rottennightcreature

[rottennightcreature]

i hate atypical anorexia as a diagnosis

like how do professionals not get that people who are obsessed with their own weight and losing weight will get either triggered or motivated to lose even more weight upon hearing the medical equivalent of "anorexia but not good enough at it and too fat anyway lol" like???

i got diagnosed with atypical anorexia when i was already underweight but apparently not underweight enough and it did fuck all for me

#my therapist was also shitty but that's another story for another day

[rottennightcreature]

crappy bodycheck

unexpectedly hit 50.5 kg, putting me at a bmi of 16.9

#my ribcage is less prominent normally i'm just stretching in the photos #bodycheck #ed but not sheeran #eddie baddie #ednos #thinspii #anorexaa #bulimba #buliima #anorexiya #really playing with fire with those tags here #ribcage #collarbones #handspo

[rottennightcreature]

told my gf about how i cant eat too much cheese bc it's still very scary to me and she told me to not make such a fuss

feelings absolutely invalidated guess i'm back to starving even more now

[rottennightcreature]

i love my arms but my thighs god damn i hate them

#they are naturally muscular looking even though i dont do sports and its driving me insane

[rottennightcreature]

I have a horrible habit of assuming every skinny person has an ed it’s so bad

[rottennightcreature]

yes, tell the person w an eating disorder about your recent weight loss and new diet, what a great idea!!

[rottennightcreature]

fat spo is so disgusting imagine just witnessing a fat person living their life being happy dancing online spreading positivity loving themselves etc, and then degrading that and posting that as a way to humiliate them and say "starve yourself wouldn't you rather die than look like that grossness" like that shit is truly so vile for so many reasons and i hope you get hit by a car if you post that shit idc

[rottennightcreature]

empty and replaceable

[rottennightcreature]

i hate feeling full so much oh my fucking god

i have to eat enough before work since i have to drive by car and work standing for 8 hours so i really can't afford to pass tf out but still

absolutely disgusting i hate it here

[rottennightcreature]

[rottennightcreature]

[rottennightcreature]

i wanna get bad again. i wanna cut and starve myself and vape and drink 6 energy drinks a day and get drunk and just quit giving a fuck. theres peace is self destruction. i wanna get bad again

[rottennightcreature]

[rottennightcreature]

you’re so close to your skinny era! you’re in control! you got this!

[rottennightcreature]

legs

[rottennightcreature]

It’s gross, but some sick part of me enjoys the fact that my mental health is so messed up. Some sick part of me that’s like yes, I hope this gets worse, it’s not that bad, I hope this gets worse, I deserve to get worse.

I deserve to get worse.

[rottennightcreature]

was really stressed about today but i think i got away quite alright considering the circumstances. didn't eat breadrolls for breakfast like the others but something more low cal instead , skipped out on lunch, snacked on blueberries to keep my family off my back and then had salmon, some salads and one dumpling. dessert after.

i mean i know it's still a lot but before, i would have just turned to bingeing for the holidays. b/ping days before as well just becausei could. but i'm done with gaining and losing the same ten pounds so i'm glad i managed to resist bingeing and also somehow made my family not be suspicious of my eating for once