sisterssafespace

[sisterssafespace]

Assalaamu alaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuh

I am just writing this to you to thank you for starting this page tbh … it’s therapeutic just going through all these gems

ALLHUMMA Baarik 🌻

Allahuma barik laki habibty, may Allah swt bless your heart and fill it with peace and content, ameen ✨🤍

[sisterssafespace]

Assalam ‘alaykum sister…

First of all I want to thank you for this safe space you’ve created, I was looking for someone to advice me in real life but I couldn’t find anyone, alhamdulillah I remembered this blog.

In these past two months I’ve been getting to know a guy with marriage in mind.

It’s the first time he hadapproached a girl so he’s a bit clumsy but I feel like he tries his best.

Lately we were discussing about mixed friendship, mind you, we both live in Italy but I was born and rised here while he was rised in Egypt.

I lived my whole life in contact with the opposite gender so I kind of created my boundaries (religiously speaking) and found my balance.

During these discussions I brought how in the future InshAllah, if Allah grants me a family and a house I want it to be always full of friends (by friends I meant man and women) or how I like to play cards during breaks in uni with my male colleagues (I’m a stem major). He was quite bothered by this, he said that he knows himself and knows that these things will be a problem for him in the future.

He went on bringing up how in Islam it’s not permissible to have these kind of close interactions to the opposite gender, I know it shouldn’t have but it kind of irked me. We decided to genuinely look up these things and understand if we can arrive to an agreement

I have a really bubbly personality… I fear that if I was to compromise on this I’ll lose a part of me. But I don’t want to end things with him because I got attached (I know I shouldn’t…)

I’m 23 and I don’t know if I’m making the right choices, I fear I’m hurrying myself to get to know another person while I’m lost between uni and trying to form my own views about the world while trying my best to preserve my deen.

In your opinion, what’s the approach I should take? Which things should I keep in mind while getting to know another person?

May Allah grant you all that your heart desires and may He nourish your life. Allahumma amin

Assalamualaikum habibty, First of all, thank you for the sweet words at the beginning of your ask, may Allah swt use us for the benefit of our ummah and the women of our ummah ameen. I also want to express how impressed and proud I am of the way you speak, which can only reflect the growth, sophistication, and politeness you have; I really loved how you speak and voice your thoughts! May Allah swt bless you! If we were to know each other irl we would have absolutely been friends because you sound mature, calm, confident, warm, and especially elegant in the way you speak to others and very respectful, Allahuma berik laki I am totally inn love with your manners! And that is why I will allow myself to speak to you as your older sister if you accept that.

So, I have a couple of points I want to tackle. Firstly, and most importantly I need you to be completely honest with yourself and with Allah swt. How so? Now in your ask you kept mentioning that you want to preserve your deen the best that you can, you struggled a bit and then you found your balance etc etc, and then you said that you don't want to lose a bit of your personality or a part of yourself by giving up these friendships for this guy. Let me tell you sweetie, you shouldn't! You shouldn't give up ANY part of you for any guy, but you HAVE TO give up whatever it takes FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH SWT. What I mean is if you were to stop the free mixing (because playing cards with guys is free mixing, let's call a spade a spade and name things for what they really are) because a guy asked you to, it will not sit well with you if you are not convinced deep down that it is impermissible and plain wrong for Muslims to do so, and you will end up resenting the guy whether it is this potential suitor or the next guy or just your future husband, in general. The thing is, you remind so so so much of my old self, tbh the community I was raised in doesn't differ much from the Italian community and basically my whole life I was friends with guys and it came very naturally to me because that was the norm in my environment so I do know and I do understand very well your position right now; however, it is simply not permissible my dear, now that you have access to this piece of information you can't just overlook it - you can ask any Sheikh or Imam, in Islam we do interact with the opposite gender but with rules and restrictions, Allah swt instilled these conditions or boundaries to protect us, not to ruin our lives or make us less of who we really are. And let me tell you something that I have also experienced firsthand, whenever you give up something or a certain relationship in your life FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH SWT, Allah WILL replace it with another relationship a billion times better; for me for example, when I decided to give up my mixed friendships, Allah swt made me meet the most amazing sisters who completely changed my life and continue to do so and to be there for me, to teach me and inspire me everyday! But I know it is not easy to give up your lifestyle and what you were used to, and basically, that's all you've known since forever, but honey, you have to always remember that Allah swt puts us to test, to check the level of honesty and sincerity when we say that we do believe. This is your test and you have to prove to Allah swt that you are sincere in your faith and obedience to your Creator. I just need to highlight that if you choose to do this and cut off your 'extracurricular' interactions with the opposite gender, you need to have the intention that you are doing so for the sake of Allah swt and not for the sake of this guy; which brings me to my second point:

YOU ARE STILL YOUNG! There is so much you need to learn and discover about your own self, your faith, and work to be the best version of yourself you can be. Personally, I don't approve of getting attached to a guy so soon and biding your life to his choices or decisions, especially that there is nothing serious between you two. You did say he approached you with the intention of marriage, well he might as well approach your family and make it halal, that's one - and two I honestly do not believe that a guy in Italy hasn't approached a girl for a serious talk before but idk, Allah knows best. So to wrap up, as an older sister, I advise you to take a step back and evaluate your life, and ask yourself " is it worth it?" these friendships and this 'fun' is it worth the moment where you're gonna stand up in front of Allah swt on judgment day and be asked about it? talking to this guy right now, is it worth it? Always consider the moment you're going to be asked about whatever you're doing in front of Allah swt and decide if it's worth carrying on.. P.s. About you always dreaming of having a house full of friends and hosting parties and having fun, I just want to say there is fun on the halal side of things, in shaa Allah one day when you have your own home and your own family, you can host your friends still and make a separate gathering, all the girls together all the guys together, you will meet a wonderful community and you will befriend a lot of amazing women and you can all be friends and it will be your social circle and you'll visit each other and your husbands will be friends and your kids will be like cousins and everything will be better than you could have ever imagined, only because it is a situation and a scene that pleases Allah swt so He swt will bless it :')

Work on yourself, on educating yourself religiously, on getting closer to Allah swt, on becoming a better version of yourself and you will see your life transforming to a level you wouldn't have ever dreamt of my dear! May Allah swt bless you immensely and help you see rightfulness and make the right decisions in life!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Fi Aman Allah,

A. Z.

#sisterssafespace

[sisterssafespace]

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatahu sister. I must say I am very proud of you and your team to keep growing in this particular platform. I used to be your very old follower and I have also sent you a few anon asks. I appreciate for your patience and sorry for my rantings. I appreciate for your replies to my every ask. 🤍 It fills me with joy to recieve a big-sissy-kind-of advice from you. My mumma is too an admirer of your beautiful knowledge despite your age. I previously deleted my Tumblr account because I was in my low point of life. And again created a new one just to thank you, I realised I was ungrateful for such a blessing. Subhanallah! I am an adult and in my college. I often spend my time alone because sadly my Muslim University doesn't have much practicing friends from my department. I am no one to judge but I know things won't go right if I join them. I always fantasy to marry a man of my dreams and probably a best friend would be a bonus. So I make dua in tahajjud everyday and ask Allah a number of things. I ask him from A to Z and I don't compromise in asking cause I know he is the Giver and the Provider. Buuuuuuuuttttttt as I make these duas I get constant bad thoughts in my mind and start to doubt Allah's power to fullfill my duas. I start to doubt to a point where I get demotivated to even make one dua. I rush my prayers, I rush my dhikr, I rush in everything and I get impatient to get my dua accepted. I have seen a lot of YouTube videos where muslimah just posts how their tahajjud duas got accepted few days ago, some said next hour. It baffles me and I ask myself, "how come my dua doesn't get accepted?", "How come they get everything they want whereas I don't?", "Did I commit too many sins to even get any dua acceptance?" And so I tried saying Astagfirullah 200 times after each 5 prayers. Sometimes I miss them due to classes. I have also recently unfollowed a muslimah social media influencer who never attended any University and is of my age. She has got beauty, health, weath and support. She vlogged her whole life for 3 years and showed how she got engaged and married and even gave birth few weeks ago. I was like, "woah! must be a true believer" and I almost start to cry over my life problems and sufferings and all. And I know this too that usually social media doesn't show the reality but sometimes it hurts so much that I tend to see what's really in front of me and not take a deeper look into it. Please help me how should I overcome such negative thoughts and feelings. And what else do I need to get my specific duas accepted in tahajjud? I'm not ungrateful, I am just impatient. How do I master patience? P.s: some of my duas got accepted and I am grateful for it. But negative thoughts just kicks in you know. 💔😢 The devil doesn't take a break.

Assalamualaikum habibty 🥹🥹🥹💗

MashaaaaaAllah such a long multidimensional ask :') where do I start?

First of all, I would like to apologize for the delayed answer, as you may know, the genocide happening right now in Gaza is taking a toll on all of us and our mental health, I am trying my best to deal with my survivor's guilt and find strength to function as normally as possible. Allahu al mustaān.

With that being said, thank you thank you thank you for the kind words, may Allah swt bless you and your momma, and grant her good health and happiness ameeeeeen !! I appreciate your words habibty, Jazaki Allahu kulla khayr 🤍 Sometimes I forget that we have been doing this for a while, and that our posts and answers have helped sisters through different periods of their lives, it helps to be reminded, alhamdullillah 🤍

O Allah swt make me better than what they think of me and forgive me what they don't know about me :')

Now let's talk about your negative thoughts. Those are basically shaytan trying to pull you far from Allah swt and distract you habibty. As we know, shaytan's biggest promise/challenge is to distract the slave of Allah from their worship. So whatever you are focusing on, shaytan will come and try to pull you as far as possible from that. And the harder you stick to that act of worship (in your case duaa and Tahajjud) the harder shaytan will try and fight you. But you have to put in mind one thing: Allahuma barik laki, you are already winning by waking up and praying Tahajjud, you are already winning the Love of Allah swt. Tahajjud is not for everyone, it is only for the brave hearts and the pure hearts, they say that Allah swt invites his beloved slaves for Tahajjud, it is like a superpower, so you should know, waking up for Tahajjud is already unlocking doors for you and taking you up many levels in Jannah in shaa Allah, regardless of whether the duaas are accepted or not. And that is one thing you should be comforted by I hope.

As for duaas being accepted, there are a lot of lectures online by expert shuyookhs and imams who talk about this matter. What they have almost all agreed upon is that making duaas is in itself a beloved act of worship to Allah swt and you'll be rewarded just for that. Then Allah swt has three ways or responses to your duaas: 1) yes, now. 2) yes but not now, later. 3) no that's not good for you but I have something better for you.

And we don't interfere with Allah's timing my dear. All you have to do is ask and leave things in His hands. It is a matter of faith. It is sufficient that you truly believe that Allah swt knows what's best for you and when is the right time to give it to you my dear. You just have to believe that and be at peace with not knowing, and be at peace with waiting. You did mention Sabr, patience, which is crucial in waiting for our duaa response. Prophet Yaqub (as) waiting his whole life for Yusuf (as) to come back to him, he knew in his heart that Allah swt will reunite him with his son, and he never despaired. It took years and years but he never lost hope, or felt frustrated. And that's just one example.

But anyways, if you need to strengthen your chances of your duaas being accepted, you need to start and finish your duaas with sending salaams and prayers upon Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, and you need to ask Allah swt with His specific names, so for example, if you are asking Allah for forgiveness you need to use His names that carry the meaning of forgiveness ( Al Ghaffar, Al Ghafour, Al Ghafir..) and if you are asking for rizq in marriage, ask Him swt by His names Ar-razzaq (the provider/ sustainer), Al-Wadud ( the loving one) .. Al Fatih (the opener).. Al Aleem (The knower of all..) etc.

+ about the topic of rushing after prayer, I do struggle with the same issue sübhanallah, and here is a personal hack that helps me with it. I am a visual person I need visual reminders, so what I would do is make notes on papers, I would write the after-salah adhkar, some duaas, tasbeeh.. and stick them on the wall in my salah corner so when I finish my salah it is right there in front of me I can't skip it. But if you're rushing to go to class then stick to the bare minimum: Ayatul kusee after every fard (obligatory salah) and on your way to class say Sübhanallah x10 Alhamdullillah x10 Allahu akbar x10, and you're all set in shaa Allah 😚 See, Islam is beautifully easy and simple if you want to simplify it. Sübhanallah, our deen is that of ease 🤍

To conclude, I don't want to make this any longer for you, for the negative thoughts keep in mind that it is from shaytan and he is only trying to distract you, whenever you feel like you're slipping into that hole pull back by saying I seek refuge in Allah swt from Shaytan, say la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah x100 a day if you can as well.

I will leave you with this simple but powerful duaa:

Allahuma aenee alaa thikrika wa shukrika wa husni ibadatika : O Allah, help me with remembering you, thanking you, and well-worshipping you.

I, from the bottom of my heart, pray Allah swt grants you ease, relief and comfort habibty. May Allah swt grant your heart its biggest wishes and reward you with an immense joy that makes you burst into tears, soon ya rab ..

Fi Aman Allah my precious one 💗

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

#sisterssafespace

[sisterssafespace]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله❤️

I'm in need of advice from any sisters here who have been through this situation or know how to deal with it🥲

I have a younger sister who's a bit troublesome. She's about 17 years old, and I'm 26 and I'm her oldest sister.

I don't know how to start describing the situation, but she's kind of... extra moody? Which I know is normal for a teenage girl, but that's not exactly what I mean. I mean she only comes to me when she needs me to do something for her. She's selfish and thinks she's always right and loves to argue with everyone. She's even disrespectful towards our parents in a way that I never was when I was her age, I wasn't even allowed to act out in any way.

My parents, especially my mom, I think have grown mellow and don't have it in them to be as strict with her as they were with me, so she gets away with so much.

I try to check up on her whenever I can and I listen to her rant and I do most of the things a big sister should do. I'm in no way shape or form perfect, I'm deeply flawed, may Allah forgive me, but I love my sisters to death and I will always be here to serve and protect them.

My problem is that she doesn't see any of that and thinks she's entitled to everything. It's exhausting, when you try to give her a taste of her own medicine and treat her the way she treats you, she gets upset and gives you the silent treatment. She's snappy and disrespectful and always interrupts you when you're speaking.

I don't know how to form a healthy sisterly relationship with a sister who sees me as an occasionally useful tool and nothing else. I honestly do not believe she loves me. Her actions show that she cares for no one but herself, and you can imagine how painful it is to have a sister like that. Alhamdulillah maybe this is Allah's test for me and I don't want to be discontented or indignant. Alhamdulillah

I'm really sorry to come off as nagging or whiny, I just hope you can give me advice on how to act or change my mindset to be able to deal with her? Because I know I cannot change her, I can only change myself.

May Allah guide my sister, myself, and all of us.🩷

و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته حبيبتي 🤍

Most of the time, older sisters experience significant external and internal pressures, and it's important for us to be mindful of this.

You're clearly making an effort to be close to your sister, but your sister isn't reciprocating. Personally, I believe you shouldn't take it to heart, as this is a common issue in families. As everyone grows older, relationships often strengthen and improve over time.

And if you say that she is disrespectful towards her parents sorry but that says a lot

If I were in your shoes I would make dua and express my feelings of upset, ofc with manners . In some relationships, it's important to communicate when you're upset so that the other person can make efforts or at least know that they are wrong, and be more considerate, especially when it comes to their parents.

On another note, teenage girls tend to form stronger bonds with their friends instead of their family members and confine in them, so I would advise you to check on her circle of friends and see what kind of girls she is around because that's what's influencing her life and her behavior, and if she is befriending the wrong kind of people you should talk to your parents about it and maybe your mom should say something. The bottom line is, you don't have to overburden yourself with this sweetie, even if it feels like it, you are not her parent and you have your own life to deal with. Don't be too strict with her or too demanding, too suffocating maybe because that will backfire and she will pull away from you further. Try to put yourself in her shoes and do not make a big deal out of everything she does. On the contrary , joke with her, lighten up the mood, use words or memes that she uses, like try to speak her language so that forms a bond between you two and bring you closer, but most importantly make her feel safe, make her feel that she can trust you. Hopefully this is just a phase that she needs to go through and in shaa Allah as she grows older you will build a great bond of sisterhood that will be there for this duniyah and in Jannah in shaa Allah!

May Allah swt grant you the wisdom to navigate this and the peace of heart, it is very endearing to find such caring sisters, Allahuma barik!

- With so much love,

@doulunay & A. Z. 🤍🍃

#sisterssafespace #on family

[sisterssafespace]

Salaam my beautiful sister, I wanted to ask this of you please remember me and my beloved in your Duaa’s, we are both planning to speak to our parents and get our nikkah done in sha Allah I would be so grateful if you could make Duaa that Allah allows us to do this and makes it easier for our families to accept this with happiness. I would be so grateful if you could remember us in your Duaa’s that doors open for both of us to get our nikkah done and enter this new chapter together with the blessings of Allah 🤍

I replied to this on @b-lessings but I will reply here too to amplify the duaas in shaa Allah

In shaa Allah this will go the way your heart desires even better than you've ever dreamt of!

May Allah swt ease your affairs and bring you together in a way that pleases Him swt, may Allah swt facilitate your union and put so much barakah in it! May Allah swt, bless your marriage and let it be a means for you to become closer to Allah in love and devotion. Ameen!!

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

#duaa request #sisterssafespace

[sisterssafespace]

Does all the romantic young people with a lovable heart have the parents who hate each other , Talk sh*t about each other's behind their back?? I really wished my parents loved each other TRULY forever... but that's okay because Allah tests souls by the things they love the most. *sobbing rn*

Assalamualaikum my dear,

Listen, I am sure your parents don't " hate " each other, it is just that adult relationships are really complicated, especially if people have been in a lifelong marriage. Sübhanallah, in the sirah of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ we have multiple examples of successful happy marriages but today unfortunately the majority of Muslim families are suffering a broken marriage and parents that are very resentful toward each other. The worst part in all of this is that the sweet romantic kind-hearted children like yourself get traumatized and it does affect their life choices.

I pray that Allah swt grant you and the Muslim girls the loving pious gentle kind-hearted husband like you, when the time is right, who fears Allah, takes good care of you, treasures your heart and treats you lovingly my dear, ameen.

P.s. check the tag #on marriage to see other asks that have talked about similar situations..

- A. Z. 🍃🤍

#sisterssafespace #on marriage #dysfunctional household #toxic family

[sisterssafespace]

🤎- you’re still my favorite and i still love you, albi.🤎

الله يحفظك

May Allah swt love you immensely 🥹 This really means to much to me! And you are still so special to me 🤎

أحبكِ الله و حبب فيكِ جميع خلقه 🤎

استودعك الله الذي لا تضيع ودائعه 🤎

[sisterssafespace]

For the UK sister asking about ADHD screening in the UK:

You have a few options:

1. Speak to your NHS GP, they will likely run a few tests and do a very basic screening. They’ll then put you on a waiting list, this is a good option if you’re unable to afford paying privately BUT unfortunately depending on where you are in the UK the waitlist is LONG. In London I know people who have been on the waiting list for 2-3 year’s minimum. However, it’s definitely worth waiting.

2. If you have the financial means I’d recommend finding a private psychiatrist who can do the assessment and provide you with a diagnosis usually within a week. They can also prescribe medication if necessary.

May Allāh swt make it easy for you 🤍

Jazakum Allahu kulla khayr! I hope she sees this ! 🤍🤍

#UK sisters #ADHD

[sisterssafespace]

Hello sister, i want to do tawba but I'm not sure where to start. I feel like my knowledge about my religion and practices are flawed and sources vary and differ and im confused can you please help me

Assalamualaikum my dear!

It is true that the sources vary and may be confusing at times but sweetie one of the fundamental things that are commonly agreed upon is tawbah, alhamdullillah for that. Some argue that there are three conditions, others argue that there are five. Here is an interesting article where you can find detailed narrations from the Prophet ﷺ on repentance and its conditions, among which the most important is sincerity toward Allah swt, and quitting that one particular sin that you're repenting from. In fact, making tawbah to Allah swt does not necessitate a lot of things, all you have to do is sincerely feel that you regret that sin, and that you want to change for the better! You have to show some self-discipline and be serious about your willingness to start fresh and be closer to Allah swt. You ask Allah swt for forgiveness and then you make sure to prove your sincerity to Him swt by staying away from that sin and close all doors leading to it. Sübhanallah, sinning is part of our humanity. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said that all children of Adam are sinners and the best of sinners are the ones who always repent/ keep repenting. And he also said that "Allah is pleased with the repentance of His slave than anyone of you is pleased with finding his camel which he had lost in the desert.” (Al-Bukhari)

I think the hardest step though is quitting the particular sin or trying to stay away from it, especially if you don't have a supportive environment. And in that case, you need to make duaa to Allah swt to ask Him to give you strength and patience and to help you avoid sinning again. In fact, it is with Allah's mercy and help that we do repent and find our way toward Him swt.

May Allah swt accept from you my dear, and keep you steadfast on His path, ameen.

I would also like to remind you of the duaa that Prophet Adam and our mother Hawa made right after they disobeyed Allah swt and ate from the tree: "رَبَّنَا ظَلَمْنَا أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمْ تَغْفِرْ لَنَا وَتَرْحَمْنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ "

Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers."

And right after that, Allah swt forgave them with His infinite mercy!

May Allah swt forgive us all and bless us with the instinct of repentance, and accept from us, ameen.

- A. Z. 🍃🤍

#on repentance

[sisterssafespace]

Asalamualaykum ❤️ To the beautiful souls that gave me some advice on how i should deal with my impulsiveness i just want to say a big thank you and the biggest virtual hug. I will definitely take on this advice & i pray that Allah makes it easy for me. Ive never actually thought about tested for ADHD bur subhanallah the other day a thought did cross my mind that maybe i have a mental disorder Allahu Alam but i will definitely make sure i find out. Not sure on what steps i should take in order go get tested. Im from the UK so i really need to do some research in sha Allah xx

Wa alaykum assalam beautiful, I pray you are doing well these days!

You can google ADHD test / screening UK and get the address that's closest to you, or you can book an appointment at the closest health center to you. I am pretty sure in the UK even your GP can help, they would either have the test or have connections to recommend for you.

If any sister here is from the UK and has some insight on the matter, please do share. Jazakunna Allahu kulla khayr 🤍

[sisterssafespace]

To the impulsive anon who mentioned compromising their deen out of impulsiveness and missing salah due to procrastinating! I see you and what you’re experiencing is soooo valid and I’ve been there. I’m here to tell you that sometimes it’s more than procrastination or impulsiveness, sometimes both of those are driven by something that’s out of our control … for me it’s ADHD. Before getting diagnosed I was v similar to you and the guilt ate me up. But now that I’ve been diagnosed and I’m on meds, I acknowledge that my ADHD made my impulsiveness and procrastinated sooooo much worse. being on meds has helped so so so much. if you have access to seeing a psychiatrist I’d recommend. You never know, you may also have it and finding out is so validating bc you realise a huge part of your behaviour was heightened by something out of your control. NOT to excuse the behaviour but to realllyyy shift your perspective and understand how to manage these impulses w meds or something else to allow you to become the Muslim you are deep down. It’s ok to ask for help!!!!! Wishing you all the best sis x

Jazaki Allahu kulla khayr!! Thank you for this ! Inshallah she sees it 🥹!

May Allah swt love you immensely and increase your wisdom, ameen ✨

[sisterssafespace]

Asalamualaykum i hope you're well❤️. Once again i did something stupid. So im a very impulsive person tooo impulsive and it is really affect me deen wise. So last year i was attending concerts and other impermissible gatherings where music and alcohol and other drugs is and in those gatherings i would remove my niqab and hijab and wear things i shouldn't all because of my fmo and wanting to fit in with my non Muslim friends. I really cant help it especially when i feel pressured to attend. This year i told myself that i would not attend there was event that just passed it was supposed to be happening on Sunday and i told myself that i wouldn't get the tickets for it and i didn't. But there was event on Saturday and i went the whole of Saturday dodging my impulses to buy the tickets to go but then 2am Sunday morning i got tickets and went to the event (it ended at 5am) i compromised my deen again. My non Muslim friends were at both events and i mostly wanted to go to be with them both events. I am already someone who struggles with low emaan all the time. I dont pray ever because of procrastination and i do have the urge to i really do. The only time i prayed consistently ever was this year Ramadan and 2 months after. I had never felt so close to Allah and my deen than when i was praying consistently. I just feel so lost and that im destined for jahanam and i if carry on likes this there is no hope for me at all. I literally cannot to talk to anyone about this because im afraid of being judged by others and those close to me.

Wa alaykum assalamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu dear,

Sübhanallah you sounded very aware of the situation in your ask. Your words reflected someone who's mature enough and smart enough to know right from wrong. You are also fully aware of the consequences of your actions and that you are - in your own words - compromising your deen. The good thing is that the feeling of guilt or regret that you feel afterwards, the unpleasant feeling that settles in your gut, that actually shows that you have a pure heart, you have a good nature, a good fitrah, you just get carried away and you let shaytan manipulate you sometimes. See if you weren't a good girl and if you didn't love Allah swt, if you had completely gone astray then you wouldn't be feeling this way.

Now, what are you going to do about the situation? I feel like there are 3 major points, all of them have been discussed and mentioned before on this page in previous asks:

1) Do not despair of Allah's mercy. As long as we are still breathing, as long as there is still rooh in us, Allah's door is always open and we can always come back.

2) Recognize the shaytan's traps and stay away from them - close the door that will lead you to relapsing/ sinning

3) Strengthen your Eman with your daily remembrance ( adhkar ) and duaas: you need to shield yourself and protect yourself with reciting your morning and evening adhkar, as you will be asking Allah swt to protect you from all evil, from shaytan, to forgive you, to guide you. Adhkar are a believer's best friend. Once you commit to them you will definitely feel the change in your life even in the smallest details. There are apps that provide these adhkar with translation and the app would even notify you to remind you to recite them.

Listen my dear, you are a smart girl Allahuma barik, all you have to do is not act upon your impulses. And as an impulsive person myself, I know from the experience that the way to control that is to be one step ahead + Taqwa (awareness and consciousness of Allah swt). How? As for being one step ahead or let's call it prevention, you need to clean out your environment just like someone detoxing their body for them not to get sick or someone who's gonna start a diet so they clear out their kitchen and fridge from anything that's unhealthy and might be tempting. Like as a simple example, I would delete that app for the concerts/events.. which is related to point 2. And if the weekend is coming and you can anticipate that your friends will go out and invite you, prepare yourself to say no, practice saying no, or just straight up tell them that you can no longer associate with such environments! Because sweetie at the end of the day, the friends that are going to make you sin and are going to take you away from Allah swt are not your friends. But to be completely honest, I don't blame your friends, at the end of the day they're non-muslims, from their perspective there is nothing wrong with going to these events for them. It is your responsibility to stand up for what you believe and what you represent. I bet it is also very confusing for your friends to see as this Muslim girl who just removes her niqab and hijab ( and her beliefs) for a couple of hours to have fun?? I am so sorry to tell you that it reflects such a bad image of Islam, which is not what we are supposed to represent! I am trying to look for the softest way possible to tell you this but please never do that again! I know you might be wearing the hijab and the niqab for a different reason, maybe it's a cultural thing, maybe it's not your fault you don't understand their value, their meaning and their sacredness, maybe you didn't choose to wear them in the first place but please respect your hijab, and your niqab, please do not violate their sanctity by associating with alcohol and concerts. It is really painful to know you are going through this. I feel like we need to have a long conversation about the meaning of hijab and the reason why Muslim women choose to wear the niqab, about their meaning, about the mothers of the believers, about the sahabiyat who gave their lives for us to be walking around today in our hijabs, and why Islam in one word means to submit to Allah swt and obey His orders.

I don't want to make this too long for you, I just want you to know that I am not judging you, no human being is perfect, no muslim is pious enough or religious enough not to sin and not to make mistakes, we are all sinners in different ways, it is just Allah's mercy and setr that is covering us. But please sweetie, you sound like a mature young lady who can be responsible and can make good choices. So please make the right ones. In Islam Halal is clear and Haram is clear. There are no blurred lines. And if you are old enough to concerts alone and pay for them alone, then you are old enough to make the right decisions.

One last word: whatever you do, do not quit praying, it is the prayer that holds that string between you and Allah swt, it is the prayer that washes away the sins. May Allah swt accept from you.

I am sorry if anything I said came off as harsh. I hesitated for days before I could write this answer because I didn't want to be overly dramatic or come off as brutal 💔 May Allah swt guide us all. I pray that Allah swt forgive me the shortage of my answer. I wrote from the heart, in shaa Allah I managed to write what Allah swt had inspired me to convey. I pray from the bottom of my heart that Allah swt shows you right from wrong and guides your heart, ameen. Please stick to your adhkar, make istighfar as much as you can and send prayers upon Prophet Muhammad ﷺ as well.

Here are a couple of duaas you can recite in your sujud:

رَبَّنَا لَا تُزِغۡ قُلُوبَنَا بَعۡدَ إِذۡ هَدَيۡتَنَا وَهَبۡ لَنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلۡوَهَّابُ

Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us and grant us from Yourself mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestow.

يا مقلب القلوب ثبت قلبي على دينك

Oh turner of the hearts, keep my heart steadfast upon your deen.

La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah 🥺.

- A. Z. 🍃🤍

#sisterssafespace

[sisterssafespace]

Salam sisters!

How are you? hope ur well 😚❤️

I wanted to ask your advice… I used to work with a brother 6 years ago when we were both in our very early 20s. Let’s call him “M”. From the time I worked with him, he possessed great character and

We ended up bumping into each other a few years later briefly at an event and we briefly spoke and caught up (not alone).

At the time I wasn’t very practicing but Alhamdullilah things have changed drastically- I went from not wearing hijab to wearing khimar, abaya and Alhamdullilah following the Qur’aan and sunnah!

I want to stress that aside from working together 6 years ago, we never spoke outside of work and never had each other on any social media etc. He knows I put on the hijab and we since haven’t spoken. I also don’t use any social media aside from tumblr (I don’t count LinkedIn as social)

We recently connected on LinkedIn - I briefly reached out to ask him to share something related to my degree at the time. He shared it, end of conversation.

For some reason, my mother has always loved this brother, although she’s never met him she’s always told me she’d love me to marry him. We’re both Arab so there would be no issues there. She’s encouraged me to find out if he’s available and or interested. The reason being he doesn’t have any social media and so there’s no way for my father or brother to approach on my behalf etc. However, although I know he’s practicing I haven’t spoken to him in so many years that I have no idea what he’s like as a person now.

I’m interested in reconnecting in a halal way to see if there could be compatibility but I fear looking silly and embarrassing myself. Not only that, I have no clue how to even start the conversation and keep it formal but still gauge whether or not he’d be interested in getting to know each other. Bare in mind, there was a short period when it became increasingly clear to me that he was interested in me, nothing outward or inappropriate but I quickly distanced myself.

What so you think?

I think, this is so cute and precious!

Assalamualaikum habibty, may Allah swt bless you immensely. It is very heartwarming to see that sisters out there are being very respectful to their deen and trying to do things the right way! Allahuma barik laki.

I just find it hard to believe that you have nothing on this brother 🫢🫣 like, as girls we are better than the FBI in these stuff 😅 You should have figured him out by now, especially whether he's married or not :')

I genuinely don't know what to tell you, like wouldn't it be possible that he goes to the same masjid as your brother or like they hang out around the same places or have some friends in common? Can't you ask someone from work, from when you used to work together? Can't your mother happen to know an auntie who knows an auntie who knows his mom?

Anyways, I pray you find your answers soon and that Allah swt facilitate for you whatever has khayr for you in it. May Allah swt grant you the pious kind husband who knows how to take care of your heart, whether it is this brother or another. Ameen.

I will post this and ask the sisters who follow, if anyone has any idea, please do share in the replies !!

- A. Z. 🍃🤍

#sisterssafespace

[sisterssafespace]

This is a follow up to the sister who has been denied the brother due to tribe.

I’ve been slacking in my acts of worship and I think it’s a means of Allah drawing me near to Him. It made me much more conscious of Allah and I realised that I should been like this even before! I should always had tawakkul in Him and not only in times of distress, or at times of desire.

I’m in my early twenties and still have just over a year and a half left of University. I hope truly Allah opens my fathers heart, and allows this to be of kheir. I’ve always loved the idea of marriage, and I’ve grown attached to him because of his character. I know the ocean is vast, and thinking this is the end all is limiting Allahs capabilities to one person when Allah is the Most Able!

I loved your advice and your reminder on istighfaar and istikhaarah 💗 Please keep me in your duaas and any miscellaneous advice would be appreciated outside of your beautiful advice.

This reminded me of something Dr. Sh. Haifaa Younis said " what you give Allah swt in your times of ease will come and find you in your times of distress", like yes, we don't only make duaa and seek Allah's help when we are in trouble, even in times of peace. Alhamdullillah.

Sweetie, may Allah swt increase your wisdom, and widen your bassirah. May Allah swt fill your heart with patience and calmness to be able to navigate this trial. May Allah swt grant you the pious husband who deserves your heart. Ameen.

Keep sending updates!

- A. Z. 🍃🤍

#sisterssafespace #follow up

[sisterssafespace]

Salam Sister I'm a teenager and someday I'll become an adult and then I'll get married... *sigh* . I mean like I'm really a romantic person and I feel like I'll really love my partner the best way possible and we'll have a happy and peaceful life .

But sometimes it's sooo hard to think like broooo I'll get MARRIED!??? It makes me feel so scared😭 because you know what .. each and every married couples I see here makes me feel like I shouldn't everrrr get married I mean they're so unhappy and regretfull :(

And one hope I have is that love marriages are more healthy and happy but....sadly my parents had a love marriage and they're not happy :(( they always fight and say that they were so unlucky that they married each other.. so here again I get scared 😭 there are soo many unhealthy relationships here it feel like they just married each other for passing over the generation and nothing else... what about understanding each other?? , actually feeling happy and loved by each other? , making life romantic?? , writing letters for each other?? , cooking together? , going on vacations? , buying flowers? , softly and kindly talking to each other???? Where are theseee....

And arrange marriages here are super toxic ... and veryyyyyy sadlyyyy I feel like my parents will get Me arranged marriage. 😭 even tho my mom said to me and my siblings that tell me if you love someone..

But nah bro I can't... it's so shameful to say that as being a girl ;(

What do you think Are arrange marriages better or love ones?

Yet .... I STILL have 🤏 this much hope for love marriage

But zero hopes for arrange marriages .

Wa alaykum assalamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu beautiful!!

Can I just say you're so cute ? 🙈🙈🙈

Listen sweetie, your concerns are very valid, you're not the only one havine these thoughts and worrying about a love marriage turning catastrophic later. A lot of sisters have shared similar asks before and we did talk about this on here a lot. And yes you are right, the image that we have for marriage today is not a happy one, especially for girls who experience it first hand being raised in an unhappy marriage where the parents are constantly fighting, hurting each other and their kids.

Sübhanallah, marriage one of - if not - the core institutions in Islam. And Allah swt details in the Quran the rules and the principles of a happy healthy successful marriage, as does the sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. But the farther people stray from deen, the more this materialistic world gets between the couple, the worse the outcome. If people just went back to basics and understood what it really means to ve married in Islam, what are the rights and the duties of a husband and a wife in Islam, things would have been way better. However, this could also be due to lack of knowledge. I don't know about other cultures, but in mine for example, we don't get courses pre-marriage. I wish there was a type of training or a course at the masjid or with the local Imam, someone who knows fiqh and shaiaa and who is an expert in this field to teach us all about marriage in Islam, and how to have a healthy husband-wife relationship filled with affection and mercy, which will please Allah swt. Indeed, Islam places a paramount importance on marriage and family life to the point that Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said " the best of you is the best to his family(/wife) ". He didn't say the best of you is the one who prays more or fasts more or goes to Hajj every year or something.. If you really look into Islam you will find that it has awarded romance, kindness and gentleness between a husband and a wife in a very special way! One of the simplest examples that comes to mind is that if a man feeds his wife with his hand that counts as an act of charity! Now that is a real happy healthy marriage that our religion promoted, and not what we see today, unfortunately.

So, my point is, everyone's marriage experience is different. And I know your parents' experience will have to affect you, but once you get older, more mature, more self-conscious, you need to take responsibility for your own vision and perspective on life and you need to distance yourself from the environment you grew up in, and build up your own hopes, plans, expectations.. I am not saying you as in you, but as in everyone.

And tbh, marriage is a lot of work, it is not luck, it is not love, it is not random, it is a job. You have to wake up everyday and do the work, it is that one lifelong job that offers you no breaks, no vacations, no sick leaves, and no retirements. But when you're working along side someone you love, when you feel appreciated, rewarded, validated and seen, then it would be the best job of your life! You'd wanna do it everyday, forever.

Now, as for your question, love marriage or arranged marriage, I would honestly say it really doesn't matter. There is no science that would say " love marriages are more successful" or " arranged marriages are doomed to failure". In fact, it is not the nature of the marriage that matters, it is the person you're marrying. And as long as the process of getting to know that person is kept halal, then in shaa Allah, Allah swt will put barakah in that union. Islam does acknowledge love marriage as Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said " I have not seen anything better for lovers than nikah ", and meanwhile, even in arranged marriages liking the other person " al qaboul " as in seeing them and accepting them, feeling okay and comfortable with them, is a must. If there is no qabool, if you didn't feel comfortable around that person then you shouldn't go through with it. So it is not about how you're getting married, it's about whom you're marrying.

BUT !!!!!! For now, I'd like you to not worry about these things, I think you have more important things to put your energy in, like studying hard and doing your best being a good Muslimah and a good daughter. Put your trust in Allah swt habibty and be sure that Allah swt has nothing but khayr stored for you 🥰🤍

I pray Allah swt keep you steadfast on His path and shower you and your loved ones with blessings.

Fi Aman Allah,

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

#sisterssafespace #on marriage

[sisterssafespace]

Asalamualaykum i pray you're well❤️. Ive been really struggling to distance myself from my non Muslim friends and cut ties from them. When i am around them it really affects my eeman and to them im the friend that is always available and easily accessible. I do have Muslim friends but its is hard to see them as often as my non Muslim friends. I also do spend a lot of time alone but i try not to spend to much time alone because i dont want to fall into sin. If im being honest i also have this issue with alot of my non Practising Muslim family. I struggle to say "no" to them all. Could really do with some advice on how to deal with these situations 🥺. May Allah reward you and keep you steadfast❤️.

Wa alaykum assalamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu sweetie,

Your ask was very earnest Allahuma barik, it always warms my heart to get such asks from sisters who are trying to become a better Muslimah, are curious, eager to learn, May Allah set bless you immensely ✨

However, I felt a little out of my depth here because I was born and raised in a Muslim-majority country so I did not have similar experiences, that is why I asked the opinion of my sisters and I got you a great answer. I just want to say one thing before I let you know what she said. I, honestly, don't think you should completely cut ties with your non-muslim friends, you should definitely not associate with their non-halal activities like if they are free mixing, going to parties, going somewhere where there is drinking and stuff, skipping your prayers to hang out with them, that's absolutely a no, without having to compromise for anyone. But being or becoming a Muslim does not mean you delete their number or block them or stop having conversations with them. On the contrary, now you have a mission to get them to know real Islam through you, through your kindness, your truthfulness, your generosity, your humbleness, your modesty, your smile, good manners and good character. You may inspire one or some of them to want to learn more about our beautiful religion and challenge their prejudice on Islam. If you just cut ties with them, you might as well reinforce those prejudices. Islam is not a religion of narrow-mindenedss and discrimination. It is the total opposite. Islam promotes tolerance and acceptance, and you should show them that 🤍.

Now that was my humble opinion and I will leave you with the brilliant and sweet answer of one of my favorite sisters:

" I think it's actually mature to embrace the current situation and work on personal growth while keeping those connections alive with her Muslim buddies, even if it's all happening online.

Obv her non-muslim friends have also a place in her life, and I think she is dealing with it well, but I can imagine the struggle... It is not easy at all for many people, considering us being social creatures.

I've got a hunch that sooner or later, she's going to find herself surrounded by the awesome company and friendship she's seeking. I mean, she's out there building this amazing character and placing religion and good character right at the top of her checklist for friends and this will make her very selective and in the future will bless her with people like her 🤷‍♀️

But for now, let's just roll with what's available and make the best out of it. Try to stay connected with friends despite the miles between them, working on yourself, engaging with her non-muslim friends as well, why not, if it doesn't damage her!

It actually good that she actually has some muslim friends, despite them being far from her, i think she can live out of their blessings, as we girls do "

*****

I pray Allah swt resolve your dilemma and grant you good pious religious friends that you can feel connected to and comfortable with my dear, I pray He rewards you immensely and bring you closer to Him, ameen.

I entrust you to Allah,

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

#sisterssafespace

[sisterssafespace]

My life would be so much easier if I can just reply to the asks with audios instead of texts 🥲. Wouldn't that be great?

- A. Z. 🤍🍃

#poll #sisterssafespace