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laurazepamwrites · 4 years

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The chemicals between us ~ Chapter 11

Mei stood nervously outside Commander Morrisons office, her hand hanging in the air hesitant to knock. She had worked on her report for at least four hours and was fuelled by Junkrats encouragement. Now the moment had come to actually give her Commander the information she had found and the fear of rejection blocked her path. Should she even bring up the desire to go or trust Morrison to give her the task himself? What if she came across as desperate? All these questions spiked her anxiety as she stared at the door, hand in the air. A sudden knocking noise made her jump as Snowball took the initiative and tapped itself lightly against the door. ‘ Snowball !’ Mei mouthed as Morrison gave permission to enter from the otherside. She scowled at her droid and took a deep breath before entering.

Jack looked up as she entered, ‘Ah Mei, you have the report? Im impressed. I was expecting it by tomorrow at least.’

‘Y-Yes Sir.’ Mei entered and shut the door on Snowball. ‘ Serves you right .’ She thought as she approached the Commanders desk and handed him her report. ‘I've actually discovered a pattern of disappearances Sir, recently too, one of them is a rather famous Omnic.’

Jack nodded his acknowledgement as he studied her report leaving mei to anxiously bite her nails. ‘ He’s going to hate it, this is all a waste of time, why did I listen to that damn Junker!’ It felt like an eternity was passing before he finally gave an encouraging nod. ‘Er Mei? You can sit down you know..’

‘Oh!’ She hastily sat herself down and smoothed out her jumper and leggings absentmindedly as Jack waited patiently for her to get more settled. ‘You’ve done good work here Mei, and I agree. I think you have definitely found a lead here. If Null sector are nearby this can't be good. I’ll get Athena to get as much from the arrest report as she can and will assemble a surveillance team to head to Calais-’

‘I'll go!’ She blurted out.

‘Excuse me?’

‘Sorry! Sorry Sir, its just..I did the research and compiled a report. I volunteered myself, I think it's only fair I also go on the mission.’

Morrison sighed.. ‘Mei i'm not sure this is the best time to-’

‘No! Im- Im being assertive! And I’m putting my foot down! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't be allowed to go on a recon mission sir! You can't expect me to be cooped up here all the time doing nothing! I mean..You let the Junkers go and they're not even Overwatch!’

Jack held a hand up ‘Mei you've made some valid points but might i suggest you take a small breather whilst i explain some things?’

Mei chewed the inside of her lip and nodded.

‘Winston took you and Lena to Paris after reports of Omnic attacks yes? I heard it was quite the reunion..however you got injured, It could have been more serious if Dr Zeigler were not present. You're not a soldier Mei, you're not trained in any forms of combat. I have a team to look after and that involves making sure everyone here is as safe as possible. I understand you're frustrated, it must be hard feeling like you can't help but I've been speaking to Winston and-

‘Sir do you know I spent 2 weeks alone on an ecopoint with hardly any power?’ She said cooly.

‘I am aware-’

‘Do you know I spent over a week in the Antarctic with nothing but a tent and a weapon I made from scratch to get to the nearest point of civilization?’

‘Mei Im trying to-’

‘Why does everyone here think i'm some kind of doll?! I've proven I'm resourceful, that I can handle a gun that creates Ice for goodness sake and I'm not a bad shot either!’

‘Mei Im sending you to Calais.’ Morrisons voice spoke over hers.

‘I...what?’

‘As I was trying to explain...We can't play to our strengths if we don't use all of the team. I've spoken to Winston and he agrees, you were critical in the success in Paris and rather formidable with that gun and droid of yours. We do however have one concern..’

‘Which is..?’ She asked, but Mei already knew the question. She was waiting for it ever since she first arrived.

‘How are you Mei? Really? After what happened to your team?’

‘I..’ Mei hesitated and considered her answer. ‘It..It was hard to adjust. I've been gone for ten years, It's been hard but honestly I'm doing so much better now..’ She tried to sound optimistic. She could barely convince herself that was true.

Morrison seemed unconvinced himself. ‘Have you seen anyone professionally? To talk to I mean?’

‘I did see a therapist a few times..and I felt a lot better.’ That was only half true. She had seen someone but she had struggled to talk about the loss she felt, the guilt, the anger, the sadness when she desperately tried not to feel those things. She stopped going eventually, she threw herself into her work and it helped keep the dark away.

Morrison looked doubtful..'it was a terrible thing that happened Mei, have you spoken to anyone here? Winston? Angela?'

Mei almost scoffed. Winston had tried to talk to her but as usual she closed up, something about having no idea they were in trouble and everything appeared to be running smoothly at the ecopoint. She had made her excuses and left before he could explain further, not wanting to hear how he had thought all was well when her team were dead around her. After that he had given her her space leaving her to come to him if she needed to talk about what happened, but she never did.

'I don't need to talk to anyone sir, I'm fine.' She said firmly.

'You don't seem yourself Mei..'

'With all due respect Sir we are up against a well funded terrorist organisation who outnumber us 100 to 1. I'm sure I can be forgiven for 'not being myself' sometimes.'

'Hmm good point. Very well Mei if you think you are up to this then I see no reason why you can’t go for recon. It will be good for you to get more experience in the field, I'll make sure a senior member will be on the mission with you.’

Her eyes lit up ‘Really? You mean it!’ She couldn't help but beam.

Morrison chuckled lightly ‘I wish more of you was this enthusiastic. I’ll discuss your report with Ana and Winston. Keep an ear out, Athena will call you to a mission briefing by tomorrow.’

Mei Jumped from her seat. ‘Xie xie! Thank you! Thank you Commander Morrison! I can't wait for the briefing! Opps, I mean..I know it's serious but you know what I mean?’

‘You're dismissed Mei.’ Jack said patiently.

‘Oh! Yes Sir! Thank you! Thank you again!’ She closed the door behind her, waiting those few seconds for her brain to catch up on what had just happened. ‘I did it Snowball!’ She grabbed her droid from the air and spun him around gleefully.

Jack smiled briefly at the sound of Mei celebrating but it was short lived, his expression darkened as he accessed his computer, once again bringing up the secret communications with the stranger.

: So….guess you're still pretty mad about Bryansk?

:You gave away our position and could have lost us everything.’

:And I heard it was handled well enough. Talon now has a lot less weapons.

:What's the reason you’re contacting me?

:I think I'm being watched. More than usual.

:What do you mean?’

:They are getting suspicious here, and I think i'm in danger. Im sorry..i need to give them what they want sometimes, Im just warning you need to lay low for awhile but ill still be working my magic one way or another.’

:Understood, A little warning next time.’

:Sometimes we don't have that luxury friend. Adios.’

The screen went black leaving Jack staring at his expression etched with trepidation.

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The next Morning Mei hovered at the entrance to the large meeting room, she was early by about twenty minutes and now anxious that she would appear too eager. She started to bite her nails when she heard the click of heels approaching, turning to the sound she was greeted by the sight of Angela, her blonde hair up in a messy ponytail and holding two mugs in her hands, a small folder of paper under one arm. ‘Ah good you’re here. I was hoping you would be early, unless you like cold coffee.’ The blonde woman said brightly.

Mei felt more at ease and was thankful someone expected her to be early. ‘Are you on the Calais mission Angela?’ She asked, taking one of the mugs with a smile of thanks and holding the door open.

‘Ja, would be good to stretch my legs as i'm sure you can appreciate, and as this is a surveillance mission Jack felt a less inconspicuous look would be more suitable.’ Angela replied. The two women sat beside each other at the large round table. Angela began rifling through the papers, Mei took a drink from her mug and glanced over, realizing it was her report. ‘Is it.Is it ok?’ She asked.

‘Hmm?’ Angela looked up at her. ‘Ah yes! You’ve done a fine report, and you found a good lead too. With Athena's assistance we may be able to locate the addresses of those who have reported missing Omnics.’ She took a quick sip from her mug. ‘Oh and well done on noticing the Activist artist had vanished.’

Mei pursed her lips. ‘Yes well, that might not have been so much me..but I did most of the work!’

Angela raised an inquisitive eyebrow at her and waited for her to continue. Mei tapped her fingers on the table in irritation before blurting out her grievances. ‘That damn Junker walks in with that smug attitude like he owns the place and starts poking fun like he always does and - and he set a fire somewhere! Did you know that? I should tell the Commander.. Anyway, I might have been feeling at a loss trying to find some leads and he just takes over and-!’ Mei waved one of her hands at the report and took a rather angry slurp of her coffee. Angela tried not to laugh at her friend. ‘I see.’ She said, suppressing a smile and occupying herself with tidying the papers in front of her.

‘Is that all? Do I need to mention he found some information on the report or not?

‘No, but did you thank him?’

‘I..no.’

‘Maybe start with that.’

‘But he’s a jerk.’

‘And it was only a few days ago he was in my office complaining about you..honestly, you are as bad as each other.

Mei looked shocked at the accusation ‘Angela! We are nothing alike! For starters he’s an international criminal! He’s grown up completely feral! He’s-What did he say about me?!’ She didnt get her answer as they both looked up as everyone else entered. ‘We’ll discuss this another time.’ Said Angela, still trying not to laugh. Mei huffed, folded her arms and scowled sideways at her friend.

‘Good morning ladies.’ Ana said cheerfully as she joined them at the table followed by Commander Morrison and Winston. They were each carrying a copy of Mei’s report.

‘So..’ Ana began. ‘Thanks to Dr Zhou we have a promising lead in Calais. We try to keep such missions of intelligence gathering to as small a number as possible to avoid detection but as this is not your field Mei we will send Angela along with you. I think you both can keep a low profile as sightseers.’

‘It's a simple enough mission.’ Said Morrison. ‘Gather as much intelligence as possible regarding missing Omnics and Null sector. Don't mention Overwatch or Talon to anyone to avoid suspicion. We will arrange a hotel and car hire under false names and identification, you’ll have 24 hours in the city before pick up.’

‘ I have gained access to the addresses of the Omnics who have filed missing reports for your convenience .’ Offered Athena.

‘Angela will be going with a concealed weapon but that will be the only one available. It would be too risky for Mei to have her weapon with her, and to be on the safe side maybe it's best to leave your droid behind Mei so you are less recognizable’

‘Oh..’ Mei sounded unsure. Snowball was her near constant companion, it would be odd to have him so far away from her. ‘If it's ok Commander, can he come along but remain at the hotel?’ Morrison thought for a moment before grunting and nodding his head in agreement. Mei let out a small sigh of relief.

‘When do we depart?’ Asked Angela.

‘Athena has discovered that an Omnics right rally is due to happen in 3 days time. Maybe you can get more information there.’ Offered Winston.

‘Good idea.’ Agreed Ana. ‘Lena will take you there the night before, make sure you’re both ready for departure.’

‘Yes Captain.’ Mei replied.

‘Keep your wits about you and be careful.’ Warned Morrison. ‘Omnic rallys can potentially become heated and France has had its fair share of violence lately as you both know. Watch each other's backs out there.’

Angela nodded in agreement, ‘You can count on us Commander.’

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Snowball glided along the corridor towards the common room followed closely by Mei and Angela. ‘...And you may want to learn a couple phrases of french if you don't already. Oh and I will need to stop by the City of lace and fashion.’ Angela was saying as she walked in step with Mei who looked up at her in puzzlement. ‘It's a museum, oh and we best see the museum of fine arts too.’

‘Erm..don't you think we should be working on the mission?’

Angela chuckled. ‘Ah Mei, we’re undercover. We should play the part, and if we have souvenirs and shopping bags we will look much less suspicious.’

‘Shopping bags huh?’

‘Well..I would like some new shoes at least.’ Angela shrugged as they walked into the common room together. There was evidence of early breakfasts having been made, a near empty jar of peanut butter on the side. Hana, Jamison and Lucio were heard laughing on the decking outside enjoying the morning sun.

‘Now's your Chance Mei.’ Said Angela who had begun washing their mugs in the sink.

‘Hmm?’

Angela nodded towards the glass doors that lead to the outside seating area. ‘To thank him.’

‘Right now?’

Angela did not answer, she dried her hands on a nearby tea towel and raised her eyebrows at Mei as she strode past her and opened the door to the decking. Mei’s eyes widened in alarm as her so-called friend brazenly greeted the group and informed Jamison that she wished to speak to him inside. Jamison had surely said something because Hana and Lucio were now laughing, she overheard Hana jokingly say ‘ Ding ding round fifty!’

‘What was that!’ She hissed at Angela as soon as the blonde turned back around. She had no time for an answer as Jamison was quick to follow Angela, looking grumpy at what he assumed was going to be a telling off. The scowl on Mei’s face was not helpful.

‘Fucks sake, whatever it is I didn't do alright? Well..might of? Look just have your moan woman and get it over with!’

‘Well I suppose since you brought it up maybe you could explain why i found a service droid with most of its mechanics taken out..?’

‘Hey my experiments are none of your business!’

‘Oh so it was you!’

At that point Angela made a rather dramatic show of clearing her throat, Mei rolled her eyes and sighed deeply to compose herself. ‘Okay..okay look. I didn't want to fight..’

‘Really? You've made a fine job of that.’

‘For goodness sake! I'm trying to say thanks!’

Junkrat stared at her, the confusion visible on his face as he processed what Mei had said. ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ He said eventually.

Mei started to lace her fingers together, suddenly feeling shy and looking to her feet. ‘You erm..you actually did help me. With the missing Omnics I mean, and I took your advice, I did see the Commander and I'm going on the mission to Calais for recon. I ..I guess I wouldn't have had such success without your help, so honestly, thank you Jamison.’

She expected him to scoff or make fun or to laugh at her, but instead what he did gave her a strange sudden warmth in her stomach. He smiled, not one of his manic grins when he set something on fire or blew up one of his explosives and neither was it the kind of smile when he joked around with Hana and Lucio or had a few too many drinks with McCree and Torbjorn. He was genuinely smiling at her and she felt like she was truly seeing his face for the first time.

‘That's Brilliant Mei! See I told you didnt I! You just gotta puff yourself up and make yourself heard! Honestly, made up for ya! When are you going?’

Mei gave a small smile. ‘Erm..two days' time, it will give me a chance to prepare at least.’

‘Ah you’ll be fine. Show the old man what you’re made of.’

She smiled and suppressed a small chuckle. ‘Maybe I will..thank you.’

‘No worries.’ He said, still smiling at her. Mei suddenly felt unsure of what to say next and they both seemed to remember their mutual dislike of each other. They stood there both of them not knowing what to say or do now and Jamison was never good at being quiet when feeling uncomfortable. ‘So er..what now? Do we shake hands? Hug it out? Go back to annoying each other?’

‘Erm..I mean we could try to..Oh I don't know! You are very annoying.’

‘Annnd she's back in the room!’ Jamison laughed and winked at her ‘Take a chill pill Frosty.’ He said back to her as he went back outside. Mei continued to stand in place and took a few seconds to process whatever had just happened. He genuinely seemed happy for her didn't he?

‘Wow.’ She heard Angela say.

‘What is that supposed to mean?’ Mei asked, narrowing her eyes at the Doctor.

‘Oh nothing..I didn't see anything or notice anything, and at least you won't have to worry about thanking him now. Sometimes you just need a little push. Rip that bandaid off as it were’

‘You are not funny and you are a terrible friend.’

‘You're welcome.’ Angela smiled warmly at her.

-------------------------------------------------------------

‘What's your problem?’ Roadhog grunted from his bed. Junkrat looked up from maintaining his peg, ‘Huh?’ Roadhog wheezed as he pulled himself up into a sitting position and reached over to his oxygen tank, clipping the nozzle of the hose to his mask and inhaling deeply. ‘You're too quiet.’

‘Damned if I do damned If I don't..’ Junkrat muttered. ‘Im fine.’

‘If you say so.’ The huge Junker replied and remained silent. A few seconds passed and predictably Junkrat spoke. ‘Mei’s got herself a mission.’

‘Mei now is it?’

‘Well..it was weird. She was her usual frosty self and then she's thanking me.’

‘Uh huh.’

‘I dunno mate, felt weird.’

‘You think any positive interaction is weird, Rat.’

‘Cos it is mate and I don't get it, If i don't get it I don't like it. I don't like being confused and everyone one here is fucking confusing. Especially her.’ He swore to himself and went back to work, a deep frown etched on his face. Roadhog watched him for a moment and sighed to himself.

‘Idiot.’

-----------------------------------------------------------

It was approaching midnight and Mei was still wide awake. Time had gotten away from her and she had spent hours preparing for her mission right down to what clothes she would wear and how long Angela could spend shopping. She had gone over everything with a fine tooth comb but still could not shake the nervousness and doubt gnawing at her. What if she screwed up, what if she blew hers and Angela's cover? What if they didn't find anything and it turns out to be a huge waste of time and resources and it would be her fault for pushing the Commander to let her go?

‘ He genuinely seemed happy for me.’ The sudden thought jolted her from her anxieties, but she didn't want to think about Jamison and she was annoyed at herself for doing so. ‘Snowball have I forgotten anything?’ She asked her droid but he was far away on her desk charging silently in sleep mode. Mei sighed and decided to go through her preparations again tomorrow with Angelas help. She settled into bed hoping she’d have no claustrophobic nightmares and tried to relax her thoughts with deep breathing, she concentrated on her chest rising and lowering and soon began to feel the weight of sleep slowly creeping on her. Her mind flashed with the image of how Jamison smiled at her and her eyes snapped open, the strange warmth blossomed in her stomach again. She grumbled, ignored it and rolled over, pulling the blanket closer around herself, annoyed that he was even bothering her in her thoughts.

#soon enough?#Overwatch #fanfic #jamison fawkes #Junkrat #meihem #junkmei #mei ling zhou

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joh-gaming · 6 years

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Why is this affecting me so much?

This is probably going to be an incredibly long post, one that I don’t expect many would read but that I feel I have to write. If not for Epic to read it at some point, then for myself, to remember this and why this game was so important.

I will have a lot of personal opinions, unfair comparisons and highly critical comments in those comparisons that may or may not be accurate. There will also be speculation as there’s more going on than what they’ve been willing to say.

If you care, then please, click on Keep Reading to continue.

How did I learn about it?

Honestly, I have no idea and that’s an issue that lead to its current situation. This is what I remember hearing back then. Paragon is a new game by Epic Games, creators of the Gears of War series (which I’m not really a fan of) and the Unreal Engine (which has always fascinated me) It was going to be a MOBA (which I hate, don’t like any MOBAs except Paragon but I’m getting ahead of myself here)

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Clearly the above isn’t enough to get me to try it, on the contrary. So what was it, I must have seen something that made me think, this is worth a try. As great as that announce trailer was, none of the heroes in it speak to me, not even Sparrow whom ended up as my first mastered character and the one I own the most skins for. It wasn’t a gameranx before you buy thing which to this day I haven’t seen nor plan to, nor Angry Joe’s first look which again, I have no interest in watching. I’m not being critical of those channels, it’s just that I already experienced the game, most if not all of its iterations, so I really don’t care what they had to say about it.

Well... funny enough it was Overwatch the reason I gave Paragon a try. While Paragon is relatively older than Overwatch, it was in closed beta for the first few months. After trying, and falling in love with Overwatch’s beta, I felt the need to fill that void but with another, hopefully similar game. Then I saw the announcement of Paragon’s own free open beta weekend

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I don’t remember if I took part on it or not, the next thing I wrote of Paragon after that was Digital Foundry’s graphic comparison of the game on PC and PS4 vanilla (at the time, the only PS4 there was) praising how a console game let you use mouse and keyboard.

Now, going back to Overwatch for a second, there are a few things you should know. 1. I have a friend that is part of the Overwatch team 2. I bought the game myself, no free keys and it was the PS4 version 3. I didn’t have enough money to buy it at launch, I ended up buying it late June or mid July, can’t remember and it’s not THAT important right now. 4. I tend to prefer cartoon like graphics as they are pretty much timeless

With that being said, this was my first impressions on Paragon, having tasted Overwatch.

“I feel really bad for the artists working on Paragon. Clearly a lot of effort was put into the design and modeling of the characters but good God they're so damn boring. The maps are also bleh with a palette that doesn't help things at all. Animations feel like over a decade old with awkward jump and run. I will be surprised if this game is actually successful 'cause it's a MOBA and what's the most important part of a MOBA? The damn heroes.“

I’ve been wrong before, but this is probably the top one. The map in question is what we now call Legacy. After spending a long time in super colorful maps in Overwatch, I found myself in this semi realistic map with ruins and a jungle that looked old and boring. Movement was too slow and I’m not sure what I was talking about with the animations, maybe they were bugged at the time ‘cause Paragon’s animations are impressive. Some of the best work in gaming.

Needless to say, I had a rocky start with Paragon, mostly because I didn’t understand it. I don’t know how long I tried it before I deleted it but that’s what I ended up doing. I got frustrated and instead of doing research I just quit.

So, going back to Overwatch for another second, how long was my honeymoon after I bought it? It lasted for about a month, after that I started seeing all the issues the game had and has (most of them are still there) especially on consoles. Broken heroes, Play of the game that encourages nonsense, the “scoreboard” that highlights the wrong things, lack of content, lack of heroes, easily exploitable on certain maps, etc. So I guess, thanks to Overwatch, not only did I dare to try Paragon, but fell in love with it. (btw, I did check, bought Overwatch mid June and by mid July I was sick of it, only made worse in August trying to get the limited time skins I wanted) And that’s not even talking about how Overwatch popularized Loot Boxes (yes, they have existed for a long long time, they just made it seem OK in a full priced game, ‘cause it was $60 on console)

Now, I couldn’t find this anywhere but I remember I returned to Paragon when Lt. Belica was announced. Gave it another go but again, failed to understand the character and gameplay. I will get more into the true problem for new people later on, but for now let’s go with why did I delete the game a second time. Well, it wasn’t out of frustration this time, rather than HDD space on my PS4. At the time it didn’t support external HDD. When did I return in a more permanent manner? When Countess came out.

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She became my main for a while, which is funny ‘cause part of her kit was taken from the hero that would completely grab me forever. I started understanding the design decisions of the characters and the graphics, I got past the part where they wouldn’t last a few years, I was wrong about that too. I think they found the right balance between realistic and somewhat cartoonish to make the graphics last. That and they weren’t shy on retouching characters later on.

On November 2016 I said this

“Now I have a better understanding of the game, mind you that if I were to read about it I MAY learn it faster, but I prefer to learn from my own mistakes rather than trying to play like someone else that is probably more skilled. I can accomplish a similar standard just playing with things that work for me rather than what is "optimal". Or that word that gets on my nerves, the META. Fucking meta...”

Funny, I still agree on that.

Paragon growing on me

I’m going to quote myself again, but I’m going to edit said quote for context purposes, not trying to say something different than I said before. For instance, the post was made with a video that I won’t include here, so anything mentioning the video is out of context.

“The more I play Paragon, the more I like it, but at the same time the more I notice its problems. Paragon currently has 24 heroes with a new one added every 3 weeks. Only has one map and one game mode, but it's free and high quality so no complaints here. However if you're like me, you tend to pick certain characters based mostly on looks not on play style. This is one of the biggest issues in Paragon and even Smite for that matter. The character design in Paragon is on point but at the same time it’s dull and boring.

You have your human characters, your robots and your beasts. They decided to go with a semi realistic look for the game instead of doing the cartoon like design from popular and unpopular MOBAs. Which is fine I guess, you want to differentiate yourself, especially when now everyone that does it is instantly going with "an Overwatch look". On PS4 they had to lower the graphics quite a bit.

Paragon has a hero limit since launch and you can't switch heroes of course. The character selection process is completely random (I was the first to pick this time by pure luck) there are no rules for this other than what common courtesy SHOULD dictate. Personally, even if I get to pick first, let's say if the third player selects Countess before I do, I consider that a priority so I leave Countess open for him. You should learn how to play at least 4 characters. Game actually wants you to learn five characters, that's why you get 5 deck slots by default.

I prefer to play Countess, but I'm better with Sparrow and already have experience with Belica. That being said, the whole mastery system induces people to rage quit when the character they wanted gets picked by someone else. It starts off fine, but eventually leveling up your character becomes a chore and a grind.”

This was still back in November 2016.

On December 2016, I had this to say about the game

“There were a few things keeping the game from being as good as it could be. One of them being the learning curve. This wasn't your go in spray and pray your way to victory while you press a button to get a highlight at the end of the match to feel great about your awesomeness. No, in Paragon you needed to learn a lot about the mechanics, you had to build your character from scratch, and you had to find a way to balance your build to be ready for what's to come. It was amazingly refreshing to be honest. Sure it took me some time to like it, mostly 'cause I still feel the graphics aren't what they should be and the characters, while having an interesting design, they lack a palette that makes them unique.”

“This past Tuesday, Epic Games decided to upload Monolith. Basically Paragon is now a whole different game. Taking into account player feedback, mostly for how slow the game was, they applied a lot of changes to the mechanics of the game. Some of the changes would have been enough in the Legacy map to make the game nearly perfect, but no. Monolith is a smaller map than Legacy, character speed is improved but then it creates other issues when you fight other heroes. Certain classes are now having a tougher time. You gain less card power, forcing you to stay on the map longer rather than going back to base to level up. That in theory would be great if you weren't so fucking weak for half of the game. So what are people doing to combat this? They basically have the same builds. Build for attack speed and power, then some life steal and you're good to go. It's boring now, it's more like a shooter. “

I ended up that paragraph with something I regret and therefore won’t repeat. Even if it didn’t happen... I didn’t uninstall the game and have no plans to do so. Not even after it’s gone (unless it keeps affecting my health, more on that later)

“The simplification of Paragon, as a whole, made it more accessible to regular players, you know your regular multiplayer bro. So it's kind of funny to see the rage quitters because the early game is so painfully slow (in terms of levels) and how easy it is to die when you don't understand how minions and towers work. They changed more things in Paragon than what Massive changed in The Division. Paragon is like a different game, one that doesn't require you to be as smart as before. You now stack attack and go play. That's why I'm a little disappointed with the update. Thankfully they are listening to the feedback so perhaps they can find a middle ground between this version and the previous one, because both have great ideas, they just need to remove the bad ones. A match in Paragon is still more fun than a match in Overwatch though.”

2017, a roller coaster of emotions

Last year alone Paragon went through at least 3 big changes. Many think these changes lead to its current downfall but I don’t agree. In a community corner video (I may edit this if I find it again) they said (a bit arrogantly I may add) that Legacy won’t ever come back. Keep in mind that while at first I was one of those that felt betrayed by the changes Monolith brought to the game, I was still playing and having fun. Originally the thought was, “we don’t want to split the community” and at the time I agreed. But looking back I failed to see the same thing they missed, the community was already divided. Bringing Legacy as a mode, or a more strategic version while Monolith would be more fast paced wouldn’t be bad.

Look at Smite and Overwatch, both games that wouldn’t want to have a split community, now their games have plenty of modes. Keeps players in because if they tire of one thing they could test another ‘cause at the end of the day, it’s the heroes that will keep you coming back. So it wasn’t the changes, more like a pinch of arrogance and a lack of modes. The player retention they later complained about, was of two folds, lack of ranked mode and a poor tutorial.

What made Paragon different and special, besides the heroes I will come to love even more than those in other games, was the card system. You’ll find videos from ‘tubers that are now jumping to conclusions just to talk about the closure of a game they never even heard of. You’ll hear them say something about it being pay to win with buying cards and what not, which funny enough was true in 2016, nobody said anything about it then, but all of that was removed when they added the card crafting system so long ago that I don’t even remember when that was implemented.

Building a deck was crucial to success in Paragon, just as much as understanding minions, towers, your role, buffs, rotations and kills. For most of the 2 years, the jungle was crucial too, that was changed in one of the latest patches. Some say for the worse, I’m not too sure it was. If it was simplification they were after, then the current jungle makes the jungler job easier to understand. Farm, get some levels and skills, then go help the lanes. True that had it been a mode in Monolith with Legacy being the more strategic match, it would have been better received, or at least that’s my perception.

People don’t like to feel dumb, even less to realize they actually are. If what I’m writing here makes me sound dumb, then perhaps I am, but it doesn’t matter as this post has nothing but my sincerest thoughts on the matter, even if I’m trashing Overwatch along the way. I think Paragon was a great game, unique in a sea of MOBAs, that people just failed to understand and that the developers didn’t support correctly.

Was Fortnite the issue?

Epic Games is often accused of doing popular things then scrapping them, fad chasers is what they call them. Paragon started when MOBAs were a big thing, just like Fortnite started when Minecraft was a thing. Sure at the time you had Cliffy B on board so he wanted a gritty and scary thing in Fortnite. Fortnite was one of those games that went through development hell, a game that if not by PUBG catching fire (see what I did there) and they being able to rip it off, it would have crashed and burned by now. Fortnite was sold as an Early Access game

I clearly bought into Fortnite’s Early Access, hence the screenshot of the banner unlocked. What made me buy Fortnite when I knew it wasn’t done? If there’s one thing I learned from playing Paragon, is that Epic will change everything trying to find the best system for the gameplay. I wanted to be a part of that too, I wanted to see the game change and grow (keep that expression in mind) over time. I also wanted to thank Epic for Paragon, so I thought this would be the best way to do so.

I was aware of Fortnite before I knew anything about Paragon, I mean like I said, it’s one of those games that went through development hell. I was watching one of their livestreams when they were giving away keys to almost everyone, they didn’t give me one (at the time it was a PC only game) so I never got the chance to try it myself. Over time I stopped paying attention to it as I never got a key, nor even acknowledgement that I wrote them asking for one. Why was I interested in Fortnite? Well, obviously the cartoon graphics as I mentioned before, then there’s the whole building thing which I enjoy a lot (main reason why I like Fallout 4) and Orcs Must Die 2 is one of my favorite Tower Defense games. (Keep that game in mind too)

If I had known that everything they said about working on developing what is now a mode (Save the World) was a lie, I would never have wasted money on Fortnite. The game is as incomplete now as it was on launch. Sure they have had events but almost every resource is going into the Battle Royale mode. Again proving that they are indeed fad chasers. If you feel like I’m wrong here, that it was a logical business decision and that justifies whatever you’ve spent on Fortnite, then fine, that’s what you think. But personally, I can’t recommend anyone to spend money on ANY Epic Games game from now on. This will sound like Blackmail and maybe it sort of is, but I do mean this, if Paragon is completely closed (as in I can’t play it in any way, shape or form) to me, I don’t see myself giving EG money again in the future. I don’t just say things like that and change my mind when it’s convenient, I haven’t bought an EA game since they burned me with SimCity 2013.

The Heroes of Paragon

Paragon has a bunch of great heroes, my favorite hero would come out in May 2017. That would be Phase. I’d say it was love at first sight but it wasn’t, it was love at first try. Before Phase there was Aurora, a controlled type character that had the looks and mobility, not to mention damage output. I often play range roles or control types, while Aurora was melee, I felt she has more mobility than Countess plus her control abilities were great to set up team attacks. I never thought a support would be far more interesting to me.

Phase’s kit was amazing, actually it was too good to the point where she broke the game for some people. One thing is a good support, another is a support good at everything. Good at healing, dealing damage and controlling the enemy. She got nerfed a couple of times, with her healing being affected the most, she’s still my main. For whatever reason, Phase felt like a part of the Phantom Thieves in Persona 5. Granted that after reading her lore I completely understand why that was the case, but the fact that I thought about it without reading it says a lot about the work put into the character itself

There are so many nuances in her animations, even her new launch pad animation. While not as involved or defining as most of the characters’, it still feels like a Phase launch. Her relationship with Shinbi was explored later, it was interesting but it didn’t change what I thought the character was like. She is the character I’ll miss the most, but don’t think she’s the only character I like a lot.

1. Countess 2. Aurora 3. Lt. Belica 4. Sparrow 5. Dekker 6. Serath 7. Morigesh 8. Zinx 9. Drongo 10. Wraith 11. Yin 12. Gadget 13. Muriel 14. Twinblast 15. Murdock 16. Shinbi

I will miss all of them. There are a few I haven’t even tried.

The greatest game I couldn’t play

From September 19, 2017 to January 9 2018, I didn’t have internet access. Hurricane Maria had destroyed our infrastructure leaving many of us in a terrible situation. Originally I was OK, I was prepared for around 2 months of no power, let alone net access. My house held fine (or so it did at first) and my family was OK. Then it started, the following days it started raining what felt like non stop and the damage Maria did, was now evident. Water was pouring in, my things were getting damaged, first I lost my bed, then my desk, well to cut to the point, I pretty much lost my house. I don’t have the money to fix it and with the situation my country is in, I don’t think it’s even worth it.

All I kept thinking about was, man I wish I could play Paragon again. Sounds silly but everyone has something that helps them disconnect from whatever terrible reality they are in. For nearly 4 months that’s all I wanted to do. Late October I moved to my brother’s house, it had power, water would come later but at least it had power. I started playing some games to avoid thinking of what I lost and had yet to lose, as I couldn’t save everything important. Nothing clicked, all I wanted was to play Paragon. I would watch my captures of my game time, over and over and the “music video” I did of my first coop match playing her

youtube

I missed the October event, I wanted that mummy Yin skin. I almost missed the winter event skins, got net back right when they extended the event 1 more week, so I was able to buy Morigesh and Aurora’s skins. Those weren’t the last skins I bought, no. The last skin I bought was the Panda skin for Phase. The day before they announced that Paragon would close.

So you see, the answer to my first question, why is this affecting me so much? well, after losing my house and some of my things, the game I wanted to play the most is going away too. It breaks my heart, I saw Paragon from almost every stage in development, highs and lows I loved playing it, I still do. There are terrible games that somehow are still up (Day Z comes to mind) yet this amazing game that is making so many people cry, it’s going away. Or is it?

Were we lied to?

It all points to yes, something happened that they can’t talk about. In their open letter they said

Here inside Epic, we’re talking about the future of Paragon in pretty much the same terms as you’re talking about it. The core challenge is that, of new players who try Paragon, only a small number continue to play regularly after a month. Though Paragon has evolved, no iteration has yet achieved that magical combination of ingredients that make for a sustainable game. (As an aside, the problem isn’t marketing or how to make money with Paragon. We have good ideas that would solve those problems if we can find a way to make Paragon grow.)

So, if the problem wasn’t marketing (which btw it was, it wasn’t even promoted 1/5 of what Fortnite has been) nor making money with it, the problem was making it worth the effort. At least that’s my opinion. Fortnite success came over night, so it was an easy decision to ditch their less popular game even though it is their superior product. But is that even the case here? While Paragon is going to close for us, in China it started its closed beta

youtube

What the flying fuck is going on here?

It’s hard not to feel betrayed, it’s hard not to wish Epic Games failure (I try not to) but nothing is harder than seeing a great game close, with some relatively true explanation but no real logic behind it. Closing Paragon, even if it was to make development on Fortnite easier, is a mistake. Leave it in life support until you can come up with better ideas for it. The rank mode they were working on was never implemented in Paragon, instead it was moved to Fortnite. So don’t tell me you did everything for the game, it died because you didn’t support it Epic. It died because you killed it not because we left, I never left. As the final months are quickly going by, and I try to enjoy my final moments with it, in an analogy I rather not say, I feel myself getting sick. I get this massive headaches now, Paragon may have nothing to do with it but coincidentally, they come after playing a few matches. It hurts to know it’ll be gone and that I won’t be Phase anymore.

On the other side, I hope Epic Games have realized that Fortnite is more of a platform than a game. Quickly being able to transform itself from tower defense building game to a battle royale with building elements. I mentioned Orc Must Die series, well their latest game was one of the many MOBA attempts that kind of failed. They had to add the classic gameplay that made them popular in order to keep their fans, because they were bleeding players like crazy. Now, the current version has plenty of modes, kept the MOBA, (EDIT: They removed the MOBA mode) added the classic and created a few more. Fortnite can be Paragonized if they wanted to, they could even add some of the Paragon characters to Fortnite, I would gladly pay for Phase.

Soldier Class

1. Belica 2. Murdock

Constructor Class

1. Terra 2. Greystone

Outlander Class

1. Phase 2. Twinblast

Ninja Class

1. Shinbi 2. Kwang

And clearly, I’m not the only one that thinks that’s doable. naastika.deviantart.com

Final thoughts

I may be angry and disappointed, and I do mean it, that if I can’t play Paragon or Phase (mostly Phase) any more, that I truly won’t support any more Epic Games games, but I do appreciate the rare opportunity to play such an amazing game. I’m too old to like video games for the gamey aspects of it, I prefer the media side of it, the opportunities it offers as a story telling device that surpasses books and movies. I started my gaming on the Atari 2600, I’m done with jumping around for hours or shooting for no reason. It is extremely rare for me to get attached to a game with no narrative, and the fact that Paragon pulled this off, speaks to the talent working on the game.

Thank you for Paragon, and fuck you if you do close it.

#Paragon #personal thoughts #Epic Games

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cordiformation · 7 years

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Mercy Main, btw

“No aim, no brain, Mercy main.”

“I wish Mercy would be deleted from the game.”

“What a stupid hero.”

“Low skill hero.”

“It’s unfair that one button can counter an extremely high skill play.”

“Boosted.”

“Carried.”

“They have a top 500 and we have two Mercy mains, we’re going to lose.”

“Can you play anything not Mercy?”

“I hate Mercy mains.”

Anyway, this is just off the top sampling of conversation that happens pretty constantly if you’ve ever watched an Overwatch streamer who isn’t a Mercy player. The memes (ha ha, jokes) are permanent fixtures on the Overwatch reddits, of course and even make it into the “pro Overwatch” scene commentary (”And then Sherlockey swoops in from hiding and presses Q” -- which is related to the idea that “all Mercy does is Hide and then Press Q” which is the default ultimate use button on the PC). It’s a huge constant in any conversation on Overwatch (also seen in many of the popular youtube commentaries as well) and on the ladder a little less so but still “Can you play someone not Mercy” is fairly. . . well, common up until the most recent patch.

And I’m constantly fucking pissed.

There’s an interesting article here on Mercy but I thought I’d expand on it. The recent Mercy changes have really added to the conversation and just as people who played Mercy knew before, it wouldn’t really change the conversation.

A Lot of Arguments Against Mercy are that: 1. she doesn’t require aim 2. she’s very easy to play/low skill 3. she is too powerful 4. but on the other hand she’s not useful enough because she hasn’t been in higher tier conversation meta since like season 2 where she had a brief rein because of Pharmercy 5. ew grill gamers lol mercy main lol 6. I A DPS Main Feel Cheated When She Resurrects The Team Because My 5K Was So Impressive OH My God

One of the things I have liked and enjoyed immensely about Overwatch is that it isn’t Call of Duty 2.0. It isn’t the FPS only FPS can you FPS and only FPS game. It’s a game that to excel at requires a huge amount of map sense / strategy / game sense / educated guesses about the enemy so forth and so on. Every game is different because of your team and the enemy team and the map. You have to be able to predict who has what ults and what is going to be combo’d and what routes do you want to take on maps. It’s easily accessible but has a continual learning curve in what you can do.

Many characters who have ‘easy’ kits also have extremely high levels (in my opinion) of strategy involved. Winston is another example, of whom for a while was considered “low skill” because you don’t have to aim with his weapon, it does AOE auto-cleave damage. However, that has faded after the double Winston meta from like... season 1? And also because in Korea he’s seen as being one of the most important characters in the game. And it’s true. Winston is immensely powerful when used correctly. Just because his kit is “I don’t have to aim my gun to be effective” doesn’t mean anything in what ‘effective’ means. A good Winston needs to know engages / disengages, his own hp limits, other heroes cooldowns and ults, the bubble placement and how to block damage and ALSO enemy healing or LoS, how to utilize the jump combos to kill people etc. Another hero that the American (and I believe EU) sides of Overwatch had devalued for 800 years was D.Va but she had her revival in triple tank but only because “her defense matrix is overpowered”. However, it should be noted that while Winston has shaken off the ‘low skill’ title, D.Va has continued to keep it. Low skill, just needs 1 click (her defense matrix) to nullify everything! Low Skill! Awful Hero!

Strange how both D.Va and Mercy are female heroes and continue to get these comments repeatedly where similar male counterparts have been able to have that removed. Strange, isn’t it. A lot of other people have sort of spoken on the sexism in video games and the article I linked above also talks about it, so I won’t focus too much on it. But a real ha ha isn’t it.

The Mercy situation, I feel, is Damned if You Do, Damned if You Don’t. The only other burst healer in the game is Ana -- and Ana does have an extremely high skill cap. She requires fairly good accuracy and is also the only healer who can’t heal herself and the only healer with an offensive support ult, rather than a defensive one. Ana was op for a season or two and despite being thought of as ‘a bad choice’ for the first few weeks she came out, she became a ‘must pick’ and also a highly skilled character that was cool to play. She shoots people. And her ult enables DPS to do cool things. But outside of Ana, there is no way to heal quickly and consistently -- Lucio and Zenyatta both have much lower amounts of healing outside of bursts with long cooldowns (amp it up / transcendence).

For the longest time meta was just Lucio/Zen, if you ran anything else you were stupid. And then Lucio/Ana or Ana/Zen. This is with the top say, 20% or something of players, but Mercy has remained an incredible consistently high picked hero. For some obvious reasons -- tanks and DPS need healers to live. Even though Mercy has a high pick rate and many people making commentary outside of the pro players/streamers play with Mercys who save their asses... well, she’s still A Bad Hero to them. Some of this has to do with the echo chamber of these communities and the begging up after some dude says something and everyone else wants to repeat it. And, the sort of healer position in all games, as many people know, no one thinks healers have value, but they always need healers to heal them.

Anyway, people hated the rez. It brings people back to life. It means if you killed 5 people at once with A Cool Ult then Mercy could run in and rez them all. The idea often was that ‘Mercy hides and then comes out and rezes’. Which is honestly kind of silly since a good Mercy has always used rez for tempo and been with her team, since her job is... healing. But somehow the idea that Mercy Mains Are Good at Hiding And Doing Nothing But Rezzing and also that Mercys could Climb the Ladder By Only Rezzing Five People At Once spread.

Believe me, if climbing the ladder by getting 5man rezzes was possible, there would be a lot more Mercy one tricks in top 500 for the past few seasons.

But it stuck in commentary. Mercy was easy. Every Mercy player in the higher levels of play was boosted. After all, Mercy takes no skill, she just hides and presses Q. It’s ridiculous commentary and some of it has to do with the way that DPS players feel that all you need to do is frag harder, who needs strategy and whenever they get a ‘kill stolen’ from them they’re mad and Feels Bad. (Related, though, is how Trans and Sound Barrier can both nullify cool DPS plays as well, but no one complains about that... weird, huh....). I weirdly was watching a tank player’s stream where the exact problem was that all the DPS just wanted to frag harder and not follow strategy and shockingly they lost. Wow. It’s like Overwatch is a game that has more than just shooting to it??? Go figure.

Now, hilariously. While Mercy was too easy and constantly boosted she was also out of the higher tier levels because... she wasn’t that good. Why have Mercy when you can have Ana. Why have Mercy when you can have Lucio? So forth and so on. The only time Mercy was pulled out in higher levels for a very long time was “to babysit pharah” and even then you’d see Pharahs without Mercy.

Fast forward to now where Mercy got a rework because people kept complaining about how 5 person Rezes were unfair. The dev update is on the OW yt here. It should be noted that part of the ‘hide’ conversation is also your team telling you to hide when you want to stay and heal them. “Mercy go hide” listen don’t tell me how to play my character -- but it was pretty common at the elos I played at (gold/plat) and also the higher elos I watch streams for (masters/gm/top 500). People wanted her to hide because she is very easy to kill. Her 2016 Halloween victory pose is a gravestone with a hand reaching out going in for the rez and I’m never changing it because it’s Too True to Reality. Rez & die is pretty common. (example of both).

Now Rez is an ability and her ult is Valkyrie. When the changes were announced people who didn’t play Mercy were like Looks Cool and a lot of other people were like This wilL Take More Skill. A lot of Mercy players I know were... disappointed. Because what this change does is make Rez a single person rez (every 30 seconds) and Valkyrie lets her fly + shoot faster and resets the rez cooldown + her healing/damage boost beams connect to teammates instead of just one person. But what this did was take away her ability to save her team. So there’s no “I can save my team from an ult” ability she has anymore. Rez was the defensive ult she had to ‘team save’ like Sound Barrier and Trascendence.

But she’s been live for a while now and the answer people have now is: she’s too easy and too op. Her rez nullifies picks and it’s Unfair that Mercy’s Rez is So Easy and nullifies a High Skill Play Like a Pick. Her Ult is Too Good. She Does Too Much. We Need a Mercy in Every Game or We’ll Lose.

With that last one, let me tell you, I have watched all these top 500 DPS and tank/off tank players playing Mercy and they are so bad. Or having other GM players play Mercy because “we can’t win without one” but then the Mercy is so bad they lose. I mean, but if she was so easy wouldn’t she be able to be picked up immediately? Easy victory right? All Mercys up in higher levels have no skill, huh?

I won’t disagree that her ult is possibly too long or a little overpowered. Resetting the rez I think is fine. The 10 second cooldown is good. After all, that’s what makes her ... well, her. The rez. But her ult lasts for 20 seconds. They could cut it to 12 seconds or 15 and it would be much more balanced. Even that much would be enough imo, but if they needed further nerfs, they could also nerf the connected beams to teammates and have them have a drop off or something. I.E., main person gets the full heal, the connected people get less of a heal. But while people complain deeply about new Mercy ult... no one works too hard to counter it. As much as people complain about Mercy, very few people have ever tried to counter it. In fact, popular streamers have said: My team doesn’t know to kill Mercy, so I hate her.

My DPS doesn’t know to kill the other teams support, so I hate the support. Thinking.

Mercy was given invul when she rezzed because it was too easy for her to die during rez. This has been removed for her current update and the rez distance is melee distance. So if you just killed someone and Mercy goes in for the rez... you should also be able to kill her. It’s extremely valuable then. Her ult is easily countered by tac visor or deadeye. She herself is countered by anyone who can aim and Sombra. If DPS is so skilled, doesn’t it seem like they should be able to deal with a 200hp hero? Hm. At my elo (Plat/Diamond rn) you can still hunt her down with Pharah and kill her.

Now, the skill part of Mercy. When Mercys changes came through, they were extremely easy for me to adjust to. My friends have had varying experiences -- many have said she’s much harder. I feel that she’s much easier because the hardest part of Mercy is strategy. Which of your teammates are the most valuable to rez right now, will rezzing them be productive, what ults do the enemy have which cooldowns do they have, where are we with progress, where are the rest of my teammates, what ults do we have, where are we on the map blah blah. Tempo rez has always been good but before you had to balance it with “will i need a team rez later”. 8/10 of my rezzes previous have been tempo rezzes because team rezzes often just set your team up to get wiped again.

But with her changes, that has been removed. You can only tempo rez. That decision has been removed. The weight is more on who and when and why -- but honestly, it’s also relieving because instead of “my DPS loves feeding jesus christ stop dying now we have to wait for you to respawn so we can push again” the fights are a lot quicker to engage. You can make up for your teammates bad decisions with rez. If you’re good with it.

Who do you rez? Well, it’s a pretty easy answer for me which is “depends”, lol. It’s a nice place to be as a solo healer if you have 2 tanks, you can let one of them die and heal the other. You can continue pushes when people make mistakes. You can rez your DPS carry or second support. There’s so many more options to enable your team to do well.

You have to know your distance and teammate positions intimately so you can escape and go in. Her new Guardian Angel lets you slingshot around and it’s nice but also tricky to use (?). The skill part of Mercy has always been strategy and positioning, and this change hasn’t change it at all.

I suppose, people who were mediocre or bad at Mercy continue to be bad at Mercy.

I guess... this is the parting word here. I’m not exactly sure where I meant to go with this except I’m tired. I’m tired of people bagging on Mercy. Of complaining but wanting to be healed and rezzed. I’m honestly tired of maining who seems to be the most hated character in Mercy. The more people complain about aspects of heroes in Overwatch who clearly have a place and are generally not OP people just haven’t at all considered actually countering them the more it feels like the community never wanted you. And honestly, maybe they never did. I jokingly bag on Mercy all the time in hopes that I will become immune to it. It doesn’t work. I play fill in most competitive matches and often it’s support that needs filled. Or, say, a tank but there’s no support so playing tank will be difficult and suck.

I think I had more to say. But I’m sure anyone reading this can guess what. I’ve always enjoyed that OW isn’t just about fps. I wish the rest of the community would catch up with that.

#overwatch #overwatch gameplay #salt with my pepper #*m

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aureus-ignis · 6 years

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When I was young, I fell in love with the Pokemon series. I loved the RBY and GSC games, I watched the anime on TV every weekend, bought the movies, played the TCG, and collected the PokeSpe manga zealously. But as the years went by, the newer Pokemon games failed to hold my interest, and I soon stopped following Pokemon entirely. Last year, the generation of Alola was announced, and after watching a few trailers, I found myself drawn to the music. The adorable Rowlet also caught my eye, and on top of that, it seemed like the story was going to be interesting. A conservation society full of nice people dressed in white that looked strangely sinister at times? Hell yesssss. So I decided to buy the game... and then I fell deeply in love. Once again I was in Pokemon heaven (or hell).

So when Mei asked me if there was any series we could cos together that'd be fun and simple to do, I suggested Gladion and Lillie, since their costumes are fairly simple (c o u g h). She agreed, and that was the beginning of it all.

I started working on stuff around mid-June this year. People who know me know that accuracy is pretty high on my list of priorities, and I was determined to get the not-very-logical hair of Lillie and Gladion as good as I possibly could. Lillie's problem, of course, was the thickness. She has two insanely fat braids that had to be made up of almost all the hair on a normal human head, yet somehow still has a thick wide mane of loose hair behind her. So I had to spend time wefting as many extra rows of fibre into the wig, and then crafting removable bases for the braids from batting and more wefts.

Testing!

Batting base WIP HAHAHA

And the final result was worth it <3 <3

Next was Gladion. When it comes to the subject of pulled back hair, I've gotten to the point where I can ONLY accept lacefront. Anything else is too fake for me. For me, cosplay has always been about portraying the characters as if they were real, no matter how zany and strange their designs may be. I wanted the hair to look almost as though it grew on me. I ripped out almost the whole front to get rid of the fringe, and sewed in longer wefts, adjusting the direction of the hair to the left so that they would comb back naturally. Then ventilating hell began

Darkness, my old friend, we meet again. ;___; My hooking skills have improved since I first started ventilating, but it's still a long, tedious process. School started before I could finish, and I had to work on everything else too...

The realization that his uncut wig looks like Mercy from Overwatch HAHAHA

But as with Lillie, the final result was worth it <3 <3 <3

With regards to his costume, I'd actually had the hoodie and pants tailored because I ran out of time. I'd wanted just the base made so I can do the rest of the details myself, but the tailor forgot and did everything for me... and ended up messing up the accuracy. It was a disappointment, so much so that after STGCC was over, and we planned to have a shoot at the end of the year... I decided to remake everything from scratch. I'm terrible at patterning, really, and Gladion's biggest problem was THE STUPID GRAVITY DEFYING HOOD. Ultimately I couldn't get it to look exactly like the original (because I didn't want extra seams and all, but it was close enough. And the second time round, all of the holes were in the correct areas HAHAHA.

I'd made his first waistpouch myself, but for some reason, despite my careful measurements, the size turned out far too large the first time. So I had to remake the whole thing a second time. The hardest part is sewing the damn thing together, because I'd had to put two layers of hard inferfacing for each piece and sometimes the needle just wouldn't. Go. Through. OTL In version 2, I had more time, so I paid more attention to getting the shape accurate. The stupid thing tapers towards the bottom and has a curved side. Even more stupid, the strap goes from FAT TO THIN TO FAT for some reason. But I succeeded!

New VS Old

Next was the Z-ring. Gladion's official art doesn't have one, but he obviously wears one in-game. I felt that it was important, because Nanu gave it to him. So I had to dig out references from the game screenshots 8D;;

This is how a lot of my prop drafts look like. ALGEBRA IS MY FRIEND.

Also crafted the Z-crystal thanks to Pythagoras' theorem 8D; I used liquid quartz to glue the clear acrylic sheet together without leaving traces.

Final result! I'm pretty happy with it =>

Before STGCC, there was one more segment that I worked really hard on. After we'd decided to do SuMo together, I thought of making a Nebby plushie for Mei to carry. Yes, Pokemon Center had already released their Nebby plush by then, but... For one, it's smaller than life-size. For another, the shape looks more like a sunflower than a starry cloud. I didn't want it to look like Lillie was just carrying a toy; I wanted to give the impression that Mei had an adorable, soft, beautiful real-life Cosmog. But how on earth would someone with very terrible patterning skills make a 3D cloud plushie that could be dyed for Nebby's distinctive gradient colouring, and still be nice and soft to hug?

The answer is, I struggled.

Set up a spraying booth to airbrush the gradient on. Due to a problem with shipping, I couldn't get my compressor in time, so I ended up having to splurge on compressed air cans, which were horrendously expensive oTL.

BUT LOOK AT THE FINAL RESULT. LOOK AT HIM. <3 <3 <3

Let it also be known that I tested to make sure he could fit inside Mei's bag the moment I finished the base HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-----

So that was part 1 of Project Alola! We went to STGCC together and met lots of Pokemon fans (quite a lot of people were very happy to see Nebby, in particular XD), and Laki offered to come shoot with us as Moon since she already had the costume. We then planned to have our shoot at the end of the year during my holidays.

As mentioned, I'd already planned to remake my entire costume and waistpouch, but aside from that... I had the mad idea that I wanted to make a Silvally prop. It's something I'd considered for STGCC too, but I was really short on time then, and Mei told me to FINISH EVERYTHING ELSE FIRST THEN DO IT IF YOU HAVE TIME.

The problem is... Silvally's official size in the Pokedex is 2.4m. That's 80cm taller than myself. )o) Sure, I could scale him down, make a tiny lap plushie like all the other cosplayers, but what would be the point? Although I'd never cosplayed from the Pokemon series before, I'd always thought that if I were to do so, I'd want to make life-size Pokemon so that it'd look like I actually have a Pokemon partner, and not just a Pokemon toy. But I'd thought then that my projects would be starters like Pikachu or Charmander or Cyndaquil, or maybe one of the Eeveelutions. Not a giant horse-dog like Silvally ^^;;;

I had to consider the fact that my house isn't very big and I'd have barely any space to keep him. I had to consider how I'd be able to transport him, and how to construct him so that I could take him apart. I also had to consider the amount of money I'd be spending on him, because honestly, cosplay is not a cheap hobby. Materials in Singapore are especially expensive. As an unemployed student, I'd be splurging a lot if I decided to go ahead with this crazy project. When I told this to Mei during one of our dinners out, she suggested just making his head and taking halfbody shots so no one can tell that he has nobody. Like a hobby horse, except it's a hobby Silvally.

Good idea.

So when school finished, I started drafting him out, and the basic paper draft itself took like three giant sheets of patterning paper taped together HAHAHA.

The base

Honestly, even though I had an idea of how I'd make him, I wasn't completely sure if it would work. As I've said repeatedly I really, really suck at patterning. I can never seem to envision where to cut darts in a piece of EVA foam to get the shape I want, so half the time I was just taping drafting paper on and folding and taping excess parts off, then that that up for a trial-and-error pattern.

With paper mache and paper draft pattern for the mouth.

That's how large the whole thing is 8D'

Apart from the making of Silvally, I'd also spent time searching for reference pictures and sketching storyboard ideas for our shoot. I went to check out the our shoot location (Sentosa Island) a few weekends back, so that we could decide where exactly we wanted to shoot. In hindsight, there were a lot more shots I could have planned to bring out the personality of our characters more, but oh well ;w;

The shoot itself went pretty well, for the sun was quite kind to us, and hid under clouds for most of the day. Sei's working style is quite different from mine, but she was very gracious and did everything I asked of her. Sakami and Greg were wonderful helpers, and some of my best memories from the day include our hilarious videos, and the shenanigans with the Pokemon.

I've already thanked my wonderful team mates, helpers and photographer in another post, so I won't go into details here. But everyone was very kind and obliging, and listened to all my ambitious plans, allowing me to be a bossy director. I'm very, very grateful to all of them.

So now, a bit of reflection on Silvally, and the whole project.

The patterns for Silvally weren't perfect, and I messed up a lot. The final result was definitely far from what I had hoped for. Most noticeably, the top of the head is bumpy holey because I ran out of gesso to fill and sand. But the proportions also came out a bit off, and the neck piece patterning failed on the right side. But when I finished painting... I felt very, very happy. I'd gotten some small bouts of joy when I finished each stage of the crafting process, when I looked at what I'd done, but looking at the final product was just.... incredible. It wasn't as beautiful as it could have been, and I still regret all the imperfections that are so obvious to my eyes, but....I was so excited. I couldn't wait for the shoot.

Perhaps it was partly because I hadn't really been sure if I'd be able to make things work, so the success tastes that much sweeter. Some of my friends had told me I was crazy. I kept asking myself if I were crazy. All that money and time and pain sunk into a project that I'm not even getting paid for, with a success rate that seemed really low. My mom telling me straight out that I was 'too ambitious'. Was it worth it? Would it have been better to make a smaller, much more perfect prop, than an actual sized, flawed one, with half the effort and money? Cosplay is already an indulgence, but had I crossed the line into foolish waste zone?

When I looked at my completed Silvally, the answer didn't hit me like Mjolnir. I still don't know if it was the right thing to do, or if I was an irresponsible child wasting the money that could have gone into feeding me better food.

But it made me happy. So happy. I nearly cried as I stood there for a few minutes staring at him. He was truly a labour of love. I spent hours spraying gesso and paint because I love Silvally. I spent days sanding until my arms want to fall off and my eyes are dying from dust because I love Gladion. I spent hours cortorted in weird positions with a paintbrush trying desperately to stay within the pencil lines, sweat dripping into my eyes, because I love this art. Sure, the process itself was often painful; I suffered multiple burns from hot glue and a hot iron and cut my fingers open way too many times. I still hate hand-sanding with a burning passion because it's tiring as hell and I get blisters on my oversensitive skin. But the thought that all of the suffering helps to build the final piece of art that I envision makes me grit my teeth and soldier on.

Cosplay is my art, something that I would put 500% of me into. Whether the crafting of insanely large props, or the preparations for the shoot, or the styling of my entire team's wigs, or the endless sewing adventures on plushies.

Because I love it.

#pokemon #my journals

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darkot · 7 years

Text

Today was a good day.

Well... yesterday was a good day. It is currently 9am, the morning after the day I was referring to.

I went up about 100 SR in Overwatch last night. Got on a 4 game win streak, and was really close to a 5th, but we lost our next match after that. But, it didn’t feel as bad as many of the final games of the night have lately. Which is odd, because we DEFINITELY could have tied it.

In that last match, we had a Widowmaker that did not switch until the very end--at which point, it was too late. It was pretty frustrating at the time, because they weren’t doing a whole lot, and they were taking up a DPS role slot. So, most of the damage dealing was left up to me. Not to mention that the enemy team had an absolutely INSANE Widow. I am not even exaggerating that, they might have been the best Widow that I have ever played against. And this guy on our team faced their Widow in a previous match where he was getting destroyed by them, and he STILL didn’t switch! I mean, I get it. He had something to prove. He didn’t want to concede defeat to that enemy Widow by playing something else. But for the love of god, man. Do you want to lose SR??

Despite that disadvantage, we actually did really well. We were playing on Volskaya. Both teams captured both points in their first offence round. We ALMOST managed to capture both points on our second offence round, but just fell a little short of that (we had 2 ticks on the cap, and were really close to a third. But they respawned too fast, and we ran out of time). Then, on that defence round, we almost held them at first point. We stopped about three of their pushes, but they got through on the fourth. So, we were fighting for a tie, but.. I don’t know what happened, really. We just couldn’t hold them off. Our comp just didn’t have the damage to wipe them, which we desperately needed. But, despite that being a disappointing end to the night, it still didn’t feel awful. I was absolutely DESTROYING during that session, and that made me happy.

I got what I believe was my first competitive sextuple kill as Pharah. Here is that, for anyone interested:

https://gfycat.com/splendidclearcutbubblefish

(tried to embed the gif in a post, but Tumblr’s stupid)

You have no idea how good it felt to hear the announcer yell “SEXTUPLE KILL!” Technically, that was eight eliminations. And you better believe that got play of the match, with one of them being an environmental!

Pretty much all of my games yesterday were like that. There was this one Ilios match where I just kept knocking the Reinhardt on the other team into the pit over. And over. And over. He seriously must have been getting sick of me. I did it about four times. Got a quintuple on that match as well. Reinhardt knocked in the pit + Ana & Pharah killed with a single rocket + Soldier 76 and Lucio killed in an ult. Not as impressive as the one above, but it was nice.

I REALLY would have liked for that last match to have been a tie a least. A win preferably, but I would have settled for a tie with our handicap. It doesn’t feel good losing SR because of somebody else. But, all in all, I’m okay with it. 5 wins would have been nice, or 4 wins and 1 tie, but I can say that I was preforming amazingly. Even in that Volskaya match, I was giving them hell while essentially being a solo DPS. I can live with 4 wins and a loss, knowing that I was playing great.

I’m participating in a tournament with the rest of my team this Monday as well! This time, I intend on bringing home the gold! We’ve improved a lot since our last tourney. I think that we still aren’t ready for another “Team Silky”, with three top 500 players. But, barring that, I’m actually really confident that we can win this outright.

So.. yeah, that’s that about Overwatch. But, that wasn’t the only good thing to come from today. FIVE new episodes of Steven Universe were released, and holy fuck were they amazing!

I’m not going to go into too much detail about them, but they were really plot heavy episodes, which I LOVE! Everything was so intriguing. I was on the metaphorical edge of my seat the whole time! Yellow Diamond’s song was incredible, and the art direction was amazing! I loved the tone of the music. It felt reminiscent of old Disney villains, but with a more realistic touch. And something about seeing the scale of Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond moving around while Steven and Greg were hiding was really powerful. Their height felt appropriately intimidating. They are colossal in comparison to the little bundle of preciousness that is Steven. I could easily see that being a video game level, haha. Trying to hide behind pillars whenever Yellow Diamond is looking in your direction. That’d make a great stealth level!

On top of that, episode one of BOTH Dragon Ball Z Kai: The Final Chapter and Dragon Ball Super english dubbed came out! The kid inside of me was so excited to see my childhood heroes in action again! While the DBZ Kai episode was meh, the Dragon Ball Super one was surprisingly awesome!

DBZ Kai’s episode felt very filler-y, even though it sets up a plot point later. It revolves around Gohan going to highschool, trying to limit his powers to blend in with the humans and failing and... well, that’s about it. It wasn’t bad. I laughed at quite a few moments in that episode. I also REALLY liked Videl. I had almost totally forgotten how amazing she was around her introduction. Aside from finding her incredibly cool though, overall it just wasn’t fantastic. It’s just nothing in comparison to the core Majiin Buu arc. I really want it to get on to that whole story ASAP. I’ve been waiting for it since DBZ Kai proper ended with the Cell Saga. I was so disappointed by that! I just hope this doesn’t dwell on the “Great Saiyaman” shit too long. I have never been a fan of that, or Hercule. Some hardcore fans would lynch me for saying that, but I just can not stand the Great Saiyaman’s goofiness or Hercule's arrogance. However, in the Dragon Ball Super episode, I must admit that he’s been redeemed a little in my eyes...

Now, THAT was a good episode. It’s pretty filler-y in its own right. Goku is working as a farmer at ChiChi’s demand that he get a paying job, Goten (ugh) and Trunks are trying to get “toilet water” from a hotspring to give to Videl as a wedding gift now that her and Gohan are married.. Didn’t mind it. I had heard that DBS is very “slice of life” oriented, so I’m a little worried about how I will feel about it in the long run. It was good, but in a similar fashion to the DBZ Kai episode, I really want to get to some core plot and action. However, there WERE two very impressive highlights from this episode.

First, as I had alluded to earlier, Hercule has a moment that actually makes me like him a bit more. I still can’t stand how outrageously pompous he can be, but they follow up on the events of the Buu saga a bit. Hercule (ugh) wins a noble peace prize (uggggh) for saving the planet from an apocalyptic disaster (ugggggggggggh), and is awarded 100,000,000 Zeni (uggggggggggggggggggh), BUT, in the end, he gives the money to Goku (awwwwww). Honestly, it was a pretty touching moment. He admitted that Goku deserved it more because he was the one who actually stopped Buu. Perhaps there is another good moment like this in the Buu Saga that I just don’t remember (I guess we’ll see later into the ongoing Kai episodes!), but this felt like the first humanizing moment that Hercule has had since he was introduced in the Cell Saga. It was nice seeing that, behind that massive ego, he can be humble.

The second highlight outdoes that one, though. And that’s our first taste (pun intended) of Beerus. The tone that they set for him is amazing. At his whim, a planet’s (presumably) greatest chefs gather to cook a feast for him, to appease his appetite for delicious food. He admits that it is pretty delicious, but is displeased with a greasy feeling that one of the dishes leaves in his mouth. And just like that, BOOM, he destroys half of the planet! And that’s what he considers merciful! It was such a strong introduction to a character that is silly but at the same time scary powerful. It was honestly pretty chilling.

I know he’s not a villain in the traditional DBZ villain sense, but it feels like there are more long term goals for him to eventually be Goku’s next big enemy. That is really what I look forward to the most in the Dragon Ball franchise. Every saga ups the ante in incredible ways. Aside from the original Dragon Ball, which was AMAZING in its own right, we start off with a brat of a tyrannical overlord who is feared throughout the entire galaxy, a biomechanical android obsessed with perfection to feed his narcissism, who is created with the cells (ha) of that previous villain PLUS every major protagonist thus far, and then a primordial being who is the embodiment of evil and rage itself! DBZ may be more oriented around action than a complex story, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t have some of the most hype, iconic villains around. And for good reason! Every one sets the bar higher and outdoes the other. They continually create a greater and greater challenge for the main characters to overcome. And now, we have a GOD of nonchalant destruction who is entirely neutral in terms of personal morality. If they do have larger, long term plans for him to be a main villain in the series like I’m thinking, then I’m glad that they’re not jumping into that immediately. I don’t think that the bar can go much higher than a god, but that’s fine. Because if they are setting him up to be a major antagonist at some point, then they made that bar faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar out of Goku’s reach. I believe that even at the point that DBS is at in Japan, Goku isn’t even remotely as strong a Beerus. He can’t hope to defeat him right now. So, they have to continue to appease him. If there is a point where he becomes a serious threat to earth and Goku has to stop him, then that will be much later on. Unless they have no intentions of making him a villain and he is just a main character now, then they are really playing a long con with him. So long in fact, that another main villain appears and is beaten. Who even knows how many more will come before it’s Beerus’ turn? Regardless, I find it brilliant how (in my speculation) a core villain is being kept around for multiple arcs in the story, as a looming threat and ultimate milestone for the protagonists to slowly reach.

On another note, my laptop is totally fucked. While typing all of this, it has been an absolute pain trying to keep it up. Currently, I have a big box on my bed from a heater that my mom got for Christmas, propping up the screen of my laptop. The hinge that keeps the screen anchored to the base is broken. So, now, it doesn’t stay open on its own. Either it falls back all the way, or it will fall closed if I pull it too far forward. On top of this, the screen is horribly cracked, like those Iphones you see that still work despite the glass being broken (the screen was protruding out from the shell of the laptop, so I tried to push it back in. Turns out there was a magnet out of place behind it that was supposed to go in this indent in the shell, but.. well, wasn’t when I tried to push the screen back in. So, the screen pressed against the magnet and now I have five or so long cracks across my screen). It has a LOT of trouble turning on too. Like, I’m scared to turn it off, because every time I turn it back on, it takes about 30 minutes to boot up the OS. It’s also missing 3 keys, the touchpad no longer pushes in (I don’t know what happened to it, but it’s raised now o.O), and it is INSANELY slow.

These are honestly probably the last couple weeks of this laptop’s life. But, that’s understandable. I’ve had it for a little over five years now. It’s had a really good run. What I’m dreading more than its eventual failure however, is getting its replacement.. I’ve had my eyes on Wacom’s “Mobile Studio” since it was revealed late last year, as a replacement for this laptop once it goes, as another portable computer. But, I’ll have to drop about 3 grand to get it. It’s an investment, I know. But I just.. really don’t want to spend that kind of money right now. I’d certainly be drawing more often if I had it. I’d probably be more productive overall, because it would be faster. I could take it around with me. Work from anywhere, unlike with my laptop in its current state of falling apart. I don’t know.. I’ve wanted a mobile tablet for years now. The spiritual ancestor to the Mobile Studio, the “Wacom Companion” was what I had my eyes on since this laptop started showing problem. This has been something a looooooooong time in the making. But, at no point since I wanted the first Wacom Companion in 2013, to now when I want the Mobile Studio in 2017, have I been willing to bite the bullet and pay that $3000 pricetag. It seems my hand is going to be forced soon, however...

Wow.. I’ve been typing for almost two hours. It’s 20 minutes to 11am. I should get some sleep. At this point, it might be a better idea to just stay up through the day and go to bed early tonight. Either way though, I’m ending this here.

#personal #long as fuck

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