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restlesswritingss · 19 days

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The Inevitable

Kakashi x reader

Rin adored her female classmates. Especially one, (Y/N). The two had grown close, almost as close as she and Obito, but with the added layer of being someone Rin could actually talk about her crush on Kakashi with. (Y/N) saw the appeal of the white haired shinobi, but he'd always picked on her. She too was an orphan and therefore couldn't feel much sympathy for his prickly personality. Everyone had been through things and lost loved ones, but not everyone was as much of an ass about it as Kakashi.

"He is just such a strong shinobi," Rin gushed, blushing while she braided (Y/N)'s hair before they went to meet up with the rest of her team.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes which Rin caught through the mirror they were kneeling in front of. She tugged playfully on her braid.

"Rinnnn, I just don't get what you see in him when he is such a prick," the other girl huffed.

Rin scoffed, "You sound just like Obito, but Kakashi just cares about the rules."

At the mention of Obito (Y/N) blushed. That was the boy she thought was crush worthy. But he liked Rin so it was a crush better kept inside. Rin was too caught up in speaking on Kakashi's good qualities to notice her reaction anyway.

Kakashi had noticed (Y/N)'s crush on Obito. It made him seethe for reasons he couldn't understand. Obito was such an idiot. How could anyone, let alone a decently respectable kunoichi like (Y/N), ever see him as crush worthy? Crushes were stupid anyway.

Kakashi and Obito were supposed to meet the girls at the city gates at seven, but Kakashi was the only one there ten minutes early. The girls got there with five minutes to spare with Rin excited as always to see him. (Y/N) had her hair in two braids, a way he'd never seen her wear it. For whatever reason it brought heat to his cheeks and distracted him from Rin's debrief on the mission.

This was one reason he hated going on missions with this girl. She was so distracting.

"Why is your hair like that (Y/N)?" Kakashi blurted out once Rin had finished her excited rambling.

Now heat rose to her cheeks along with a look of slight shock at being spoken to.

"W-what do you mean?" She mumbled, slightly defensively as her hands went to stroke one of the braids.

The thought of how soft her hair must feel went through his head. He shoved it aside.

"It's different and it's weird. Is it even safe for battle? Do you even think about anything besides vanity?"

Ok, he took it too far with the last question. He always took it a little too far, especially with her and Obito.

Shame overtook her face and Kakashi wanted to take it back, but instead he just dug his heels in and rolled his eyes at her.

"It's tied back, Rin braided it, and if you think it looks bad you can just say that," she huffed and turned her face away from him.

Rin stepped in between them with her hands in the air, ever the peackeeper.

But she was cut off by Obito, late but not as late as usual, butting in, "I think it looks cute (Y/N)! Kakashi don't be such an ass for once!"

Her eyes snapped to him and an embarrassed grin overtook her face at the compliment. Kakashi clenched his fist at this interaction going against him. He didn't care what they all thought of him, he only cared about being a good shinobi. He needed to focus on that.

Kakashi's focus would always wane whenever (Y/N) was involved.

Now they were older, Obito was gone, and he, (Y/N), Rin, and Gai were on a mission. Kakashi was the leader and he took his role ever more seriously. He would not loose another comrade due to his incompetance.

They had all taken refuge for the night in a cave with (Y/N) tending the fire to keep everyone warm while Rin healed he and Gai's wounds. Rin was tending to Gai in the moment, and Kakashi found his gaze falling on (Y/N) who had her back turned to him. She was hunched over the fire and he wanted to tell her to fix her posture. It was bad for her back.

"(Y/N)-" He began sternly but cut himself off when she turned to face him.

Again, an annoying heat went to his cheeks. Her hair was loose and her headband was off. Two strands were framing her face in a picture perfect way. How did she look pretty after fighting all day? Wait, did he just think she was pretty?

"What Kakashi?" She huffed, knowing he was going to scold her for something.

Kakashi was getting worse and worse at keeping his focus around her and it was pissing him off. He frowned and was about to snap something, anything, at her when Rin touched his arm.

She shook her head at him when he finally tore his gaze away from (Y/N). Rin then began gently healing the wounds on his stomach. She looked up at him and her pupils widened as she took him in this close. Kakashi wanted to feel something for Rin. She was pretty and he did love her, but he knew she wanted something romantic with him. Something he couldn't quite pinpoint was always holding him back from taking that step.

When Rin died, Kakashi regretted never taking that next step. Maybe she wouldn't have been so quick to sacrifice herself if she had something more to live for. He loved her, he should've shown it. He was pushing away the pain by plowing through missions and enemies, something his new position in Anbu only exasperated.

He hadn't spoken to (Y/N) in a couple weeks, but he knew she watered his plants and collected his mail when he was gone. She was the only person with a key to his current apartment. Their mutual grief had given them a momentary truce in their never ending bickering. Kakashi appreciated the way she attempted to take care of him from afar, but he missed her presence.

Today he ran into her while she was walking with Genma of all people. The two were laughing and walking a little ahead of him. Kakashi felt anger spike in his gut. It was visceral. Genma wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into his body. Something in Kakashi snapped at the flagrant display of affection.

"(Y/N)!" He yelled, effectively making her push Genma off as her face turned a bright shade of red.

Genma huffed and sent him a glare as the two stopped and waited for him to catch up to them.

"Yes Kakashi?" She asked, slightly annoyed.

Kakashi looked from her to Genma, assessing their body language. They were clearly embarrassed to be caught together. He met Genma's glare, annoyed at his embarrassment. There was no reason to be ashamed of being caught with (Y/N).

"I've been looking for you, I need to speak with you about a mission. Are you free right now?" Kakashi purposefully turned his body toward her, effectively shutting Genma out of the conversation.

She looked up at him and Kakashi realized how much their height difference had grown. Where she once could look him directly in the eye, now she was at his shoulder. She wasn't small, but still smaller than him. Why did he notice that?

She huffed, he always made her huff, "Fine whatever. Lead the way oh great shinobi warrior."

The sarcasm in her voice made him glare at her. He ignored it to turn on his heel and lead her towards his apartment.

"I'll call you later, Genma," She said behind his back.

Kakashi's fists clenched.

"You've always had shitty taste in guys but really? Genma?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means he is an ass who is also in love with Anko but will fuck anyone who will let him."

Her footsteps stopped and he turned around to see tears welling in her eyes as she stared hard at the ground.

Her voice was quiet and he wouldn't have even heard it if he hadn't rushed back to stand close enough to barely have his body touching hers when she asked, "Really? Anko?"

Kakashi's heart sunk. He shouldn't have thrown that information in her face. Grabbing her upper arms, he pulled her into him and pushed her into a nearby alley to keep her tears away from prying eyes.

It was a stupid idea because now they were pushed even closer together.

He leaned down to speak softly to her, "Yeah, they have been on and off for a while now. Whenever they are off he finds a new flavor of the week to convince her and himself he doesn't care. But, he inevitably always goes back to her."

She sighed, defeated and smacked her head into his chest.

"I am so stupid," her voice was muffled by his body but at least he wasn't wearing his Anbu chest plate.

Somehow his body knew how to comfort her even when his mind couldn't keep up. She was so close. His hands moved on their own accord, one cradling the back of her head and the other wrapping around her back to pull her closer.

Her arms slunk around his middle. The embrace rewired Kakashi's brain in an instant. This was what he never felt with Rin, or anyone for that matter. Warmth flowed through him. Every time she had come over after his father had passed to just keep him company, every time she had made his heart race and cheeks blush, every time he had been struck by how beautiful she was, playing on loop in his head.

He squeezed her tighter and spoke gently into her hair, "You aren't stupid, he is just an asshole."

She sniffled and laughed, "You're one to talk."

He chuckled and the vibration of his chest made her burrow her face further into him. It was comforting to be his arms.

It made something click in her head. Something that had always felt off about her relationship to Kakashi. She wanted him and she always had. She'd pushed down her own feelings because of Rin. The thought of Rin made her chest constrict in a mix of shame and grief.

She pulled away and quickly wiped at her eyes trying to lighten the mood again with the joke, "I guess this is the mythical soft side Rin always insisted you had."

The mention of Rin was a bucket of water on Kakashi. How could he betray her like this? By thinking of her best friend like this?

But now the floodgates were open and he couldn't stop thinking about her best friend like this. The way (Y/N) looked away from him and bit her lip, obviously hoping the joke didn't hurt his feelings, made his chest twist. She was so cute, how had he never noticed? Her hair was in two braids. She was playing with the ends of one, and he had a sense of deja vu as the thought of how soft her hair must feel struck him.

This couldn't happen. This was a betrayal of Rin, and Obito who would have eventually realized (Y/N)'s feelings if he'd had the chance to grow up. Where would they be if those two were still alive? The obvious answer was Kakashi would be with Rin and Obito would have wised up and been with (Y/N).

Then why did the idea of Kakashi being with (Y/N) feel so inevitable?

Author's Note: I have the second part outlined but I just didn't have time to fully write it right now. Will be up soon if anyone wants it! Or let me know if you're fine with this ending here and want me to shut the fuck up!

#kakashi x reader #kakashi hatake x reader #kakashi hatake #kakashi imagine #kakashi hatake imagine

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restlesswritingss · 22 days

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back on the kakashi brainrot might write a long fic about him

#he is just so sexy what am i supposed to do #back to my roots 🤠

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restlesswritingss · 27 days

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just saw a booktoker say in full seriousness that we need to discuss the “absolute uselessness of spicy scenes in books” (her words, not mine) and claim that erotic content is only justifiable in literature if it “furthers the plot or character development of the book.” my sister in christ just say that you hate fun and move on. we do not need a sixty second video of you complaining that your fellow adults like adult content. fellas is it problematic to be horny without furthering your plot and character development

#like yes there is valid criticism of the current booktok trends of shoe horning in spice and booktropes just to be marketable but #booktubers and booktokers who dont like romance try to not sound like virgin challenge: impossible #they be like the spice was soooo cringe and bro just say it didnt get you going and move on #when they harp on certain words its like bro have you never dirty talked in your life #sometimes you say shit that sounds cringe when you arent turned on #dont yuck someones yum

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restlesswritingss · 1 month

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In The Wind

Astarion Ancunin X Reader

a/n: This came to mind specifically because of the scene in 2005 Pride and Prejudice where Bingley is trailing after Jane and touching the ribbon on her dress. So keep that in mind bc it haunts me in the best way

summary: After your tunic gets torn in battle, you and Astarion head to a shop to get materials to get it fixed. Astarion, trapped in thoughts surrounding you, decides to do something to properly show his appreciation

word count: 2k

The day was cool, the breeze blowing through the opened door of the fabric store you and Astarion currently walked through. The others were Gods knew where but Astarion didn’t particularly care where they were. His thoughts were on you. More and more he found that his thoughts always came back to you.

Baldur’s Gate was loud. It has always been loud. Something Astarion remembered specifically. But he found the sound drained out as he stared down at a beautiful ribbon. At first he couldn’t exactly say what about it had caught his attention. What kept it. But upon reflection he noted how it reminded him of your eyes.

Cursing himself under his breath, Astarion threw down the ribbon and glanced away from the pile of fabrics. But just as his eyes lifted from the box, they fell right onto you. You who stood right in the sunlight, whose hair flowed through the wind that passed through the store.

He couldn’t look away from you, once again not really believing that you somehow cared about him. You were so… good. It was honestly almost nauseating. But it was also something he admired about you. It made him want to be better. To be better than what he was before. Most importantly for him. But he couldn’t deny he also wanted to be better for you. To be someone you could be proud to love.

Astarion walked around one of the makeshift aisles of the store. You were busy as you looked over some of the patches of fabric while Astarion was busy as he watched you. He didn’t blame you for not having noticed his stare. You were on a mission after all. Your tunic had been badly torn in your party’s last battle. The tear could easily be mended by you and the enchantments on it could be replaced by Gale if he was going to actually be helpful today.

But Astarion knew you weren’t the most gifted tailor. At least, not better than him. He could do a fine job, he’d been doing it with his own clothing for longer than he’d care to admit. A rare warmth spread through his chest as the idea came to him. When you least expected it, he’d take the fabric from you and fix your tunic before you even noticed it would be missing.

Something in him told him he just had to do this. To show you he cared, at least enough to do something as little at this… and to show you that you weren’t making a mistake as you stuck by him. Astarion closed his eyes as he shook out those unwanted thoughts. Not wanting to think about any of that or what it meant.

When Astarion opened his eyes he’s met with you walking away, a long piece of fabric hanging from your belt. A brief shot of panic ran through Astarion as you walked away, only deeper into the store to pay for fabric. Yet that didn’t shake away the fear. Astarion cleared his throat in order to push down the panic and put it with the rest of his emotions he was ignoring before he headed after you.

He doesn’t say anything, knowing he doesn’t need to. He knows you know he’s there. The wind blew through the store once again and your scent wafted straight into Astarion’s nose. He closed his eyes as he continued to follow you. He relished in the way you smelled. Focused and memorized it, knowing he could pick it out of an entire crowd of people. Aware of the fact that he could find you in an instant if needed. But still he preferred to remain close. Have you stay in his sights.

As he opened his eyes and looked back upon you, his eyes moved down your form. Not stopping until they halt at the fabric on your belt. He hand reached out and lightly fiddled with the end of it that flowed in the air after you. Neither of you have stopped walking, Astarion not thinking as he walked behind you. His attention completely focused on the fabric and the way it hung off of you. On how beautiful it would look on you.

He then noted how soft the fabric was. How easy or difficult it could possibly be to work with. A plan already had formed in his head at how he’d stitch it into your tunic. It would be flawless, just as all his other work had been prior. Just as his thoughts shifted into imagining your reaction, your voice broke him out of it.

“Are you trying to pickpocket me?” You ask softly, not having bothered to check back and glance at him. Astarion blinked back, hand still gripped onto the fabric, though his eyes found their way to the back of your head. Before he realized what he’s done, an easy grin was on his face and a joke had slipped from his lips.

“You, my darling? Never,” Astarion jested, both of them keenly aware of the fact. He gave a little tug on the fabric for good measure and was rewarded with the sweet melody of your laugh. You shook your head as you both turned a corner, seemingly in search of an attendant.

“Oh, don’t give me that. No one is safe,” you teased right back but for some reason Astarion felt his grin drop a little. His brows furrowed as he quickly thought over your response. The word ‘safe’ having run repeatedly in his ear. He wanted you to feel safe. With him. He wanted you to know that you were safe from him. Whatever that meant he didn’t exactly know but it was what he felt. From what he could pin point.

He debated even telling you all this. To have allowed himself to randomly unleash his soul to you in the middle of a random shop in a city that held so many memories for him. But then he started to think about what you’d say in response. How you would react. Emotion begun to rise within him at the idea of admitting any of that to do. So instead he simply continued the light and fun banter.

“Well now I suppose I must for fear that I have something to prove.” Astarion gave another tug to the fabric, though this time a little bit lighter in order to have kept up the playful atmosphere. As your laughter echoed throughout the store due to his actions, all those pesky emotions subsided.

You lightheartedly pranced forward a few steps in a weak attempt to get your fabric out of his reach but Astarion followed right on your tail. Both to stop you from getting away and to stop any other displaced emotions from coming forth from your distance.

“Or you could simply not steal my fabric from my person,” you responded with laughter still in your tone. Astarion tsked as he shook his head at you. He picked up his pace, walking closer to you now. He adjusted his grip on the fabric, getting ready for his next move.

“No, darling, I’m afraid that doesn’t seem to be an option,” he said smoothly before he harshly tugged on the fabric for the third time. It slipped from your belt with ease and curled right around Astarion’s hand. You immediately felt it and a gasp ripped from your throat.

You turned around, finally facing Astarion since you both walked in here. You looked breathtaking. Astarion could marvel at your beauty for hours. At times he’d almost swear it’s greater than his own. Almost. But he especially thought your beauty shined most spectacularly in the sun, and it had hit you just right in this moment.

“Ah, Astarion! Why must you do this?” You asked with a light grin on your face. Astarion mirrored it, holding the piece of fabric slightly above his head as he knew you wouldn’t be able to reach it. That didn’t stop you from trying as you stepped up to him to try and reach for it. Your body pressed against his and instead of feeling like he needed to back away, not wanting to be touched, Astarion found himself leaning into you.

“I believe you practically asked me to do this, love. Begged me to almost as much as you beg for my attention,” he boasted, his expression smug as you continued to try and grab at the fabric. He’d lower it briefly just as you’d reached for it but then quickly bring it back up. You laughed again, shaking your head at him. Astarion didn’t realize until that moment that he had been counting the number of times he had made you laugh. The revelation sent a tremor through his chest that he’d rather just ignore.

“My dear Astarion, I think that tadpole in your mind has finally driven you to insanity,” you said with a light scoff. Astarion’s face dropped into a deadpan at that, though he couldn’t help the quirk of his lips still present.

“Dear me, how humorous you are, darling,” he responded back flatly, though a teasing note was still clear through his tone. His attention zeroed in on you once again as you snickered back at him. Astarion fell deeper into his focus, his ears ringing till he felt a deep pounding surrounding him. He didn’t realize before it was too late that he had focused on your heartbeat. It sounded light. Happy. Because of him.

While he remained distracted, his body sagged in place, not paying attention to his momentary lack of posture. You don’t hesitate to use that to your advantage as with it he had lowered his arm that held the fabric. You reached up, your arm having stretched as far as it could go before you swiped up the fabric right from his grip. A noise of victory left your lips and it effectively alerted Astarion. He blinked back, breaking out of his thoughts. It only took a couple of seconds for him to realize he didn’t have the fabric anymore. He met your smug look with a bit of disbelief as his eyes connected back to yours.

“I try,” you replied playfully to his previous comment as you winked at him. Astarion stood there frozen for a moment before he added another mental tally as you laughed once more. You strode off to barter with the owner as Astarion stood off to the side while he waited for you.

He couldn’t understand how easy this all was for you. How open with yourself you had always been. Especially toward him. He… didn’t know how to do stuff like that. To let you in so easily. But stitching this for you, even without your initial knowledge, that he could do. It was the only way he knew how to express what you meant to him. It was all he was ready to do. For now anyway.

So as you walked past him after you purchased the fabric, Astarion stayed particularly close. As you both entered the hustle and bustle of Baldur’s Gate’s streets, there were a lot of things around you both that served as proper distraction. Astarion struck when the time was right, just as another vendor started a loud argument with a customer, you looked over and that’s when Astarion reached out and slipped the fabric off of you with the lightest touch he could have managed.

He gazed down at it with a smile on his face and a sense of victory in his heart, his thumb brushed over it lightly as he reminded himself of its softness. But when you started to turn your head back to him, his eyes jerked up and the fabric disappeared within the confines of his inventory. You snorted as ruckus that continued off to the side and as you looked at him, Astarion plastered on another one of his signature grins.

It was only after you chuckled at him and looked back forward that Astarion found his grin had softened. He looked toward the streets just as you had as he counted down the minutes till you both got back to camp and he could get started. He wondered if you’d like it and what you’d say when you found out. Most of all though he wondered if you’d know what it meant. If you’d see through him as you always seemed to. Strangely, this time around he kind of liked that thought.

#this fic!!!#it made my heart melt #so so good and well written

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restlesswritingss · 1 month

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restlesswritingss · 1 month

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im so excited for the stardew valley update i am going to cream myself

#stardew valley #im gonna do it im gonna start a fourth save AH

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restlesswritingss · 1 month

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Siblings amirite 🤷‍♀️

#my brother is the biggest bitch i called him and he answered said 'shut UP' and then hung up the phone #WHEN I WAS RETURNING HIS CALL!!!!

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restlesswritingss · 1 month

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whenever i am on my desktop at home half my time is spent taking my cat off my desk because she cannot be chill and just lay on it she simply MUST rub her tiny face on my keyboard and mouse

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restlesswritingss · 1 month

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In which Astarion goes too far

Warnings: fighting and angst

Astarion x reader

Tav hadn't ever had a real relationship. It had made things even more difficult for they and Astarion to form one. But the two of them were working through it, slowly but surely. A big problem was Tav didn't know how to ask for what they want from Astarion, not that he was much better about that. However, Astarion was good at reading them. Like now, when it was written all over their face that they were jealous.

Astarion was going to have fun with this. Halsin was the culprit of it all, the sexy brute. Astarion had been terrified when the druid had propositioned his lover, but the knowledge that Tav wanted him and only him had truly emboldened Astarion. He was back to his annoying and flirty self now that he knew where he and Tav's loyalties lied. None of their other exceptionally horny companions would come in the way of that. That didn't mean Astarion couldn't tease and taunt them with it, like dangling a carrot in front of a starving horse. All good honest fun.

Except now his teasing touches and flirty eyes towards Halsin was being seen by Tav. Tav who looked ready to bite off the man's head. If looks could kill as they say.

Astarion leaned in a little too close to hear whatever the Hells Halsin was saying, and Tav's entire demeanor shifted. They looked liked a kicked puppy seconds away from tears. That made Astarion jerk back from Halsin. This wasn't supposed to genuinely upset them. Astarion was just hoping for a little bit of possessiveness and rough making out in their tent.

He left Halsin mid-sentence, who at first felt slighted but understood when he saw Astarion was going to his lover. He wished them the best despite his own desires for them both.

Tav had turned away and was about to isolate themself in their tent when a cold but familiar hand wrapped around their wrist. They sighed, not particularly wanting to see Astarion after seeing that he didn't seem fully satisfied with their relationship status.

The two had only explicitly said that Tav wouldn't sleep with anyone else, they had assumed that extended to Astarion as well but that now seemed foolishly naive.

Astarion felt internal panic as Tav shifted away from him. Had he pushed them too far?

"Darling, I-" he began purposefully putting more honey into his words than normal, but cut himself off when he saw just how truly distressed they were once they faced him fully.

Tav was trying to put on a brave face, but despair was in their eyes.

"I did not mean to hurt you, I was just having fun," Astarion dropped all pretense of performance from his voice. That was getting easier and easier to do with Tav.

Tav shrugged off his almost-apology, not wanting to be a burden.

"You are free to discover your sexuality however you choose, gods know you deserve it. I just wish you would tell me whenever you find comfort in others, I-," Tav hesitated, worried they were asking too much of him.

But Astarion cut them off, "Find comfort in others? You think I genuinely wanted to sleep with Halsin?"

Astarion says that sentence a bit too loud, his offense overriding his desire to keep his relationship more private.

Tav shrugged again and mumbled, "It sure looked like it back there."

At this, Astarion scoffed making Tav's blood boil. He couldn't take their relationship seriously for five minutes. They were just trying to have a real and honest conversation with him and he was mocking them.

Tav yanked their hand out of his wrist, "Fine, do what you want with whoever you do actually want. At least do me the curtesy of telling me before doing it right in front of my face."

Astarion reared back at the venom in their voice. He knew this was his own doing, but the worst part of him wanted to fight back. He'd never been able to fight back before.

So he threw his hands up and yelled, "Well darling, don't be surprised then when I make my way through our plethora of eligible companions. You're not the only one in high demand."

His insecurity about everyone wanting Tav came in at the end and he regretted showing that weakness in the moment.

Tears started to truly fall down Tav's cheeks at his words and he immediately wanted to take everything back. But they didn't give him the chance, they just turned away and retreated to their tent. It is in this moment that Astarion realized everyone was looking at them. None of these assholes had any sense of privacy or minding their own fucking business. With nothing else to do that would save his dignity, he simply sneered at them and stalked off into the woods. He hadn't put his tent up in the assumption he would spend the night in his lover's tent but he'd gone and royally fucked that up.

Astarion was no stranger to screwing up a romantic interaction but this one was the worst. Sure, there was no vampiric master to punish him when he went home empty handed, but he had hurt someone he loved. The first someone he ever truly loved. Hells, he half-heartedly thought, I'd rather take a night of torture than this guilt.

His heart is hurting and this pain isn't something he has ever felt before. He'd gotten attached to certain marks and felt the weight of their deaths on his conscience. But this, this was different. Tav wasn't going to meet a gruesome death, but he'd broken their heart entirely of his own volition. He was no longer a puppet and with this new autonomy he just lashes out at the one person who'd cared for him. He was as bad as Cazador always said he was.

A rustling behind him alerts Astarion that he is no longer alone in the clearing he'd found to sulk in. Of course it is Tav coming to check on him. They were always thinking of him and his wellbeing. And he went and threw that love away.

"Star, please come to bed. It's not safe out here," their voice was soft and pleading.

"You want me to come to your tent after that fight?" He scoffed, self-loathing coating his tongue.

Tav approached him slowly as if he were a wounded animal. Anger reared up in his chest as he felt pitied, but then he saw their eyes. They were just as kind and loving as always. There was hurt, yes, but the love hadn't left. They still cared about him.

"How can you love me?" The words came out coarse and desperate as he bit back a sob.

That made Tav stop, and his body screamed for them to come closer.

They tilted their head and looked him up and down before saying, "I just do."

He laughed, light and fleeting, "You just do? Well, I suppose that is really all that matters then darling. Come here please."

He held out his hand to Tav, which they gladly took and allowed themself to be pulled into his embrace. Astarion melted into the kiss, his arms completely engulfing his love. His love. He ought to tell them he loved them.

"I love you as well. I am sorry for my outburst. The way I spoke to you," he paused, shame overtaking him, "it was deplorable and wrong. I don't want anyone else in my bed but you. Ever."

Tav sighed and released a mountain of tension from their shoulders. They became putty in his arms.

"I know, I'm sorry for being childish and petty rather than just expressing that I want us both to be exclusively each other's," their voice was muffled as they snuggled into his neck.

Astarion sighed back, happily, "I want that too."

#i kind of hate this but for my mental health i need to get through finishing my drafts #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 fanfic

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restlesswritingss · 2 months

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me at the forest scene: can’t believe this. not a blanket in sight. linens could have been put down. Something. not just butt ass nude on the ground. bugs everywhere. there just had to be another way.

me at the graveyard scene: ah. Love wins

#exactly #how does a tav with a vagina not get a UTI

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restlesswritingss · 2 months

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In which Astarion feels guilty

WARNINGS: Talk of PTSD from sexual assaults and domestic abuse for Tav and all the normal warnings that come from Astarion's backstory.

Astarion x reader

Astarion's plan was going perfect, you were falling head over heels for him at an unfounded rate. Your night together had been, well surprisingly wonderful. He had dissociated a little bit but hadn't completely hated it. You were a kind lover, you'd actually wanted to get him off and make him feel pleasured. It'd been oddly nice. He'd felt so guilty afterward. You had trusted him.

He knew only spots of your past but he knew there was some manipulative "lover" there that had made it hard for you to properly be intimate as well. It'd made his plan take a bit longer than he would have liked, and took more manipulation than he found himself feeling comfortable with. But, he played the part perfectly whilst trying to ignore a voice in the back of his brain pointing out he was just treating you like your last abuser. It must have been the tadpole. Sure, he was using you but it had to be done.

So here he lay on the soft forest floor with your head on his chest wide awake. You'd cried when he'd made you cum from his mouth and fingers. He'd comforted you and kissed the tears from your cheeks as you apologized over and over again.

"I've just never felt this safe during sex before," You'd managed weakly as you looked up at him.

That had cracked his façade. He'd never had someone be so open with him. They always just wanted his body and their own pleasure in the end. The fact that this was also the case for you shook him. He'd made you feel safe and he wanted to feel safe too.

That ridiculous thought was pushed aside and he'd continued on, but he was a bit more present after that. It'd felt good with you.

But he hadn't meant for it to. He didn't want more with you. The flush of your cheeks and dilation of your pupils always betrayed more than just lust when you looked at him and he'd used that to fasten the noose around your neck. You were none the wiser. He'd seen the suspicion in your eyes when you first allowed him to join your little party.

You were no fool but he'd managed to find any weak point he could. Your heart was a little too kind, as seen by your offering of blood to him. Astarion at first tried his typical rake ploy, offering only carnal pleasure with no strings attached but that wasn’t the bait that had lured you in.

He still seethed when he remembered your sneer at his overly sensuous flirtations. But then he'd turned on the boyish charm and that had at least made you blush. He'd been careful, calculated in his seduction but that still hadn't truly cracked the tough outer shell that kept everyone at a distance. What had worked was sincerity. It wasn't a tactic Astarion used often, but it had worked wonders with you. Learning of his tragic backstory had caused you to open up almost instantaneously. It was almost pathetic how eager you were to divulge your backstory.

Astarion was analyzing the first time you'd opened up to him as you snuggled deeper into his neck. Anything to ignore the way your warm breath on his neck made him shudder and his arm tighten around you.

You'd caught Astarion trying to check the scars on his back. It wasn't something he thought often about but this night the need to know what was viscously carved into his skin was overwhelming. Astarion was normally sharp and always heard people coming but you had a knack for sneaking up on him.

Worry warped your voice as you asked, "Did something happen to your back? Do you need Shadowheart?"

Astarion had panicked and bared his teeth to you. His back was thankfully facing away from you but you'd seen him desperately clawing at it.

The panic in your face made him retreat further. There was genuine caring in your eyes and his whole body rejected the idea of you caring for him. Caring meant pity.

You held up your hands as if he was a cornered stray. It made him actually hiss at you.

"Are you ok?" You asked more assertively, holding his gaze.

That made him falter. You did not fear him and you were not going to let this go.

His shoulders slumped and his head fell as mumbled, "Something did happen to my back but nothing Shadowheart could heal. It was done many years ago by my master."

You lowered your hands and tilted your head in curiosity, "Does it still cause you pain? I could try to find something to soothe or dull it if you'll let me."

Your asking of his consent to help him was the final nail in his coffin. He felt bile rise in his throat as his body succumed to your caring before his mind could stop it.

He simply shook his head as he turned to allow you to see one of his greatest shames. This wasn't apart of his plan to seduce you and he needed to regain the upper hand.

"Why did he carve infernal into your back?"

Astarion's shoulders tensed at your words.

"Infernal? The bastard said it was a poem!"

Now you took in a sharp breath, "Sorry I forgot you'd probably never seen it."

"Another way I can never be free of him, an infernal poem carved into my back to serve as a constant reminder of my master," Astarion scoffed. The words were bitter in his mouth.

It was then, after hearing his vulnerability that you felt inclined to divulge some of your own. You knew Astarion would feel as if you had power over him with this information, and you wanted to make things more equal between the two of you.

Astarion was astonished that you were such an idiot. He hadn't even had to plan to get you to open up to him and divulge information he was surely going to use against you. He no longer felt vulnerable at all. You were too much a fool to even think to use his past against him. The knowledge of your past with a truly awful lover was another tool in his arsenal to get into your bed and good graces.

Astarion wasn't new to feeling immense guilt for tricking his exploits, but before he had been able to comfort himself that it was Cazador not him. But his manipulation of you was all him. Cazador no longer controlled him while the tadpole was in his head. Astarion was manipulating you completely out of his own volition. And to his surprise, it felt utterly awful.

Another dagger to his conscience came in you nuzzling your face into his neck in your sleep. Your soft breath on his neck felt oddly nice. He wasn't used to cuddling after his exploits. That's not to say he was a stranger to any sort of romance involved in sexual exploits, he was an expert in literally romancing the pants off of people. But this, this was new in how it made him feel.

He normally wanted to crawl out of his skin and couldn't get out of his lover's bed fast enough. But here he was on a dirty floor in the middle of the godsdamned forest actually enjoying the feeling of your body pressed to his. This was not a part of his plan.

* * *

The first rays of sun awoke Astarion, the old panic that it would burn his skin still overtaking his body. But now it was overridden by a desire to bask in the sun's rays while he could. The only thing making him hesitate was your limbs completely entangled him. He sighed, half-heartedly exasperated. Even with his extensive skills, there was no way of disentangling himself without waking you up. Astarion found himself hesitating not because he didn't want to speak with you more, as was normally his reasoning behind being quiet as possible with previous marks, but more so because he enjoyed watching you sleep.

A very creepy and unwelcomed thought. But, a thought and feeling he couldn't help as you drooled on his chest and snored into his ear in a way he found endearing. A worrying development.

But Astarion couldn't let his precious time in the sun go to waste. As soon as he tried to move your arm, you stirred and blinked up at him with sweet yet bleary eyes. The unfiltered softness and adoration in your gaze made what was left of your blood in his system rush to the tips of his ears.

"Good morning handsome," you drawled, smiling up at him before turning away from him to stretch all your limbs.

Astarion frowned at the loss of your warmth. His arms moved of their own volition to snake around your middle to pull you back flush against him. The flitty laugh you let out as you melted back into his embrace made his mind go blank. The comfort and sweetness in this simple embrace warmed him more than the sun ever could.

Spooning was a common request amongst his previous partners, but this, this felt natural and intimate.

"How are you feeling?" You asked, your hand moving to cover his that was placed on your stomach.

"Me? Wonderful darling, better than ever. I ought to be the one asking you that question," His voice lost it's humor and went far too soft at the end. Worry seeped in, worry that you would regret this exploit or that he had hurt you in some way.

Your other hand reached behind to stroke his hair lightly. Astarion resisted the urge to moan at how good your nails felt on his scalp.

"I feel better than I have in a long time, I just hope I made you feel as good as you made me feel," the insecurity crept into your voice.

Astarion tightened his grip on you, wanting to keep away the dark thoughts he knew were creeping in. He didn't want you to think of past abuse or mistreatment. You didn't need to worry about his pleasure, or fear that he would be angry with you for not focusing on him at all times.

"As I said before, last night was positively divine," Astarion stopped himself before continuing.

His instinct was to put the mask back on and make a suggestion to continue the fun in the morning light. But he didn't really want a part two in this moment. He was enjoying this tender embrace.

You sighed contently, sinking further into his arms. As you began to drift back into sleep, Astarion looked up towards the rising sun. The divinity of basking in the warm sun rays was tainted slightly. There was a nagging in the back of his skull that wasn't the worm in his head.

It was guilt. Guilt for manipulating you. He didn't truly return the romantic feelings he was fostering in you with his honeyed words and longing gazes. He was using you for protection. He tried to remind himself that it was necessary for his survival. But the level of his manipulation was a bit much, even for him. And this cuddling in the morning was not necessary for his survival. He was just enjoying it.

This was going to blow up in his face. He really should work on his planning skills.

Author's Note: IDK what the fuck this is but I just needed to get something written. Let me know what you think even if you hate it I appreciate any feedback!

#astarion x reader #astarion x tav

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