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It’s fine because I’m actually using a secret technique called writing it in my head and nowhere else.

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"2 people have been arrested after identifying with fake documents from the "Republic of This Guy" and carrying 3 kilos of marijuana"

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This is my favourite interview strategy

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cashier: ok that'll be $20

me (visibly sweating): ah, yes, of course! a perfectly reasonable price for a grilled cheese and a small smoothie! that was exactly the price i expected you to say when i ordered a single grilled cheese and a smoothie and my vision is NOT getting blurry as we speak! i am a perfectly normal temperature and my speech patterns are natural and even because this is the countenance of an individual who expected to pay 20 american dollars for a single grilled cheese and a smoothie!

cashier: where's all that blood coming from

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bees?

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RB if you think CD drives in computers are not obsolete, but in fact still necessary, despite being artificially phased out

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i love when i am drinking water and some of it spills on my shirt and i dont really react.. i dont give a fuck anymore to be real with U

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i think one of the most important things you learn about making connections with others is that a significant portion of the time people just do not know theyre doing what theyre doing

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this is for a part-time job as a barista

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Golden Retriever during golden hour 

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Decided to say fuck it to my congestion. Closed myself in the guest bathroom, blocked out all ventilation, turned my massive humidifier on full blast and ran myself the hottest bath i can stand.

This is my enclosure. I live here now. I have recreated the water cycle in a matter of minutes and can finally breathe.

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Talking Heads' Psycho Killer but it's Neurospicy Unaliver

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