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I just checked and I found out I had 1.3k followers. Hi. This is I think one of the first posts I’ve made on this blog in almost five years but I’m feeling down at the moment so I thought I’d reminisce.

Stardew Valley was the first game in which I romanced a male character. Yes, it was Harvey. I was eighteen years old, freshly out to myself and I was dipping my toes into the idea that I could get into a relationship with another man.

I had so much shame about it all then. I couldn’t speak, even to my queer friends about my feelings, like the words in my brain were censored before they even reached my throat. All things personal to me, all the aspects of myself felt embarrassing and wrong, fodder to be humiliated for. The thrill of a video game romance, the concept of openly wanting and being openly wanted, was exciting and mortifying.

The escapism of this imagined bucolic setting and of love and nearness to others, where being open and vulnerable is as simple as giving gifts and with a press of a button having something to say to someone. In life I struggled with my words, with relationships and being open with people. Even now talking about myself often feels like my innards are on display and I will be laughed at for it. I’m working on it.

Five years goes so fast and so slow. Forays into dating have left me hurt and confused. Coming out left some bruises. And in times of change like these, where people and friends who I wished would stay close forever have to move on and out into their lives, I think it’s easy for me to feel disheartened and stagnant. Like everyone’s caught in some big autumn but leaves me right where I’ve always been, a green leaf.

But I have changed. I came out to all the people I wanted to be out to, from whom I risked rejection. I’ve grappled with religion, with existential dread, with dating, even after I’ve been hurt. It sucks to have to go out there and meet new people and start over fresh when it feels like it takes me years to be myself around others. But those years have to start somewhere. My closest friend now I only really got to know five years ago. Who knows what five years more will look like.

I know that making a comparison between a real life concept with one that appears in a video game is sometimes seen as silly, but as this is a Stardew Valley blog it seems a fitting way to end. This is my year one again, with the sometimes cold people and the first flower dance. Even if I’m geographically in the same place, I’ll start fresh and there’ll be plenty of characters to know. One frantic day at a time.

I should learn to fish.

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shane's thought process going into this: jas might get scared if i talk about surgery stuff… oh i know! sharks! :p

(after marnie scolded him, shane explained top surgery to jas properly.)

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Adding captions for my followers! Catified bachelors, from left to right, top to bottom

Alex, Elliott, Harvey, Sam, Sebastian, Shane :]

#anyways yeah I love them #makes me want to pick up cattails…

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Jojamart closes when you complete the CC right? now imagine Pierre's general store closing when you complete the jojamart and he's forced to work for his rival (no hes not allowed to move out of pelican town bc i said so) <3 me and my friend discussed this au and I think it's pretty good fuel for some toxic gay old man yaoi (also Pierre is divorced)

#yeah I’m still a Pierre kisser #so yeah I’ll reblog that

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being good friends with evelyn and george but barely knowing alex is so funny. like bro i didnt call for you put your grandparents on the phone i have a recipe to swap with granny and a news broadcast to complain about with peepaw

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#furries….

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Real girlies remember the Great “if you like Shane but not Haley you’re sexist actually” Stardew Valley Tumblr War of 2021

honestly love that in the sdv community there will be judgement on who you marry except if you ‘marry’ Krobus

You marry Haley? Humiliation fetish

Alex? He’s sexist

Krobus? He’s a shadow man who lives in sewer and will give you hugs why wouldn’t you be roommates with him

#they’re not real! it’s not that deep! #if anything I’m just salty I can’t wife up Pierre

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I think. The audience would be so limited probably but at some point I would love to try and write a fic about George and Evelyn. I think they are very underrated characters and I just love them so much y'know?? Esp the new green rain dialogue is just so sweet... Idk if it changes in future years but the first year one Evelyn is all worried (like afraid she's gonna DIE worried) and George is so sweet and I just love them okay they are probably the best couple in the entire game

#would love to see this!!

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Hey all, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

(AKA an update on where I’ve been)

(For clarification: no one has asked me these questions, I pulled them out of my ass for a more interesting formatting choice)

“Why come back now?”

I want to play through Stardew again when 1.6 releases on Switch, and want to talk about it!!! And since this blog already exists, it just makes sense to revamp this one, since I don’t have the heart to deactivate it… And also seeing my blog info be so outdated every time I come on here hurts my soul

“Why did you leave?”

I was losing my interest in Stardew, and then when my ex boyfriend - who I met in the Stardew fandom - broke up with me, it was kind of the nail in the coffin and my interest died 💀

“Why the name and pronoun change?”

I transed my gender again 🥰 female to male to “I’m a feminine disaster and if I label that I’ll explode” solidarity! My pronouns are now she/he/they and you can call me Toni! That is my name now. You should call me that.

“Why do you like Pierre so much? He’s a jerk.”

Because he’s a boxer, next question.

“What fandom did you leave our beautiful Stardew Valley fandom for?”

Middle aged boxer jerk fandom, next question please

“What about Neal Shusterman? You’re obsessed with his stuff still, right?”

No. I don’t want to derail this entire post but I know I’ve spoken about Neal positively on this blog in the past so I feel like I should address this. There are many reasons I’d encourage people to stop supporting him, financially or otherwise, and you can read the reasons here (that is my Neal Shusterman related blog), but to make a long story short, he is a Zionist.

“What about Barenaked Ladies?”

Stares at the video essay I have planned where I’ll be reviewing and ranking all of their songs I think they’re all right still

“Should I read your old Stardew fanfiction?”

I’m not proud of it anymore, but if you like it, all the more power to you!

“Will my asks from 2022 ever be answered?”

No, I’m sorry :( They’ve been lost to time (aka I deleted them who knows how long ago thinking I’d never touch this blog again)

#update post

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Slomp's Stomps Information Post

My name is Toni!

My pronouns are she/he/they!

I am an adult! However, this blog will remain completely SFW since I started it as a minor, and yeah. Not opening that can of worms.

My favorite Stardew Valley character is Pierre! He’s so pathetic I love him. Also he’s a boxer. That’s sexy af

My Ao3 is ToniTheLoftwing!

My main blog is @tonitheloftwing!

No more fanfic requests I’m. Too busy 😔

I don’t make stimboards anymore either oops

#updated!

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The resemblance is uncanny, truly

#von kaiser #stardew valley #stardew #sdv #gus sdv #stardew gus #gus stardew valley #stardew valley gus #punch out #MTPO #Mike Tyson’s punch out #yes I’m only posting this on my dead stardew blog because I know it’ll get more notes here #fight me

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THEY SQUASHED HIS HAIR CANT HAVE SHIT IN PELICAN TOWN

#squarshed :(

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ConcernedApe when he telepathically drops the plot of the new update into the mind of a very lucky fan

I had a dream that Mr. Qi and Rose Quartz (like???? From steven universe????) were in a secret relationship and Mr. Qi was responsible for a lot of people's deaths

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Weird realization that I’m planning on playing sdv again so I’ll want to talk about it but I don’t want to use this blog anymore because it reminds me of being 15 and depressed 😟 I’ll make a new sdv blog maybe

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There is a fandom opinion im very interested in...

#where is Pierre/morris smh

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flower dance year 1 trauma.

#Love how uncomfy Harvey looks you know his heart’s not in it lol