starry-pierrot

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#Once had a friend be confused why I would want to go to a anime convention #as if she wasn't right there trying to convince me to watch Naruto with her #Tried to share things with another group and all i got was weird stares #so happy i have people i can rave about things with

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Cult of the Lamb + maxed out temple skins

#cult of the lamb

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Marcille's line delivery kills me

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Just so everyone is aware:

An international group of qualified mushroom identifiers who do worldwide identification in emergency cases have identified the Shroomers App as a potentially very dangerous system that could kill you if you try to use it to identify edible mushrooms. They use AI to generate almost all of their content, including their identification profiles on their app as well as their books and other materials. Not only is this unethical from a content creation standpoint, it is also extremely dangerous.

DO NOT USE APPS FOR IDENTIFICATION PURPOSES BEYOND SIMPLE CURIOSITY. A MISTAKE WHEN IDENTIFYING AN EDIBLE COULD COST YOU YOUR LIFE. DO NOT EAT ANY FORAGED MUSHROOM YOU CANNOT IDENTIFY YOURSELF BY SIGHT OR HAS BEEN IDENTIFIED IN PERSON BY SOMEONE WHO CAN.

ONLY BUY BOOKS FROM REPUTABLE SOURCES AND AT THIS POINT THAT MEANS ASKING EXPERIENCED PEOPLE WHAT BOOKS THEY USE.

Mushrooms are fun, amazing organisms. Enjoy safely.

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IM SO SICK OF YOU ALL

No nuance allowed. please share for a bigger sample 💕💕💕💕💕

*by eat i mean how do you prefer your cereal.

#I assume warm milk is a powdered milk thing #HOW ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE WARM MILK??? #DOES THE 4% NOT LIKE KEEP THE MILK REFEGERATED??

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Telling myself this every day so here's a meme

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If i was better at animatics I would very much draw a dancing scene with Narinder and the Lamb with this song. Be at a big bonfire and everything. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZfkAleLFnw&list=RDMM&index=27

#narilamb #thoughts

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Yearly reminder to everyone trying to find alternatives to tumblr/social media in general: go make a Neocities account and teach yourself basic HTML and post your art/writing/shitposts there.

It does take extra time to set up (but there are templates out there!) but it is so so worth it to have a site that is 100% YOURS!

You don’t even have to be that good at coding. I’m not. My site is not very accessible via mobile devices but that is fine with me (keeps me off my phone) but there are plenty of ways to make your site mobile friendly. There are plenty of bare bones/accessible sites I adore purely for the media on it.

Imagine having your site on your phone and showing someone- hey! I coded this from scratch. And I didn’t even have to pay a company like squarespace. All your images, links, writings, in one place. I have my fandom edits, memes, fanart, and custom graphics there.

Neocities has a very bare bones follower and comment system, but you can disable this if you want your site to truly abstain from any social media-isms. I use it because its a great way to meet other webmasters and get help with coding problems. Neocities isn't an exact replacement for Tumblr (no reblogging here) but html coding is an invaluable skill to know, as is keeping a personal website in this day in age.

The awesome thing about having your own website is if, god forbid, Neocities goes down, you can move your site to any other number of hosting platforms (like Teacake.org). Your site is truly YOURS, and no one else (shitty tech CEO cough cough) can take it away from you.

If you need help getting started, I recommend checking out sadgrl.online. (More links to resources in the comments section of this post).

I know neocities has been talked about before, especially within my follower circle, but I thought I'd bring it up again for anyone unaware of this awesome platform.

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sad eldritch blast in the face

#BEAUTIFUL #SO SAD #I LOVE IIITTTTTT #cult of the lamb #Narilamb

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🧡💛💜

A WET CAT. A. WET. CAT.

Purple is accurate and I am still lost to that hell that is FNAF. And thank you! I'm sure you're cool too : D

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ask game!

send anon asks with any of these emojis :3 (reblog if you want your followers/mutuals to do it for you)

🖤: you are my worst enemy. if anything bad happened to you i would kill everyone.

🩶: you scare me /neg

🤍: you scare me /pos

❤️: i have feelings for you /srs (specify romantic or platonic) (this is just on here bcus a similar ask game had it)

🩷: lets go kill someone together <3

🧡: i dont know much about you, but you seem cool

💛: you are like a wet cat.

💚: one million dollars. for you.

🩵: you are amazing and i love you /p

💙: you dont seem mentally stable. at all.

💜: you look like you had a fnaf phase

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sorry my yurification of them is not much different except I butch lamb’s haircut

#LOOOOOOVE #narilamb yuri

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1, 10, 27! :)

Hihi!

What song makes you feel better? oH jeez I have so many songs. But really it's the more upbeat ones like, New Genisis- Ado (I am not a one piece fan, I just like the song), Eso Que Tu Haces- Lido Pimienta and Blackended call- Belzebubs. As you can see my music playlist is very diverse, I can listen to almost anything. I think Rap and country are my only weak points. What is something you're excited for? Hmmm I don't really have much atm, but I guess whatever updates to COTL and FNAF. Which character do you want to be? I'm hoping this is like character types? Well if I had to choose I'd want to be the basic one and go for the MC or the love interest, usually they'd get the happy endings and everything they want. Maybe the funny best friend....or the betrayed heart broken villain. That last one would probably serve me best on account of some-things. strong sense of justice, rather forceful need to make everything right, empathy with those like me ect ect

#Thank you for the questions! <3 #:3

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I haven't rendered in like.... Ever- Please be gentle

Anyways, I like to think my Narinder can't stay still when he hears music. As soon as he hears it, his paws just start moving!

Version without text bubbles under the cut!

And a close up because I think he turned out super cute

#cult of the lamb #love a good chilled out happy narinder

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trod au spoilers out of context

#Is this the beach episode

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soft asks to get to know people

what song makes you feel better?

what’s your feel-good movie?

what’s your favorite candle scent?

what flower would you like to be given?

who do you feel most you around?

say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

what color brings you peace?

tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good. 

what calms you down?

what’s something you’re excited for?

what’s your ideal date?

how are you?

what’s your comfort food?

favorite feel-good show?

for every emoji you get, tag someone and describe them in one word.

compliment the person who sent you this number.

fairy lights or LED lights?

do you still love stuffed animals?

most important thing in your life?

what do you want most in the world right now?

if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

what would you say to your future self?

favorite piece of clothing?

what’s something you do to de-stress?

what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)

what movie would you want to live in?

which character would you want to be?

hugs or hand-holding?

morning, afternoon or night?

what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

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Some of the Amnesia trope spin off of TROD AU I drew in stream the other day, Narinder version (idk I'll come up with an actual name for it or just keep calling it the 'trod amnesia au' lmao)

Still not quite used to Clip Studio Paint, the brushes feel stiffer to use and I think it shows but alas

#cult of the lamb #narilamb