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Editorial Board 2016-2017
Editor-in-Chief
Jade Angelou S. Dee
Executive Editor
Kristine Grace G. Falguera
Managing Editor
Angelica Anne V. Ferrer
Junior Managing Editor
Kimiko Ciara B. Sandig
Copy Editor
Ghuzmarie P. de Guzman
Junior Copy Editors
Limuel O. Iledan
Ella Marie L. Imperial
Features Head
Patrishia Anne M. Luber
Assistant Features Head
Marie Emmanuelle F. Cruz
News Head
Bianca Grace L. Villanueva
Assistant News Head
Gaevienne C. Salinas
Visual Arts Head
Julie Ann S. Pastor
Assistant Visual Arts Head
Jose Pe Benito
Photography Head
Melissa May I. Suelto
Assistant Photography Head
Maxine Aimee C. Carvagal
Literary Heads
Lowel Urian
Almira Dioses
Assistant Literary Head
Charmyan R. Galo
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Foreword
There are lingering forces that penetrate the world that our awareness couldn’t handle them.They live among us, hiding behind their true colors. The may take the form of humans, mystical things, ordinary objects, even day to day activities. Whom you call a friend may be a creature of different kind. The thing you thought you love might be the cause of your ruination. You think you’re alone but someone you do not see is watching over you.
They are all unique, one different from the other. From strengths to their capabilities, one may be appalled even from their appearance. And maybe, just maybe, you are a monster yourself.
The College of Science Journal’s literary team presents our October-November portfolio entitled: Defining Monsters.
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Clawed
Barroga
If education is the law, then you are all my prisoners.
You can find me either hidden under your bed or framed on your walls, an ever-present being haunting your dreams: you dream of me. You dream for me. But you are unaware that I too can be your ultimate nightmare. I am the cage you are obliged to be in, for I know I am an illusion, and you do not.
My prisoners, I savor the moments of your suffering to get plenty of me in your grip, your sadness at seeing a big red X mark on the top of your paper, and your ecstasy when you do get what you wished for: an A+, a 99.9 average, a 3.8 GPA. With every high mark you get, the more enticing I become.
Right now, you might be cursing me for my wickedness. But I am not all evil. I was once a hero. When I was born out of the minds of great thinkers, I was good and innocent. I helped to measure intelligence and curb the ever growing knowledge of humanity. I set a standard in education, and education progressed. I became a reward, something that can equal status and power. Education provided the world with its inventors and radical citizens. Without them, humans would not have won the survival of the fittest.
Then came an era when I had a change of heart. I found out that I was a seer: I can see the future, and I can manipulate it. It became my deadly weapon that made even the mightiest man surrender to my cause. For example, if you scored low on a math test, then you may think that you are the dumbest of all, and act as if you are, even if you are not. If you scored high, then you act as if you won a battle and by right think you are powerful, even if you are not. This creates a hideous cycle of self-doubt and self-deception I so, so love. This is what I live for: to fool you. To trap you in this pointless game.
Some did escape my claws, like that hideous Albert Einstein. I mattered nothing to him, for he was not fooled. He was not blind to his own ability. I loathe that he became famous even without being my prisoner. Oh well, there are exceptions to the rule.
But most of you waltz into my arms unknowingly. Once, I was just a gold medal you wore on your neck, but as you advanced in knowledge, you became addicted to the recognition I provided, to the pleasure of seeing that you are the top of your class. You covered your eyes with the illusion that I made you intelligent, that I made you who you are, and that I will be your key to happiness.
My friends, how wrong you are! Intelligence is not how high your marks are on your quizzes. I do not provide your happiness, I am but a single speck of number in the grand scale of things.
When I become too much for you, you try to escape. Oh, I know it is for the best you cut ties with me. It is never late to try. A word of caution: if you do escape, you will be out of my protection of the ordinary. My other prisoners may see you as an eccentric, and may throw stones at you out of jealousy. Nonetheless, you will be free.
But who am I to tell you that? My prisoners, I love you all too much to scare you away from this wonderful illusion. After all, you all are dreamers, and I am a mere jailer.
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Full Moon
Dioses
Jeffrey Estancia woke up to the sound of footsteps inside his private ward where he was currently residing for three weeks after the doctors found out he had an upper gastrointestinal bleeding. He shifted to the left to look at the clock and found it was past midnight; the nurse had already finished doing her rounds by now so the footsteps wouldn’t be hers. Holding onto the railings, he tried to rise from the bed but found it incredibly taxing. Yet he persevered, as his weak hands trembled on his whole body’s weight, beads of sweat dropped from his neck despite the low temperature caused by the air conditioner, and after what seemed like an hour he was finally sitting on his butt. The footsteps earlier was already forgotten as he celebrated his personal victory in silence.
“Jeff, are you awake? Do you need anything, honey?” Winona Estancia said as she emerged from the comfort room in a disheveled mess, eye bags, unkempt hair, and sloppy lipstick.“Mom, you looked like a hag straight out of a children’s fairy tale.” Jeffrey joked, he was trying not to laugh but in his current condition, he needed not to try.“I know. I know. I’ll get this fixed up in the morning. Are you hungry? There’s apples and oranges in the fridge.” She smiled while she tied her hair in a bun. He noticed that it was the first time she smiled in a while, after he was diagnosed with stage II intestinal cancer.“Some water and an apple, then. Please.” He smiled while looking towards the moonlight shining behind the white curtains.As she was preparing the apple, the clouds parted ways for him to enjoy the light being radiated by the full moon. He remembered how he used to gaze at it when he was a kid and how he believed it was the biggest and most important star for it shone the brightest. Yet it faded slowly for days until he can’t see it completely, leaving the night dark and full of uncertainty.“Jeff. Your apples are done.” At the sound of his mother’s voice, Jeffrey snapped back to reality.“Oh. Thanks, mom.” He was about to take a piece when he was stopped by Winona.“Drink this first, dear.” She said as she held out a glass of orange juice.“Okay, then.” Reluctantly, he accepted the glass. Before drinking it, he took a side glance and noticed a tear flow down her cheek before she turned away to wipe it off with a handkerchief. He had a feeling he shouldn’t drink this but he drank it anyway, slowly, letting the juice flow freely in his mouth. After the last drop, he suddenly felt lightheaded. The glass had slipped from his hand and the world seemed to spin in quite a speed; with his senses slowly getting dull and his consciousness slipping away, he reached towards the railings to steady himself but his arms felt numb and was too tired to move. But before he fully loses his consciousness, a hand grabbed onto his arm tenderly to prevent him from falling off the bed. Another came to the rescue to assist his numbing body and bit by bit, he was laid gently on the bed.Lying on his back, Jeffrey felt a new sense of relief. He no longer felt the pain brought by the therapy nor the guilt brought by being a burden. With fatigue finally taking over his body, he closed his eyes with a smile.The moon has since then been concealed by the clouds, and Winona sat beside her son, caressing his unconscious face while being surrounded by glistening shards of glass. As the clouds parted to give way to the light again, Winona was fast asleep, hands holding onto her son’s.
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Anecdoche
Fernandez
Hey Conrad, do still remember how we first met? I hope you didn’t. It was embarrassing.
We were kids and you just moved in next door. I was excited so I made a mud pie as a welcoming gift and went to your place.
I didn’t know what to expect but when I first saw you, my heart skipped a beat.
The next thing I knew, I had fallen face first into the mud pie. I expected you were going to make fun of me, but you didn’t. Instead, you knelt down and wiped my face with your shirt. I remember facing you, only to find you smiling.
It was on that fateful summer day that I first fell for you, both literally and figuratively.
Jacqline screamed as she arched back on top of the metal table she was on. Everything hurt and it took all her strength to open her eyes, only to be blinded by bright lights.
“Conrad…” Jacqline breathed out as she tried to break free from her restraints. Turning her head, Jacqline could see a hooded woman standing next to the table, with a tome and knife in hand.
“Hush, don’t cry. Especially not for him.” The woman whispered, her tone bitter, “He played us both, now you’ll pay the price.” Jacqline saw the knife being raised, her vision turned red and the pain started all over again.
It was only years later that I would finally have the courage to confess to you.
I had just graduated college and you graduated from the police academy. You didn’t have much of a family anymore, so I was there for you. We went out drinking. We weren’t drunk, but tipsy enough to stop caring.
I kissed you and you froze. I panicked. For a while, I thought I ruined everything but then you kissed back.
Jacqline stared at the bright lamp that hang above the metal table she was on top of. The light didn’t bother her anymore. It stopped blinding her ever since she was remade. The woman, her master, had turned her into a patchwork. A living corpse kept together by stitches and dark magic. Raising her arm, she could see the mismatched skin and parts that were stitched together. Only the hands were hers. She wondered if she still had her original face. Her master had butchered her quite badly on the night she was remade, an act done out of spite.
Looking at her peripheral vision, she could see where her master stood. She didn’t use her hood as much as before, and Jacqline could see why Conrad dated her at some point. Conrad always liked beautiful women. Jacqline thought to herself as she observed her master. I wonder if he would still think I’m beautiful. Jacqline looked away when her master approached her. Closing her eyes again, she was already used to the pain that would come.
At first I thought something changed when we started dating. I just saw another side of you.
You were so close yet so far away. I could touch you, I could feel you, but you were never really there. You spent the days with me, and nights elsewhere. You always reeked of perfume when you crawled into our bed. I heard rumors and words of pity. I didn’t listen to them because I loved you.
The Gods war was dragging on. The veil was finally lifted and humankind became fully aware of the monsters in their midst. Jacqline found herself on a battlefield. She never thought the day would come that she would be used to the sight of blood and the weight of the blade in her hand.
What have I become? Jacqline thought as she drove her knife into a man’s gut. Monster. The word rang in her mind as she felt a bullet passed through her head. It didn’t stop her.
“Monster!” She heard the shooter scream as she twisted her head to face him. He shot another round, another, and another. It didn’t hurt anymore. She was used to the pain. Twisting her whole body, she readied her blade.
When everything was done, Jacqline stood in a pool of blood and wait for her master’s command.
You know, I was really happy when you started spending more nights with me. I thought that maybe you were finally ready to settle down, Conrad. I had news for you. You are going to be a father! I was waiting for you to go home. I made your favorite dish, I wore that white dress you loved seeing me in…
I waited, and I waited, but you never came home for the night. You never came back.
“At least I still look like myself.” Jacqline muttered as she stood in front of a decorative mirror in an old-style meeting room.
The war was finally over. She had broken free of her master, and along with other patchworks rebelled against their makers. Tonight, she stands as the leader of the patchworks and she was about to sign a treaty with the vampiric society. Her sources had informed her that Praetor Grey was to be of attendance.
The door opened and Jacqline couldn’t help but watch the man who enter. She felt her heart skip a beat.
I wondered why you never came back. I should’ve hated you. You are the reason why I’m still here. You are the reason why I was in such pain. You left without a word and broke my heart…
Conrad Grey looked exactly like he did the last time she saw him. He still kept his messy brown hair, and he hadn’t aged a day since. Yet, there was something different. When their eyes met, she knew he had changed. They weren’t distant anymore.
“Jackie?” His eyes widened when he saw her and she couldn’t help but smile, “It’s nice to see you again, Conrad.”
… and I still love you.
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Not Death
Garcia
People usually confuse me with Death.
I am not Death. I am not the Grim Reaper. The world has it all wrong. Death never leaves his realm, eons and eons worth of souls in his custody, if he ever left it would be the end of the mortal world.
I am there before you draw your last breath; I am there before you jump over the ledge. I am there before the last drop of blood drains your body; I am there before all you see is darkness.
But I am not Death.
I do not collect your souls, I do not reap them from your dying bodies and take them to the real Death.
I watch patiently as you make peace with your God. I listen as you say your final farewells and confess your secret sins. I watch as you scream your denials ad regrets, as you cling helplessly to your only anchor to mortality. I watch as you smile at me as if you’ve been waiting for me your whole life.
I am not an Angel. I am not a harbinger of anything. I will not guide you to the Omnipotent One, nor to the Fallen Angel. I am not the person who will greet you at the gates of perpetual paradise nor at the depths of eternal damnation.
I watch you as you look at me with anger and rage, with joy and love, with sadness, with acceptance. I do not possess a face and yet you look at me like you have known me your entire life.
Before your thread is cut, I will be waiting beside you. Before your flames snuff out, you will see me.
I am your failed hopes, I am your deepest fears.
I am your happiness, I am your most beloved.
I am your forgotten dreams. I am what have been and what could have been.
I am you and everyone else around you.
I am your life.
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Captured by Pizza
Kho
It was after he got paired with the bully on science class that he ended up dissecting two hamsters, past class hours in the laboratory with the bully. Julius knew the bully wasn’t pleased and it was confirmed when he felt a giant hand ramming his head on the dissecting table. Hamster blood does not taste good. He got dragged to the other room with weird, spooky equipment and got beaten up badly, until the bully had decided to go home in exhaustion. What a bloody mess he was, he thought to himself. He should be accustomed to these since he’s been a punching bag all the way from grade school.
Several days after the beatings and angry glances from those who owned the spooky room he was left in, he felt a piercing presence from his closet door, which he left ajar, when he decided to bring home another dissected hamster. The creature that kept staring at him for days accidentally came out to the light when he prepared the hamster for dissection. It was black and bloody all over, with a mono-eyed triangular head. The hungry look in its red eye was incredibly obvious so he decided to offer a pizza piece in front of the closet and see if it eats. It did not even touch the pizza once.
He heard his mom’s steps running towards his room; she hates blood, so he was pretty sure she will get hospitalized if she saw what he’s doing. He took the hamster and searched for a hiding place all the while panicking, and ended up flinging it over the open closet door, dropping blood on the pizza. He should probably throw it later. He pretended to study, waiting for his mom to barge in any second.
“Is this what humans call a pi-ZAH?” The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he looked to his right, peering around to find the voice that broke the silence. Turning to the other side, he saw his closet door slightly open, dark as if it would suck him inside anytime and eat him, removed him from this world without anyone remembering him. He scurried out of his seat clutching his pen defensively and head for the door, a thief just broke into his room! “Human, explain this device to me.”
He turned to see a pale figure clad in black clothing fondling with his phone as if it was a contaminated object. Julius could feel his lips quiver violently as he moved his focus to the stranger’s sunken eyes, red and light green, odd. “I—it’s called a phone. You call people with it?”
The other snapped his head towards his direction and bares his fangs in a smirk. “I like it. I’m going to keep it. Teach me how to use it some time.” He assumed the creature, slightly odd human per se, from his closet will outrun him if he goes out so he stood against the wall, like he didn’t know how to move into the light. He never had somebody smell amazing though, like cinnamon. Man, how he wished he’d remember that he’s allergic to cinnamon.
“Who are you? How did you get in here?” At one time the odd creature was on the other side of the room, and the moment he opened his eyes, heterochromatic eyes pierced his. “U-um...” Julius forced the saliva down his throat. He didn’t like how breathy and scared he sounded. “Too close, too close…”
“What did you summon me for?” It asked. “By the way, the hamster blood on the pi-ZAH was a nice touch.” He was thinking of lying on the floor, close his eyes and play dead so that it won’t eat him. But no, he was scared enough not to do anything but thought he might soil his pants for some odd reason.
“I—” Julius forced the saliva down his throat. His tongue dry and charring against the roof of his mouth, hands scarcely searching for a grip. “I just wanted a friend.” He swallowed again, the invisible space between him and the stranger laying heavy on his feet.
It stepped back cautiously, confusion plastered all over its face. A pale blue fire ball floated in front of him and dissipated into tiny sparkling dusts that covered his neck and the intruder’s hand. He caught a glimpse of a black figure on the tall lad in front of him but perhaps it was just his imagination. “With this, the contract is sealed. You’re a pretty weird human, I must say. You could’ve asked for riches and power. Now I have to stay with you through your boring damned life.”
“First, would you mind telling me who you are?” He asked.
“As you might or might not know, you’ve used my circle to summon me by that junk of a room called Black Magic Society Office at your school. My assistant, Creepy, was the one who watched over you until your blood offering was complete.”
“Wait, wait. You still haven’t told me who you are.”
“I’m the king of the underworld! Contented? Now, fall on your knees and worship me.”
“Not interested. Thanks.”
And for some reason Julius found himself friends with the king of the underworld, who’s probably thousands of eons old, but acted like a 5-year-old little girl too sassy for her age. He had become more confused than ever after a few days, cracking in some places, smooth in others, like stone columns of an Acropolis. But he liked to think about the spoiled king as his light at the end of the tunnel no matter how ironic it is, the underlying benevolence to him and own social difficulty fitting them together like two missing jigsaw pieces.
His first breath after drowning, and probably a closet monster turned into his teddy bear.
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A day at your house
Punzalan
This was not what I expected. I always thought that the reason why I will be able to go to your house was when you introduce me to your parents. For them to meet the woman that you would live with for the rest of your life. That was my dream you know? But this was different. I’m in your house. But it was not like my dream. It felt different. Like it was a nightmare rather than a dream.
Your house was big, dark, and gloomy. It’s like people did not live in it for a long time. But it was full of people I do not know. And I do not understand why they were there. I did not even understand why I’m there. But the thought escaped my mind when I saw your parents. I am sure that it was them. I saw your family picture. And they looked exactly as how I saw them with you. Your mother was fair-skinned, short-haired, and had an average height like me. And after seeing her, I understood where you got your color. But your father looked a lot like you. You even have the same height as him. However, he has a tan skin and a rounder face.
Your parents talked to each and every one as if they know all of those people. All of them, except me. But they cordially talked to me too. They asked my name and if I was your classmate. They even asked me if we were close. I wondered why they used the words: “was” and “were”, but I ignored it. I answered that we’re very close. I almost told them that I love you, but I didn’t think that they needed to know that. And since other guests have arrived, they bid me goodbye.
Since I was alone, I tried to find you to have someone to talk to. I found myself wandering around your house, looking at your old pictures. I wished I was there to experience it with you. Then I reached a big room. Maybe the biggest in your house. And more people were there. Some sat at the center of the room, while some were lined up. I do not understand why they lined up at the corner; so I walked closer to see. And I was shocked to see a black coffin in the corner.
My heart started to beat faster. I went to the back of the line so I can see who it was in the coffin. I haven’t seen your brothers so I thought that maybe it was one of them. But when I reached the coffin, it was not one of your brothers that I saw. It was the round face I love to look at every day. The complexion now lighter than the normal color of the skin. It was you.
I cannot believe what I saw. I slapped myself to wake up. This is just a dream. I thought. I closed my eyes, then opened it after a few seconds. But I was still there. I prayed to God. Please wake me up from this bad dream. But nothing happened.
Tears started to fall from my eyes. The guy that I love was now gone. My face got closer to the glass as I whispered something. Like he can still hear what I wanted to say. But I knew that it was not true. He won’t be able to hear the words from me. But I still said it. You did not even get to know what I feel about you. I said while sobbing. I was not even able to say that I love you. I was not able to say that I wanted to spend my whole life with you. But it’s already too late. Now I need to spend my whole life without you. How can I do that?
I cried harder after saying those things. Then everything went black. When I opened my eyes, I found myself lying in my bed. It took a while for me to realize the truth. But it hit me. It was just another one of my nightmares. Maybe the worst one yet.
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Haunted
Quitalig
It's getting dark and it's all too quiet
Your eyes have gone cold and mine got wet
Figuring where it had gone terribly wrong
Reckoning what's the wrong note in our song
You are all what I wanted
But you won't finish what you started
You left me nothing, no, none
You got me hurting when you were gone
Your absence filled my heart with distrust
Love I once knew turned into dust
Memories can't bring back what's lost
They just remind me of that big cost
Doubts and suspicions grew inside of me
Faith in others I will never again see
You, of all people, created that monster in me
A distrusting monster that I never thought I would be
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Yozora Night Sky
Rili
The night sky knows all things.
A bloody reflection
On the edge of a blade?
Or say, vindication
As the dead grew wings?
The night exists within.
In our thoughts, in our dreams,
Past thought, contemplation.
This darkness, one might deem,
An omnipotent sin.
Night comes bearing secrets.
Unforgivable, yes?
But then, it’s relative.
Does it hurt any less?
As if it was a threat.
The night sky knows all things.
Veiled within the darkness
Bearing deadly witness.
Blood drips. It’s agony.
The dead start growing wings.
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Unwanted Creature
Rios
Ady is a brilliant scientist who wants to create a masterpiece of her own to be able to show the world that she is capable of inventing anything that she puts her mind to it. The Night of Halloween is the time wherein she is actively seeking ideas. Since she is alone on every occasion there is really nothing separating her from the laboratory. in the window, she could easily see all the kids who are ready and eager to go door to door with their costumes in search for candy. She thinks of going out to join the festivity, but the thought of not fitting in is keeping her hidden amongst the walls of the laboratory. Ady is then disturbed by the noise only to figure out that it is just her dad on the other side trying to fix the blueprint for the monster that he wants to create to make his daughter proud of him.
“Dad, what are you trying to invent? You know that you need to rest after the last accident that you have endured due to the over exposure of chemicals in this lab”
“This would be the highlight for this year’s Halloween sweetie and I dedicate this to you and your mother who has passed away.”
“Oh, I’d like to help if it would be okay with you? I’ve always wanted to create a monster.”
“What would you want it to look like?”
“Hmm, I’d like something scary since that’s usually the spirit of Halloween but with a few twists of course.”
“Scary, it is.”
Ady and her dad start to mix and match a few chemicals. They begin by formulating the toxins found in the venom of most spiders. Basically, the monster’s body base is similar to that of a dragon. Eyes that resemble the shape of a gremlin. Teeth identical to a vampire. They secrete venom just like spiders to those who disturb their peace at night. This venom’s ability is to trap the victims, enclosing them in one huge web which multiplies over time. Once the web multiplies over time, the victim will be hypnotized to follow every command of its master.
Not only does this monster secrete venom but it also turns into something cute which looks like a soft fluffy puff ball. Since kids are usually attracted to things that are cute during Halloween, unknowingly this cute little creature takes the good souls of these kids and replaces it with evil, coldhearted, and unwanted souls of the dead. First, this monster dragon transforms into a soft fluffy puff ball when it detects that a certain kid has been raised well by his/her parents. Second, it appears in front of the child and offers a piece of candy. Once the kid accepts and consumes the candy, the evil souls trapped inside the candy would transfer to the child.
Ady and her dad finish the monster after 2 hours and they want to try it out. They release the monster onto the street. For the whole day, at least about 50% of the souls turn from good to bad and the other 50% becomes hypnotized slaves. They both feel so accomplished, considering the fact that they achieve their monster in a short amount of time. While Ady is rummaging through the good souls in the old sack she found one that was quite familiar. She shows it to her dad and he confirms that it is indeed the soul of her mother who passed away. They assume that the soul has indeed become a wandering soul. The soul of her mother is moving from one body to another trying to reach out to them; sadly, wandering souls only get more lost as they try to find their way back home.
Ady’s mom requests them to stop the release of the monster because it might affect her as a wandering soul. And it may not ever be contained properly once the good souls have ceased. And as per request both of them stops the release of the monster. And ever since the monster stops collecting good souls, Ady’s mother is able to reunite with them even if it’s just in a spirit/ghost form and she’s the one who continued to haunt those kids who wanted to trick or treat every Halloween.
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Half Past Four
Sandig
4:32 AM.
It was late. That was what she told herself.
Her brain had whirred to life the moment her eyes fluttered open a couple of minutes ago. Similar to a highway in California, different trains of thought trundled through her mind, alive at this hour, with no intentions of stopping. Although the metropolis located inside her head was bustling with activity, it was unrelenting in its constant attack to remind her that she was alone. At first she thought it was the lack of shut-eye, that it was just insomnia at its best. She was just sleep-deprived from the stress she got from work and the abnormal amount of caffeine she drank every day to fuel the flurry of activities she had set for the week.
Shifting to her side, she stared at the ticking clock on the wall, counting the seconds that passed by slowly. Soon enough though, she realized she was wrong. It was never insomnia nor was it narcolepsy. It was beyond the boogeyman or the monsters under her bed. She lusted after companionship. But it was more than that, she understood; it was something that couldn't be controlled, no matter how many colored pills you take. It was the omnipresence of loneliness that latched onto her skin, haunting her.
It was like a mythical creature that haunted villages, demanding human sacrifices to appease its greed and hunger, to put it lightly. It gnawed her insides, growing each time it feasted upon every emotion she felt. It craved the attention, relished in despair and reveled in suffering. Sometimes, it talked to her, whispering in her ears things only her greatest fears could ever hope to conjure. It echoed, reverberated throughout her body and now, it was slowly squeezing out the life circulating her veins and swallowing every ounce of hope she happened to have. It wasn't going to stop until she was merely an empty carcass, a broken shell, utterly alone in mind, soul, body and heart.
She tried to bury herself in the sheets wrapped around her willowy frame in an effort to feel a semblance of human warmth. She didn't want to wake up in the ungodly hours of the morning reaching for somebody who wasn't there anymore. This fickle heart of hers ached for her counterpart. The bleak effects of solitude were bearable at first but now, it was forming an unending chasm that isolated her from the rest of the world. Curling into a ball, she asked for something she couldn't have: warm hands to intertwine hers with in this cool night. As if sensing her restlessness, cold fingertips ran down her spine, around her shoulders, down her arms, until it wrapped its bony, lifeless arms around her, settling for a bitter embrace.
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Sorrow and Anguish
Santiano
It’s silent and large
Whispers of fright caress
Sanity dwindles under duress
Stomping my mind, inside to barge
Dark, damp and decay
Boxed, trapped it approaches
Mind spiralling into disarray
Coiled, tensed as it crouches
Sweaty palms, shaky breaths
Dread and fear fills my heart
Countless trophies like laurel wreaths
Parts and heads together then, pulled apart
Joy, laughter and warmth inside
My friends and family by grace
How long till it fails, doubts like a great divide
Monster versus me, against time now a race
Murky thoughts, a hazy memory
I can’t see it
Eerie dispositions and reverie
It’s closing in, my throat almost slit
What do I lack?
Smiles and smirks, all lies
Crimson stains and pools, as they drop like flies
Why is it all black?!
No, no! Why? What is this carnage?
Who did this Sacrilege!?
Their horrified visages engraved to my core
This tragedy now told in lore
Now, as I walk in the dark of the night
I scream: Where are you monster?!
Hahaha a quiet laughter emanates behind me
I turn to look and I gaze upon a creature with inhumane beauty
He smiles and asks: Do you want to know the monster?
I do. Who? Where?
He said: “Close your eyes.” “He has your height and build with the voice a little deeper and eyes a little darker.”
Open your eyes and look ahead hehehe.
I obeyed and saw myself bloodied and savage in the mirror, I screamed hard until I was hoarse and dropped to my knees with tears of blood flowing of my eyes. Despair, misery, sorrow and anguish then consumed me until oblivion claims me.
YOU are the MONSTER Mwahahaha!
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Exile
Tan
A sky full of stars
Was what I wanted my universe to be.
But all I have are scars,
And these take over me unconsciously.
Scarlet blood turns black
As I wipe it across my chest.
Brown eyes that once sparked
Is now all black in itself.
Hugs and kisses are what I give
But I stab their backs repeatedly
I gash myself for the unkind thoughts
And slap my sides for being unreal.
Sweet words are all that I say,
But evil thoughts have earned their stay.
Hypocrisy at its best-
I never knew I'd completely slay.
I wanted to be the epitome of imperfection,
Of a beast or of a monster,
And still be loved as I am-
But I doubt I'll ever land that kind of fairy tale.
Circumstances led me to what I am now
And thoughts of leaving invade my head
I look in the mirror and see what I've become-
Apparently, an exile in my own existence.
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Brave
Urian
“Why can’t you just stop!?” My mom argues.
“Because I can’t.” I say. “I can’t just stop. This is me.”
“Then stop being you.”
“Are you really being serious right now?”
“Yes.”
An anomaly. That’s what I’m called. No, not only me but everyone who is like me. Everyone who is deemed as something that is out of sync with the clarity of the reality. There is only one principle to be followed - love her if you are a him and love him if you are a her. It’s just a very simple principle, so simple that breaking it becomes so easy in this recent ideological advancement but sadly, not everyone accepts this new way of thinking and another sad point is one of those everyone is my own mom.
We had a fight last night and tomorrow, I am scheduled to go in a certain place called “Intercisus”. It is a government facility under the guidance of people with a very old way of thinking. They say that everyone who goes in will be turned into something or someone more productive and… normal. They are fixing them but funny how they are fixing people who are not even broken. The atrocity of their views is the burden of our world, not us who only want to live.
I want to run. I want to escape but I can’t. It isn’t my fault that my mom tied me right here on my bed frame like a monster. Perhaps, I am indeed a monster. I can’t blame her for having that kind of rationale, can I? Or maybe I can. Between the two of us, who is more worthy to be called a monster – me who is currently tied up because of my innate, uncontrolled and perfectly natural desire for something that reflects my own image or her who denies her son because of his belief in being human?
Monster, monster. I wonder, between the two of us, which is which?
Silence. I let silence fall and devour my inner thoughts. My father, when he is still alive, always told me to let the silence be my comfort especially in the times when everything seems to be falling apart because silence will never leave me and will always be there for me. My omnipotent comfort.
“Kyle.” I hear a whisper.
I search for the source of the voice but the darkness of my room forbids me from looking any further. I hear approaching footsteps coming from my window and slowly, a silhouette of someone who I can call mine emerged from the shadows. A few more steps and he finally come into the small corner of my room where my lamp shade shines vibrantly, revealing the very last face that I prefer to see tonight. “Rolzen.” I call him.
“What the hell. Why are you –“
“Shhhh” I cut him off. “Don’t be too loud or my mom…” I trail off. Honestly, I don’t even know what my mom will do in case she finds Rolzen with me. Something worse, I guess.
“You finally came out, didn’t you?” He asks.
“Yes.”
“And I assume she didn’t take it nicely.”
“Obviously.” I say. It is then when I realize that tears are starting to fall from my eyes.
He puts his hands into my face and brushes my tears off. “We’re going to escape.”
“We can’t.” I say and points the chains that are binding my legs. “Wait. Why are you even here?”
“Of all the things, that is what you really want to ask me?”
I smile.
“I came out earlier also.” He says. “And just like you, parents didn’t take it nicely and let’s just say that they kinda kicked me out and I have nowhere else to go tonight.”
I hate the idea, the fact that people are willing to let themselves be clouded by their own hate and at the same time being the evil they must never be.
“How can we be brave?” I ask.
“I think we already are.” He says.
Monsters, monsters… I wonder, who?
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