth because you wanted to have this normal life, not being bound to do things that were often boring: attend official ceremonies, the typical diner with your family, meet people from the same social class as you or even higher, and other tasks like that. but you had to admit that, in an another hand, you wouldn't know what to do. you were glorifying this life with happiness despite the struggles, with pride after achieving something by your own, and with joy despite the precariousness.

     you were just unconscious of the real life out of all form of royalty. and you had to admit that being the Duke' and Duchess's child helped you achieving way more than you would have without this title of Marquessa/Marquess. without this title, you wouldn't have been able to be here, dressed up in your most beautiful dress/suit, with a mask. and the enthusiasm of masquerades, bals or celebrations was something you would always end up enjoying. could you still imagine a life without this kind of event after you tasted this fruit?

     as you were glancing around the room with gildints literally everywhere you could look at, you felt a presence approaching. you were on your own, trying to find someone who was known to you. you were almost out of the moment making it easier to notice this presence.

     the person approaching you cleared his throat to announce his presence, and to try and catch your eyes. you offered this person a soft smile as your eyes landed on him — your own mask was covering your forehead, an eye, you cheek below, and half of your lips.

     it was a man. he was tall. you could say he was fit and healthy despite his thin form. the red velvet suit was contrasting with the palness of his skin. the delicate golden chain around his neck was decorating his skin, giving it a kind of splendor. a sparkling touch, enough to give the skin the color it needed to shine. a precious treasure.

the mask he was wearing was covering the upper part of his face only. his forehead. his eyes. his nose. his cheekbones. you could see only his pink — almost red — lips, contrasting again with the palness of his skin. his jawlines were perfectly visible, looking like the sharpest part of his face.

     “may i have this dance?”

you were surprised by his request. did you hear right? was he really interested in you being his partner for a dance?

you pointed at your nose, in aim to ask if you were the one he was asking this to.

“who else? of course, you.”

he handed his own hand, waiting for you to grab it. which you did with red cheeks visible on the unmasked one.

     he softly brought you closer to him, and led you to the center of the room. he rested a hand on your waist, keeping his other hand around yours.

as an experienced dancer, he led you through the slow dance, among the others, the tenderest gaze ever on your face. you had troubles looking back at his masked face: his gaze on you felt so intense. too intense. you were desperately looking for something to look at instead: something on his suit, something behind him, something on your left or right. but nothing.

     he noticed your behaviour quicker than you thought he would. he slowly let go of your hand, and lifted up your head by your chin. the touch was so soft: you never felt a touch softer than that before.

     “you're not allowed to look at something else than me, dear. don't look away.~”

his voice held something that made it less annoying to hear — you never liked to be told what you should do. you gulped hardly, shyly looking into his dark eyes peeking through the two holes. this intense look was surprisingly holding so much tenderness, making the eye contact more enjoyable than you thought.

“to be honest, i came to you because my brother asked me to: he didn't have courage enough to come to you, and he wanted me to approach you to introduce you to him then. but he forgot something..”

     “what is it..?”

you were a little bit lost; why his brother didn't have courage enough to come? you wouldn't describe yourself as someone charismatic or impressive. nothing which is actually holding someone back from coming to you.

     “anything i lay my eyes on belongs to me.”

the man used a deep voice, giving you chills. and astonishingly, being called 'his' wasn't unpleasant...

     the end of the slow dance came too quickly for your liking. was he going to come back to his brother? was he going to stay with you?

you let got of his hand, and his whole body in general, a little bit shy. you were just waiting for him to make a move — to leave you, or to lead you somewhere else to spend more time — since you were too shy to actually take the leads. of course you would like him to stay with you. but was it acceptable for a Marquessa/Marquess to ask for this? even though he didn't know yet who you were nor what title you had: he would know all of this at midnight, when all the masks fall.

     you were brought to reality when you felt the man's hand in your back. without telling anything, and without asking anything, you followed him wherever he led you to.

     it was a place with as much luxurious objects as the main room where you were before, with the other guests. a few were here, dispatched here and there. it was way more agreeable to be here.

     “so you were serious..? you won't introduce me to your brother?”

you talked before thinking, and you immediately had regrets. you didn't know who was his brother. and even though you didn't know who was the man in front you, at least, you knew more or less what he looked like, and you didn't really want to spend your time with someone else. he was way enough for you — not to say too good looking. what if his brother was even more beautiful than him?

     “of course i was serious. you wanna meet him..?”

the man's voice held something showing how disappointed he was. the guilty rushed quicker through your veins. it was all your fault.

    “no, it's not what i meant!”

a chuckle left his lips. this is now you noticed, despite the dim light, the dimples pecking right under the mask covering the upper part of his face.

     the man led you closer to the window. the moon was now lightening him brighter than before, making it easier for you see the lower part of his face.

     “i'm curious about your title...”

the man whispered. it was hard to hear him if you weren't paying attention to him.

“and i'm curious about your name. i'm basically curious about you.”

     “and so i am... but you have to wait until midnight. then you'll know who i am.”

you said this with so much assurance, as if it was a game you were playing, and he tried to break the rules. but he had to stick with them. however, will he accept this?

     “rules are done to be broken. don't you think so?”

the smirk on his face gave you chills. you could tell by that he was determined to know a little bit of you before midnight.

     you had a bright smile, half hidden. it was your moment to shine. your moment to tease him. it was an opportunity you couldn't miss.

with all the courage you needed, you tried to build you up more impressive: you crossed your arms, the head up as any noble should, looking away through the window, over the lands.

     “as a Marquessa/Marquess, this idea of breaking the rules isn't really pleasant, you know?”

you tried to have a look on his reaction at your teasing, hoping you weren't too daring for his liking.

     “but even Marquessas/Marquesses break the rules.~”

his teasing and shining gaze was looking directly at your profile.

you felt a relief at his reaction which was quite good.

     “we all were children. we all did mistakes and break a rule.~”

the man next to you chuckled. your eyes meet his. a spark of mischief was shining.

     “and children get punished for that. what does that mean?”

this little game got you suddenly weak. you never thought he would play along the game. you never thought he would say something like that to you. the biter was bit. and you didn't know what to do about it.

     you tried to hide the wave of warmth that crushed your body. yet it was hard. you couldn't pretext it was because of all the people here since there were barely no one. you couldn't say it was because of the weather since it was a cool night temperature. you couldn't say it was because of drinks since there were only champagne — as alcohol — you didn't even get. you were trapped.

     “is my lady/my lord nervous about what i said?”

the man seemed to enjoy the position he put you in. the spark in his eyes was brighter.

     “i'm not. and this means absolutely nothing, my dear.”

     to try and avoid him, you started to walk away from him, following all the French windows in the room. you focused this time on the outside. besides the pureness of the moonlight over the city, the lights from all the habitations were giving the impression of a terrestrial starry night.

     you heard the man's step behind you, meaning he was following you. he was determined to stay by your side, and you weren't complaining.

     “and you? you're not gonna tell me your title? or something about yourself?”

you stopped in front an opened French window. you slowly opened it wider to go through it. the man was quick to follow you outside, on the balcony.

     “what would you like to know?”

as he felt the cool temperature outside, he removed his red velvet jacket and placed it on your shoulders. the warmth embrassed you so well, just as his scent.

     “i'd like to know who you are.”

     “the land i'd like you to rule in the future.”

you chocked on your own saliva, and caught slightly. you cheeks were red. of course, it was very pleasant to hear this. however, was is acceptable? you didn't know each other, after all.

“you gotta wait until midnight. twenty minutes left. you can wait, right?”

     you bit your inner cheek. so you did him a favour, and he wouldn't do something back for you? you couldn't help but think about him as an ungrateful person. and this left a bitter taste in your mouth.

the beauty of the moment seemed to have faded away in a blink of an eye. the starry night seemed to be less sparkling. the city lights seemed to be less bright.

     “i just don't wanna ruin everything by telling you who i am. i'm so done with everybody treating me in a way i don't like. when i put on a mask, i cover also my identity.”

the voice held something you couldn't describe well: a mixture of sadness, tiredness, solitude.

you slowly stepped closer to the man. both of your hands found their places around his arm. under his shirt, you could tell he had more muscle than you thought.

     “but i don't like the fact you're hiding yourself behind this mask. in some ways, i want to talk to you. not an another version of yourself. with this mask, you're hiding what you like, what you dislike, your weaknesses and what makes you stronger, where you from and where you're going. anyways, any noble here can't escape their fate. i have to rule a part of this country after my parents as a Marquessa/Marquess, and future Duchess/Duke. a Duchess or a Duke has to rule a part of the country before their child. a prince has to be a good successor, and a Queen or a King has to be devoted to their kingdom till the end. i wish i was born in a different family too. but i'm not, and i can't do anything about that. the same goes for you.”

you were looking deeply into the other's eyes, until he looked away. your words touched him deep down. it had an impact on him. a real impact.

     he slowly took back his arm from you. without saying anything, and after a short moment of silence, he removed his mask. and you immediately recognised him. you knew who these eyes belonged too.

     “prince Choi San...”

you were shocked by this. of course you knew him. who wouldn't know who the prince was? who the king's heir apparent was?

“i waited for you for so long... i waited, but you were gone. where were you?”

you removed your own mask for him to know who you were. and San's eyes opened wider.

     “i... i'm so sorry, y/n... i didn't mean to... i swear... i thought about this afternoon so much. and i had so much regrets for not being able to come and play with you as always...”

San's eyes quickly became teary. the time around you was no longer your problem, nor his.

“dad's travel back here was so sudden, even for me. i fell asleep in my room, there, in your father's land. and i woke up in a luxurious room i've never seen. dad and mom said nothing about this. i wasn't even aware of this. it felt empty without you, my friend i used to play with. i knew no one. and dad wanted me to learn everything about being a prince, his heir apparent, and in a proper background. the life in this castle without you was unbearable... i'm so sorry y/n...”

     without thinking twice, you wrapped your arms around his thin waist. as San always did back in your childhood, he wrapped an arm around you, and ran a hand through your hair to keep your head close to him. you found back his embrace, so protective, sweet and tender. different voice, different scent, but same warmth.

     footsteps came closer to you both hugging. you shut your eyes open, and met San's brother face, without his mask. he didn't really change. he was still the same...

     “i knew it was y/n, San. i had courage enough to approach her. but you were the one who needed to find her/him. i wasn't. i was only a baby when we left. i had way less memories with her/him than you when we came here.”

his brother looked at you, slowly leaving San's embrace.

“any day went by without him telling me how much he missed you, how sorry he was for not coming this day, and how sad he was.”

     “thank you, Jongho.”

San's eyes were shining with gratitude.

     you were, again, reunited with San. your childhood friend.

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