#'and are flukes that go against the grain of society functioning as it normally does; is insanely dangerous to people who are potential

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

having a lot of thoughts about how people use 'normalize' when they mean 'destigmatize' or 'make the nature of into common knowledge,' and how they conflate 'the perception of this thing as normal' with the thing actually being a normal occurrence, and how it is in fact incredibly harmful to try to convince people that an ideal situation is normal when that does not map onto their lived reality or the dangers they need to be aware of to avoid. it is 3:33am though so writing up an actual poast about it will have to wait for later

#whosebaby talks #this post brought to you by 'spreading awareness of what an abusive relationship is and looks like compared to a nonabusive relationship' #'is fantastic and i support it fully and think it's deeply important. giving people the false idea that abusive relationships are uncommon' #'and are flukes that go against the grain of society functioning as it normally does; is insanely dangerous to people who are potential #targets; and incredibly alienating and isolating and cruel to people who have already been targets' #'in uniquely awful ways depending on whether they're already aware of that or aren't. don't fucking do that' #it applies much more broadly than that; but it's an instance i think about A Lot and it's what led me to this line of thought to start with #there's also 'normal does not mean good and saying so has incredibly unbelievably harmful implications keep that shit out of your mouth' #but that is so obvious it boggles my mind that it has to be explained to anyone on this site; and it is talked about often enough #that i would rather focus on the parts i don't really see talked about much; if at all #also like the fact that 'statistically average' normal vs 'things are functioning as they usually do' is a critically important distinction #they are closely related and interplay heavily with each other but they are Not the Same Thing #and how 'normal' can refer to different layers and aspects of a subject--people with rare health conditions are not statistically average #and that by itself is fine. and those people having conditions that are disruptive to the usual functioning of a space or system #is avoidable in some cases by establishing as much infrastructure as possible to integrate their more common needs smoothly #and unavoidable in others; which means the normal functioning of a system/space that accommodates people with unexpected needs #has to account *for its normal functioning being disrupted sometimes* #and bend around that disruption without either breaking down or rolling right over the disabled people who Cause Problems #and at the same time 'rare health condition' gets applied to health conditions that are not rare *at all* to not only justify not bothering #to make the system integrate their needs in general when it could do so easily; but make it so that accommodating their needs anyway puts #immense and unnecessary strain on the system; so there is zero margin for anything you didn't specifically fight tooth and nail for already #anyway it's a really extensive subject and a fascinating one. for later. sleep now #abuse cw #ableism cw #the salt files #is there a name for that tag