#'ew! TMI! i don't want to hear about all the insane shit you do in your bedroom! not in front of the children! not while i'm eating!'

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dear god that would be turbo cringe or whatever, but seeing all those annoying little things in fics over and over again really makes me want to write one in which they're not obligatory funnymoments but rather like, words that have meaning and weight and so on

#shrimp thoughts #like. 1. characters acting all cryptic and condescending when their friend who isn't aware they're queer and in love comes to them for #advice like 'oh figure it out yourself baby :)' that's so obnoxious. this is a romcom not a hero's journey you're TWENTY not a Wise Mentor #2. characters acting condescending and rolling their eyes soooo hard about how their friend hasn't figured/took them so long to figure out #they're queer because it was so obvious! how can you be so dense! or: how can you be IGNORANT of kink matters (that we never told you about #3. characters making retching noises and complaining how disgusting/gross their friends are once they get together. the friends aren't #like frenching or fucking on the dining table but just smiling at each other. free pass at homophobia nonetheless ig #4. characters reacting to any sort of doubts/internal conflict their friend has with 'omg who cares just do the thing! stop overthinking!' #ETC ETC #so many times i've started reading a good fic with an otherwise engaging characterization only for the writer to pull an Easy Fan Favourite #like one of the above and like ggggghhhhhhhhhh #if it was one (1) character in one (1) fandom or even just a type of characters i wouldn't mind AS MUCH but it's everyone whether it makes #sense for them or not. is this guy calm and sensitive? doesn't matter! he's going to do and say the same things a silly chatterbox type #of a character because telling your friends they're gross for being a couple is universal now #OH i almost forgot. everyone's having kinky sex of many different kinds but react like twitter teenagers to any mention of sex in general #'ew! TMI! i don't want to hear about all the insane shit you do in your bedroom! not in front of the children! not while i'm eating!' #'just read better fanfiction' look i'm TRYING i'm TRYING OKAY