sus-bee

[sus-bee]

cant even talk to karka even tho i want to. i promised id go to him first if i felt bad abt something and ill feel so guilty if i go back on that. so ill just sit here and wish i were different i fucking guess

[sus-bee]

i think no matter what i say im gonna make this worse lmao. im just gonna shut my whore mouth and stop saying things for a bit

[sus-bee]

i feel like every message i send is a plea for him to continue liking me

#iiii cannot do this today #i cant #i have to finish my work then get ready #i cant today

[sus-bee]

literally like hunched in on myself and wrapped my arms around my body lol this sucks

i know that it wasnt at all the intention but fuck that message made me kinda feel like a whore lmao

[sus-bee]

i know that it wasnt at all the intention but fuck that message made me kinda feel like a whore lmao

[sus-bee]

me vs feeling like i make everything worse :/

[sus-bee]

why did u just rb from me while ur still not following me, what can i dooooooooooo

its weird being in the partner/friend servers sometimes bc prd is 23 and i am 19 and i have friends irl who are older but it still seems almost like. weird? ig? bc shes talking abt drinking as smth shes been able to do for 2 years and i still have over a year before i can legally drink. so like

#truly think i just fumbled early on and now blue just isnt interested #every attempt at conversation crashes and fucking burns

[sus-bee]

its weird being in the partner/friend servers sometimes bc prd is 23 and i am 19 and i have friends irl who are older but it still seems almost like. weird? ig? bc shes talking abt drinking as smth shes been able to do for 2 years and i still have over a year before i can legally drink. so like

#idk like im def not as mature as some of his other partners #im literally a sophomore in college and i think pea is a grad student #and hes been dating all of them longer than hes even known me #so sometimes i just feel. out of place #ig thats the term id use #like im quite obviously on a lower rung here #and i dont think they all like me #which kinda sucks. bc i rlly do try #ive basically given up on sending any messages in there anymore #unless its like. to compliment someone else #if i can just make them see me as someone who is nice then i will survive #idk. i should go shower.

[sus-bee]

this fucking sucks so bad. at least i can fucking. go to sleep now i fucking guess

[sus-bee]

ive been like a fucking 5th wheel qll night n i feel like im just bothering finn and karka only responded to me to ask me to read a thread abt things i literally dont know fucking anything about and i cant evrn go shower and go to bed until asia comes back bc i have her phone. i just wanna go to sleep dude. im sensitive and emotional and ugh

[sus-bee]

every time i send a message in the partners server im basically chanting "please like me please like me please like me please like me" until someone responds positively. chaos please like me challenge i try so fucking hard every day and the only one who i genuonely think likes me as a person is xav. finn probably likes me i think. maybe pluto, in like a distant mutual kinda way? chaos? god whos to say. pea might actually dislike me or maybe not i cant tell but they have never once made an effort to talk to me and i follow them but they do not follow me back. angels in the server too but it doesnt count, thats easy mode, that bitch called me unhateable so

#anyway #basically i say anything and feel like im preparing for someone to actually tell me to shut the fuck up the whole time #unless i am saying smth to xav #there is a reason i usually take comversations w mouse into the other server #i just cant do it dude #i cant

[sus-bee]

n9thing is enough nothing is enough nothing is enough nothing is enough

#is this ehat understimulation is

[sus-bee]

i hate being fucking jealous over stupid shit.

#:/

[sus-bee]

implying that hed fly here to watch a movie with me what if i die

#houhhhhh my heart #i love him. so much

[sus-bee]

successfully got us off track, also i love her so fucking much she is the sweetest in the fucking world

[sus-bee]

damn maybe i shouldve lived with the guilt eating away at me bc telling karka means they send her a message saying "bee has smth to tell you" NO I DONTTTT NO I DONTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

[sus-bee]

maybe i should leave the server again,,,