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foodieforthoughts · 3 years

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Sand and Stars - Chapter Eight

Series Summary: After the water pump being blown up, the insurgents in Baqubah are taking a hold of the food supply to the village. Camp Warhorse is in dire need of reinforcements. It has been eight months of submitting countless requests when the High Command commissions Sergeant Olivia Ross to take her group of men and women and help Captain Syverson and his team to restore a semblance of normalcy. But with the war raging, does it get two hearts closer too?

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC x OMC

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: 18+, smut, fingering, oral (female receiving), sexual intercourse, unprotected sex, foul language, mentions of war, military technicalities (thread with caution)

A/N: Dum, Dum, DUM!!! We are finally here! The smutty part of the series is here and also an added twist in the end. I hope you guys like it because we are almost reaching the end. And as always a massive thank you to the wonderful beta @thelastsock who's been a huge help. Also, thank you to @cheyentjj for suggesting an appropriate face claim for Liv, Julianne Hough is the only one I’ll see as Liv now.

<Chapter Seven

Title: Chapter Eight

Sy grumbled as he stared at himself in the mirror. His buzz cut was growing out and his beard was becoming scrawnier. He turned his head to the side, grazing his finger over the cut he had over his cheekbone. He had no idea how he had even gotten bruised like that. He wasn’t one to have an opinion on how he looked, but now that he had a woman in his life, he was suddenly more mindful.

Shrugging his shoulders, Sy turned around to grab his t-shirt from the back of the chair. His eye caught the silver chain lying on the table. He grabbed it in his hand, turning the medal in his palm. Liv always wore it but somehow, she had forgotten about it today. Sy was not religious or superstitious but he liked the idea that Liv’s friend cared about her enough to gift her something to keep her safe all the time.

Placing the chain back on the table, Sy couldn't help but think about what he had going on with Liv since the night she had spent in his room. He felt their relationship had evolved; she was opening up to him, telling him about her life, letting him in. Although, his heart had ached when she had told him about her family.

Sy had his arm draped over Liv, his fingers entwined with hers. Her back against his chest, her head resting on his extended arm. It was the third night in a row when Liv had come knocking on his door. He didn’t question her, only embraced her and cuddled her to sleep.

“Are you still awake?” He had whispered that night, not wanting to disturb the silence.

“Yeah.”

“Can I ask you something?” When she nodded, he continued. “What did you mean by ‘no one’s waiting for you back home’?”

Sy stared at the back of her head. He had been meaning to ask her about it for a while, but the moment never seemed right. He was almost certain she wasn’t going to answer when Liv sighed.

“My dad always wanted a son.” She adjusted against him, pulling his arm tighter around her. “He’s a real estate broker and has made a fortune out of it. He always had the idea that a son would be the one he would pass the mantle to.”

Sy scoffed. “That’s misogynistic.”

“Yeah, that’s my dad.” Liv sighed. “After I was born, he was clearly disappointed. He took his frustration out on mom, he treated her very badly. In turn, she took it out on me. So, I never really spent time with them as much. When my brother was born, my father was overjoyed and showered my mother with all his love, and she decided to dedicate her life to my brother’s upbringing. When my grandma asked me if I wanted to move in with her, I didn’t even put up a fight, and neither did they.”

“Baby,” Sy turned her in his arms to face him. Liv’s eyes held sorrow but there were no tears. Sy wondered if she had grown so accustomed to being neglected by her parents, she didn’t even feel anything more than disappointment. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. If they wouldn’t have treated me the way they did, I wouldn’t have become the person I am today. I probably wouldn’t have even joined the army.” She placed her hand on his cheek, smiling weakly. “How would I have met you?”

Sy smiled to himself. He had kissed her after that, feeling immensely happy for having her in his life. He would have never imagined meeting an incredible woman like Liv while being out in the desert. Sometimes he wondered if he was falling for her.

“Hey!” Liv announced, opening the door wide. She had a huge smile on her face, her skin slick with sweat and her eyes blown wide with exhilaration. “Pepps’s going to tell you everything, but I was so excited to tell you first.”

Sy raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. He could see Liv practically bouncing on her toes as she rubbed her hands together. He watched as she closed the door and walked up to him to give a chaste kiss on his lips.

“You know we’ve been trying to get more people on our side,” she pulled her jacket off, draping it neatly over the chair. She plopped down on the bed, crossing her legs and smiling widely up at Sy. “We just got someone on the inside.”

“What do you mean?”

“You told me we have intel that there’s a new leader for the militants, I suggested we should try someone to infiltrate the group. Mahmoud fixed us with a young man who is on our side but will provide us information about the militant activities.”

Sy was impressed. He had approved Pepps for trying to recruit Mahmoud’s man, but Liv had no knowledge about it. He wanted to see how much effort Liv was ready to put into getting the job done. He felt even prouder and in awe of his woman every time he saw her in action.

“Also,” She straightened her leg and fished out a trimmer from her pocket. “I managed to get it from a barber shop at the village.”

Sy smirked with a naughty thought entering his mind. “Want a trim? Maybe I could help.”

Liv rolled her eyes at him and started detangling the wires from the trimmer. “Just FYI, I got everything laser removed. So, it’s smooth like butter down there.”

Sy felt his mouth go dry with the new revelation. He couldn’t help but let his imagination run wild, thinking exactly about having his mouth on the aforementioned part of Liv's body. Explicit was often where his thoughts went when he had her in his arms lately. Her body fit wonderfully in his, arranged in his arms like a perfectly matched puzzle piece. Each night he fought the urge to wake her and make love to her then and there.

“Okay, soldier. I can practically hear your thoughts.” She snickered, pointing at his crotch. He grumbled adjusting his pants that had tightened under the inevitable effect of his filthy ideas. “And this for you. I see how you keep looking at your hair and your beard. I could give you a buzz.”

Sy scoffed, grabbing his gun from the table and putting it in his thigh holster. “I’ll get it done from someone else.”

“Sy, I’m tired and I have only three hours until I have to go to my post. So please, get your ass here.” She bent down to wave her hand over the floor. She plugged in the trimmer on the socket above the bed. She looked at him expectantly, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand.

“If anything goes wrong, we’ll just shave it all.” Sy muttered and sat down on the floor, resting his back against the metal frame of his bed. He grimaced as the familiar buzzing of the trimmer started behind him. With the touch of the old blades of the device, Sy winced involuntarily.

“Stop it.” Liv warned, holding onto his shoulder and running the trimmer along his neck. “I know what I’m doing, Captain J.A. Syverson.”

Sy groaned on hearing his full name. Liv staying in his room meant she noticed personal things about him. She had looked through his trunk for a spare t-shirt and casually asked him about his initials written on the metal box. He knew at some point she ought to know about his first name, but he was perfectly fine with being known by his last name for the time being.

“I figured it out by the way.” He could hear the glee in her voice over the buzzing of the machine. “Why did you never tell me your name's John Andrew?” She giggled, brushing the hairs out of his t-shirt.

“I was getting to it.” He mumbled bringing his legs up and resting his arms on them. “Who told you?”

“I’m not going to rat out my informant.” Liv tapped him on his shoulder and indicated him to look up. She trimmed the hair on the top of his head with her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth in concentration. Sy smiled at her adorable face, his fingers itched to touch her. She kissed the top of his head when she noticed his smile, moving onto his side burns next.

He tried to look at her from the corner of his eyes while she trimmed his hair. Everything about this situation felt so domestic. He had no clue he had yearned for something like this, only feeling it now he was experiencing it. It felt blissful and satisfying. Sy also felt delighted about Liv’s cheerful attitude and watching her be her previous self was like a breath of freshness in the stale air of grief that surrounded her.

“All done.” Liv announced. She dusted off the hair, turning his head from side to side to check her work. “Part-time at the local salon has finally paid off.”

Sy was about to stand up to look in the mirror when a knock sounded on the door. Pats, from his men, pushed open the door. A cigarette hung from his mouth, his dark beard scraggly and long. Sy jutted his chin for him to speak, looking himself in the mirror and being content with the way Liv had trimmed his hair.

“Call from the base.” Pats informed, throwing a casual wave towards Liv before heading out into the corridor.

“Duty calls, Captain.” Liv yawned, sniffling and settling down on his bed. “Wake me up when you come back?” She yawned again as she pulled the blanket over her body.

“You’re going to sleep here?” Sy questioned as he walked back to Liv. He smiled as Liv nodded, pulling the blanket up to her nose. Sy looked down at her, smiling as he observed her bundled up on his bed. For the first time in his entire military career, he wanted to neglect his job and just curl up next to Liv. “How do I thank you for a job well done?”

Sy noted how Liv bit her lip between her teeth, looking up at him with mischief dancing in her eyes. She closed her eyes and brought her arm to rest on her forehead. “I’m sure you can come up with something.” She whispered sensuously, peeking at him from underneath her arm.

Sy felt his throat go dry again as several ideas popped up in his head. He cleared his throat and leaned down to place a kiss on her lips. “Will do, ma’am.” He said, stealing another kiss and walking out the room. He looked down at his wrist watch, anticipation already brewing for when he could get back to her.

***

Liv groaned as the voices of men from the other room disturbed her sleep once again. It was a hefty price to pay for being a light-sleeper and living around men who could be boisterous when need be. She turned around to face the wall and pulled Sy’s blanket closer to her face. She breathed in the faint smell of his musk, imagining him to be lying next to her. Habituation was a bitch because she couldn’t get a good sleep until she had Sy’s arms around her.

The door to his room creaked open, alerting her of another presence. She half turned her body to look behind as she heard the door lock and found Sy in the process of removing his holster.

“Back already?” She looked at her wrist watch and noted she still had plenty of time until she had to go to her post. “What did base want-” Her question was cut short as Sy kneeled down next to the bed and captured her lips for a heated kiss. She gasped as he pulled the blanket off her body and threw it unceremoniously on the floor. Without breaking the contact between their lips, Sy climbed on the bed over Liv, capturing her between his limbs.

When they broke away to take a breath, Liv placed her hands on his chest. “What was that?”

“I’m thankin’ ya.” His accent came out prominent and his voice grew huskier. Liv noted how far his pupils were blown as lust overtook his darkening orbs. Running his tongue over his lower lip, Sy leaned down again to kiss her while pulling at her t-shirt tucked in her pants.

Liv’s heart skipped a beat when Sy’s warm calloused hand touched her bare stomach. She arched her back to let Sy pull the t-shirt off her head. She moaned as Sy let his lips travel down the side of her neck, pausing to suck at an erogenous zone which made her toes curl. She grabbed at his t-shirt, tugged at it and helped Sy discard it, adding to the pile of clothes on the floor. She took a moment to marvel at his furry chest, raking her nails over his torso and down to his belly. Her core quivered as she eyed the hairy line that travelled down the middle of his stomach, disappearing beneath his belt.

“I want you so badly right now.” Sy breathed, resuming his work on Liv’s neck, his beard leaving a tingling sensation as it grazed her skin. She reached between their bodies and worked at his belt with an unrestrained urgency. His erection was already beginning to strain against the fabric of his pants, rubbing on her lower abdomen as he moved down to her chest. “I want to fuck you so hard.” He growled against her chest, pulling her bra down to expose her hardened nipples.

Liv gasped as Sy latched onto her nub, sucking at it and grabbing at her other breast. She closed her eyes, drowning herself in pleasure as Sy lavished attention on her tits, sucking and groping each in turn. She palmed Sy through his pants, getting a groan in response that vibrated against her chest. He bucked his hip down, rubbing his crotch against her hand which jostled against her own groin, sending a jolt of excitement throughout her body.

With sweaty hands, she tugged at his pants and pulled them down his hips. Sy shimmed himself out of them and kicked it down to join the discarded clothes. Liv licked her lips, grabbing at Sy’s hardening length which pulled a throaty moan from him. She gulped as she stroked his cock, her fingers unable to fist it entirely in her hand. Sy travelled down her chest leaving kisses along the trail. Her body shivered with what was to come as Sy hurriedly bared her to his gaze.

Lying under Sy’s lascivious stare, Liv’s core throbbed, her stomach fluttered as she felt exposed and vulnerable. She clenched her thighs together as the warmth from her cheeks travelled down to her chest. Sy licked his lips with desire blazing in his eyes. He leaned down again to kiss along her thigh, tickling her with his scruff and nudging her legs apart with his hands. She watched with baited breath, craning her neck to look between her thighs as Sy kissed his path to her mound. Her thighs shuddered as his warm breath washed over her drenched hole. She clutched at the sheets with the anticipation of feeling his mouth on her.

“Get to it already.” Liv pleaded. She could feel Sy smirking against her for which she wanted to just shove his face on her need when suddenly he ran his tongue over her slit. “Fuck.” She rasped as an exquisite pleasure consumed her body. She couldn’t help but moan as Sy pulled her tender folds apart with his fingers, opening her up to him as he lapped at her with voracious hunger.

“You taste delicious, Liv.” He cooed while stopping to pepper kisses on her inner thigh, his finger rimming her clenching pussy. Liv was aware of the many men littered around the compound, some even in the adjacent room. She bit her lip from stopping herself to cry out like a wanton whore as Sy thrusted a thick digit inside her. She grabbed at his shoulder, digging her nails in his skin as he returned to flick his tongue over her clit.

Liv was a squirming mess as Sy worked around her cunt, devouring her with a carnal need and thrusting his finger inside her with fervor. She brought her other hand to her exposed breast, pinching her nipples between her fingers. It wasn’t like Liv was a virgin, but she had to admit she had never felt so overwhelmed by a man eating her out. A strained moan escaped her lips as Sy added another finger and pumped them together, curling them inside her to rub against her swollen bundle of nerves. She could briefly feel his mouth sucking at her sensitive nub, nibbling at it momentarily before licking it.

“Sy.” She groaned. The knot in her belly was tense with her impending orgasm that Sy was trying to draw out from her. She gasped with widened eyes when a third finger entered her tight hole, Sy scissoring them while plunging them in and out of her. It was too much for her to take and with an unrestrained groan she came against his fingers, her body trembling under the intensity of her orgasm.

She laid spent on the bed, sweat covering her skin as ripples of aftershock travelled down her body. Sy licked her clean, placing a gentle kiss on her clit and climbing up to her face. She looked at him with a weak smile, noticing the grin on his lips under his wet whiskers.

“Fuck me, Sy.” She instructed raggedly. Sy leaned down to take her lips in his, her taste lingering on his lips and tongue. She took a shuddering breath as he lined his throbbing cock against her dripping entrance. In one swift move Sy entered her with a grunt, splitting her with his girth and drawing out a sinful moan from the pair. The tip of his cock rubbed against the apex of her womb, teasing it as he moved his hips to pull himself out before plunging inside her again.

“God, you feel so good.” Sy groaned as he began pounding into her with vigor. “I won’t last long.” He warned, laying over her body and bringing his arms underneath her back. He circled her lithe waist with his strong, wide arms as he mercilessly thrusted into her every time reaching up to the hilt, the metal frame of their bed rattling with Sy's thrusts. The sounds outside had faded into nothing, only the wet sound of skin on skin and rhythmic moans reached their ears.

Liv wound her arms around his neck kissing him deeply with a ravenous need to feel every inch of his body. “Cum inside me.” She breathed against his mouth, looking into his eyes with fervent desire. She could feel the unmistakable coiling in her lower belly as Sy’s pelvis ground against her sensitive clit. She knew Sy was close as his thrusts became frantic and his grunts became louder, chasing his release.

Liv dug her face in his neck as another wave of euphoria washed over her making her cry out in ecstasy. Her walls clenched around his pulsating cock and with a guttural, animalistic groan, Sy jerked his hips one last time as he finally reached his release. She felt his release painting her walls, milking him for every drop. The warmth pooling inside her mirroring the warmth pooling in her chest as she regarded Sy above her.

Sy lay over her, careful not to crush Liv with his weight. As he caught his breath, he made to move away but Liv placed her hands on his taut buttocks. halting his movement.

“Stay inside me.” She pleaded with him. Tears pricked at her eyes, her senses overwhelmed with the profound, all consuming passion she had experienced moments ago. Sy looked up at her, his sweat slicked skin sliding against hers. A soft smile lifted the corners of his lips as his eyes focused on hers.

“I’ve never fallen for someone so hard and so fast.”

Liv stared at him, astonished at his words. She blinked, trying to understand if she was hearing him right. She was at a loss of words, confused and consumed with the fluttering in her chest. She could hear the rapid beating of her heart in her ears as the moments ticked by.

Sy reached up to cup her cheek, sympathy shining in his eyes at the overwhelmed woman in front of him. “You don’t have to say it back, but I think I love you.” He grazed his lips gently over hers, the carnal desire from before replaced with delicate emotion. The silent kiss they shared was soft and placid, enveloping Liv in an unknown tranquillity. “And to answer your question from earlier, base is sending more people here.” he added, with a cheeky smile.

***

Liv gazed at Sy while being seated from across him in his office. He was looking over the papers about the new team arriving later in the day. He wasn’t thrilled about accommodating more people, grumbling about how they worked better in a small unit. She bit her lip as the memories of their frenzied lovemaking from only a few hours earlier came to her mind. There was a huge hickey on her chest which tingled with her heating cheeks.

“Stop staring, Liv.” He mumbled, not even glancing up at her and reaching out to his cup of coffee.

“I’m not staring. I’m admiring.” She teased. She stood up, grabbing her gun from his table and slinging the strap over her shoulder. “Stop stressing about the new people.” She walked up to him and placed a kiss on top of his head. “I’m going to head out.”

“Stay safe.” He called out, shuffling the papers around.

“Be nice.” She winked at him when he looked up.

Liv walked out into the compound with a bounce in her step. Ever since Sy had told her he loved her, she felt elated. She knew she felt something for him but was confused if she liked him or was it love. She didn’t want to mislead him with false promises, waiting to make sure what she felt for him was indeed ‘love’. She'd made that mistake before.

Pepps greeted her near their Humvee. She had grown accustomed to the man’s company and respected him for his skills as a soldier and a negotiator. He tipped his cap at her, pulling his gun up from the hood of the vehicle. “It’s going to be a good day.” He commented before rounding out to the other side and getting into the car.

After an entire day of talking to various men and women who supported their help, Liv was content with their progress in increasing local assistance. One lady had offered her home-made lunch which had smelled delicious but owing to protocols, she had to decline. She had been ecstatic with the new information they had gathered from the informant about the militant leader which was apparent by the bouncing of her leg with impatience.

When they arrived at the camp, Liv noticed the new Humvees parked out front with new faces greeting them at the gate.

“Guess they are here.” Pepps announced, driving their car to an empty spot.

Liv noticed Sloan jogging up to her hurriedly. She alighted the car but was quickly held by the shoulders by the blonde. “You are not prepared for this.” She warned, turning her head to look behind her.

“What-?” Liv questioned but was rendered speechless as her eyes followed Sloan’s line of sight.

It was like the air from her lungs had been punched out. She felt her limbs become cold as a bead of chilling sweat dribbled down her forehead. She gulped as with pressed lips she stared at the one person she did not expect to see, not until she was on leave again. It was like god was laughing at her and plotting to twist her life as she watched both Sy and Alex walk towards her.

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a-shakespearean-in-paris · 6 years

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Reflections on Writing a Longfic

hey guys! I wanted to make this for a bit, because I thought it would be cathartic. Also I started school again and my teacher is very much into reflections, which I always was an advocate for too, so I thought I would write this! tagging @cathybrokeit and @novamm66 for their interest as well :) Note this really isn’t a “writing advice post,” more so my reflection on how I wrote my fic In Waking Dreams to completion, but if you learn something from it...great! :)

Anwyay, unto the breach! Also there will be spoilers for IWD, but the story is pretty much Inquisition with my own imaginings in the gaps. But if you want to read IWD spoiler free, I recommend not reading this!

Background

So I have spoken at length about this before, but I never wrote fanfic until In Waking Dreams. I read it, but never really felt compelled to write it. I wrote original fiction before, even finished a first draft for about three or so different pieces, and the last thing I wrote before IWD (besides a ten minute play) was something I was very, very much in love with, and still am very much in love with. I finished the first draft of that my freshman year of college, but when I tried to revise it, the words didn’t seem pretty or “perfect enough.” I could not make it the story I wanted to see. It didn’t just frustrate me. It made me deeply depressed. I worried I wouldn’t be able to write again.

I did a lot of gaming in college because I honestly couldn’t really do anything else (I had trouble connecting with my theatre peers. I was not a partier and my department liked to party.) I lived alone, so I played a lot of games. In 2014 Inquisition came out and I played it because DA had always been one of my favorites. I romanced Cullen, and the romance really resonated with me. It’s why I played it a lot.

Then my last semester of college, I realized I was really (forgive my crassness,) turned on by the idea of writing a fic with Cullen and my Inquisitor.

I’ll be honest: at first I thought it was ludicrous. I was twenty two at the time. I never wrote fic. I told my friend once that while i respected it and enjoyed a lot of it, it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t imagine writing a character that wasn’t mine. But I loved Cullen because he and his romance were a comfort to me. I loved his arc and I wanted to fill in the gaps. My directing teacher always told us to direct what turns us on...not what what leaves us with blue balls. I suspect writing is the same way. Hell, I know it is the same way. I couldn’t escape the fact I was turned on.

So I began. It felt so strange to write the first chapter, but it wasn’t strange anymore, after a while. the words, they flowed from the page. I was upset when I wasn’t writing. I felt like myself again when I was. I was so happy to write this story. It was so bittersweet to finish.

I don’t know how I did it, in all honesty. but I am going to attempt to tell you how, and analyze it.

Getting started

I had a grand idea before I began: I would write the whole story, edit it, then publish. I started November 2016 before I graduated college in December. Graduating was so great because it gave me more writing time. (lol.) Made the A03 and officially joined by late December, because I heard it may take a while to get an invite. By May 2017 I was sort of almost done with the first draft, (I got to after the Winter Palace and Perseverance, and I believe Cullen and Lydia had just consummated their relationship.) So I began going back to the beginning and editing, and I decided i was going to start publishing. for exposure, I renamed my tumblr to my a03 name, but I decided eventually to start from scratch. Here we are now.

I am not going to lie, I got to the destruction of Haven part, uploaded it, and got no response. I was really, really disappointed. I thought: did I do this for nothing? My mom noticed I was upset, and in a moment of weakness I told her everything. Let me tell you, IRL me is very, very secretive of my writing. No one knows about my original work except for one other person. But I told my mom, and she asked me:

“Are you having fun?”

I told her yes. She asked me if I believed in my story. I told her yes. She told me to remember that. So for the entire journey I remembered that I believed. I believed and I loved, and that was part of the reason why I finished. People began reading and commenting. One comment made me so, so happy. they always do, to this day. they truly do help.

I knew it before, but I fully learned it then: write what turns you on. write what you want to see. You’ll love, and that love can help you continue

From the Draft to A03

So here’s a few fun facts about IWD

Stroud was the original Warden, not Miranda

Originally there was passages in Cassandra’s POV, as well as Solas. did away with this because I can not write Solas and i didn’t think the cassandra parts added anything.

there was going to be a lot of leliana/ Cullen tension I cut back on. there was also a lot of leli/ Lydia tension.

I wanted to focus on Inqusition as a whole, rather than the romance of cullen and Lydia. (HA)

Cullen’s ex girlfriend Elaine wasn’t going to make an appearance, but Asher always was.

The timeline as it currently is is way different from my original intention. to Adamant everything would be normal, then there would be the ball that happens at Skyhold, then perseverance and Lydia and Cullen getting together, then the Winter Palace and Cullen and Lydia’s first intimate moment by Honnleath, and then Daddy Trevelyan arrives. (remembering now, the only thing I hadn’t written was the return of Asher.)

I reassembled a lot of stuff as I wrote. Daddy trev arrived earlier because I wanted him at the ball at Skyhold, the ball happened a lot later, and as I wrote I inserted the Elaine subplot.

No beta readers, but I would consider one in the future.

There’s a lot of other stuff I added in and expanded as I started uploading. The original Lydia and Cullen blow up over his past wasn’t nearly as dramatic. Miranda was added and fleshed out, as was Hawke. Eventually I realized i would have to scrape what I had previously written (for an example the first kiss is radically different.) and start from scratch. Was I frustrated? Kinda sorta. See, I truly believe had I not written that incomplete first draft, I would not have been as happy with IWD as it currently stands. Trust me, I understand wanting to upload chapters after you write them and after a cursory read through and edit. I have done this. I will still do this, ha. But I truly think without that base of IWD, I wouldn’t have been nearly as happy with my story. especiallly since it is very very complicated.

Another note: I tended to think of novels like movies, but one thing that really , really helped me was thinking of the story more like a TV show. Episodes or chapters should compliment the whole, but if you want a whole chapter of your OTP laying in bed...you can do that. In fact, I encourage it in fanfic if you want it. that’s the beauty of it. We can write entire scenes of our favorite characters eating ice cream, a scene that would probably be cut out in a major motion picture or even published book for “slowing the pace.” No need in fic. Sure maybe some things can be trimmed, ( I really wish I would have cut the Elaine subplot at least a smidge) but I learned that the true beauty in my story, and what I was really passionate about, was the moments between Cullen and Lydia.

So eventually I gave up thinking this was an epic novelization of DAI, and embraced it for the romance. I added more little moments.

Long story short: original intentions may change. threads may go elsewhere than the original intent. that’s okay. Characters may surprise you. that is wonderful, because don’t people in real life surprise you? Lydia surprised me. A lot. I knew this before I think, but I know it for sure now: let your characters surprise you. I didn’t truly know Lydia till I continued to write her.I didn’t think she would “want to hurt Cullen” as she says, but as soon as I wrote it: I knew. She would be so hurt she would want to hurt him back.

Support

I finished this with a lot of my fire, but I did have support, which helped a lot as well. I was fortunate to get a few frequent commentors as I wrote. Bless you, every one. @lyriumyue was one such reader. She made comments and observations that I didn’t know about as I was writing, but when she pointed them out, I could totally see it. So I came to her when I was stuck, and she helped me figure stuff out.

My mom also supported me. I didn’t tell her everything, but when I wasn’t sure if I wanted Cullen and Lydia to kiss, we talked through it, and she said, “let them kiss.” being stuck is normal, but talking it out helps. Heck even writing it down may help. I did that too. When I doubt, I talked it out.

Final thoughts

So...here’s the truth about writing, as far as I’m concerned: it’s like falling in love. Something captures you, and you want, need to write it. then there’s the honeymoon phase. After a while, it becomes work and you have to put in effort when you didn’t have to before. but remembering what caught you can reignite that passion. It did for me, when I was bummed out about no comments. Sometimes though, it didn’t. it took a while for a new fire. It came back when someone commented. sometimes it came back because I really, really missed cullen and lydia.

I can’t tell you how I finished. I just know that writing gave me immense happiness. Perhaps you should not fall in love with your characters, but fall I did. I wanted to see them happy in the end, watching the dawn. that made me continue. It made me finish. I don’t know what to say, other than I wanted to see this through so, so much. So I did. And i think remembering why I began....helped a lot. So did support.

Like I said, this is my reflection. I wish I had more advice, but truthfully the only thing I can say is write with passion and believe. Love what you’re doing. I didn’t always love my words. in fact I learned sometimes you just gotta convey information, but sometimes i would write one line, that just really...it was like soaring. other times, no lie I fucking hated it. I still hate that winter palace chapter, TBH.

but I believed and I wanted, in the end. I fell in love. So I did. Above all, I implore everyone to believe. Trust me guys, to anyone who wants to write anything: I believe. You can do it. I wish I had something more profound to say, but that’s what I got. And I truly do believe.

Thank you for reading, thank you for supporting. I’ll still be here. Writing Cullen, and falling in love.

-Cheyenne (Shakes)

#TY! :)#reflective shit #feel free to ignore #like I said this is just my experience not really advice #more like a motivational thing?#please don't get mad if you disagree #feel free not to read #was going to write my shakespeare paper #ah well #long post #cut isnt workibg #*working

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