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Anita
I don’t think our story is over yet, however it ends. I’ve been feeling so very lonely, and today just reminded me of my past life. I have nobody to talk to about my depression (and I’ve only got one person to talk to in general as it is). As much as I have improved, it’s still fucking there and it’s still looking down on me waiting to slip up so that it can cram itself back inside of me. You were always wonderful at making me feel better. I just can’t talk to you right now (I debate this occasionally). It really sucks, but I’m happy that we’ve been able to click back together again whenever we talk, and I know we’ll talk again eventually. You just get me. I hope your time alone goes well, and I’m really curious about the show you’re talking about (if you could slip the name of the show into a post that would be great)
I’m working at a jack in the box with K and her sisters now and it’s interesting; i haven’t decided if I hate it yet but I think I might. Working has definitely strengthened my depression, but it’s also allowed for me to grow a bunch.
I also talked to Kathy earlier this week. She’s religious now (baha'i) and I think she’s happy. Talking with her really just brought me back to being at uní. Sometimes I just want to go back to those days, to the left of the theater in our little group. My emotions were more unstable back then, but goddamn do I miss those days when I’m feeling like this.
I was at veggie grill more than a year ago and I saw you walking with someone in your chipotle uniform. You went into a yogurtland and you were being smiley. I got so very anxious when I noticed you and I didn’t dare make myself known. I’m not sure I regret it, but it reaffirmed your existence and while you didn’t see me, I’m really glad I saw you. I didn’t have the courage to get up, I hardly had the courage to look at you.
My whole life is kind of a dead end right now and it’s kind of terrifying. I want you to know I’m okay, and I definitely haven’t forgotten about you. I hope you’re doing well too, and you know I wish you happiness.
Looking back at our old messages, old pictures, and old posts, we really were a big mess haha. We had so much growing to do, and we still do. It’s a shame we hurt each other as much as we did. I know I myself was at fault for so much. I’m sorry for the pain I put you through. We did it to each other and it was awful, as much as I miss the past, I know that the future will be better. I’ll find my way out of this dead end, even if I get my ass kicked by life a couple times trying. Life is hard and working has only reaffirmed that, my older coworkers have to deal with some seriously heavy stuff, and I guess some of that is in store for each of us as well. Life will probably get better (and harder), but we’ll get better at handling it. Nights like this tend to make me not want to exist, but I know that my life isn’t over, it can’t possibly be.
#o hope you read this#I know I never post on here which probably sucks because it's your only way to know how I am#it's about time I write something in this god forsaken blog#I looked through my last posts and they're just so negative and bitter#I don't want you to remember me in that way#I don't hate you one bit#I did#but that's long gone#there isn't an ounce of hate in me anymore#this post will fade into the past#and I can't imagine what our futures will be like#we'll see#also if you read this could you give it a like lol#I just want to know for my own sake#thank you#and see you later
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Read your most recent posts
I don't think I could have said it better myself, you've always had a way with words. We'll talk soon, but my current position unfortunately disallows me. Just know you're in my heart
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Whelp, that's the end of that shitty chapter.
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!!!!!!
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At least for now, this isn't a part of my life I want to look back at. I obviously still care about you and I'm in no position to complain but I'm still pissed off. Good luck with him though I guess
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As soon as he entered your life, things started to get bad. You made yourself seem to be the victim far too much which I was also dying inside. I hope you stay with him until after you graduate so I don’t have to go on a date with you. This is a final fuck you.
#i really don't want to break a promise#but I really don't want to see you ever again#your name marks the worst time of my life
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I'm getting so close with my friends lately I love it
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#you make my heart ache Anita#shitty night I guess#thinking about messaging you but I don't know what I would say#or how things would turn out#but look at this#I don't think we're good for each other
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When you miss someone, you look back at all of the great things that you no longer have. And don't think about the negative things and the flaws
#I don't want to say anything mean Bc I did love you and I still hold you very closely in my heart#and I don't think that will ever change#but this was my choice#so now I'm just a scrub
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Things have been nice
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Damn I just went on your blog for the first time in a couple days
#i guess I am a scrub lol but I've been pretty happy#my life is lame but I'm happy every day and I'm always with people who care about me#I still hope you're happy
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I can’t be mad
#I've literally talked to three different people about doing the exact same thing#and I guess I'm a good kisser#unless you're kinky lol#then I'm just cute
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I'm not allowed to be upset. I asked for this, and I've got my own stuff going on. Things have been really nice. I want things to be nice for you too because I love you and you deserve happiness. He'll be able to give you everything I never could and more. He seems like a good guy.
#things are going#to be okay#ctfo#life's good#you had a great day#went to the beach#two friends live close#got caught#with an edible but things are ok#rollercoaster
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I want you to be happy
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