#🔫Borderbros

[scuttlebear]

I guess it's time to spend a few hours going through and... re-tagging everything with my new tags.

Oh God There's So Much To Tag . . .

#one sec while i test these tags out #❄Frostburn #🐻UnBearable #⚡Thunderbros #🔫Borderbros #🔪CharBB #🍂MyBeloved

[scuttlebear]

💙💥💙 IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!! 💙💥💙 (well, on the 5th) I’m 24! So, I wrote a short story about Handsome Jack and Chip celebrating with a small chat in Chip’s office! ((because they’re twins. and twins share birthdays. who knew!))

I did have this thing written out fully, properly, but the file corrupted so you’re just gonna’ have to have the abridged version!

Chip is sat at his desk, typing. He’s editing a script for Hyperion’s next marketing campaign -  a bunch of shitty banners they’re gonna’ fly on satelites in Pandora’s orbit. The doors to his office open and Handsome Jack strides in, saunters over to the desk, and lingers next to his brother. The second he sees the birthday cake sat on the desk, with two forks and two plates. He grabs a slice with a shit-eating grin.“Awh Chipstick, you remembered by birthday!”

“It’s my birthday too, jackass.”

Jack sits down and chows down. He fucking loves the cake, and makes sure to mention it. “When did you learn how to cook?” ‘Grandmother dearest’ couldn’t cook for shit - she definitely didn’t teach him. Chip says he taught himself. Jack tells him he could be fired for wasting work hours on stuff like baking. Chip looks at his brother, fakes shock, and says “You wouldn’t fire me on my birthday would you?” Jack tells him not to push his luck.

Jack sits, sprawled back in the chair on the other side of the desk, occasionally leaning over to grab another slice of cake. Chip slides him a beer, and Jack doesn’t even bother making a comment - just arches his eyebrows.

Chip keeps typing while Jack starts talking about his day, his week, how shitty work was, the vault hunters, how he really misses his hotshot sherrif girlfriend (emphasis on the hot, at which point Chip has to cut him off because he does no want to hear that). Once Jack has finished complaining (mostly enjoying being in quiet company) Chip mentions that Social (media marketing) has been a bit full lately. Some douchebag tore up his script the other day, and Chip’s had too many warnings to punch him in retort. “Give anyone a five-minute slot on the network advertising skag-shit remover and they think they’re Handsome Jack,  and we already have one too many of those.”

“Watch it.”

But, after some not-so-subtle mentions of moonshotting and ‘firing’, Jack catches on to what his twin is putting down and asks more details about the whos and whats. Chip gives a few details about some of the more annoying models/actors before shrugging it off, pretending he doesn’t know what he’s asking of his brother, acting like the oblivious little shithead he is.

But, Jack knows his brother and Jack understands, and after wolfing down the rest of the cake he stands, claps his brother on the shoulder, twirls on his heels, and strides out of the office beer in hand. “Don’t worry about those shitstains kiddo. I don’t think you’ll be seeing much of them anymore.” He turns at the door, giving his brother an outrageous grin. “Maybe keep an eye out the window though, just in case. Call it a birthday present.” He winks, and he’s gone.

Once the large doors have fully shut Chip slides back in his chair with a huge sigh and grabs another beer from the minifridge under his desk. He stares at the now completly empty plate on the other side of his echo. Handsome Jack eats like a sugar-starved frat-boy, and has all the manners of one too. “Bastard,” he mutters, takes a swig of his beer, and spins to face the large window, the planets shining dully at him in the vastness of space.

#handsome jack eats like an animal and you can't take that away from me #i like to think that Jack pulls hardly any favours for his twin brother especially concerning airlocking because he wants Chip to man-up #and deal with his own problems himself #BUT birthdays are an exception #and it's my birthday so NYEH #borderlands 2 #handsome jack #borderlands self insert #🔫Borderbros #scuttlewrites #F/O #familial f/o #selfshipping #chip once punched a body-double in the nose and broke it #🔫Chip #🔫HandsomeJack

[scuttlebear]

okokokok this is my territory. #gamer. 3, 5, 9, and 11 for the gaYmer ask game. if jack isn't a boss would you be willing to describe how he would be as a boss fight. would he be a pushover or very broken. late game, early game, a boss disrupted by 100 cutscenes, that kinda stuff. idk anything about boderlands except shoot me in the face guy from 2

3) Show me some concept art of your f/o!! How much different is it from how they look now? 

Ya boy Handsome Jack hasn’t changed much from the concept art I could find (I don’t have the art book for borderlands 2 so rip me). He hasn’t changed too much, but his hair is definitely a lot more styled on the actual model. Even now, he still has those sneakers. Look at those sneakers. Look at those shitty, shitty sneakers. Why is he wearing so many different shirts? What is this mess of a man? He’s a CEO. Why, Jack? Why? On another note, I really want his wrist tattoo.

5) Is your f/o a boss battle? 

Technically, yes. But I hate it. I can’t even remember what happens. He’s so… he’s so bad. He’s such a pushover. First time playing the game he was bigged up as this really good character with so much depth, he was genuinelly a great villain, and then… he spawned and I… shot him once with this super OP rocket launcher I had and he… was ohko’d. In the Borderlands 3 DLC you get to fight a giant fuckin’ robot Jack, which is pretty fuckin’ neat and a little more in character, but it’s not really the same… Anyway. Yeah, he’s a boss batle. Yeah, I’m a little salty.

9) Do you actually like your f/o’s combat/play style?

I mean, it’s kinda’ fun. He teleports around and uses an attempt at trickery to fight you, which is pretty in character since he’s a bit of a smartass. In the Pre-Sequels he plays alongside you as an NPC, and he’s useful to have by your side then. I think he’s supposed to teleport around with his digi-device to make multiple of him, and he doesn’t shut his mouth at all, but he’s a pushover. Part of me likes the fact that he’s just a stupid-ass human who’s easy to take down, but it felt a bit lackluster.

11) What would your s/i’s idle animation be? 

Chip would be standing there, casually, as you do. Occasionally putting his hands behind his back/waist to stretch his back/chest forward, then rolling/clicking his neck. Shows he doesn’t actually get out of his chair much, isn’t really used to high-action combat. Maybe throw a yawn in there every now and then, but Borderlands doesn’t really go all-out on idle animations.

#i'm sorry this took so long to answer i'm not used to tumblr too much #handsome jack #💙 handsome jack #🔫Borderbros #evenstar-astra #scuttle speaks

[scuttlebear]

Happy Birthday to the bitchiest bastard, bestest brother and butthole'st boss in the galaxy: Handsome Jack! I'm sorry I broke into your office, but I had to get this cake to you somehow and your PA wouldn't let me in without saying a stupid password. Go fuck yourself, asshole!

ps: you better have gotten me a present this year i swear to god

#It is My birthday and therefore it is His birthday #also excuse the language my love for my fictional twin is only translated in insults and death threats #🔫Borderbros #platonic f/o #borderlands self insert

[scuttlebear]

during quarantine i've been playing a lot of borderlands 2 because i haven't been able to see my real siblings (thanks covid), but i got to spend time with my eldest brother this week. he had a baby last september and i didn't get to see her much through her formative months (again, thanks covid), so spending time with her this week has been a gift

also suddenly reminded me that i... also have a niece in angel. if i'm away from my niece for too long i know i can outlet my protective uncle urges through angel, which is nice.

idk why i'm rambling this at tumblr, but i've had a very tiring but good week with my irl brother and neice, and i love them so much, and i wouldn't be able to deal with the loss I feel when they're away from me if it weren't for borderlands / handsome jack and angel

#i crie #coping mechanisms are great #🔫Borderbros

[scuttlebear]

Sometimes I wonder why Handsome Jack (familal brother f/o) means so much to me; and then I remember that:

My brothers are 10 years older than me and have lived in different countries to me since I was 11, and my fondest memories of them was watching them play borderlands together,,,, and then I stop questioning everything about my relationship with this egotistical maniac of a brother.

#borderlands 2 #handsome jack #platonic self ship #platonic f/o #🔫Borderbros

[scuttlebear]

A really rough doodle of my borderlands self insert for my carrd. supposed to mirror that one handsome jack pic 👌

his name is charles, but ‘chip’ is one of his nicknames and charles is already a tag for my death note self insert, so he will be tagged as chip.

#🔫Borderbros #ScuttleArt #Borderlands #Borderlands oc #borderlands self insert #🔫Chip

[scuttlebear]

ngl, shooting my brother's dumb army robots is great stress relief.

#I mean I'm not a vault hunter but... #I'm sure he won't mind if one or two loader bots get shot up #🔫Borderbros