side-effect-alien

[side-effect-alien]

As I've never been in love before (not the body, just as in myself as an individual) I have no clue what my sexuality is

Am I stroot.. a lezbien... pen...

#genuinely no clue #I've never been attracted to anyone yet fantasize about it at the same time #identity journey #alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

Thanks to everyone who voted!! 🩷💚🩷💚

I'm not sure what my name should be. Not like my blog name but my actual name as a headmate

I thought I was set on something but now I'm not so sure. I just know I want a name based off of a renaissance artist like the rest of my family + one that starts with the letter A. I've narrowed it down to 3 options but I'm not sure which one to pick

I made a poll for anyone who wants to help me choose!

#system stuff #reblog #self rb

[side-effect-alien]

Making silly minicomics at early morning is my passioOon 🐀

#reblog #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #fanart

[side-effect-alien]

Welcome back to keeping A out of the kitchen:

I tried to cut a delicious pizza and it ended up looking like this

Just throw me in the garbage this is a sin that cannot be rectified

#alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

Why did it sound like Donnie wrote that last post LMAO

#the entire vibe of the post just screamed Donnie #boy get off my blog /j #family stuff #system stuff #alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

"Do you have a favorite uncle?"

Pshhh nooo... of course not.... I'd never stoop so low

#I say with much conviction #family stuff #alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

Alright fellas you know what time it is. Time for me attempt to sleep only to wake up again at 4 am 👍

#I should have been asleep awhile ago tbh #I mean it's not suuuuuuuper late but I'm a giant baby who sleeps at like 9pm-10pm #mimimi time #alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

There will be times where I'll only interact with people from one of my side blogs and then out of nowhere that person person follows my primary blog that's completely empty

And I'm just like "HOW DID YOU SNIFF ME OUT???"

When in reality it's really easy because I'll like something on my primary blog and then reblog it to a side blog in a millisecond 😭

#it's happened only a few times #when moots start following my main blog despite interacting with me only on my side blogs it's like we have a secret message #like “yeah I'm liking your posts dwbi you know who I am 🩷” #it's okay I've done the same right back #alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

Self-doubt

Sometimes we wonder if starting our blogs were good ideas. Maybe we're just faking or flat out wrong about being a system and all of this is just gonna fall apart in the end. We wanted to make separate blogs to organize our thoughts, but now were wondering if it was a bad idea. Are we just attention seeking? Perhaps what we thought was DID/OSDD was just our possible bipolar/shizoaffective-bipolar type disorder. Maybe we're just thinking too much into it

If we're so sure about being a system we should want to get tested, right? Then why are we so scared? What's there to be afraid of? Why are we so scared of being told "you're wrong"?

Even when countless people have told us "things about you make so much more sense" when we came out as a system it's still not enough. We still worry that we're just faking it

Why?

#tw fakeclaiming #just some.. thoughts we've been having #vent #vent art #system stuff #my art #alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

Tbh I'm not even 100% sure who I am rn but I'm just posting on this account still because our sys one is shadow banned 💀

#Like I MIGHT still be A #I'm just not 100% sure #my entire being just feels... funky... #and I feel a little older than usual #maybe I'm just blurry who knows #I sure don't! #system stuff #alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

My favorite example of 2003 splinter 100% making up stuff as he goes

#LMAO #reblog #tmnt #tmnt 2003

[side-effect-alien]

Oh god my therapist and psychiatrist are communicating now help

#I'm SCARED #system stuff #alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

Secret third option: sweet and savory with pizza and PB&J sandwiches

Ohhh to eat something sweet or savory for lunch..

I could either be a child and eat sugary cereal and a PB&J

Or be a ninja turtle and make a pizza (despite ordering pizza for dinner tomorrow)

Why must I be forced into this dilemma

#do I need all that food? Hell no #but it sounds fun doesn't it? #alien speaks #self rb #reblog

[side-effect-alien]

Ohhh to eat something sweet or savory for lunch..

I could either be a child and eat sugary cereal and a PB&J

Or be a ninja turtle and make a pizza (despite ordering pizza for dinner tomorrow)

Why must I be forced into this dilemma

#alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

Me rn

#alien speaks #system stuff

[side-effect-alien]

Dude what was that appointment 💀

I gave her the paper Leo wrote, she looked at it with her head on her hand like she was bored, asked some basic questions, and then said she's gonna contact my therapist 😭

She barely said anything I could not tell what she was thinking

#I cannot tell if the appointment went bad or not #like ma'am please I'm already anxious enough why are you doing this 😭 #I've tried to bring up my dissociation issues in the past and she just brushed me off at the time #well not ME specifically but you know.. us #so I'm really hoping she doesn't do that again #aghhhhhhh #system stuff #alien speaks

[side-effect-alien]

I can't stop thinking "oh god what if I'm faking what if it's all in my head maybe I'm not a system at all this is so stupid how did I even come to that conclusion"

I am NOT prepared for this appointment what's happening to me

#I DON'T FEEL LIKE MYSELF #I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS ANXIOUS #<- says the person with an anxiety disorder #I'm losing my marbles #system stuff #alien speaks