#<- i dont wanna talk abt serious topics on here too much but god its stressing me out so badly

[skitskatdacat63]

Every evening I hear updates abt the outlook of the 2024 presidential election, and every day I am filled with a deeper and deeper sense of dread

#im pretty depressed most of the time lately #this certainly doesnt make things better 😄👍 #and i see people younger than me talk abt voting and they just are so fucking naive and stupid #i study politics so its not smth i can or want to get away from #but idk w this presidental election. its just futile and hopeless #but people take that ^ as incentive not to vote and im just so frustrated #tw politics #<- i dont wanna talk abt serious topics on here too much but god its stressing me out so badly #every time i am reminded the reality of the situation #catie.rambling.txt

[transrightsjimin]

i didnt even think of this concept bc ive been so. not interactive w other ace ppl for good reasons but i just realized i had a bad case of sex repulsion nd it's mainly just bc of my own stupid thoughts in the same way that i fear being peerpressured to drink alcohol like i once was, but honestly realistically i know ppl notice that i dont seek relationships or whatever like all ive had was two annoying nerds confess to me on the same day back when i was a teen nd there was that creepy nd touchy emo friend i was very oblivious to but aside from that no one ever made advances on me after that and i should be happy abt that but i just feel like i wont be lucky. that ill one day feel guilty and think ill need to be in a relationship or smth and surely internalized misogyny nd comphet play parts here but it's not all there is to it bc im autistic and my experience as an autistic person has always made me distance from the masses and rather compare myself to ppl outside the norm, which is prob why i used to make myself think i liked girls nd nb ppl so it wasnt just a comphet thing. its just stupid thoughts and they sound so obnoxious nd im sounding just like those uwu acey beans who pretend that only asexual / aro ppl dont want to be coerced into a relationship or sex (truly the worst takeband i see them say this shit so much) while in reality nobody wants to have tht happen. nd still im just.... i guess my virginity is dear to me or something but the term also means nothing to me, like i don't even know what the translation is for it in dutch?? maagdelijkheid? something? the term is too much tied to christianity in my view and that is just outside of my experiences. but i guess in the end the concept or definition of it is what i want to be / have for the rest of my life but just like with alcohol and driving cars and that kind of stupid adult shit i feel like everyones still secretly awaiting for me to do this stuff one day. idk man im rambling nd feeling very anxious over things i know arent even serious bc i know my parents know im not into these things and they seem to be understanding. i also just keep feeling like im missing smth in life bc im not intrrested in any of these things but should be. nd like. maybe ppl are accepting now but what if they arent in 10 years for [this or that misogynistic reason]? im just. god. none of this makes sense but im emotional and maybe im just havimg a sensory overload meltdown, maybe im tired, maybe iys the depression, its probably all of these, but just. i feel like im missing somethimg even though i dont want it but i keep telling myself i do and i find it hard to talk abt these things i guess bc its a scary topic and i feel a huge repulsion to the homophobic asexual community wjere ppl talk abt these things more. again i really just wanna live w a best friend in the future too

#rambles #negative #i cant stop crying my thoights r so depressing