siirkaian

[siirkaian]

............... Speaking of the fucking story writing itself. Fuck off istfg

"VortesKa- is such a weird name" I've been thinking for a decade. "It sounds like Vortex but that's all I can think of and I have absolutely no links to those" I created VortesKa- in fucking... 2011? Stopped using him (her at the time) in like. 2012. 2013. The name just Felt Right, like Ka-RahjKa- felt right for someone I'd later know as a king (raja), Rudra; ZervaiKa- for someone I'd later know as Leviathan, a word that almost exactly rhymes with that name; insert all other shit here. Of course VortesKa- references vortexes

I fucking.... Sorry to bring too much misc context to this blog tonight, but I was fucking with [Joseph] in the Astral the other night trying to rediscover myself by letting me show myself who I am and I ended up becoming a giant fucking whirlpool that sucked him in. It was like. Extremely important self revelations. I didn't even understand why, but it makes sense if I stop and think that I've been calling myself a gateway that rewrites things and he's been calling me an Ocean. This is also happening when he gives me a name starting with V, Vahana.

I'd briefly talked to him about VortesKa- maybe coming back before this happened, uh. Yeah. Fucking anyway. I named myself Vortex over ten years ago and didn't know why, and when I decide to take control of the story again I re-introduce VortesKa-, and when I re-introduce VortesKa- I get Vortex revelations, and when I want to make VortesKa- a scribe I figure out my rewriting and writing of reality expresses itself in a fucking vortex.

#This story is literally all this. Earth side? Trauma madd shit. The story itself tho... Is all just. it's. #It's dreaming lmfao. It's dreaming itself. #........ Why am I shocked when I'm writing this alongside a god of dreaming/fiction/consciousness/etc #Ramblings // #WAIT. A FUCKING VORTEX IS OF WATER OR AIR. THE FUCKING SYNONYMITY OF THE SKY-ABYSS. I'm sitting here like why Vortex #Not Whirlpool. VORTEXES ARE...... FUCKING. MORE ACCURATE.

[siirkaian]

Anyway. With the context that Joseph's story currently ends with him killing his abusive now-ex (and it's fucking tragic bc my MADD world was thousands of hours spent watching those two as the Perfect Couple, they were my Parents when I'm a "terrified of family" schizotypal)... I was talking to [person Joseph is based off and who roleplays him occasionally] about bringing back VortesKa-, who was originally the third in the trinity of Siirka and RahjKa- like... Literally in 2011 or some shit. They were a sona before I stopped... existing in my MADD world lmfao

I was talking about bringing him back and making a whole new chapter. A new ending, not daydreamed but consciously roleplayed, written, whatever. A healing relationship between the two of them... Idk. There's so much tragedy irl and in universe and I don't think I can actually write the Earth half of the story if I don't pull out VortesKa- again or at the very least just give Joseph a fucking way out (of tragedy, of the spiralling into non-existence, of my HEAD)

I think it'd be cool. Siirkaia is a weird story in that it is alive, it's channelled, it's based on people I know including before I met them this life, it shifts under it's own skin, it talks about itself, it writes itself before it's written... I want VortesKa- to be a scribe god and given that Siirkaia is.... very... it twists and turns in on itself lmfao. Meeting the Writer NOT in a fourth wall breaking way but in a "this story is literally a reflection of how actual irl complex spiritual stuff works" way... Really fits the ending complexity levels. Like Joseph's freedom.... The whooooole Siirkaia plot line plays out, then focus moves to earth, then it's both planes as they collide, then Joseph's freedom sparks the Ending Plot of the stories where Deus comes in and starts turning people into wire frames and animating them and programming them on screens and writing shit.... Yeah. Idk I think introducing the Writer Of The Stories But Not A Fourth Wall Break is a fitting thing to put in just before Deus lmfao

#Ramblings // #Plot

[siirkaian]

para

and you'll never get to tell him

#actually while I can look at this without being hit with gut wrenching frothing storming ocean of suicide-inducing grief #because oh my god living hours and hours a day in an imaginary world to the point it blurs with your psychosis so your brain registers #paras as real and your real family so every time you realise they're not accessible int he world you have to go through the horrific #grief of your loved ones vanishing and effectively dying bc youll never see them again... While in the middle of a psychotic episode....... #Have this! #This whole fucking story is built on a decade long maladaptive daydream that spiralled out of control about two years in and then kept going #- sorry. This picture was drawn/made by the one single person who understands these people and who roleplayed as this character #and he visits me in dreams sometimes as him and it's just. gut wrenching but it helps me heal and this piece is a uh #a coinciding of our grief. and. it's. Joseph drawing himself but also it's the pain and terror and grief of never being able to touch your #family and knowing you're the only one keeping their memory alive because no one else remembers. the world forgot. ANYWAY #THIS PIECE IS JUST. going. To do this to me. And I'll reblog it and I'll go back to reality and normality but for now... #This is an anchor of endless cycles of loss and it is also a cornerstone of Siirkaia. Even if I wrote the story no one would ever #ever experience what I see and experience when joseph and henry are On Screen #Joseph #Earth #Siirkaia is a story about responding to trauma. Ironically Siirkaia was born as a response to trauma as it happened and I wouldn't #understand I experienced trauma until... Like................. 13 years after I started creating it #Granted the trauma didn't start 13 years ago it was about... Oh no I mean. Yeah I guess it was

[siirkaian]

I DIDNT UPLOAD THIS????

#joseph #ace #my art

[siirkaian]

The inherent homoeroticism of killing your enemy and immediately regretting it

#FUNNY AF PIC but oh my fucking god. #Siirka - Uren - Rahjka in a fucked up extremely toxic relationship bc they're the only gods that exist so they don't relate to anyone #else. They are like. The only ones that are close to understanding each other. Siirka is extremely abusive a la Being the embodiment of #evil. Uren is extremely submissive but a really interesting person. Rahj is just.... Him and Siirka have known each other since #before everything so he grew up with just the worst shit imaginable. Anyway. Siirka as evil very abusive extremely violent #with everyone. There's been four? times up to this point that Siirka has gotten so enraged with his abusive he's actually killed uren with #it. And like the first time he beheaded uren completely unintending but bc he's so fucking vindictive #even when homicidally (not murderous) blacked out he still goes for beheading to drive home the I Own You #But uren is brought back by Siirka. Rahj... Being a god of death... Could not do that.... #So when shit goes south rahj says I can't take this anymore. Now that we rule a population I see what the fuck you're doing bc theyre #a new sense of normality... He ends up in a war w Siirka and Uren is extremely dependent and serves Siirka but Siirka gets killed #(effectively). Uren and rahj end up in a vicious fight to the death and all the fucking rage comes out. All the jealousy from being #polygamous w Siirka when he actually loved uren and the rivalry of their entire relationship having to be the best servant to Siirka #and choosing sides in the war and and and but it's Love and it's Want and it's so aggressive because it's a mutual fight but #rahj gets the upper hand and. Beheads uren like he'd seen Siirka do. And there's no Siirka to bring him back #SO ANYWAY THAT DESCENT INTO MADNESS POST WAR THAT ends up in all their population being wiped out into the Red Desert... #The desert that's ground up bodies... It wasn't Siirka like Stardust blames it on lmfao it was eventually rahjka losing his mind killing the #last person like him in the way that is not just taking on the cycle of abuse but using it as a crown. His people now! Whoops! #Which eventually butterfly effects itself into rahj refusing to help anyone bc he can't tell the difference between his love and his #hatred. Despite the fact that his relationship w Siirka was constant gaslighting and exposure to extreme violence as ''love'' #Anyway. Yeah god its a theme #Scenes #rahjka #Uren

[siirkaian]

death's good dog

#Ace

[siirkaian]

#RahjKa

[siirkaian]

#Mindwalking #Crystal

[siirkaian]

The Southern Alps, New Zealand [OC] [2500x1406] - Author: dcowboy31 on Reddit

#God this looks so much like what Stardust's home looks like in my head. From that one dream one time #Stardust #Highest demos

[siirkaian]

the bitch

#I NEVER PUT HIM HERE!!! #ACE

[siirkaian]

this was supposed to just be me being like oooo i can play with possession in siirkaia but it turned into a siirkaia post so it goes here

God so Siirkaia is a story that's supposed to be like.... Very normal human levels of violence are the standard for them too. Losing a tooth is painful af and requires a lot of rest to heal, it's not a shounen anime

The main form of conflict in place of violence is mindwalking, which is equivalent to mindspace stuff in reality where the main character enters into the minds of people and they appear as complex places like... Well. Not even globally true. Every mind is unique. Some people don't have Places in there... But mostly uh. People who daydream have their daydream worlds, people who pay a lot of attention to their surroundings or those in charge of strategising for war are going to have very realistic layouts of places as opposed to dreamlike and nonsensical, but also just in general the concrete stuff in any is just a part of the whole experience. There's large swathes of symbolic stuff and weird entities equivalent to what you find in dreams and old family members and weird things like scary dead animals the person found as a kid or whatever. and ways they see themselves and each other directly influence their defences or lack thereof like... If the person whose minds being walked in views their mother as insanely protective she's probably going to show up as a violent protector, if they have intrusive thoughts they're going to be enacted on the mindwalker while the person being walked in is forced to watch, if they're disorganised and hostile their mindspace is going to be constricting and violent land, etc. But also even if someone's an enemy, if they're secretly meek and scared but put on an act of being a soldier their mind is really easy to traverse, if people are angry but theyre protective of their family bc they think their family is so loving and kind and open that they deserve to be protected, it might be a case that when you mindwalk into their mind you're not in danger because what actually greets you is their loving family in their cozy home. It's never random though, like even in that last case that would happen because the only reason that soldier is a soldier is because they feel the war they're in is an unavoidable afront to the peace of the land which they hold as mor important than themselves, or one of those family members died in war and they want to take that place of soldier bc that family is everything to them, etc

But I just fucking realiseeeeeed. The main person who's doing this mindwalking is Barren (and then their thematic counterpart is Crystal who works for the antagonists) and I know they're already going to have to be improving throughout the story, their ability to see and navigate minds has to increase. Barren was kicked out of the antagonists cult specifically for not being good enough, replaced by Crystal who is so obsessive and has nothing other than the cult so they work obsessively for them and is just. Like. Naturally really fuckin talented with this stuff, really spends all their energy trying to impress people who can't be impressed and so doesn't realise that they're way more impressive at this stuff than they should be bc they've never been recognised... And so Barren needs to get better bc this threat is there. Crystal is better than the antagonists themselves and is the actual threat hence why they're used by the cult so Barren needs to actually be good at this

But like. I just fucking realised. The next logical step is Barren learning how to possess people?? AND I'M LIKE. GOD THAT IS SO FUN

THE most fucking fun and fascinating shit about IRL spirit work with possessing spirits and having them possess you is getting to see into their mind and their workings. You start experiencing reality in ways that you've never experienced before, like seeing things in a new set of colours. You get fearful reactions to things you have no reason to be afraid of, you get their intrusive thoughts, you experience feelings and reactions towards people you don't have... You get to see the world through someone else's eyes... Which means when they're seeing fucked up shit and having bad times you see that too

To have Barren work so hard on mindwalking and manipulating people's minds that eventually they start waking up slowly in people's bodies outside the mindspace bc they're so in tune with the people that... Their bodies start reacting to them.... Is fascinating. But especially bc the story is about trauma and dealing with it. Because like. Entering into the fucking antagonists minds towards the end and experiencing disgusting shit like suddenly being attracted to people you shouldn't be attracted to and wanting to torture and abuse and actually seeing the process of your ex-cult leader ex-abusers mind... Actually experiencing the fucked up abusive lust towards you and want to hurt you and force you into submission in your own mind, suddenly being unable to separate yourself from him - especially because while Crystal is good he also knows what he's doing and when you're in someone's mind and controlling them, you open the gate to them turning that around on to you - and also.... Since the story is chiefly about trauma and healing they spent all this time in the story learning that they were abused and that the people they idolised in the cult didn't care about them at all, and they're learning to heal from that trauma... To go from that to then actually feeling that face-to-face and seeing it mask off coursing through your own mind and having to go through the event of experiencing it while being so intimately close to them that your bodies are overlapping.... While having to call upon everything you've learned so far to finish the job and find some way to end what they're doing............... And then realising (because it's a plot point that antagonist 2 that outlives his partner antagonist 1 plays dumb and boohoo poor me while actually being dangerous as fuck) that holy shit, no, he's been lying the whole time, and Barrens realising this because he waited til Barren walked into his mind to then try and possess Barren..... Actually realising that this entire time Antagonist 2 has been trying to groom vessels for him and the god he idolises to possess so he can live vicariously through someone who actually has talent and skills..... Chilling. I love it.

#lore #storyline #barren #antagonists

[siirkaian]

Great Sand Dunes NP, CO [OC] [1920x1277] - Author: shadowfaxG on Reddit

#Desert #Aes #Reblogs

[siirkaian]

I fucking just remembered that in the repeating trinities, where the same symbolism echoes in the world but in different forms/ways, Uren is equivalent to the main character BARREN who has been NAMED THAT FOR YEARS AND I NEVER KNEW WHY. They were equivalent BC they're both dependent and trusting and very Freeze out of the fight/flight/freeze reaction, BUT THE MYSTERY OF WHY BARREN WOULD BE CALLED BARREN...... IF THEYRE A REFLECTION OF THE PERSON WHO BIRTHED ALL THE DEMOS.............

Me: wouldn't it be a fun ole plottwist if UrenKa- was Life to RahjKa- as Death haha. Bc I've associated Uren with the Seed of Life symbol for ages and never understood why -

Me: wait. Is that why I never felt right calling Siirka Life, only as Chaos? Even when hes considered the creator god? Because Uren is Life??

Me: That would explain HOW the Demos were created, unoriginally/uncreatively, because Siirka got Uren to create them?? To BIRTH them hence the Seed of Life as the symbol of splitting the egg??

Me: WHICH WOULD EXPLAIN WHY THEYRE MARRIED?????????????? Siirka who only cares about himself and control - who needs to control Death (one of two partners) bc he can think for himself and only spares Siirka BC he's in love, but Uren (other partner) is completely harmless so why would Siirka marry him to control him unless.............. He had something irreplaceable in Siirka's plans???

Me: wow damn who wrote this awful Fuck Over This One Character Uren Simulator

#Barren in universe got their name from the fucked up antags so I wouldn't be surprised if it was a literal insult #Especially since Barren I only figured out a year or so ago is a reflection of my relationship with spirituality while with my ex. Who. One #Of said antags is based off and I'm 99% sure I'm infertile irl and my ex wanted kids #Jesus christ how is this lining up #CHANNELLING INFORMATION BE LIKE #Uren #Siirka #Barren

[siirkaian]

Me: wouldn't it be a fun ole plottwist if UrenKa- was Life to RahjKa- as Death haha. Bc I've associated Uren with the Seed of Life symbol for ages and never understood why -

Me: wait. Is that why I never felt right calling Siirka Life, only as Chaos? Even when hes considered the creator god? Because Uren is Life??

Me: That would explain HOW the Demos were created, unoriginally/uncreatively, because Siirka got Uren to create them?? To BIRTH them hence the Seed of Life as the symbol of splitting the egg??

Me: WHICH WOULD EXPLAIN WHY THEYRE MARRIED?????????????? Siirka who only cares about himself and control - who needs to control Death (one of two partners) bc he can think for himself and only spares Siirka BC he's in love, but Uren (other partner) is completely harmless so why would Siirka marry him to control him unless.............. He had something irreplaceable in Siirka's plans???

Me: wow damn who wrote this awful Fuck Over This One Character Uren Simulator

#Holy SHIT #Usual fucking reminder I've literally just made most of this by thinking about what feels Right for the characters to do without #actually giving logic like this so seeing it all add up is FUCKING WEIRD #Uren #Siirka

[siirkaian]

HEAVY cw for abuse, domestic (altho fantasy based) abuse, and very specifically abuse of a nonverbal autistic person

Thinking about Uren like. I always KNEW he was heavily abused by Siirka but like. I've had a feeling for a long while now he's naturally nonverbal but.... You don't get that appearing in the Siirkaia universe (only in his human form on the earth universe) and its like........ Its fucked up bc the huge ending (there's more after it but for sooooo long this is where I haven't been able to decide what happens next) is Uren screaming in pain as his huge buried alive body is forcibly possessed and dug up by Siirka to do siirkas dirty work bc siirka can't Physically reach this planet anymore but Uren's body is still....... Buried alive for millennia...... Alive...... Usably...... and like.......... I had the idea that the one main antagonist left standing at this point has a pair of earmuffs he stole from Earth bc he knew when his plan succeeded that Uren would be..... In..... A lot of pain........ And Main Antag doesn't give a shit. And I realised oh shit, which is fucked up BC Main Antagonist idolises Siirka and one of the oldest facts about the world ( not in universe old, as in this story was created in 2011 and this Fact came from not long after) is that Siirka created the people of Siirkaia SPECIFICALLY bc he loved the way humans SCREAM and wanted to copy humans and create a subservient race to fear him which is like. OK cool! Makes perfect sense that Main Antagonist, trying to take after/idolising the Fucked Up Bitch Siirka would be like. I know Uren's going to be in excruciating pain when this happens so let me prepare for it when we bring back...... The god who created us all to hear screaming. Makes too much sense he'd make a joke out of it by getting earmuffs

But like. On top of that. The fact that Uren talks in the main storyline of Siirkaia millennia after Siirka got yeeted is bad enough like.... Wow Siirka forcing a nonverbal lover to talk? Fucked up! BC the Main Protagonist enters his mindspace and he talks to them so hes obviously been so conditioned into doing it (I could take out this talking, but I don't want to BC.... Uren here is like extremely eerie BC he's an alien and made of five bodies with melting faces, I don't want to bring in the fact that as a human he's nonverbal autistic into that BC even tho I'm also autistic....... I don't want to associate Nonverbal with Eerie so. Therefore in lore the impact of siirkas torment remains)

Anyway then I fucking realised. That. His fucking role back in Siirkas reign..... He was called Law when Siirka was called Chaos and fucking...... He was ALSO called the MOUTH of Siirka/Chaos BC he spoke for Siirka and enforced all his stupid arbitrary and quickly changing rules (Siirkas a force of chaos constantly changing his mind and emotions). That means a) makes sense with Siirka possessing him to enforce and enact violence on the world at the end of the story through his hands BC its apparently happened in the past and. B) Oh so Siirka literally forced his nonverbal partner to SPEAK for him. As his ROLE. I don't know how I keep accidentally writing Siirka really accurately as the most fucked up piece of shit to exist and how shit keeps lining up (yes I do)(this is just a bunch of detached and singular scenes based on real people so it all loops back to accurately represent them) but holy shit

Me writing this ten minutes ago: damn fucked up

Me now: so actually, if both Moonshine and Uren look so much like Siirka (who mostly is attracted to himself, characterised by white skin white hair and green eyes where Uren and Moonshine both have very similar looks) why is Siirka only after Uren? Oh because Moonshine in human form is Indian and Uren looks exactly like Siirka ah yeah. Bastard literally would be racist enough to be like oh... I don't like your human form it's the deal breaker here OH AND FUCKING MAKES SENSE THAT HIS OTHER PARTNER IS LIGHT SKINNED INDIAN SO IT MAKES DOUBLE SENSE HE ONLY LIKES LIGHT SKIN LIKE HIS anyway that's enough fucked up for the next month

Me now:

Me now: oh so is the reason the Demos are terrified of white hair and green eyes because Siirka forces UREN who LOOKS LIKE him to interact with the Demos and when people are possessed they have their possessor's EYES? So Siirka forces the public to be terrified not just of him but his abused coerced partner too by directly making them associate Siirka's characteristics with Uren? A LITERAL VISUAL PARALLEL TO WHAT HE'S DOING IN ACTIONS? Damn that's fucked up

#I love the song playing in the bg that reminds me of the two people the bad guys of this story are based on. #Me: this isn't a story about trauma this is a story about getting OVER trauma #Me: oh fuck guess I better show some of the events to explain the story BC the whole story is built by an abusive POS #and you kinda can't have back story without abuse then #Me: damn this trauma sure is traumatic #I fuckin.... I don't LIKE stories with heavy stuff like this in them but like...... I. I shouldn't be surprised it all lines up bc #As I said. It's all based on real people and events so of course there's underlying consistency. It's built on it #But I look at Siirka and I'm like...... Holy shit I didn't even MEAN to flesh you out in this way #I didn't MEAN to flesh out Uren like this. He's partially based on my issues with dependency on people and I had no clue until a year or #two ago BC. I didn't realise the extent of my dependency issues so I didn't see it. So the fact that he's so...... Consistent in lore #Is like. WOAH. where the FUCK did this puzzle of a story come out of #Uren #Siirka #Lore

[siirkaian]

a charming and loving english teacher (the most evil god in the universe incarnated) meets a loveable and goofy biology teacher (the reincarnation of a god of death following his ex, said evil god, across several universes to stop him bringing his true form into the world). they fall in love (gaslighting and manipulation are an evil way to make someone love you)

#the middle section is a sketch of the death god trying to kill him after everything lmfao #o'sullivan #joseph #earth #my art #siirka #rahjka

[siirkaian]

Great Sand Dunes National Park, at sunset on 9/18/21. OC. [800 x 1200] - Author: Syrah_volution on reddit

#Places #Reblogs