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Something that made hygiene-related things easier to do was to say "fuck it" to the concept of doing the thing at the Right time. My teeth do not understand that it is currently 02:00 or 15:00 and they're getting brushed. The skin on my face doesn't hold up a timepiece and say, "why haven't you washed me, twelve hours have elapsed and you haven't bothered to wash me!".

As someone who has had very intense experiences with my ability to do things at the Right time, throwing out those rules has been a game-changer. I used to shame myself because I didn't do something at the Right Time, so I just didn't do it, which would make me feel even worse. That's not a healthy way to go about anything. Accommodate for yourself. Throw out those rules.

#good advice

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Top-down vs bottom-up thinking, or not seeing the forest for the trees

Autistic thinking is often described as focusing on the details and not the bigger picture. In my (non-English-speaking) country (don't know how common it is other places), the expression "can't see the forest for the trees" is often brought up in that setting. And it's always bothered me. To me, it makes it sound like my thinking is wrong and that I need to fix it. And also that it's somehow easy to fix.

Top-down thinking looks something like this:

That's clearly a forest. (photos taken by me btw). Focusing on the details would be like zooming in:

If the point of the exercise is to see the forest, zooming in is a silly way to go, but it also seems easy to just zoom out again and see the entire forest, because you're standing on a distance already.

Bottom-up thinking looks more like this:

There are trees all around me, ergo I must be in a forest. But there's no way I'm gonna be able to determine how big the forest is or what it looks like just by standing in one spot. I have to move around, gather intel and map the forest on foot like the explorers of old.

Quite likely, I won't ever find the edge and get out to view it from a distance. But by wandering around I can discern and map its size, location, content and shape. I can see the forest THROUGH the trees.

And importantly, it's not a choice, it's just the way my brain works.

#autistic thinking #actually autistic #autism #thinking #top down vs bottom up thinking #autistic things #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #mypost

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Adults: Following rules is good, not following rules is bad

Little me: Okay :] *follows a rule*

Adults: Oh my god look at this loser. He doesn't know that this rule is Secretly Okay To Not Follow. Dumbass. Let's all laugh at him

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15 year old google psychologist on tiktok: you HAVE to be PROFESSIONALLY DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM or else youre a FAKER whos STEALING RESOURCES from ACTUAL PEOPLE WITH AUTISM

psychiatrist: you dont act autistic. ok well i guess you acted autistic as a kid but not now so clearly something changed. whats masking?

psychiatrist: you experience a lot of traits of autism but you made eye contact with me for a bit so you cant be autistic

psychiatrist: you cant be autistic because youre too smart

psychiatrist: well you experience profound symptoms of autism but your brothers already diagnosed with autism and thats not possible for you both to be

psychiatrist: ok you seem autistic however youre a teenage girl. have you considered you might have borderline personality disorder/bipolar disorder instead?

*also when you get diagnosed*

psychiatrist: i cant advocate for your disabling ptsd to the government, i can only do autism. yes i know your autism isnt the actual problem here but have you considered that youre just being autistic about it?

psychiatrist: i cant write a letter of recommendation for gender affirming care because youre autistic. yes i know you work a full time job and live independently but youre not capable of making these decisions

psychiatrist: *doesnt try to treat/talk about anything but the autism*

the 15 year old again: i know you SAID youre diagnosed with autism but i dont believe you because anyone can say that, so im going to continue to harrass you about it anyway

#being accused of faking autism for resources is so funny to me #what resources??? #the view of autism in nd/autism-positive online spaces #and the view in real life is unfortunately quite different

[realityfragment]

A lot of people discover they struggle with ADHD by the age 18-25 because that's when all of the structure provided by school, extracurriculars, & even certain relationships goes away & you have to start creating structure on your own, which, for someone with ADHD, can feel impossible.

#moving far away from home at 19 to study was so chaotic for me #didn't help that the living-situation was far from ideal #Adulting is hard

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Pros of hyperfixiation:

Happy!

Art ideas

Life is good

Cons of hyperfixiation:

I am going to blow up

All my art is of the same guy

If I don't think about this 24/7 I get violent

#the source of all my art #literally #hyperfixation is awesome but also painful

[realityfragment]

#tbh #I understand the aliens in 3 body problem #when they learn that humans lie #and react by wanting to destroy humanity because they can't be trusted #not sayin' I think they're right just sayin' I understand...

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“Autistic people need special accommodations” and “autistic people should not be infantilized and talked down to” are schools of though that can and should co-exist.

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"The way we experience the world, some people talk about it as like, the bottom up versus top down, if you know what I mean when I say that. So for neurodivergent people to understand the bigger picture, we need to understand how all the tiny details kind of fit together, and then we get it.

But a neurotypical person, typically has that top-down, so they already... their brains have already filtered out when they think is important, and then they drill down to like, the essence of it. And essentially that's what you're doing in your therapy, the therapist is trying to help you get to like, the crumbs, to really try and understand that detail. But our brains are already working like that. So quite often we end up being in therapy, we might have therapists say: oh you're very self-aware...

But the reality is that we're going to therapy because we're overwhelmed. There's just too much information, and we're trying to simplify and make sense of something. Whereas traditional therapy does it completely the opposite way. Which can actually lead us to, like, ruminations, feeling stuck on that kind of loop of just getting nowhere and not feeling any better."

Youtube video: How therapy can traumatise autistic people (w/ Steph Jones)

Steph Jones, writer of the book "The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy", timestamp 14:10.

#an oh that's why-moment for me #actually autistic #autism #mental health #therapy #neurodiversity #actually neurodivergent #steph jones #The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy #mypost

[realityfragment]

Why is insincere modesty and fake generosity polite? If you turn something down don't get upset when someone else takes it.

[realityfragment]

sometimes i feel like people forget autism is a disability. and that’s not a bad thing! i’m all for disability acceptance, im proud of my disabilities. but i feel like we forget autism can hurt.

it hurts that i have to put more time and energy into socializing than others.

it hurts when i need to move so bad, usually cause im overwhelmed by either my surroundings or emotions, that i thrash and hurt myself.

it hurts that i cant be in places that are too loud or too bright, which on bad days can be as simple as a small, quiet noise or dim lights.

it hurts that i struggle to tell when im hungry, thirsty, tired, etc. so i can’t properly take care of myself. it doesn’t help my insomnia and i get very nauseas and get UTIs.

i 100% believe in autism acceptance. i don’t want a cure. but i also want us the acknowledge that it can hurt. it doesn’t mean my entire life will hurt, but some parts will. and i want a community where we can see both sides, see the hurt, and celebrate it anyway.

#neuance on tumblr dot com? #thank you! #I don't like either extremes of the online discourse #the “autism is horrible” or the “autism is a superpower”-side #autism just is #and it's so SO individual

[realityfragment]

Pro tip for people looking for meds or diagnosis. DO NOT MASK in front of a psychiatrist. I went in for an evaluation with a new psychiatrist this week with the goal of getting meds and I was just fully myself during the interview like bouncing my knees, only looking at him occasionally, breaking off mid-sentence to ask about the room decor (“were you in the Air Force? That’s a really cool chess set. Is that a Star Wars tie????”). And he did not even hesitate when I told him I was there to get adderall or another med he was just like “yup makes sense, let’s talk about your options”.

In the past I’ve always really struggled (and still do!) with masking around other people especially if they’re new, and this has sometimes made it difficult to get meds because I mask so well that sometimes professionals haven’t believed me when I said I was struggling because I looked fine.

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“don’t talk about your struggles don’t make your disorder your whole personality”

lol nah. you’re allowed to talk about your disorder actually. you’re allowed to share your experiences in detail about something that affects you. you’re allowed to research it. you’re allowed to post about it as much as you’d like. you’re allowed to reach out to others with similar struggles. you’re allowed to be a voice for your community. you’re allowed to be a voice for yourself.

[realityfragment]

Neurodivergent reminder: Overstimulation feels a lot like anxiety, and understimulation feels a lot like depression.

More importantly, you don't need to know which it is to practice self-care.

Self-caring anxiety and overstimulation looks the same:

Recognize you're feeling big feelings

Take as many deep breaths as your need to slow your mind

Identify what’s causing the feeling, whether sensory, environmental, or situational

Minimize that cause as much as possible immediately

Self-caring depression and understimulation looks the same:

Recognize you’re in need of stimulation

Turn on an interesting long-form video of some kind

Do some quick exercise like a walk or jumping jacks

Call a friend that'll let you infodump

If you're neurodivergent and easily get stuck on labelling things — I see you.

I'm here to remind you that you don't need to know what it is to take care of it in the meantime.

You can — will — figure it out later.

[realityfragment]

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but intrusive thoughts are basically your brain’s (sometimes very upsetting) way of saying “If there were two guys on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what?”

I’ve personally found that adding the “would that be fucked or what?” part in myself really helps put the more disturbing thoughts we sometimes get into perspective. Helps me say “yeah thar sure would be fucked up” and move on with my day.

It’s not a secret desire, it’s not something that only occurs to you because you’re a bad person. It’s just your brain deciding to process the fact that it knows an uncomfortable thing exists in the world by feeding it to you in an absurd “what if” with you as the main character.

[realityfragment]

I think the topic of consent is very important, and I think as an intellectually disabled person, it’s even more important to talk about what I was taught, and what my mom did.

My mom, who was a single woman at the time, explicitly taught me about consent. Why? Because she knew that I, as an intellectually disabled person and autistic person, needed to know it. And it needed to be drilled into my head the importance of consent. Not only did she teach me this, but she taught me how to communicate to trusted people if something happened. She knew that if she didn’t, the chances of me not knowing, or not understanding certain aspects of consent and sex in general, would be profoundly higher than my peers.

She noticed, she did the research, she taught and did what she could. And I am forever grateful for that. Intellectually disabled people, who have a higher rate of things happening to them and being abused, NEED to be taught about sex education, consent, and how to communicate if something were to happen. We are at a much higher rate of being sexually abused than our peers. And it is so so important that these things are taught to us so we are aware and able to protect ourselves and know when it’s time to contact a trusted adult.

[realityfragment]

ILY people who are continually wrong about their self diagnoses

being right about self diagnosis isn't what makes self diagnosis okay. it's a process, and you're learning. it takes time to find answers and just like doctors can be wrong in their suspicions so can you.

figuring out what condition you have is hard and I'm proud of you for taking steps towards finding the right answers. being wrong is okay and is even a valuable part of the process of ruling things out. sometimes it's not a horse, sometimes you're just a zebra, and you can't know you're a zebra without making sure you're not a horse first.