rafecameronscockwarmer - Tumblr blog

rafecameronscockwarmer · 9 months

Note

Sub!stepbro!rafe please 😩

Summary: You steal coke from your stepbrother/fuck buddy, and he’s absolutely pussy whipped.

Warning: drug use, stepcest (stepbrother x stepsister), Rafe is in love, mommy kink, edging, spanking (m recieving 😇), oral (m receiving), ball sucking, p n v, body worship, mild mentions of feet kissing, doing Coke off his dick and ass oops, ball sucking, squirting, creampie, sub! Rafe, dom! Reader, literally not canon at all but idc I wanna dominate him

“I know you took it!”

Rafe’s voice screams out throughout the incredibly large Cameron estate as you walk down the stairs, his fists clenched at his sides as he watches your retreating form. You roll your eyes, used to his tantrums and spoiled personality from the many months of living with him. You’re both alone, the house echoing your words and otherwise being completely empty.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Rafe.” You reach the end of the staircase to grab your jacket and slip it on. But before you can, Rafe’s hands grab your wrists harshly. He yanks you to him, his breath heavy and uneven.

“Give me my fucking coke back.”

So maybe you do know what he’s talking about. But so what? Rafe isn’t like you. Whereas coke makes him violent and corrupted, it makes you… well, an average coke addict. It isn’t a surprise for anyone to learn that what’s wrong with Rafe’s brain goes far beyond addiction. So, stealing it isn’t necessarily wrong.

It’s definitely not something anyone with half the balls you have would do, though.

Rafe’s voice on the edge of threatening,, but you merely bat an eyelash at the boy. His face is flushed, mouth mere inches away from your face as he looks down at you with a hesitant angered expression. Your eyes avert to the incredibly long fingers wrapped around your wrist, and then back up to him again with a clenched jaw.

“Let go of me, Rafe.” You demand. He hesitates, and the nervous softening of his grip doesn’t go unnoticed. You move closer, getting on your tip toes to reach his tall height. “Let go of me…now.”

He doesn’t remove his fingers from your wrists at first, but after a moment his hands drop from yours.

Rafe isn’t one to be told what to do, but when it’s you… it’s like he can’t do anything but follow your orders. The other times before this, the times when you had fucked him up in secret, in so many more ways than one, doesn’t help the situation. And as messed up as it is, you’re the only woman who can make him fall to his knees.

Even if you’re the daughter of his dad’s wife.

A small smirk forms on your face, eyes wild, and you’re taking another step towards him. He stumbles back into the wall. You laugh at the look in his eyes. One at first glance would say it’s annoyance, but you know better.

It’s fear.

“I don’t like boys who don’t do what they’re told the first time.”

Rafe scoffs, body moving to walk backwards up the stairs as you follow him with slow steps.

“I don’t like thieves.”

“Don’t be greedy and I won’t have to steal it.”

He chuckles nervously, reaching the top of the staircase.

“‘M not greedy. Just wished you would’ve asked first.”

You pause. You’re both off the steps now, eyes following each others as you beckon him towards your room.

“If you want it so bad, maybe you should come in my room and get it.”

The insinuation doesn’t go unnoticed. Rafe’s face flushes a deep crimson.

“Yeah?” He replies. He reaches for your doorknob, right across from his. “Guess I have to find it, then. Right?”

You don’t say anything, but a smile quirks your lips as he brings himself inside. When his knees hit the edge of your bed you push him down harshly. He gasps, his body hitting the mattress underneath him with a loud thud. He lifts himself up onto his elbows as you approach your bookshelf. Seated on the highest shelf is a golden jewelry box. You pull out the third drawer. You grab the packet of white powder sitting inside and turn around to show the boy.

“This what you want?”

You can tell by the way his mood changes, excitement glazing his features as he looks at the drug. “Yeah.”

“Gonna have to earn it.” You say, coldly.

“I’ll do anything.”

And you know he means it. So you walk over to the bed and grab him by his ankles. His jeans are still on, and your fingers begin to undo his belt. He looks at you with a desperate gaze; you know he could take his clothes off himself, but where’s the fun in that? And so, once the belt is through the loops, you unbutton his jeans and push them down. Dior briefs are exposed to you, and you snicker.

“I didn’t even know dior made underwear. Preparing for something, Cameron?”

The boy huffs. “I just- I know it’s your favorite brand, that’s all.”

“So you wore them for me?” Your fingers ghost over the large bulge accompanying the fabric. He lets out a low groan. “That’s so cute. But it sounds like you came to me looking for a fight. Just so I’d put you in your place.”

“Maybe I did. So what?” He snarks. You narrow your eyes, and your palm lands harshly on his thigh. He whines.

“Don’t be a fucking brat. Now take your shirt off and turn over.”

Of course, he obeys; hands going to the hem of his striped top, he pulls it over his head and exposes his naked chest and torso to you. He’s gorgeous, perfectly chiseled and tense with arousal. He uses his legs to turn himself around onto his stomach.

“Like this?” He asks. Faux innocence drips off of every honeyed syllable.

“Yes, baby. Just like that.”

You sit down on your pink sheets next to Rafe’s pliant body. He’s breathing shallowly, waiting for you next move. You grab his ankles once again and maneuver his body so he’s laying across your lap. His brows furrow in confusion, but they quickly lift into pleasure as his mouth falls open. Your palm comes down on his left cheek. A teasing slap, one that isn’t meant to cause pain, but enough to present the idea of spanking to the boy’s mind.

“Yeah…” It’s all Rafe’s brain can muster, the feeling of being bent over his stepsister’s knee making blood rush to his cock a lot more than it should. “Thas’ good, momma…”

“Jesus...” You pull down his briefs, exposing his pretty round globes to the room. You grab the bag of coke and quickly poor a line down onto his right cheek. Rafe tries to look back at what you’re doing, but you’re other hand grabs his hair and yanks him back down to look at the bed.

“Don’t. Stay fucking still.”

You pull and adjust Rafe’s thighs so he’s a bit lifted. Careful not to spill the coke, you bring your nose down to his cheek and snort up the white powder. He knows what you’re doing, and his legs clench together as he tries to relieve his arousal and the urge to snatch the bag out of your hands. Your eyes roll back when the drug hits your system, a low groan leaving your lips.

“Fuck, that’s good.”

Rafe just moans, bare cock pressing against your thigh as he tries to rut against it. He’s dripping, you can feel him making a wet spot form on your skirt. Your palm goes down to his ass again; not to hit him, just to feel him under your fingertips.

“It’s okay, Rafe.” you coo. “You’ll get your share. Just be patient.”

“Don’t wanna,” he whines. “Wanna do a line off your tits… wanna fuck your pussy. Want ‘em both so bad.”

“You’ll get to soon. But I think you need a punishment for your smart mouth, first. Don’t you?”

He doesn’t say anything, just rocks his ass back into your hands as confirmation: yes, momma. I do need a punishment. I’ve been a bad boy.

Rafe has always been shy with words. So you don’t scold when he doesn’t reply. You just tilt your hand back, and spank him harshly. He mewls, hands gripping the sheets below him as his cheeks redden from your abuse. Another slap comes down, and after a few more you can feel tears dripping on your thigh. You smile at the sight of his reddened cheeks, the way he squirms when you rub your fingers over him. And after five more hits, the boy is sobbing into your leg.

“Such a sweet boy,” you praise. He shakes when you press a kiss to his shoulder blade. “Taking your punishment so well. I think you deserve a reward.”

“Please, mommy.” He pleads.

“Get up, honey. Sit up on your knees for a minute.”

He obeys, a small sniffle sounding from him as he does so. The sight of Rafe Cameron, your stepbrother, crying for you like this shouldn’t make you so wet. But it does.

When he’s on his knees you make sure to put a pillow down on the mattress before getting him to lay down on his back; he’s a strong boy, and he can handle a lot, so his sore ass is the last thing he’s thinking of when you ask if he’s okay. He just nods, cushioned underneath the pillow and looking up at you with heavy eyes and a large, hardened cock. You pick up the coke bag again, and teasingly hold it in front of your clothed pussy. And when Rafe sees it, he’s like one of Pavlov’s dogs: The two of his favorite things right in front of each other. He looks at you with longing.

“Can I have them? Please?”

“Not yet.”

He goes to whine, but you shush him with the threat of spanking him again.

“Just stay down, Rafe.” You demand. He nods, although he wants to protest.

You grip his cock, and his eyes flutter shut in surprise and pleasure. But it’s all in stride; you’re only holding it right now. Rafe’s bottom lip gets caught between his teeth when he feels your spit pool along his shaft. And then, you pour the coke onto his cock. It’s an odd feeling, and it tingles a bit. But when Rafe looks down, he wonders why he’s never done it before. Your nose is pressed against him, trying to snort up most of the coke. It’s just messy, though. His pre cum just made the coke stick to him, so you’re practically rubbing your face in his arousal.

And Jesus, that makes Rafe’s cock kick.

“Can’t get it?” He teases.

You just reply, “Fuck you, Cameron.” And then move your tongue along his cock. And he gasps, low and throaty, as he feels your tongue lick along the base of his length and then down to his balls. He’s hairless there (of course he is), so it’s easy and makes it all worthwhile. As you suckle the heavy sacks into your mouth, your pussy drips with wetness.

“Oh my god, that’s good, shit—“ Rafe fucks up into your mouth, and you press his hips back down so he can’t. You look up at him and watch as his face scrunches up in pleasure when your teeth graze his balls. You pull off of him with a pop as he continues to beg for his release.

“I’m gonna give you what you want now.” You state.

“Really? Thank you—“ he leans down, pressing a kiss to your forehead and cheeks. It shouldn’t be as affectionate as it is. “—thank you so much, momma.”

And he means it. Which isn’t common for Rafe fucking Cameron. But he does a lot of things he usually doesn’t do when he’s with you.

You lay down on your back with the coke in your hand. When Rafe tries to reach for it, you just tsk.

“No, baby. You have to fuck me first.”

He frowns, but he’s also giddy from the thought of being able to stick himself inside you. So he does what he’s told, and lifts up your skirt. The smell of your arousal hits him, and he keens.

“You smell so fuckin’ good.” He mumbles. And he can’t wait any longer, so he pushes your thong to the side and slides right into your soaked entrance. You smile, head tilting back and exposing your neck. Rafe doesn’t hesitate to leave bite marks along the expanse of the skin there. You’re the perfect amount of heat and wetness to make his cock throb in its place.

“Good?” You ask. You know the answer, but you want him to talk to you more.

“Really, really good.” He groans. “You’re always so tight— best pussy I’ve ever had, fuck!”

He’s trying to hold his resolve, but with all the edging you’ve been doing he going to cum quick. He sobs as he bucks up into you, as you drip around his girthy length. And then your arms are wrapping around his back as you start to unzip the bag of coke once again. You pull your top down and expose your breasts to Rafe, and pour the substance in between the valley of skin there. His mouth opens wide, and he just… shoves his face into it. It’s so filthy, and so vulgar, as he snorts the drug up into his nose and licks it off of you. He starts to lick your nipples ferociously, muttering thank yous over and over again. His fingers reach down to rub your clit and you cry out at the pleasure.

“Good boy- good Fuckin’ boy, Rafe!” You moan out. “God.. ‘m gonna cum! Gonna cum all over your cock—“

And that’s exactly what you do. Your high crashes over you in powerful waves, and Rafe lets out a small laugh as he watches you squirt all over him.

“Yeah. That’s it, momma.” He looks genuinely happy, genuinely excited and content. “I’m- I’m so proud of you, holy shit.”

“Yeah?” You try to tease calmly, but the force of your orgasm has you stuttering and shaky. “You have to come for me, too.”

And that brings Rafe back to his cock inside of you, to his unfinished orgasm, and he begins to pummel you with no remorse. His thighs slap against yours aggressively as you scream from the overstimulation. He catches sight of the bracelet you have wrapped around your ankle. It’s made of solid gold, one he had gotten you for your nineteenth birthday, that has Cameron engraved on it in thick letters. Ward and your mom had found it endearing.

‘Your brother got your last name on it!’ Your mother had gushed. ‘How sweet!’

Little did she know that it was a sign of his possession. His possession over his stepsister, his baby sis, as he called you around his family. But although Rafe owns you, he knows you’ll always be the one in control: in control of his thoughts, his mind, his body, his feelings. You’re everything.

He presses kisses to your toes. Not in a weird way.. at least he hopes it’s not in a weird way. His tongue runs along the ridges of your ankle, a little bit up your calf. His strong arms grab ahold of your thighs and push them up, up. Eventually they’re over your head, and you’re crying out for another orgasm. His nose buries itself into your neck, and he can smell you— perfume, sweat, skin, cocaine, and fuck, Rafe doesn’t think he’s ever been with someone this perfect. And when you cry out his name on your lips, when you clench around him just right, he’s filling your cunt up with thick ropes of his cum. He eats you out afterwards, of course. He’s yours, after all, and whatever you want you get. And it’s perfect, even after that: when you’re laying there while he’s on top of you, snorting that last bit of drug that you had stolen from him, his high buzzing through his brain. When your hands run through his hair and offer to put lotion on the spots where you had spanked him. It’s perfect.

Almost. Because how in the fuck are you going to explain this to your parents?

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 9 months

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warnings: cheating, smut. Dub con. Possessive Rafe! 18+

"Rafe."

His name fell out like a pathetic whimper on your lips, choked by the sobs you were desperately trying to hold in. You were pleading for him to slow down, to take it easy on you, but Rafe wasn't having any of it. Each thrust he shoved into you was a hard reminder of who you belonged to, who you were truly meant to be with.

You could be with that scumbag now but it was only a matter of time before Rafe made it clear that you were his.

"Did you sleep with him?" Rafe questioned, gripping your hair tighter in his hand. He yanked you back before you could mumble an answer, pressing your back against his chest so he could look at you properly. "Did you?"

"No," you sobbed out, unable to shake your head in his hold.

"Good."

Even though Rafe seemed pleased with your answer, he wasn't fully happy. You could tell by how his grip tightened around your hips, hoping to leave bruises in their wake. Also in the way his pace quickened, becoming relentless as he bullied his cock in and out of your walls.

And you'd be a liar to say that you didn't enjoy every second of it. Being overstimulated on the edge of Rafe's cock was a new found paradise for you and you didn't care for the consequences that came with it.

A few footsteps sounded in the bathroom stalls, setting panic over you as you slapped your hand across your face. But with Rafe's skin slapping against yours and his dick sliding through your soaked core, there was no chance that the intruder couldn't hear what was going on.

"Who's in there?"

Your face twisted back to look at Rafe, wide wet eyes pleading with him to stop at the familiar voice. But at the realisation of who it was had a smug smile spreading across Rafe's face as his hands snatched your own arms away to trap them against your back. No matter how much you tried to fight against him, he was too strong holding your wrists tightly together with one hand.

"It's just me," Rafe chuckled, arching his hips upwards into yours.

He was determined to get a reaction out of you and with the way he was going he knew it was only a matter of time before you let something slip.

"Rafe," your husband snickered in response, practically ready to give him a pat on the back. "Well I'll be out of your way now."

"It's no problem, honestly," Rafe joked, teeth winking at you as he gave you a few deep thrusts.

That was it for you, a moan being ripped out from the back of your throat as he grazed your sweet spot over and over. Fresh tears rolled down your cheeks and you were unable to keep any noises from slipping past your lips.

Worry set over you as all you thought of was what if your husband recognised your voice, what if he could tell. But all he did was laugh louder as he continued to walk out. It was a close call, for now.

But you knew that Rafe wanted him to recognise your voice, wanted him to know that it was you in this stall.

"I'm going to put a baby inside of you," Rafe leaned over to groan in your ear. "After that there will be no one to question that you're mine. Not even him."

With that your body betrayed you, walls spasming around his length as he continued to fuck you. He finished soon after you, letting your walls milk him dry until every last drop of cum was inside of you. The only way he would have it.

#do not look at me #the way i want this man to scramble my insides HOEMYGAWD

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 9 months

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In The Darkness - Master List

Warnings: Eventual Non-con. Dub con. Love bombing. Incest. Manipulation. Stalking. Violence. Abusive behaviour. Obsessive behaviour. Dark! Rafe. Smut. 18+

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Half-Sister! Reader

Read this before: While I write for most of these tags for my other fics on my page, some of these are going to be new for some people. Especially seeing as I don’t think there is any incest fics (not step-incest) like this for the Outer Banks fan fiction. So please read everything I have to say before you reply, reblog or message me.

First of all if you do not like any of the tags, do not read any of this fic. This isn’t for everyone but just because you may not like it, that doesn’t give you the right to hate on me or anyone else that may like it. Any hate will be removed and you will be blocked. At the end of the day it’s fan fiction, it’s not real, and I’m going to write whatever I want to write. While at first some of these tags, especially the incest one, might not make sense, they will eventually. So read at your own consumption.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 9 months

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THE KNIFE I TURN WITHIN MYSELF IV (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

word count: 4.5k

WARNINGS: DUB-CON at times, STEPCEST (sorry lol), drug abuse/self harm, depression, smut eventually I(T IS HERE)!!!! 18+ ONLY PLEASE

Summary: Kildare’s Kook Princess is forced to return home to the Outer Banks for the first time in two years since abruptly leaving for college. Unable to hold yourself together any longer, you’re forced to come face to face with the home and family you left behind and the boy you so desperately tried to forget

writes note: ahahahaha I am SO SO SO sorry to leave u guys hanging i absolutely hate when people do it only for me to turn around and do it too 🤡🤡🤡 18 breakdowns, one psychward trip and 6 months later PART FOUR IS HERE

You had successfully spent the last few weeks avoiding Rafe, choosing to spend your time with Sarah and the pogues at the Chateau, effectively distracting you from the ongoing turmoil that raged within you. You couldn’t avoid him forever, especially not with Midsummer’s coming up. You had missed the last two, and your mom and Ward had made it perfectly clear that your attendance with the family this year was mandatory. Ward had finally returned home, your little family was together again.

Unbeknownst to you, Rafe was allowing you to avoid him. He knew all had to do was get you alone, and you’d give in to him eventually and as much as he hated the wait, he knew that once Midsummer’s arrived, you would be his again just like you were all those years ago. Rafe knew you well enough to know that his indifference toward you would relieve you at first, before inevitably sending you back to him, willing and desperate for his attention. It’s a sick game, he knew, one he had never hoped to play with you, but your determination to keep your distance was starting to piss him off, so he decided to play the long game. Rafe just wanted you back in his arms, cumming around his cock, where you belonged.

You had found it weird that Rafe hadn’t been pestering you after you left his bed the next morning, your stomach constantly filled with unease as you waited for the other shoe to drop. To others, it would seem as if he was avoiding you but you knew Rafe well enough to know that was not the case. Rafe was consistent and persistent at least when it came to you, so the silence from him had you constantly on edge, and the coke definitely didn’t help.

Sarah and Kie had brought you to the Mainland for dress shopping , an activity you once enjoyed, whereas now you wished to be anywhere else. They both dragged you from shop to shop, nothing ever catching your eye, as they exchanged glances between each other about you.

“So, any idea what color you want to wear?” Sarah asked, nibbling on the fries on her plate as you all ate lunch choosing to take a break from shopping.

“Mmmh not really no, it doesn’t really matter to me.” You responded as you pushed around your salad, opting to play with your food instead of eating it. You couldn’t find the energy to eat let alone engage with Sarah or Kie, not when your mind kept wandering back to a certain Midsummer’s, a few years ago. You smiled weakly, finally trying, “Whatever makes my boobs look good.”

Sarah giggled, happy to see you finally emerging. “Please, your boobs would look good in a turtleneck.”

You and Kie snickered with her, knowing it was true, you had well.. ahem… always been extra blessed in that department.

Eventually, the three of you had made your way back to downtown wandering the cobblestoned streets, gazing into the windows of the shops. A red dress caught your eye from across the street, sparking a light in you that hadn’t been seen for months. Up close it was a deep red, adorned in ruffles on the bodice and sleeves, and it was sheer with a middle split. Very sheer. Not stopping to even check if Sarah and Kie were behind you, entering the shop with determination as you scanned for a worker, eyes zeroing on her when you found one.

“I would like that dress, the red one? In the window, please?” You asked, pointing at the dress, smiling at the sales lady who in turn nodded back to you, making her way to the display.

You sighed happily and clasped your hands together turning to see Kie and Sarah were in fact behind you. Kie looked at Sarah amused as Sarah looked at you with a confused look.

“It’s a beautiful dress, but you know you can’t wear that right? Rose and dad would have a fit! It’s literally see through!” Sarah whispered to you, Kie laughed rolling her eyes with you.

“Sarah, who cares, if I have to go to an event I don’t want to attend in the first place, I’ll wear whatever the hell I want.” You told her, as the sales woman returned with your dress in hand and began ringing you up.

“Whatever, good luck getting that past Dad.” She sighed in defeat, walking away to wait for you outside.

“I think your boobs will look great!” Kie gave you a thumbs up, backing away to join Sarah.

Truth was you knew it would turn a few heads, everyone’s really, but there was only one head whose attention you wanted even if you weren’t ready to admit it to yourself. The dress was trouble and it was sure to cause a scene, you smiled as you thought to yourself . A scene in the form of a boy named Rafe Cameron.

Midsummer’s 5 years ago

All humiliation aside you were having the time of your life. You were upset at first, being stood up was something you hadn’t ever hoped to experience but every girl has her day. None of that seemed to matter after Rafe rushed to your side ensuring you wouldn’t step through the doors alone. You both were dancing with each other giggling drunk earning the disappointed stares of your parents as Rafe spun you in circles. You stumbled almost falling down if it weren't for Rafe, quickly catching you pulling you to his body. You closed your eyes, inhaling the scent of the sandalwood cologne you gifted him for his birthday. Smiling, you looped your arms around his neck, resting your head on his shoulder, trying to remain standing.

“I think someone had a little too much champagne,” Rafe teased, holding you in his arms, your body already starting to fall limp as you began to fall asleep on him, the drool on his tux, as evidence.

“Uhhh-uhhh,” you slurred, forcing your eyes wide open in an attempt to wake up. You looked up at Rafe drunkenly, as he beamed down back at you, amusement evident in his eyes. You giggled sleepily, “I know what could wake me up…?”

On any other night, Rafe would have immediately said no and had taken you home, but he was drunk and high himself, his own judgment lapsed.

“Only a little?”

“Only a little.” You confirmed, pulling him upstairs, ignoring the glares of passing patrons, as you both ran to an unused bathroom on the third floor, hand in hand.

You pulled him in, locking the door behind you as he shook his head at you in an amused disbelief, all while pulling the bag of cocaine from his tux pocket.

“Is this what you want?” Rafe mocked, holding it over your head out of reach, laughing when you began to pout.

You pulled at his tux jacket with both hands pulling him towards you. “Don’t tease me, it’s mean.”

The energy in the air shifted as you both looked at each other in a mix of amusement and adoration. You looked at Rafe, smiling softly at how handsome he looked in his tuxedo. The powder blue tux complimented his eyes in more ways than one, and he simply looked angelic. If Lucifer walked the Earth in disguise, you’d find him in the form of Rafe Cameron. An angel and demon rolled into one. Rafe was always beautiful, but tonight he was the most beautiful boy in all of Midsummer’s in your mind. All the girls wanted him, and he blew them all off to be with you. By your side right where he belongs , you drunkenly thought to yourself, sliding your hands up his shoulders.

Rafe gazed down at you, his chest beaming with pride and love. When he beat the shit out of Alex, threatening him to stand you up he never thought it would lead to this. Rafe had always known he loved you, and that it was anything but brotherly, you two were made for each other and he’d spend a lifetime waiting for you to see that. You just needed time, and Rafe wanted to give you that, but tonight was the night he was gonna make sure you knew how much he loved you.

With Rafe distracted in his thoughts, you had taken the opportunity to reach up to snake the coke bag out of his hands dangling it between your fingers.

“Is this what you want?” You mocked back, giggling at the feeling of his hands on your hips as he pulled you closer to him, adjusting you in between his legs as he leaned slightly back on the counter.

Rafe snatched the bag from your hand feeling bold, lifted you and placed you onto the counter. While moving your hair to the side he held your face in his hand, his lips brushing against your cheekbone and ear as he whispered, “Don’t move.”

You nuzzled your face into his, your lips softly grazing his as you nodded in obedience. You were starting to feel hot, hot from the alcohol, hot from the way Rafe touched you, hot from your own need for him. You didn’t know when the lines of your love for him blurred into something it shouldn’t have, but for the first time, you were aware of it.There wasn’t a single coherent thought capable of forming in your brain at the moment, you just wanted to do whatever he said.

Rafe kissed your collarbone softly, causing your flesh to erupt with goosebumps, pouring the coke onto where his lips had been only moments before. He snorted the coke before licking up the residue, your face heating up in embarrassment as a moan escaped from your throat.

“Your turn.” Rafe smirked, you were speechless as you stared at him as he undid his suit and tie, pulling it off. He grabbed the bag, placing it in your hand, and guided it to his collarbone. “Just do what I did baby, pour some right there.” He signaled to his shoulder, the ring on his finger glinting in the light.

You nodded dumbly, as you clenched your thighs as discreetly as possible, a puddle already forming in your panties, before shakily pouring the contents of the bag onto him. He nodded at you reassuringly as you bent down to snort it, instantly feeling a rush, your head even beginning to clear. Feeling bold, you licked up the residue as he had before pulling back, unsure of where to go from there. You clenched your legs again, which this time did not go unnoticed by Rafe. Your face was flushed with a mixture of need and embarrassment, captivating Rafe. Staring back at each other with heavy breathing and lust filled eyes, neither one of you, willing to make the next move.

Fed up and impatient with the lack of action, you grabbed him by his neck pulling him to you, pausing just centimeters from your lips meeting. Fuck it, you thought before smashing your lips onto his. You couldn’t think, you didn’t want to, all you wanted was to feel him on your skin. You both mauled at each other desperate to feel each other. Rafe wanted to pull back, he wanted to ask you if it was okay, if you were sure but he didn’t want to risk you changing your mind and saying no. The thought of you rejecting him only made him kiss you deeper, like he was trying to consume you.

“I’ve always loved you,” Rafe’s grip on your throat tightened, a slight smile appearing on your face as he placed kisses up and down your neck, “You’re mine, you’ll always be mine.”

“Yours, always.”

Midsummer’s had finally arrived, and your entire body was shaking with anticipation at what the night could bring.

“Stop moving! I’m gonna burn you.” Sarah groaned, annoyed with the way you kept fidgeting nervously in your chair, as she attempted to curl your hair.

“I’m sorry. Nerves, I guess.” You apologized to her reflection in the mirror.

“Nerves, right.” Sarah snorted, before placing the curling iron on to the desk. “I’d be nervous too, if I was about to debut half naked with my family at an event frequented by everyone I grew up with.”

“Actually…..”

Sarah stared back at you in the mirror, eyebrows raised in confusion as your sentence trailed off.

“Actually….. what?”

“Well, the only way I can get away with my dress is not arriving with everyone so…. I’ll be arriving a little later.”

“Okay and what am I supposed to tell your mom? And dad?”

“Wardrobe malfunction, I don’t know. Make something up, you were always the better liar!”

Sarah rolled her eyes, “You know Rose would drag you by your hair out of your room before she allowed you to show up late!”

“Whatever, just cover for me, please?” You looked back at her through the mirror, your doe eyes wide pleading with Sarah, knowing that she would give into your request.

Sarah nodded her head defeatedly as you gave her a wicked smile. Your gaze moved to the red dress hanging on your door, your stomach filling with anticipation for the night.

You weren’t entirely sure how Sarah managed to convince your family to leave without you, especially with Ward’s borderline intense need to display the family as a perfect one, but nonetheless she came through.

You pulled into the parking lot of the club, drugs already coursing through your veins as you made your way to the venue.

Normally, your nerves would be shot to hell, especially showing up half naked at an event like this, but all of that went out the door the moment you got high. Walking in alone with your head high, and a haughty look on your face, you quickly garnered attention from everyone in the venue.

You didn’t care about what any of them thought though, as you searched for your family through the sea of people. When you finally spotted them, your mothers jaw dropped in embarrassment as Ward’s face grew tight with anger. Sarah and Wheezie both stood there amused with your antics. You searched for the missing Cameron sibling, anticipating his reaction subconsciously the most.

Rafe’s blue eyes met yours, his jaw tense but his eyes blown with lust as he stood with Topper and Kelce off to the side, Mai Tai’s in hand. You raised an eyebrow at him cockily before making your way to the bar, knowing it would only be a matter of time before he would make his way to you. Like clockwork, you felt his body move behind yours as he leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“It’s taking everything in me to not drag you to the bathroom upstairs, and rip that poor excuse for a dress off your body.” Internally your stomach fluttered, your body littered with goosebumps as you turned to face him, his eyes lingering on your breasts a little too long.

“Bold of you to assume I’d let you.” You scoffed, flipping your hair, as you grabbed your drink, preparing to walk away.

Rafe grabbed at your wrist, pulling you closer to him, and laughed cockily, “You and I both know you would. I mean it wouldn’t be the first time.”

Your face flushed with embarrassment and longing as you remembered the night he was referencing, that night at Midsummer’s where you took each other's virginity, ultimately starting the rabbit hole you both had fallen down together so quickly.

You pulled your wrist out of his grasp, as you saw Ward start to head towards you both.

“Dad’s coming over here, fucking behave for once.” You whispered to him as you both straightened up, putting some distance between you both. Rafe rolled his eyes, downing the rest of his drink scowling at Ward, as he approached you both.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Ward seethed, gripping your wrist, in the same manner as Rafe had only moments ago as he pulled you away from the sea of partygoers. Rafe trailed behind you both, watching Ward unwilling to leave you alone with him.

“Umm.. a dress?”

“Y/N, don’t play dumb. What are you trying to pull here? Are you really that desperate for attention you’d parade around half the town practically naked, looking like a cheap whore? I’d expect this kind of behavior out of Rafe, but not you.”

You looked down out of embarrassment, feeling like a child being chastised, before raising your head high and opening your mouth to speak before Ward cut you off.

“But then again, you’ve been gone for two years. Don’t think I haven’t heard what they’ve been saying about you since you've been back. I don’t even recognize you anymore.”

You held back tears as Ward shook his head in disgust walking away, pushing past Rafe as his expression softened. He knew you were seconds away from crying but were doing your best to hold it in.

“Y/N-“

“Just don’t Rafe. He’s right anyways.” You mumbled as you pushed past him to go upstairs and hide. Tears poured down your face as you took the stairs two out a time, desperate to get away from everyone. Pushing open the first door you saw to hide in, not realizing it was the bathroom. Your heart swelled with grief at the realization only making the tears stream down your face harder as you fell to the floor, your sobs masking the sound of Rafe creeping in and locking the door behind him.

Rafe crouched down next to you, firmly placing his fingers under your chin forcing you to look at him. Sighing as he pulled you into his arms, the fight in you all but gone as you let him hold him.

“You’re not a whore, Y/N, ignore him. I, personally, think you look way hot.” Rafe lightly teased, wanting so desperately to see you smile again the way you used to.

Pulling away to look at him with watery eyes, “It’s not funny. He’s right, you know? I mean look at us, you think this is fucking normal?”

“When did you get so fucking ashamed of me- of us? It never bothered you when I was sneaking into your room every night.”

Your jaw dropped in disbelief as his mood changed almost instantly, lighting a fire in you that you spent two years suppressing and attempting to snuff out.

“Are you fucking serious? Do you honestly not remember or do you just not want to remember?”

You searched in his blue eyes for some kind of clue, maybe he genuinely didn’t remember, you thought to yourself, Rafe had been so coked out and drunk all the time that summer. The majority of the summer for him was a blacked out blur. But there it was. It was gone as quick as it came, but not before you saw the guilt flash in his eyes.

“I fucking knew it! You just don’t want to remember!”

You pulled yourself out of his arms and pushed him away from you as you started to hyperventilate, growing more hysterical by the moment. Rafe stood there unable to say anything, he knew this was his fault, that he had broken you and there was no one to blame but himself. His own eyes watering at the sight of seeing so much of his own untempered emotions and instability in you. He knew he fucked up, and he knew he’d gone to far that night. There was literally nothing more in the world he wanted to take back but he knew he couldn’t.

You never could call it rape, you loved him way too much even if you knew it wasn’t right. When he came into your room that night as per usual, you had told him no multiple times. You were tired and just wanted to sleep but Rafe was so coked out of his mind he wouldn’t listen. Instead he held you down, forcing himself into you, and ignoring your cries. What you hated the most was how your body reacted to him, already used to his touch, your mind screamed no but your body said otherwise. Rafe didn’t stop until you came around him three times that night before drunkenly passing out next to you. Your body was littered in bruises as you cried in your bathroom while he occupied your bed asleep. When Rafe awoke to your empty side of the bed, you were already on a ferry off the island.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ignored you when you said no. I’m sorry I hurt you in ways I never thought I could or fuck, even would. There’s nothing I can say to take that back a-and I know that, look, I did a lot of fucked up shit that summer and was really fucked up, but you’re the only one whose ever loved me, Y/N, and I’ve loved you for 10 years. I don’t want to remember because it wasn’t me but it was me even if I was high as fuck and I don’t know how to apologize for what I did. I fucked you up, it’s all my fault, you wouldn’t have left if it wasn’t for me. You wouldn’t be doing coke if it wasn’t for me, I pushed you over the edge and I am so fucking sorry.” Rafe’s own tears began to pour down his face as he manically rambled on, “You don’t have to forgive me, okay, I know I don’t deserve it. Just don’t think a day doesn’t go by where I don’t think of how much I fucked everything up.”

Now it was your turn to stand there unable to speak, but you couldn’t find the words in you. You’d spent two years torturing yourself with whether or not he’d ever take responsibility for it, and honestly you never thought he would. Or maybe you just hoped he didn’t remember, but you did and that was enough to keep you gone. You wanted to yell, to scream at him, to hit him over and over again but you just couldn’t find it in you to be angry anymore.

You both stared at each other unable to speak, until you decided to make the next move. Grabbing his hand to pull him closer to you, you contemplated your next words very carefully.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“Do what? Us?” Rafe asked quietly, his eyes beginning to water at the thought of you walking away from him forever.

“I can’t keep pretending I don’t love you anymore. It’s eating me up Rafe. Even with everything you put me through and two years apart, I still love you, I never stopped even when I wanted to kill myself because of it, i couldn’t.. because I didn’t want to leave you alone. Even when I thought I hated you, I didn’t. I just hated how much I still loved you.”

“And now?”

“I still fucking love you.” You sighed pulling him closer to you until your bodies were only centimeters apart.

You pulled at his pants, kissing his neck before unbuttoning his tux and making your way down his chest, pausing to hear the sound of his heart beat with excitement. He groaned in pleasure when you moved your hand over his dick, palming him through his pants, eventually slipping your hand into the band of his boxers. You nuzzled his neck, leaving little bites on his neck before kissing each one all while slowly pumping his dick in your hand.

Rafe dreamed about touching you again for years, and as much as he wanted to savor it, there would be time for later. He pulled away leaving you confused, but not for long, as he yanked you off the sink and your dress off your body. You giggled as he placed you back on the counter like it was a gold throne, kneeling down, kissing you all the way up the inside of your leg before biting on the flesh of your thigh. He reached for your panties, his dick jumping at the image of the soaked lace as he peeled them off of your body.

Rafe kissed back up your body all the way to your neck, nibbling on your ear making you moan.

“Are you sure?” He whispered, rubbing his dick up and down your folds, you were soaked which caused him to groan at the sight.

“Yes-yes-yes please oh my god yes.” You cried, angling your hips, grinding up and down on him, desperate to feel him fill you up again.

Rafe smiled cockily to himself, pleased to hear you begging for him, sighing at how sweet you sounded. He dreamt to hear you beg for him again, to relish in your moans and cries but nothing could compare to the real thing. He was hooked. As much as he wanted to just shove his dick into you he knew he couldn’t, you needed to be taken care of first. He dropped down to his knees again as you looked down confused as to why he was on the floor.

“What are yo-” Rafe cut you off by licking a strip up your pussy, before diving in and eating you like a man starved.

“You still taste so good. I’ve dreamed about this for two years, baby, this is all mine.” He moaned into your pussy, the vibrations from his voice adding to the pleasure as you slumped backwards onto the mirror, lacing your fingers into his hair pushing him further into you.

“Yes yours,” You moaned, “Yours, always.”

Rafe pushed a finger into you before adding another causing you to wince at the pain of the stretch. Two years without sex had you on the edge faster than ever before. You could tell you were closer with each stroke from his fingers as he pushed in and out of you faster and faster, your legs clamping around his head holding him place. You moaned into the bathroom walls as you came, the butterflies in your stomach hardly satisfied.

You looked down at Rafe to see him staring at you with a smirk while your chest heaved, desperate to catch a breath. His fingers were still in you as he pulled himself up coming face to face with you. You could see your cum all over his face and your pussy clenched at the sight and again when he kissed you so you could taste yourself.

Nothing needed to be said as you both nuzzled into each other, kissing softly, completely oblivious to the rest of the world.

Rafe lined his dick up before pushing into you groaning at how tight and wet you were for him. You braced yourself for the pain that came with the stretch, courtesy of his large cock, as he eased into you slowly. It hurt at first but the pain eventually turned to pleasure, with each stroke Rafe gave you. His hands dug into your hips, no doubt leaving hand shaped bruises as he pounded into you like his life depended on it. It wasn’t long before the band in your stomach snapped, your eyes rolled back, and your body filled with bliss as you came again, this time around him.

Rafe swallowed your moans as his thrusts became erratic and choppy, signaling to you he was close. Pulling away from his kiss you placed your forehead on his looking down at where you two were connected again, mesmerized at the way he moved in and out of you.

“I-I love you!” You moaned cumming again , causing Rafe to cum almost immediately at your words, his mouth finding yours. He peppered your face and throat with kisses, your eyes closing at the feeling as Rafe’s hands cradled your throat and face. You open your eyes to stare at him, his blue eyes dark with possession mirroring your own. Rafe searched your eyes for uncertainty and hesitation, for anything that could tell him you were lying but he couldn’t. You were his again.

taglist: @marlene-the-witch @belcalis9503 @hysteriahall @fangirlwithlou @luvmatchamilktea @slutfordrewstark @whorefordrew

#drew starkey #obx #outer banks #outer banks fic #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron x reader #rafe x y/n #rafe imagine #rafe fic #rafe cameron x you #stepbrother!rafe cameron #stepbro!rafe #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron x kook!reader #rafe cameron

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 9 months

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hi yes im alive and only took six months to write part four im SO sorry

#ya Girl was going through it #uh he on self destruct mode okayyyyy #im doing a lot better tho kinda okay not really but writing again has been a great distraction #soooo without further ado #ill be posting part 4 xxx

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 1 year

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hi guys sorry it’s been awhile since ive posted an update im working on part 4right now!!! lifes been hectic n my mom died so it put me off writing for a bit. but it’s been a good distraction so hopefully i can put the next part out in the next two daysishhhh<3 thank u for all the positive words im glad u guys like it really does mean the world 2 me 💖💗

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 1 year

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“This character exudes comfort 🥰”

The character:

(insp)

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 1 year

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SCREAM 1996, dir. Wes Craven

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 1 year

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THE KNIFE I TURN WITHIN MYSELF III (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Word Count: 4k

WARNINGS: DUB-CON at times, STEPCEST (sorry lol), drug abuse/self harm, depression, smut eventually!!!! 18+ ONLY PLEASE

The promise you made to your mother about being better lasted a whole three hours because before you knew it you were drunk at the club. She left not long after your talk, you stayed unwilling to go home not wanting to deal with Rafe or Sarah. So instead you sat at the bar downing drink after drink, as passing club members whispered about you. You did your best to ignore the gossip from the painstakingly boring housewives who all clearly had nothing better to do, but you couldn’t help but overhear as the whispers around you grew louder.

“It’s sad, isn’t it?”

“She might not biologically be his, but I guess the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.”

“Reminds me a bit of Rafe, no? Drunk at the club before five?”

Frustrated, you stood up, knees buckling, a lot more drunk than you realized, as you stumbled your way to the bathroom to snort the last of your bag in a last ditch pathetic effort to become some type of sober, you reasoned. Truth is you just didn’t want to feel anything anymore at that point. You didn’t want to feel the guilt you harbored for lying to Sarah, or the guilt you had for all but abandoning your mother and Wheezie. You didn’t want to feel the butterflies that had made a home in your lower stomach since Rafe kissed you, mentally stabbing them over and over in your mind wasn't working. You didn’t want to feel the self hatred you had for yourself for giving into him so quickly. Yeah, you pushed him away, and yes, you told him to get out but you knew that if he had held you a second longer you probably would’ve caved, forgiving him as you’d done many times before. You hated the effect he had on you, and you hated that you both knew there wasn’t anything you wouldn’t do for him.

When you entered the bathroom, you dived into the fine powder quickly snorting it, your fuzzy brain beginning to clear in a matter of minutes while your body continued to hum. You looked up in the mirror, wondering when you let your life get so out of control, unable to control the mess you helped create. You knew the answer, of course, you were too self aware for your own good, always knowing the answers to the questions you asked yourself in times like this. Eyes brimming with tears, you could do nothing but stand there staring at your reflection, until you couldn't, looking away with a sob.

Running out of the bathroom in your desperation to get out of the club, you ran into someone, knocking yourself backwards. You braced for the fall that never came, big hands wrapped around your wrists preventing you from touching the ground. You didn't need to look up to know who it was, you could smell his cologne, the sandalwood wafting through the air, taunting your heart.

“Y/N…”

“Don’t, Rafe, I just want to go home.” You trembled as he grabbed your chin forcing you to meet his blue gaze. He stared at you, eyes filled with uncertainty and sorrow at your current state.

“I’ll take you home.”

“I wanna go home, alone.”

“You can’t drive, what are you gonna do? Walk back home?”

“Well it wouldn’t be the first time.” You argued, struggling in his grip, desperately trying to remove yourself from it. “Just let me go, Rafe!” His hands tightened around you as you pushed at his chest, causing you to drop your purse, the contents of it spilling out. The little white baggie on full display, Rafe zeroing in on it, his eyes widening in disbelief as you both reached for it, his longer arms beating you to it.

He grabbed your face searching your eyes, his own widening in shock, the truth evident all over your face. “You’re fucking high. ”

“Stop it, Rafe.” Your Y/E/C eyes filled with tears, unable to stop the downpour from falling down your face.

“You’re better than this, Y/N.” Rafe’s voice cracked as he whimpered, clearly distressed at the idea that he might have been the one to push you into it, finally breaking you. You had forgiven him far too many times, there was no line he couldn't cross, everyone around you used to think. "You're better than me.”

“Not according to the Real Housewives of Figure 8.” Laughing bitterly, you snatched the empty bag out of his hands shoving it and the rest of your belongings back in your purse as you tried to walk away. "We both know I'm just as fucked up as you are." You rolled your eyes as you quickly fled through the exit of the club, drunkenly, making your way to your car, stumbling on bits of gravel. Rafe was only a few steps behind you quickly catching up, yanking your keys from your grasp.

“You’re not fucking driving anywhere, go around and get in.” He barked, fed up with you and your attitude.

“I’m not going anywhere with you! Let go of me!” you yelled as he pulled you around your car by your arm manhandling you until he successfully shoved you into the passenger seat.

He slammed the door in your face, using the remote on your keychain to keep you locked in until he could get in on the driver's side, clicking the child safety lock the minute he shut his door.

“Did you just fucking child safety my doors?” You asked incredulously, your arms crossed as you pushed your back into the door attempting to create distance between you and him. “I’m not fucking 8.”

“That way you can’t jump out,” he answered nonchalantly, an amused smirk on his face before adding, “You’re acting like it though.”

You scowled, looking over out of the window, refusing to even look at him. “You know, this is like kidnapping , right? I’m technically here against my will right now.”

He laughed, your face softening at the sound. It was a real genuine laugh, you hadn’t heard it in so long. It was void of its usual venom, tugging at your heart in a way that made you want to start to ignore the voice in your head screaming at you to keep your distance. You could sense where the night was going to head, and you kind of just didn’t care anymore, tired of running. You said nothing as he pulled away from the parking lot to take you home.

“You can’t ignore me forever.” Rafe murmured, breaking the silence, his hands tightening on the steering wheel anxiously.

You sighed defeated, still a bit drunker than you’d prefer to admit. “It was a lot easier from California.”

Rafe’s blue eyes darkened at the mention of your new found home, his jaw twitching as he struggled to keep his cool. He didn’t want you to run away from him, yet again, and he knew you well enough to know that you would jump out of a moving car if you were pissed off enough, but you cut him off before he even had the chance to speak.

“You love me, right?” You mumbled, even though you knew the answer, you always have. You knew it when you were eleven on the blacktop, and again when you were fifteen at Midsummer’s. There wasn’t much in this world you were sure of, uncertainty and doubt had made a home in your bones, guiding you through life keeping the rest of the world at arms length. But this was Rafe, your best friend, protector and the person you loved most in the world. You were more sure of him then you were sure of the stars and moon that appeared everyday in the sky without incident as they had done for millions of years before and will continue to do for the next million.

Rafe sat in silence, the gears in his brain turning as he carefully chose his next few words. “There was never a moment in the last two years where I wasn't thinking about you. I kept fucking up you know…with dad, the company, fuck, even Top and Kelce.” He laughed emotionlessly, clicking his tongue against teeth, opening his mouth and speaking with another dry chuckle, “I didn’t care. Did you know Dad kicked me out? I crashed at Barry’s trash ass trailer for like, two weeks. It didn’t matter, any of it, though, I could only think about you. I didn’t care about going home or even the stupid fucking company, I-I just wanted you. I wanted you to come home. I wanted to go home to you.”

Tears gently rolled down your face as you watched him, eyes wide knowing exactly how he felt. God knows how many times you wanted to text him over the last two years, your messages all typed out unable to ever actually hit send, your finger always just hovering over the phone screen before choosing to erase the message.

“You just left… like it was nothing,” Rafe whimpered quietly, his tears finally making an appearance alongside yours as he tried to blink them away, “like I meant nothing.”

You didn’t know what to say. Well, no, you had a lot to say you just didn’t know where to start. Part of you wanted to scream at him, to hit him, to make him admit how much he finally fucked up, to make him see how much he had broken you. Your love for him had blinded you from Rafe’s violent side; you were never on the receiving end, until you finally were. You didn’t do that though, drunkenly giving into the part of you that just wanted to kiss his pink lips so bad. You may hate yourself in the morning, but that was a mistake you’d worry about later.

Rafe pulled into the gates of Tannyhill, itself sitting in the dark, as he pulled around the side. Putting the car in park, he sighed, unlocking your door. You both sat there both looking down, unable to face each other, before you eventually turned to him, grabbing his chin pulling it level with your face.

“You’re everything to me, Rafe,” you choked out as you confessed to him the weight that held you underwater for two years, “That’s the problem. You do awful things, you say awful shit all the time a-and I know you’re not awful b-but there isn’t anything you could do that I wouldn’t forgive and I fucking hate myself for it. I hate knowing that deep down I’d forgive you for the worst thing you’d ever done even when it was done to me! It makes me feel so sick sometimes because what does that say about who I am? You could set the world on fire and I’d probably be the one to hand you the matches. It scares me how much I love you and it scares me how much I don’t care.”

You moved your hands to cup his face, placing your forehead on his, lightly brushing your lips across his, both of your tears mixing together. Hesitating, you pulled back to look at him, his blue eyes meeting yours before you both smashed your lips together at the same time, eager to feel each other again. Fighting for dominance, you both could taste each other’s tears, kiss deepening as you pulled him closer. You bit his bottom lip, making him moan in your mouth, allowing your tongue entry into his mouth while his fingers slid up the sides of your waist under your shirt. He kissed the tears off your face, trailing down to your neck, whispering how much he missed you to your skin in between each kiss. Weaving your fingers through his hair, yanking down on the blonde waves at the nape of his neck, you sighed dreamily, finally content for the first time in two years. Rafe bit into your neck in retaliation, sucking kisses around the bite, groaning when he heard the moan you let out before pulling himself back, staring into your lust blown eyes. Only the rise and fall of chests heaving could be heard as you both struggled to not attack each other again.

Your bedroom sat empty that night, you followed him into his own, finding comfort in between the sanctity of his sheets as you had done so many nights before. You two just slept, you more than him as Rafe memorized the pattern of your heartbeat, concentrating on it like his life and yours depended on it. You curled into him, your face nuzzling deeper into his neck as he rested his face on the top of your head, weaving your hands together before you drifted into unconsciousness. He kissed your hair, his grip around you tightening like a child with its favorite toy.

“I love you,” he whispered into the darkness of his room, kissing your forehead as you sighed contentedly in your sleep. Rafe eventually fell asleep to the rhythm of your heartbeat, his breathing matching yours, happy, despite fully knowing you were probably going to hate him again when you were sober in the morning.

7 years ago.

You were waiting for Rafe to get home from lacrosse practice, legs crossed as you lounged on his bed reading a book he had gifted you for your 13th birthday. You wanted to show off the shell necklace you made for him with shells all collected from the beach. You were proud of it, it had taken you weeks to find the perfect shells and another few making it. The slamming of the front door along with raised voices caught your attention, causing you to drop your book as you leaped from the bed running to the top of the stairs to see what was going on.

Ward and Rafe were arguing yet again, this time Rafe had been caught ditching, evidently choosing a smoke sesh with Kelce and Top over lacrosse practice.

You peeked over the landing's balcony careful to not be seen, watching Ward shake Rafe by his shoulders before pushing him down backwards.

“What is wrong with you? I have given you every opportunity over and over again,” Ward slapping his hands together for emphasis, “And you continue to fuck it up. It's lacrosse practice, Rafe, not the fucking Science Olympiad.” He reached for Rafe’s collar pulling him up by it, leveling Rafe’s with his. “When are you gonna grow up?”

Rafe struggled in his grip, filled with a sudden burst of anger pushed Ward backwards, causing him to drop Rafe. Eyes widened in disbelief, Ward rushed Rafe slapping him backwards before punching him down, effectively squandering Rafe’s attempt at defending himself. You gasped, catching the attention of them both, Ward quickly straightening up, wiping his mouth with his hand. Rafe continued to lay on the ground, watching Ward contemplate his next step.

“Y/N… will you come down here, please?” Ward’s voice stern, his brows furrowing.

You walked slowly down the staircase making your way to stand by Rafe, putting a considerable amount of distance between you and Ward.

He chuckled dryly at that, licking his lips “Your uh, your mom doesn’t need to know about this, okay? I lost my temper, but um, I’m sorry, Rafe.” You could hear the insincerity in his voice, reminding you so much of your own dad. Your stomach was filled with unease as you watched Rave flinch when Ward reached over to flatten his t-shirt out, removing any evidence of his fists curled into it.

“Do you understand?” Ward looked down at you, his hands still near Rafe’s neck, while he waited for your answer.

“I understand.” You quietly mumbled, eager to get away from Ward, tugging on Rafe’s sleeve, pulling him with you as you backed away towards the stairs.

Ward watched the two of you start to disappear upstairs, before calling out to Rafe. “We’ll talk more later, Rafe.”

You turned, making eye contact with Ward until he disappeared from your view, Rafe pulling you by your hand into his room.

You brought Rafe into his bathroom, his chest still heaving with anger, as you forced him down on the toilet so you could better see his wounds. There was nothing you could do for the black eye that had already started to bloom, choosing instead to reach for the peroxide and cotton balls. Tipping Rafe’s face into the light, you dabbed along the cut on his cheekbone, no doubt left by Ward’s ring. Neither have you said anything to each other, opting for silence, his heavy breathing the only sound in the room as he tried to force himself to calm down.

“My dad used to hit us, you know?” You revealed quietly, ceasing your dabbing before putting the cotton ball down. “Mom more than me, but I’d been thrown around more times than I’d like to admit.” You smiled weakly as Rafe placed his hands in yours for comfort. “It’s not your fault.”

He nodded at that a bit unsure, still feeling like Ward was right, choosing to retreat farther into his head. Focusing attention on anywhere but at you, clenching his jaw, Rafe held back tears. You grabbed his chin, pulling his attention back to you. “Rafe, tell me you don’t believe him. Tell me you know it’s not your fault.”

“I-I can’t. He’s right,” Rafe started slowly, blue eyes glossy with sorrow. “I’m gonna do better. B-be better.” He nodded to himself vacantly, staring back at you, as you squeezed his hand in support. It was all you could do.

“I don’t think I’d know what I’d do without you,” Rafe admitted, wiping his tears away, looking at you with awe and gratitude. “I don’t think it would be worth being here if you weren’t.”

You pulled him to you, resting your head on top of his as you stared away aimlessly, feeling the same, assuring him as much as you were assuring yourself. “You’ll never have to find out.”

Dinner was quiet that night as you both ate a word not heard out of either of you. Rafe kept his face down to hide his black eye from your mother.

“What happened to your face, Rafe?” Your mother gasped she finally catching sight of it. She looked to you as you kept your head down, doing your best to avoid the steely gaze of Ward, it burning into your skin, your face heating up under the weight of it. “Were you fighting at school again?”

“Yeah he was,” Ward jumped in chuckling, “Don’t worry, it’s been dealt with.”

Your mother nodded, turning the conversation back to her, going on about her day at the club while you held Rafe’s hand under the table.

The sun’s first few hours of light flitted through the curtains, the morning breeze waking you with a shiver as you realized where you were. You didn’t move, accepting your position, letting yourself enjoy the moment before you inevitably killed it. You turned over in his arms, facing to watch him sleep. Rafe’s breathing was shallow, daybreak falling on his face in broken rays of white light, highlighting the gold in his hair, leaving his sleeping face resembling a cherub. You placed your hand on his cheek gently caressing it, before sighing and removing yourself from his hold. Slipping from his bed, you tiptoed across his floor, careful not to wake him up, exiting the room. Eyes darting around the hallway ensuring there was no to witness your early morning escape, you ran into your room, locking the door behind you.

You wish you could say you regretted last night, deep down you know you didn’t and you fought internally with yourself over the fact. Pushing yourself off your door, you trudged over to the bathroom, eager to shower the previous evening’s events off of you.

Emerging feeling refreshed, you grabbed your phone immediately texting Barry, remembering you had finished the last of your bag last night. You locked your phone before tossing it onto your bed, moving to sit at your vanity to get ready.

Your Y/E/C shot to the massive bite mark on your neck, decorated with hickies, eyes narrowing at what was no doubt Rafe’s annoyingly possessive need to mark you as for others to see. You were positive he did it for them to serve as a reminder to you too. There was a soft knock at your door as you slathered your neck in concealer desperately trying to cover them.

“Just a second!” You yelled as you attempted to make yourself decent before opening the door, peeking through to see Sarah standing outside, two cups of coffee in hands, smiling softly as she lifted them up as a peace offering.

You smiled back nodding while pulling the door open to let her in watching her move to sit on your bed. Sarah passed you your cup when you crawled onto the bed with her.

“I’m sorry,” she started at the same time you blurted out the same. You both giggled, relieved you were both on the same page. “I shouldn’t have pushed you to talk like that.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled,” You confessed, “I’m sorry. You were just concerned.” Blinking back tears, pausing before continuing, “Things are just so fucked up, you know? I made a mess of everything.”

Sarah pulled you in for a hug, holding you closely until your tears eventually stopped. She pulled back to look at you, face void of judgment as her eyes radiated nothing but love and support.

“When you’re ready to talk, I’m here. There’s nothing you could say that could make me think less of you. You’re my best friend, and I love you.” She paused, wiping her tears, “But whatever is bothering you… it’s eating at you, Y/N. You can see it in your eyes, you can see it on your face. It’s hard to watch.”

Nodding, you looked away with tears rolling down your face, unable to find the words to even respond. How were you supposed to tell her that it was Rafe, your brother, eating at you? How were you supposed to explain that your guys’ relationship ventured past the lines of typical sibling affection into a love so intense, you’d kill yourself to just hold him one more time? You couldn’t tell her how he had finally crossed a line with you, effectively breaking your trust in him, and chasing you away. No, you couldn’t explain to her that despite him violating you and your trust in him, you still loved him and wanted nothing more to be with him anyways. You knew you sounded sick, it disgusted you to your core, distance was the only solution. There was nothing you could tell her, you knew if you did, her world would change along with her view of you and that was the last thing you wanted. You didn’t want to burden her with your fuck up, it wouldn’t be fair.

You both didn’t say anything as you laid together, shoulders touching as you stared at the glow in the stars on your ceiling you put two put up together summers ago.

“You weren’t in your room last night, and I know you were drunk at the club last night.”

You cleared your throat as you searched your brain for something to say, “I stayed out, all night, on the beach. I only just got in.”

Sarah accepted your answer with a sigh, pushing herself up and off your bed, walking to your door. “If you want to get away tonight, the château is always open to you, courtesy of John B and the pogues. I’ll be there tonight if you want to join.”

You nodded, “I’ll let you know.”

Sarah took one last look at you before turning to exit through the door closing it as she left.

Your phone went off, Barry finally responding to your text. You sighed in relief, reading his message, as he agreed to meet you at the club later on. Tossing your phone on the bed beside you, your mind wandered back to Rafe, your heart giddy as you remembered the night before. There was nothing more you wanted than to run across the hall and crawl back into his sheets, but instead, you chose to stay in yours, contemplating what you were going to do next.

taglist: @belcalis9503 @hysteriahall @spideyssoldier @fangirlwithlou @luvmatchamilktea @slutfordrewstark @whorefordrew @wrongxwriter @fangirlwithlou

#drew starkey #obx #rafe fic #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x kook!reader #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron #outer banks fic #sarah cameron x reader #rafe obx #outer banks

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 1 year

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oh wow thank you so much 😭💖 that means soo much im glad you’re enjoying the story !!!<3 adding you to the taglist ✨

THE KNIFE I TURN WITHIN MYSELF (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

writers note:

hi okaaaay so this is my very first fic im new to the community and a little nervous so bear with me! i used to write a lot mostly when i was a kid but i haven’t in years and i haven’t written anything like this ever, but i love to write and am currently obsessed with rafe cameron and obx so i thought id give it a try and just started writing lol. i have literally never ever written smut before so if it’s cringy i apologize in advance! this isn’t a one shot i kinda maybe wanted to write a series if u guys liked it and would maybe want one? ANYWAYS it’s super angsty im not even gonna lie and definitely a darker fic so if you aren’t comfortable with that this probably isn’t the fic for you! please enjoy ✨

Words: 5.8K (it's lengthy I'm sorry lol)

WARNINGS: DUB-CON at times, STEPCEST (sorry lol), drug abuse/self harm, depression, smut eventually!!!! 18+ ONLY PLEASE

It had been two years since you had last stepped foot on the island you once called home, and you couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease in your stomach as you waited for the ferry to dock. You left for California the summer after you graduated, making UCLA your new home, with plans on never looking back. You used every excuse you could to avoid coming home to the Outer Banks, but most importantly, back to Tannyhill. If it wasn’t for Rose, your mother, threatening to cut you off financially unless you came home for the summer, you wouldn’t have. The Outer Banks simply held far too many painful memories for you, and the idea of being home for an entire summer made you want to hurl the contents of your stomach over the side of the boat into the pristine blue sea.

You picked at your fingers anxiously, a nervous habit you picked up as a kid, whenever you were stressed, as you waited for the ferry to arrive on the island. You broke the habit once you moved out to California, substituting self-mutilation for a certain white powder that you were already all too familiar with due to your stepbrother Rafe’s problem with it. The irony was not lost on you, as you descended down the rabbit hole of the Los Angeles lifestyle, eventually becoming a female carbon copy of the exact person you had been running from. He was who you dreaded seeing the most, the very reason for your departure from the island and why you refused to come home. Your family, of course, blissfully unaware of the true reason for your self-imposed exile, believing you when you lied to them about being too busy with school and work to visit. It wasn’t like you didn’t miss your family or friends, but you knew that the best thing for you was to be far away from the island that loomed before you. He had a habit of clouding your judgment, something you needed no help with as you were already prone to making shitty decisions on your own.

You walked off the ferry in search of your ride, praying that Ward and Rose hadn’t sent him to pick you up, they weren’t specific in saying who would get you which made your stomach turn in fear of being alone with him even if it was just for a ten minute car ride. You didn’t know if you could survive being in a car with Rafe, let alone back at home with him for three whole months. The anxiety in you started to grow, your comedown hitting you hard as everything you tried to forget over the last two years began to resurface. You looked around the crowd for a familiar face, your shoulders sagging with relief when you didn’t see anyone. Fuck it, you thought to yourself as you turned to get back on the ferry, your brain already coming up with a variety of lame excuses you could use to explain to your parents why you weren’t waiting on the dock and why you would not be coming home, once again.

“Y/N!” You turned around slightly annoyed at being spotted before you could make your escape, but you smiled when you saw Sarah and Wheezie, running over to you with flowers and a “Welcome Home Y/N!” sign in hand. Your heart wrenched with guilt at the sight of your sisters, your eyes welling up the moment they both enveloped you into a hug, almost knocking you down.

“We missed you so much!” Wheezie exclaimed as she took a step back, readjusting her glasses to look up at you, her face lit up with adoration.

“Did you just try to get back on the ferry?” Sarah questioned with a smirk as her initial excitement to see you wore off when she realized what you were trying to do prior to your guys’ reunion. “Gotta be quicker than that, babe.”

You laughed, raising your hands up in defense, “You caught me.” The three of you laughed together as you pulled them both in for another hug. “I missed you both so much! Wheezie, you're almost as tall as me now!”

“Well I am a growing girl. And you would know that if you hadn’t disappeared for the last two years.” She huffed with an eye roll while you put your arm around her shoulder as you three began to make your way to the car. You cringed internally at the jab, but you knew they both had the right to be annoyed with your lack of presence within the family lately.

“I didn’t disappear!”

“No you just moved across the country and never came back, not even to visit once!” Wheezie shot back.

“It’s compl-” You started, your anxiety rising again as you fiddled with your fingers. Sarah looked down, instantly noticing the peeled and raw edges of your cuticles, biting her lip with worry while quickly changing the subject.

“Who cares! You're finally home and ours to torment for the next three months!” Out of all your siblings, you stayed the closest to Sarah. Despite the two year age difference, she was your best friend, unofficial twin ,and the keeper of all your secrets. Well, you thought, most of your secrets.

“While there’s nothing I would love more than to be tormented by you both”, you laughed “I am exhausted from the trip and just wanna lay in my bed right now, lucky for you guys I’ll be here for three months so there will be endless opportunities for you guys to torture me throughout the summer!”

“I’ll let you rest for a bit but there’s a party at the boneyard tonight you HAVE to come! I’ll drag you by your nose piercing if I have to, you’re back home and we need to celebrate properly. With lots of liquor.” Sarah giggled before giving you the look, a simple pout she used to get her away. And it got you. Every single time. “Besides, the pogues are excited to see you! Especially JJ.”

“Oh god,” you rolled your eyes while Wheezie wrinkled her nose in disgust at the way Sarah sang JJ’s name.

“Come on,” Sarah whined, “I’m finally old enough to party with you, and what better way to celebrate Kildare’s favorite kook princess return home with a bonfire on the beach?”

“Fine I’ll go! But I am so not Kildare’s favorite kook princess, that would be you”you snorted, as you all got into the car.

“Haven’t you heard? I’ve crossed over to the dark side.” Sarah said, “I’m a pogue now.”

Sarah was always the more free spirit of your siblings, that being one of the reasons that drew you to her when you first met. The Cameron’s were Figure 8 royalty, and with that last name came wealth, and the expectations to be better than everyone else. Especially the pogues. She was the most down to earth girl on your side of the island, a rarity in kook central, where everyone’s favorite pastime was shitting on the less fortunate that resided on the other side of the island. You were born a pogue, a fact about yourself you seem to forget often, having become accustomed to the lavish lifestyle, but you weren’t an elitist snob like the rest of Figure 8.

“Yeah, she’s been hanging out with John B a lot,” Wheezie added from the backseat while Sarah glared at her through the rearview mirror. Wheezie stuck her tongue out in retaliation.

“John B, huh? What happened with Topper?” You teased as the blonde rolled her eyes, causing you to laugh.

“I got bored,” Sarah said as Wheezie spoke simultaneously “She got bored.”

You laughed again because that sounded exactly like her. When she first told you about Topper, you knew it would end this way, Sarah wasn’t the kind of girl that aspired to have the perfect Kook husband, family, and home. No, that was more your dream than hers. You always knew it was a matter of time before her attention would turn to the cut looking for fun. It gave her the freedom Los Angeles gave you.

“Whatever, let’s get you home so you can rest so we can go out and have some fun tonight!”

The reality of your situation began to settle within you, as you looked out the window at the streets of what you once considered home. You wanted to cry but held back tears, not wanting your sisters to know that you really didn’t want to be home. They were so happy to see you, and you missed them so much, it was hard for you to think about how you left them behind and how much they’d grown since you left. You felt like you missed out on so much, but you knew deep down it was your fault. You chose to be gone. Wheezie was right, you all but disappeared.

Sniffling discreetly, you turned your attention back to Sarah, “Who’s all home?”

“Dads out of town, some meeting with investors I guess I don’t know,” Sarah said, “Rose is with the committee finalizing the finishing touches for Midsummers.”

“Oh God, I forgot all about Midsummers,” you groaned at the thought of being surrounded by every single family that resided on Figure 8 and all the pretentious ass kids you went to school with. It was the event of the summer, every summer, and as Ward Cameron’s daughter, your attendance was mandatory. It was the perfect place for him to show off his perfect family to the community and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the idea of pretending to be the perfect nuclear family, when you were very much the opposite.

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to center yourself, “What about Rafe?”

“He’s at the club, golfing with Kelce and Top” Sarah said as she rolled her eyes at the mention of Rafe. They were never close, your stepfather’s love for Sarah shined brighter than his love for Rafe. His favoritism was no secret, no matter how much Sarah wanted to deny it, you could see it, everyone could see it. It bothered you, and you knew Rafe resented her for it, which made your heart involuntarily ache every time you thought about it.

“He’s been a real dick lately, ya know, like I don’t know what his problem is.”

“Yeah he’s been acting really weird since he found out you were coming home” Wheezie said, as your heart began to pound erratically at the thought of seeing him again. You couldn’t avoid him forever, especially not when your bedroom was directly across the hall from his. You’ll be okay, you think to yourself, in an attempt to calm yourself down. Just avoid him at all costs, and you’ll be fine, you thought. Easier said than done, but it doesn't hurt to attempt anyway.

“Maybe now that you’re home you can pull the stick out of his ass. He was always nicer when you’re around. You’re like the only one he listens to anyways.” Sarah huffed as she finally pulled up to the long driveway of Tannyhill. She was right, unfortunately as you were always the one to keep Rafe in check, the only one who could pull him out of his episodes when his intrusive thoughts took over and he began to act maniacally. It was you who came to his rescue after every fight he no doubt purposely started, and it was you who cleaned and bandaged his wounds. While you and Sarah were close, you and Rafe were inseparable, or well, used to be before you basically ran away. Your hands start to shake as you gripped your phone tighter, attempting to ground yourself. It’d been too long since your last bump, and that insatiable craving for more coupled with your anxiety had you on edge. You had to get to your room as soon as possible.

“Ugh anyways, enough about Rafe,” Sarah said in disgust as she put the car in park and turned to you, her blue eyes wide and excitement coursing through her veins.

“Welcome home!” Wheezie squealed, poking her head in from the backseat as the car came to a halt. You looked up at Tannyhill, the sprawling mansion intimidating you as your childhood memories all came rushing back, overwhelming you, causing a swirl of butterflies in your lower stomach, that you did your best to ignore. You weakly faked a smile, not wanting them to know that you’d rather be anywhere else in the world than back here. Welcome home, you thought bitterly to yourself with a grimace. Welcome fucking home.

Eleven years ago.

You were nervous, excited, but nervous to finally have a real home and family. Life on the Cut with your mom wasn't bad. You were a lot more fortunate than others living comfortably, but you ached for a real family with siblings and a dad that was actually present. Not long after you turned nine, you were gifted that, when Rose began dating Ward, and not long after that, he proposed to her, moving you both in with him and his three kids at Tannyhill. You liked Sarah the most, even though she was younger than you, Wheezie barely being three at the time, Rafe was a year older than you but had already held such a disdain for pogues which he made perfectly clear every time you two were in the same room with each other.

“Just because your mom is marrying my dad doesn’t make you a kook, you know,” the then ten year old said angrily, looking down upon you with a look of disgust on his face. “Once a pogue, always a pogue.”

You did your best to not let his mean words make you cry, up until then you played the sweet and dutiful daughter and were nothing but nice to Rafe even when he was being downright nasty for no good reason. But if this was your future for the next nine years, you didn’t know if you could handle it.

Finally fed up with his attitude towards you, you looked up, staring into his baby blue eyes, doing your best to look intimidating, “You’re kind of an asshole.”

His eyes widened in surprise, and a slight smirk appeared on his face as he looked you up and down, but he didn’t have the chance to respond.

“Y/N!” You turned around to see your mom stomping towards you, her face lit up with embarrassment, “We do NOT call people assholes. Apologize to Rafe.” Rose chastised.

You scoffed, “He started it!”

“I don’t care who started it, I’m ending it. Apologize, now.” Your mother looked at you expectantly, waiting for you while Rafe stood there looking amused. You wanted to slap that stupid smirk off his face but did your best to restrain yourself.

Sighing dramatically, “I’m sorry that I called you an asshole when you were being an asshole.”

“Y/N!”

Rafe laughed, probably the first genuine one you heard since you met the boy, and as much as you hated to admit it, you liked it. You wish he did it often, you thought. For the first time, his eyes didn’t hold any malice in them when he looked down at you, and your anger disappeared as you looked back up at him.

“I’m sorry.”

“What’s going on?” Ward questioned as he entered the room, sensing the tension between his son and future daughter. His steely gaze met with Rafe’s, causing the boy to look down nervously.

“Oh you know, just kids being kids,” your mother reached up to fix the collar of Ward’s shirt, one hand lingering on his chest. “It’s been dealt with.”

“Good.” He looked down at Rafe, with a look on his face you were all too familiar with. You’d seen it on your own dad when he was still around. It was the kind of look that made you want to shrink into nothing because it made you feel like nothing. It was a look that said we’ll discuss this later, behind closed doors. “Rose and Y/N are family now, and I expect them to be treated as such. She’s your sister now Rafe, act like it.”

Rafe scowled at the floor as he mumbled under his breath, “Yes, sir.”

As soon as you made your way into the mansion, you feigned tiredness immediately sprinting up the spiral staircase to your room. You stopped once you made it to the second floor, hesitating to go into your room at first, as your body unconsciously drew yourself outside of Rafe’s bedroom. His door was closed which was no surprise to you, you knew he wasn’t home but you couldn’t stop yourself as you turned the knob and pushed the door open. His room looked the same, nothing had changed since the last time you’d been in there, like two years hadn’t just passed. You couldn’t help yourself as you wandered in and closed the door quickly behind you, your back pressing against the door as you scanned his room with your eyes, unsure of what you were really even looking for. You didn’t know why you were there. Your body moved on autopilot as you moved around the room, refamilizing yourself with the place you spent countless days and nights in. Your fingers lightly brushed along the comforter of his bed, the same way one he had when you were home, knowing that this was the closest thing you’d allow yourself to Rafe. Once upon a time, you were the only one Rafe allowed in his room and now you stood in it once more, feeling like a stranger in the very place that was once your safe haven from the stressors of being a Cameron.

It became too much for you, and you turned to leave abruptly, but not before catching a glimpse of a photo frame on his desk that wasn’t there when you left two years ago. At closer inspection, you gasped when you realized it was you in the picture, well you and Rafe. It was taken at Midsummer’s when you were fifteen and he was sixteen. It was the first time you had a date to the event, instead of just attending with your family. You’d been asked by Alex Fairworth, a senior at Kildare Academy, who also incidentally you had a slight crush on at the time. You were so happy and excited to be able to go with someone as cool as Alex, but ultimately ended up being stood up that night. You spent weeks searching for the perfect dress and shoes just wanting Alex to notice you. You were embarrassed, dreading the idea of walking in alone when you realized he wasn’t going to show up. You weren’t surprised either when you ran into him at the club, a week after Midsummer’s, and had seen his face black and blue. You knew who did it as you smirked at him, silently taunting him for standing you up.

Rafe came to your rescue that night ditching his own date to ensure you didn’t walk in alone. You were grateful but the humiliation still lingered on your face when you walked in with your step brother instead of Alex, as you could already hear the whispers from others about your date or lack thereof. Rafe did your best to distract you that night, never leaving your side, glaring at anyone who dared to side eye you. He stole you both a bottle of champagne and kept you both drunk, laughing throughout the night together as you forgot all about Alex just enjoying the night with him causing chaos at the club.

Your mother had finally tracked you both down, as you had spent the night doing your very best to avoid her and dodge her questions about Alex. You were both scolded for being drunk at Midsummer's but were forced to go take photos of the family together. You remember the look Ward gave Rafe when he realized you were both drunk, as you both attempted to hold it together for photos. This photo was just of you and him, him looking down at you with a smile and while you smiled for the camera. He looked so handsome that night in his powder blue tux, your heart twisting with grief at the framed photo as you remembered the night everything changed.

You took one last look around his room before walking out and closing the door dashing across the hall into your room before you could be spotted leaving Rafe’s. You walked into your room, throwing yourself on the freshly made bed, probably done in preparation for your arrival. You felt all the tears you spent all day holding back finally bubbling back up as you cried quietly into your pillow, your entire body shaking as you sobbed. How were you supposed to handle an entire summer home you thought to yourself, mentally beating yourself up at being this shaken up over just being in his room. You don’t know why you even went in there in the first place, it was the exact opposite of your whole “avoid Rafe at all costs” plan.

“Get a fucking grip, Y/N.” You muttered to yourself as you made your way into your bathroom. You looked in the mirror at yourself, your face was sunken and your Y/E/C eyes were bloodshot. You looked like a shell of your old self, the carefree sparkle in your eyes that once shined so brightly was dead, and you suppose you were just an empty shell of the girl you used to be. You had changed so much, you almost didn’t recognize yourself. You didn’t see it in LA, but you suppose coming home opened your eyes to how you really looked now.

You needed a fix and you needed it now. Something to perk you up even if only temporarily before you started to feel like the dead girl staring back at you in the mirror. You left the bathroom to lock your door, and made a beeline to your purse for a certain small baggie in your wallet. You sighed with relief when you found it but started to panic when you realized how much you had left. You could always hit up Barry, but you didn’t want word getting back to Rafe about your newfound hobby that you picked up in California. Whatever you thought, you could always just give him more money for his silence and you knew Barry’s sleazy ass well enough to know that it would work. You quickly spilled the contents of the bag onto your phone and got to work breaking up the powder into four small white lines. You quickly snorted all of them up, rubbing your nose for any leftover residue.

You felt your heart begin to beat fast as the numbness took over your face, and you exhaled in relief as that familiar buzz invaded your body, relaxing you. You grabbed the bottle of anxiety medication out of your purse, quickly downing two pills as you laid back in bed, feeling your body tingle softly as the drugs took effect while your mind drifted away. Not long after that you finally fell into a deep slumber dreaming in a kaleidoscope of blues, the very same shade belonging to a certain pair of eyes you had spent the last two years forcing yourself to forget.

You awoke a few hours later to a loud banging on your bedroom door as Sarah yelled at you from the other side. “Don’t think you're getting out of going out with me Y/N, get up!”

You groggily opened your eyes and shuffled out of your bed to unlock your bedroom door, the light from the hallway blinding you as you opened the door to see Sarah looking at you with her eyebrows raised and a mischievous smile on her face. She was already ready, having wisely spent the last few hours preparing for the night while you were in a self-induced coma. You rolled your eyes as she barged into your room leading you to your vanity table and forcing you in the seat.

“No offense, but you look like shit,” Sarah started as she stood behind you looking at your reflection in the mirror as you sheepishly avoided making eye contact with her, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you lied, finally meeting her eyes, plastering a smile on your face. “Just tired from everything right now. Between school and work and coming home, it’s a lot you know.” She looked at you for a minute trying to decide whether or not she thought you were lying. She nodded, her face softening as she started to brush your hair. You both sat there in silence as she styled your hair, you relaxing into her touch. You hated lying to her and hated even more that she could always tell when you were, but Sarah respected your boundaries and knew you would come to her when you were ready. You hummed in appreciation as her fingers ran through your hair pulling half of it up and pinning it with a clip.

Sarah placed her arms around your shoulders holding you from behind as you both stared at each other in the mirror, “I really did miss you. I know you said it was complicated and I respect that, but please don’t leave. At least not like that again. I get why you want out and away, you know, more than anyone else in this house at least,” she trailed off for a second, her blue eyes looking glassy, “Just don’t disappear again, please.”

You reached up to place your hand on her arm, and smiled softly, “I won’t, I promise.”

“Good.” she sniffled as she wiped her tears away, she looked at you and smiled seemingly satisfied with your answer. “Now let’s get you ready! JJ’s been asking about you ever since I told him you were coming home.” Sarah smiled smugly, evidently proud of herself.

“Sarah!”

“What? He totally thinks you're hot and I know you think he is too!” She giggled as you began to blush. JJ was cute, very cute in fact and could provide you with the distraction you do desperately needed in order to survive the summer.

You smiled slyly at her, “He is really cute.”

“I knew it!” Sarah squealed as you began to apply your makeup in a pathetic attempt to make yourself look less dead. Thankfully, a little concealer, blush, and a pair of false eyelashes go a long way. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, almost recognizing the girl looking back at you, the girl who Sarah knew, the girl in Rafe’s photo. You shook yourself out of your thoughts, you weren’t her anymore, and you hadn’t been in a long time, even before you left the Outer Banks.

The Boneyard hadn’t changed, and you don’t know why you would have thought it would be any different than when you were the one in high school drinking Mai Tai’s mingling among the crowd of Kooks, Pogues and Tourons that regularly gathered at the beach. To your left stood the Kook’s keeping to their own as usual, you thought as you rolled your eyes, you had never understood the whole Kooks vs Pogues thing on the Island, you thought it was stupid. You made your way down the beach to where a few of the Pogues had gathered around the bonfire, blunts passing as cans clinked and laughter soared through the night’s breeze. Your heart warmed at the sight of your friends, you were always closer to the Pogues even if you were the Kook princess. You were beloved by all, Kook or Pogue it didn’t matter, you radiated light and everyone around you could see that, even when you couldn’t.

Your name was shouted as Kie spotted you first, gaining the attention of JJ, John B, and Pope. They all stood up rushing over to you, Kie pulling you in for a hug with JJ and Pope throwing their arms around the two of you. John B was off to the side hugging Sarah and you smiled at the way he looked at her, you missed that as the dull void in your chest started to ache.

“Welcome back to the OBX princess!” JJ teased, using his favorite nickname for you, “Been wonderin’ when you were gonna bless us all with your presence again.” his gorgeous blue eyes raked your form up and down, while you liked the attention the shaggy blonde boy gave you, his eyes just weren’t the right shade of blue for you.

You laughed, twirling your hair, giggling as you flirted back, “ Awww did you miss me Maybank?”

“Island ain’t the same without you, baby”, He drawled winking as he grinned down at you.

“Well I’m here now,” you said as you stole the cup of alcohol out of his hands, tossing it back savoring the burn of JJ’s favorite concoction, a secret mixture of liquors he deemed “happy juice”. You felt some of the liquid slide down the side of your mouth and dribble down your throat as JJ hungrily eyed your throat, wondering what you tasted like and if you were as sweet as he thought.

“That’s my girl!” He hollered, “We got a lot of lost time to drink for, two years to be specific, let’s get you another drink princess.” You allowed JJ to grab your hand and pull you through the crowd, to the old beer pong table they called the drink station. You knew it probably wasn’t a good idea to drink and let your guard down but you needed it and it had been so long since you had fun with your friends. It could’ve been the coke you snorted before you left when Sarah wasn’t looking talking, but you wanted to get into a little trouble tonight and JJ was the perfect person to get into trouble with.

You were nervous knowing that he could show up at any moment, but you hadn’t seen him earlier when you arrived, your eyes nervously scanning the beach looking for the 6’2’ boy. You felt yourself relax into JJ’s touch as he put his arm around you pulling you into him. Handing you your cup, he walked you back to the pogues as they stood off to the side waiting for you two.

“So Y/N, kudos to getting off the Island, a rare feat for us small folks.” Pope said with a smile. Where JJ was fun to flirt with, Pope was your favorite to talk to, he was smart and amazingly self aware but was also just a really sweet guy in general.

“Yeah, how’s California?” Kie asked as everyone turned to you.

“I heard the waves out there are fuckin awesome.” JJ exclaimed.

“Honestly California’s great, I love LA. And yes the waves are fuckin awesome.” You laughed answering JJ’s question, while he beamed drunkenly at you “I haven’t really had much time to surf lately but there really is nothing like it out there.”

“Is that why you haven’t come back? Forgot all about us pogues?” teased John B, as Sarah looked worriedly at you. You shook your head laughing, silently conveying to her that you were fine, as she relaxed back into John B’s arms. For the first time in a long time you even believed it yourself, you were drunk already, JJ’s happy juice taking effect quickly as you giggled under the stars carelessly with your friends.

“I could never forget about you guys! Once a pogue, always a pogue, there isn’t a place in the world that could change that,” you assured them as they all raised their cup in agreement.

“Hear-hear.” Kie said before sipping her drink causing you to giggle some more. Damn. You were a lot more drunk than you thought.

“I have a gift for you,” JJ said as he reached into his pocket, your interest peaked as your big eyes stared at him expectantly. You weren’t sure what to expect but laughed loudly when he placed a blunt in your hand. “Nothing but the best for our Kook princess.”

You rolled your eyes as you placed the blunt between your lips waiting for JJ to light the blunt for you. It took him a second, as he was distracted by your natural pout and the way your eyes seductively looked up at him. He thought about taking the blunt out of your mouth to kiss you but decided against it. You sat back while taking a hit from the blunt, letting the THC take over your body and mingle with the other substances already flowing through your bloodstream.

For the first time since you had arrived back on the Island, you felt at peace, like nothing had ever changed. You were happy to be home, surrounded by your friends, reunited with your sisters again. You were glad Sarah forced you out, enjoying the moment, soaking it up, blissfully unaware of the fact that it was about to come crumbling down.

You looked around you, taking in the sight of your friends together, the ocean roaring next to you and the carefree sounds of the island’s youth partying together. You smile to yourself, having forgotten about your fears and anxiety, almost forgetting about him entirely and why you had run away in the first place. You looked up across the bonfire entirely by chance, locking eyes with the boy that occupied your mind when you were awake and haunted you when you slept.

Fuck. Rafe.

if you want to be tagged, comment and let me know!! i sincerely hope you guys enjoy this as much as i did writing it<3

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 1 year

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THE KNIFE I TURN WITHIN MYSELF MASTERLIST (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

WARNINGS: DUB-CON at times, STEPCEST (sorry lol), drug abuse/self harm, depression, smut eventually!!!! 18+ ONLY PLEASE

III

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 1 year

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entering my drew starkey era again….. lord…..

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rafecameronscockwarmer · 1 year

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THE KNIFE I TURN WITHIN MYSELF II (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Writer's Note: ok, first off, i just wanna thank everyone for the kind words and support, it means so much to me!! posting the first part of the story was soo nervewrecking, but i am so glad you guys are enjoying the story so far<3 i hope you guys enjoy the next part!

Word Count: 4.1K

WARNINGS: DUB-CON at times, STEPCEST (sorry lol), drug abuse/self harm, depression, smut eventually!!!! 18+ ONLY PLEASE

You sat there frozen, sobering up almost instantly, unable to move as you both stared at each other from across the bonfire. You felt the air being ripped from your lungs as you held your breath, your chest hammering harder with each second that passed, eventually becoming louder than your surroundings as you could hear nothing but the sound of your own beating heart. You couldn’t move, your body paralyzed with fear as you looked at the shocked look on his face. The look didn’t last for long as it was soon replaced with a look of disgust while he clenched his jaw, finally noticing who you were with and whose arms were wrapped around you as you sat by the fire.

JJ looked down at you, feeling your body tense up as he followed your gaze, eventually seeing Rafe standing there scowling at you both. You prayed he would keep his distance, and for once in his life, not cause a scene, but that was merely wishful thinking on your part. He stalked over fists clenched as Topp and Kelce followed behind him unaware of what was about to unfold. The pit in your stomach grew with each step he took, as he eventually made his way to your group, alerting the rest of the Pogues who all tensed up at the sight of Rafe. You knew their history with Rafe, hell, the whole island did and while you used have the tendency to be able to look past his fuck ups, you weren’t going to allow him to ruin your arrival home just because he couldn’t control his rage.

“Haven’t even been back on the island for a day and you’re already slumming it?” Rafe sneered, his gaze dropping to JJ, as Top and Kelce looked over at him, both surprised at the malice in his voice. He hadn’t spoken to you like that since before your parents were married and it came as a shock to everyone, Sarah included, her eyes widening.

“The fuck is your problem, Rafe? I thought you’d be glad Y/N’s home.” Sarah asked as he ignored her, his eyes locked with yours as you sat there, still unable to speak.

He finally looked over at her rolling his eyes, “Yeah well don’t think Sarah, should be easy for you.”

You finally regained control of your body as you stood up pissed off, “Oh fuck off, that is so rich coming from you! Don’t speak to her like that.” you snapped. JJ stood up, placing his hand on your arm, but you shrugged it off so you could walk over and stand face to face with Rafe. Your heart softened as you stared into his blue eyes, only for a second, before reminding yourself why you were mad at him. He was high you realized, his pupils more blown than yours, you could see it all over his face, you just hoped he couldn’t see it on yours. You both scowled as neither of you said anything to each other, everyone around you confused as to what was going on between the two of you. You silently pleaded with your eyes to him, not here, not now.

“What would dad say,” he laughed, “ if he knew both of you were slumming it with the island’s trash?” You knew deep down that he didn’t care enough about Sarah to be truly mad about her hanging out on the cut. It was expected from her, you on the other hand, not so much.

“What, as opposed to hanging out with entitled cokeheads, like yourself?” JJ asked sarcastically, you turned to tell him to stay out of it but didn’t get the chance to as Rafe swung on him, his fist connecting with JJ’s face. You and Sarah screamed as you both heard the sickening crunch of JJ’s nose breaking as Rafe pounded his fist into JJ’s face repeatedly.

“Rafe stop!” Sarah cried as Pope and John B did their best to pull him off their friend, until Topper and Kelce intervened, both of them starting their own fights with Pope and John B. You went to pull Rafe off of him, hoping your touch would distract him long enough for JJ to get away, but as he went to get another punch in, his elbow meeting your eye, knocking you down as you cried out in pain. Kie and Sarah both ran to you as you cradled your face in your hands.

Rafe whipped his head around at the sound of your cry, his anger disappearing when he realized you had gotten hurt because of him. He dropped JJ in the sand running over to where you lied, his eyes watering slightly knowing it was his fault you were hurt yet again by him, while you cried in pain from the throbbing in your head.

“Fuck, Y/N I-I-I didn’t mean to hit you I’m so sorry.” He reached out to grab your hand, but you snatched it back before he could even touch you, the hurt in his eyes evident.

“Don’t fucking touch me!”, you snarled standing up, with the help of Kie and Sarah. You looked at the broken boy before you, unable to even feel a twinge of sympathy for him in the moment.

“I..I’m sorry.” He mumbled, looking down, unable to look at the already darkening bruise on your face. He felt his heart crumble under your heated gaze.

“Fuck this.” You turned around to go home leaving everyone shocked, Sarah following you up the path away from the beach.

You glanced over at her as you both walked side by side together, “You don’t have to come with me, you know. I’m fine, I know you had plans to go with John B tonight.”

“Y/N, you just got punched in the face! Are you okay?”

“Elbowed, technically.”

“Same difference! Your eye is literally already starting to swell!” Sarah grabbed you by your arm, pulling you to a stop, forcing you to look at her. “Can I-...” she started, clearly struggling with her words, sighing she questioned, “Is Rafe the reason you haven’t come home? Did something happen between you two?” She silently pleaded for you to talk to her, her eyes searching your face for anything that could give her a clue, but you stared back at her blankly.

“No,” you lied, immediately feeling ashamed, Sarah looking skeptically back at you, “I-I just needed out of here Sarah, I know you know how that feels.” You both stared at each other until you looked away, unable to hold your gaze any longer, telling her you were lying.

“Why do you do it?” she demanded, crossing her arms angrily, “Why do you always protect him, even when he doesn’t deserve it! He just beat JJ’s face in, and you're still doing it. Oh, and clearly something happened between you two, cause what the fuck was that?”

“I-it was nothing j-just mind your fucking business, Sarah!” you stuttered angrily, finally snapping, adrenaline from the prior confrontation still coursing through your veins, coupling with the drugs finally pushing you over the edge.

“If you want to lie to yourself that’s fine, but you can’t lie to me.” Sarah scoffed in disgust, rolling her eyes, turning to go back to the beach. She paused for a second, turning around, opening her mouth to say something, ultimately deciding against it before angrily snapping it closed, stomping away.

You didn’t stop her, in truth, you had no real desire to, just yearning for the comfort and sanctity of your bed as you turned to walk in the opposite direction. Your eyes welled with tears as the overwhelming events of the night began to register in your mind, eventually turning into full blown sobbing as you walked home. You wanted nothing more than to go back to LA, unable to stomach the thought of another night in the OBX. You shouldn’t have come back here, that much you knew.

You cried the entire walk back to Figure 8. When you arrived you noticed Rafe’s truck was nowhere to be found, thankfully you thought, but you could see the lights from the first floor on, indicating someone was home and up. You groaned when you realized that there was a very high chance of that someone being your mother, and that was the last thing you needed tonight. Instead you chose to walk around the side of the mansion, opting to scale the lattice connected to your room’s balcony, deeming it a less daunting task than walking through the front door and having a conversation with your mother.

You pulled yourself up over the balcony, peeling your clothes off the minute you made it into your room. Walking over to where your luggage sat, you dug through it until you found what you were looking for, pulling the Carolina blue shirt out with the name Cameron and number 8 emblazoned on the back. You pulled it over your head, unsure if done because of the comfort it once brought you, or out of the emotional masochistic tendencies you harbored internally. Locking your door, you shuffled over to the bed, cocooning yourself into the covers, imagining them as walls protecting you from the outside world until your body finally succumbed from exhaustion.

9 years ago.

You could hear Ward’s voice angrily carry throughout the house as he screamed at Rafe in the privacy of his office. He was caught fighting at school again, this time in your honor, quickly throwing punches at another boy in your grade. Rafe caught him pushing you down on the blacktop, and before you could even react, Rafe charged at the kid completely bulldozing him, hitting the boy until the teachers pulled them apart. You sat on the steps of the staircase at home, just within earshot, so you could hear the conversation but far enough to make a quick escape upstairs, if needed.

You tried to tell Ward it wasn’t Rafe’s fault that he was just defending you, looking after you like Ward told him to do but he refused to listen, insisting that Rafe’s issues had been a problem long before your arrival in their lives, and that Rafe needed to be put in his place. Your feelings on Ward were conflicting; you HATED how he treated Rafe, the two of you had gotten closer as time passed and it broke your heart to see the boy belittled and demeaned by the very person meant to protect and nurture him. Ward treated you as his own, and while you loved having a dad that was present and actually provided for his family, Ward reminded you too much of your own dad enough to hate him sometimes, this being one of those times.

Jumping at the sound of Ward’s office door opening, you ran up the stairs to your room, closing the door in fear of being caught eavesdropping. You heard someone coming up the stairs, Rafe, you assumed, confirmed seconds later by the slamming of his bedroom door. You hesitated for a moment before leaving your room, softly knocking on his door. He swung the door open, his eyes narrowed on the verge of tears, before realizing it was only you, quickly moving to the side allowing you to enter. You watched him pace back and forth from the bed, muttering to himself as he raised his fists to his face, attempting to ground himself. You were at a loss for words, watching as he started to breathe erratically, working himself up even more, leaving you feeling helpless.

“He always tells me to be a m-man you know,” Rafe stammered, his face red with frustration, “To do the right thing for once, and when I do it’s still not enough. What was I supposed to do? Let that half pogue piece of trash put his disgusting hands on you?”

“You did the right thing, no matter what he says,” you tried to assure him, smiling softly, his watery gaze looking over at you as he nervously brought his thumb to his mouth to bite it. Standing up, you walked over to him, placing your hands on either side of his face, trying to center him. Rafe was far too distraught, unable to stop the flow of tears that cascaded down his face, looking anywhere but you. You pulled him closer to you, holding him as he cried into your neck muttering to himself or maybe to you, you weren’t entirely sure, that he’d do better, be better, repeating it over and over again. You held him until his tears subsided, the two of you sitting in silence, your heart twisting at the sight of him crying, his heart twisting at the feeling of the comfort your touch brought him.

“Sometimes I feel like you're the only one on my side,” he mumbled underneath his breath, looking up at you with wide eyes, “Promise me you’ll always be on my side?”

“I’ll always be on your side,” you whispered, stroking his hair, his breathing finally evening out. “There’s nothing you could do or say that would ever change that.”

You awoke the next morning, head pounding as you stumbled out of your bed to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, you examined the bruise under your eye, sighing at the deep purple it had already transformed into. The swelling of your eye had already gone down, but the evidence of last night’s fight still lingered on your face as you attempted to make yourself look more presentable before making your way downstairs.

You could hear movement in the kitchen, stopping to mentally prepare yourself before entering the kitchen to see your mother fretting over a bouquet of flowers while Rafe sat at the island eating.

“Oh good, you’re up!” chirped your mother, as she walked over to greet you, her eyes widening at the state of your face, grabbing it to get a better look. “What the hell happened to your face?”

You looked over at Rafe, whose face all but sunk into his bowl refusing to make eye contact with you. You pulled yourself from your mother’s grip, walking around her to the fridge to grab a water bottle.

“I got a little too drunk last night and ended up face planting into a piece of driftwood on the beach. I’m fine, really.” you answered, as Sarah walked into the kitchen, a scowl on her face, evident that she heard your lie. You heard Rafe sigh in relief, his heart warming at your lie. You may be mad at him, he thought to himself, but your lie was proof to him that you were still on his side, you were still protecting him.

You sat across from him, not wanting to be directly next to him, grabbing a banana from the basket in the middle of the island, while your mom looked back and forth between the two of you, confused at the fact that neither you nor Rafe would look at each other.

“Well I’m just glad you're okay, but we have a lot of catching up to do,” your mom said pointedly, looking down at her watch, seeing the time, “Listen, I have a meeting at the club I have to get to, but I expect to see you there after for lunch. We’ll talk then.” You nodded your head, giving your mother a smile. Rose walked over, placing a kiss on your temple, squeezing your shoulder, “I’ve missed you baby, I'm glad you're home.”

“Me too.” You said weakly as she left the room, leaving you alone with Rafe and Sarah, who up until then, stood quietly in the corner watching the interaction unfold. None of you said anything to each other, Rafe continued to stare into his bowl, you at your banana and Sarah at the both of you.

“Unbelievable.” Sarah muttered, walking away, following your mother’s footsteps out the front door, leaving you alone with Rafe.

You started to panic internally, unprepared and way too sober for this, immediately regretting leaving your bedroom as you both sat staring at each other.

“I didn’t mean to..” Rafe trailed off, racking his brain for something to say now that he finally had you alone.

“It’s fine, Rafe, just drop it.” You sighed as you got up, leaving to go back to your bedroom. He grabbed your arm to stop you from going, you tried to pull away but his grip tightened on your arm, keeping you in place. Your heart skipped at the feeling of his skin on yours, it was the first time you had felt his touch in two years and as much as you hated yourself for it, you felt your body automatically relax into it.

“Why won't you talk to me?”

“You know why Rafe, don’t play dumb. We both know I’m better at it, anyways.”

“Y/N…”

You looked up at him, his eyes pleading for you, and you wanted nothing more than to just give in to him, to say you forgive him, to tell him that you missed him and to hold him again, but you didn’t want him to have the satisfaction of winning.

You yanked your arm out of his grip as you went back to your room, in hopes of being alone. You should’ve known that wasn’t going to happen, because Rafe was already a few steps behind you, following you to your room.

“I’m sorry, okay? Just fucking talk to me!”

Ignoring him, you quickened your pace hoping to get into your room and behind a locked door before he could reach you, but his long legs eventually caught up with your pace.

Stopping outside your bedroom door, you spun around quickly, “Sorry about what, Rafe? Hmm?”

He looked down, eyes watering, before pushing you into your room and closing the door behind him.

“What the fuck? You need to leave Rafe, I’m serious. Get out!”

“Not until you talk to me! I need you to k-know…” He stammered, his chest heaving with frustration as he tried to push the right words out of his mouth. “I didn’t mean it, if I could take it back I would.”

“Didn’t mean what, Rafe?” You taunted him, trying to get him to admit what he did, you don’t know why you needed to hear him say it, you knew it wouldn’t make you feel any better.

“You know what…”

“You can’t even say it, can you? You can’t even admit what you did.” Shaking your head in disgust, his breathing became labored as he started pacing back and forth. He brought his hand to his face, holding his mouth as he tried to think of something to say. He knew there was nothing he could say that could take back what he did, but he needed you to know you were still his. That you’d always be his.

He grabbed your face, smashing your lips against his, biting your bottom lip, forcing your mouth open so he could move his tongue into your mouth, finally tasting you. You struggled against him, trying to push him away, but your body’s natural instincts won as you melted into it, briefly kissing him back before coming to your senses and pushing him off of you.

“Get out..” you whispered as tears appeared in your waterline, “Please just get out.”

“You’ll always be mine, Y/N. We both know it.” Rafe remarked as he walked out of your room, closing your door. He smiled to himself in the hallway, feeling victorious. Rafe knew it was only a matter of time before you gave in to him. He knew it the minute you kissed him back, even if it was only brief. Ignoring him was a lot easier when you were across the country, but you weren’t across the country anymore. You were just across the hall. You could deny it all you want, but you still wanted him, despite everything, he thought.

You kissed him back. You were still on his side.

Your mother’s meeting ran late, so you used it to your advantage by catching a buzz at the bar, in an attempt to numb the self hatred brewing in you at the moment. You kissed him. You fucking kissed him back. How could you be so fucking stupid you thought, as you tossed back the rest of your martini. This was exactly what you were trying to avoid, and you were not successful, not by a long shot. You didn’t know what to think, your mind running a million miles a minute, and the liquor did nothing to help in the slightest.

You signaled to the bartender for a refill, as the sound of your name could be heard from across the room, your mother’s voice already irritating you. The inevitable criticism hadn't even begun, but you were already ready for the conversation to end. You nodded at her, silently letting her know you’d make your way over to the table in a moment as she sat down waiting for you, staring at you inquisitively.

Eventually making your way to the table, you at least attempted to look happy to see her, but unfortunately she could see right through it.

“You could at least pretend to be happy to be home, you know.”

“I am happy to be home.” You defended, rolling your eyes in annoyance.

“Right.” Your mother quipped, placing her napkin onto her lap, while you reached for your drink. “Yeah, you seem really enthusiastic.”

“God, did you bring me here just to criticize me?”

“I’m not criticizing you, stop being so dramatic.” Rose said, clearly exasperated with your attitude, “You’ve been gone for two years, Y/N, two years. You don’t think that didn’t hurt me? Especially with the way you left, in the middle of the night, leaving only a note?”

You swallowed back tears as you thought about what to say. “You knew I was leaving for college anyways, I don’t see what the big deal is. So I left a little bit earlier than planned, so what?”

“So what? Is that really all you have to say?”

“Well, what do you want me to say?”

“Well how about ‘I'm sorry’ for starters?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I-I just don’t understand, Y/N. You left, and stayed gone . You don’t even look like my little girl anymore. You’re drunk before noon, coming home with black eyes.” Rose started, her eyes glossy, as she did her best to keep it together.

“I told you it was an accident!”

“Yeah? Well I don’t believe you. You just seem.. so vacant. Like you’re not really here.”

“Oh, and you got this off of what? One interaction? You weren’t even here to greet me yesterday, God forbid your child comes before your club duties.” You snorted.

“That’s not fair.”

“I just don’t know what you want me to say, okay? I’m sorry I left, I’m sorry I didn’t visit. I-I just needed out okay, I felt like I was fucking suffocating here!” You snapped, embarrassing her as she mouthed an apology to the neighboring table. You could start to feel the unsavory side effects of withdrawal, as your body screamed for something to numb the ache that had made a permanent home in your chest.

“Language, Y/N, please. We’re in public for Christ sakes.”

“Whatever.” You mumbled, sipping your beverage, praying that it would be enough to shut your body up until you could give it what it really wanted.

“What happened between you and Rafe?” Your mother questioned, your body filling with dread. Unable to look at her, you focused solely on your fingers pulling the skin off your cuticles underneath the table, the pain satisfying in you what the alcohol couldn’t. “You two wouldn’t even look at each other this morning, and he’s not been right since you left. What happened?”

Your heart involuntarily leaped at learning that your absence affected him just as much as you leaving him affected you, but you quickly shut it down.

“Nothing happened, mom. I-I just wanted away from this island, away from the whole stupid kook vs pogue war, away from our societal duties,” rolling your eyes once more, finally making eye contact with her, “It was all just too much.”

Her eyes softened at you, there was some truth to your words and she could see that. Being a kook, princess of the kooks at that, was a lot of pressure on you. You were the golden child, your achievements and feats, usually overshadowing whatever fuck up Rafe was committing at the moment. You brought light and honor to the Cameron family name, whereas Rafe tarnished it. You couldn’t handle that pressure anymore. Rafe was just the final nail in the coffin.

“I just miss you so much.” Rose whispered, tears wetting her eyes as yours did the same.

“I’m sorry, I really am.” You softly smiled at her, probably the first genuine smile she’d seen from you since your arrival. “I missed you mom, more than you know. I’ll do better.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

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thank u all who wanted to be tagged it literally means the world to me (,: pls enjoy!

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