quantum-chaos-theory

[quantum-chaos-theory]

hell? empty. all the devils? here.

#Shakespearean shitposting

[quantum-chaos-theory]

If you went to a bar and the bartender was a mousegirl you could ask for a drink and she would balance it on her head and say "for you, it's on the mouse"

[quantum-chaos-theory]

call me the tacoma narrows suspension bridge, the way a design flaw causes me to vibrate at a destructive frequency.

#tacoma narrows #first post #welcome to the hellsite

[quantum-chaos-theory]

DIGITAL HALLUCINATIONS!!!!

“Not all who are lost can return”

2//??

Made this in procreate, this and my pinned post will be part of a small series.

Anywho.

Had an idea thought it was neat. I’ve got my own ideas and meaning behind this but I would love to hear y’all’s interpertations!

#digital circus

[quantum-chaos-theory]

thank you so much for sharing the burrito rant! I had only ever heard of this ancient tome in the dusty manuscripts of the you tube, but here it sits before me, thank the holy grail sitting on a marble pedestal.

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

#IDK why I wrote it this way #i just felt like being silly #silly little dude #ancient manuscripts

[quantum-chaos-theory]

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

#reblogging so I can find this later

[quantum-chaos-theory]

is that the...

eye of the storm?

storm warning.

twitter | ko-fi

#i'm sorry #i couldn't resist #bad puns

[quantum-chaos-theory]

just saying...

wokemon was RIGHT there

WOKE Pokemon

Ball PERSON??

ToxBIpex??!?

Ultra Recon HUMAN??

QUEERchie and FAGxie???!?

KIERAN????

#pokemon #/j

[quantum-chaos-theory]

blink twice if your being held hostage by Boston public transit

The Trains in Boston are very lovely and would never try to kill, main or burn me at ant given opportunity

#boston #trains #public transit

[quantum-chaos-theory]

ba sing se

most sensible fantasy transit system i've seen

I feel like the large fantasy cities we design in our world building ignore the practical need for transportation to sustain a large city without cars, horses or the equivalent can make do but they can only move about 30 people at once, to move large amounts of people several miles, you need a transportation network. In this post I will explore various ideas to integrate good transit into a magical setting because honestly I just want to do that

[quantum-chaos-theory]

is conrail, like, your long-lost sister or something?

What are your feelings on Conrail

Bring her back yesterday and nationalize the whole damn nation's railroads this time

#IDK why i decided conrail was female #it just seemed right

[quantum-chaos-theory]

i'm not gonna steal it...

just borrow for an extended period of time

@amtrak-official makes me wonder how many people would steal an amtrak train 🤔

#if no one else is going to use the loca railway #i might as well

[quantum-chaos-theory]

#they are called tongs #or if i forget #you know the #the things #the uh #you know #uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #fuck #all said while making hand motions

[quantum-chaos-theory]

Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center.

#this could end badly #but it's posssible

[quantum-chaos-theory]

As we conclude our week-long sea-lebration of her birthday, let's reflect on Rosa’s time at the Aquarium!

We’re so grateful for the opportunity to care for Rosa 💙 Help us wish her the fluffiest, happiest 24th birthday!

#cute otters #thats it #just #otters that are cute #need i elaborate?

[quantum-chaos-theory]

stars are temporary; sharks are eternal

#sharks #stars #i have a terrible sense of humor

[quantum-chaos-theory]

Also say where you’re from in the tags!

#northern oklahoma