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poruchik-logy · 1 year

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But it's almost funny how I'm so attached to the female characters that were an outlet for my self-destructive thoughts in the past. Like I have one that's been created specifically to be a bad blood. A concentrated boiling soup of qualities I considered "immoral" or just "unacceptable". true and real. in fact bestie i’m still doing exactly that. but ofc in a slightly different way. MY PLAN IS USUALLY GOES LIKE THIS 1)create a character that’s basically “best version of yourself but still traumatized” 2)exaggerate your own trauma in character’s bio so you could feel compasion/sympathy for the character and thanks to that feel some kind of emotional relief. bc obviously feeling any kind of sympathy for yourself is disgusting. we need a character for that. 3)sprinkle in some qualities you always wanted to have. but make sure it’s like unreachable in real life and grandiose. this character can’t be fluent in 2 languages. he/she needs to know perfectly at least 5 languages. 4)make sure to make this character immoral or unacceptable in the eyes of everybody around them. bc this character despite being “best version of yourself” still shares too many qualities with your pitiful ass.

5)VERY IMPORTANT STEP YOU CAN’T MISS THIS MAKE SURE to surround this character with friends/loved ones that are basically fucked up psychopaths or generally not good people. bc we don’t deserve anything else bestie and if we make so our character is surrounded by good people who love them...well it just would feel unrealistic.

I was today years old when I realised that attempts to create a cis!fem character were such a pickle for me because I wanted to write a flawless image that I could project myself onto. This ideal, morally superior, pedestal-worthy wonderful spirit of an ideal all-around ✨good✨ character.

Today I just calmed down, looked through my notes and made a mental list of qualities for a few female characters that I've created over the course of the last 10 years.

Turns out, the only ones that survived my mental purge (aka a natural tendency to dissolve into obscurity due to the gradual loss of interest) were the only ones that created any kind of emotional spark inside me. And what are they?

They are a wreck. Unstable, emotionally drained, charged with anger and fear, drowning in self-pity, delusional pieces of work.

In other words... Just like me.

Every time I create a character that I'm able to perceive as something more than just a skin for my own "existence" in the world of a story, it's my poorly disguised attempt to find some compassion towards the only person I hated so much these years. Or, at least, the part of this person that I consider feminine.

This wasn't exactly a totally new revelation, it's more like I've just finally found myself able to put together some red dots.

Jeebus Chrysler, the things that we're able to hide from ourselves...

Maybe the exposure to SO2 fumes finally worked. I was able to land in an environment that's way more toxic than myself, lol.

#writing #fanfiction #oc stuff #oc community #oc creation

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poruchik-logy · 1 year

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I loved your recent post a lot 💜 it made me think of potential headcanons where reader choose side opposite to her lover and after their win she begs to spare her love' life. if you like the idea thn please do this p.p Can you imagine how rhaenyra would feel when reader starts begging aegon to spare her. And aegon is like i love you y/n but go take a walk :'D

ah! thank you so much. i just had the idea and decided to write it. anyways, i am happy to do that idea. but i'm writing specifically for rhaenyra and aegon since you bring them up. (i got like three character hc posts in the drafts that also call my attention ; i can do other characters at a different time on a different post)

also, just for future reference, please keep in mind that the reader i envision is not a specific gender. i write my posts without a specific reader in mind. it's part of my general mission and dedication to inclusivity with reader inserts.

anyways, potential spoilers for hotd in future seasons. because i am deriving from grrm’s material. not that the show will exactly follow the book but they serve as potential events in future seasons.

aegon targaryen

somehow, some way, you had managed to escape from the confines of your room in king’s landing. it took weeks of planning and bribing some guards and getting your clothes very dirty, but you managed to escape to dragonstone.

and yet, your efforts were in vain. you watched the black forces dwindle, the deaths of jacaerys and joffrey. and then, the reclamation of harrenhaal and eventually, king’s landing.

when aegon stepped foot in the throne room, he felt at home. he felt pride upon sitting upon the iron throne. his rightful seat.

traitors were to be dealt with immediately, amongst them were the princess rhaenyra and her children.

he would offer light sentences to her children. after all, what would his sister say? she was a compassionate woman, even if he resented her since their childhood.

but you? you didn’t belong chained up in the black cells. so he had you scrubbed clean and confined to a rather nice room. well, you would come to learn it was helaena’s room before she threw herself out of her window. all of her things had been removed by orders of aegon and that made you very sad.

you were more than confused when aegon had you dragged out to the throne room. it was time he was giving sentences to traitors. many of them were simply executed and their heads would be mounted at the traitor’s walk.

but you knew your sentence would be light. aegon had told you so himself with that lovesick look in his eyes that you recognized. your stomach dropped to your feet when he cupped your face amidst the candlelight.

“we can finally be together. there is no one to stand in our way.”

“you should let me go aegon. i’d rather die than serve you.”

he only laughed at your statement. “i will never let you go, beloved.”

your heart sank when you watched as rhaenyra was dragged into the throne room, wearing a dirty and torn dress and chained up. despite the fact that anyone in her position would be afraid, she still had that fiery look of defiance.

of course aegon would do this on purpose.

“rhaenyra of house targaryen, the realm’s delight, princess of the seven kingdoms. you are being charged with treason of your king for attempting to usurp the iron throne.” ser criston says. “if you bend the knee to king aegon, second of his name, then you may receive a lighter sentence.”

despite being at her lowest, she refused to let her flame go out. “he is no king.” rhaenyra proclaims this with her whole chest, head held up high.

criston looks at aegon, who leans forward in his throne. “then we will feed her to the dragons. and have her children watch.”

such a thing was horrific already. after all, aegon would be kinslaying. but to make his nephews watch? rhaenyra’s own children? such a thing was unfathomable. and your feet unexpectedly began to move.

but before you could place a foot on the raised platform that sat the iron throne, ser criston pulled out his blade to stop you. “i would not push it, (y/n).”

you paid no attention to the kingmaker. your eyes looked into aegon’s. “you cannot kill rhaenyra.”

“and why not?” your former lover asks.

“because...she is vital to the kingdom. she serves as an asset to your rule. to kill her would mean enraging all those that fought for her claim and possibly stirring more rebellion. that is not what you want.” you took a deep breath. “a good king has mercy on his subjects, even traitors. please show that you are a good, merciful king. like your father.” your voice cracked, pleading.

you didn’t notice the soft look on rhaenyra’s face and how her body retreated into itself slightly.

aegon stands, walking over to you. he waves his hand and criston puts his blade away. however, he stops at the edge of the raised platform so he is above you.

“where did being merciful get my father? died of sickness. without a mark left in history. i am not my father.” he cups your face with both of his hands. “and all rebellion must be quashed. and it starts with the death of their queen.”

“will you go as far as to make her children watch?”

“they should not get any ideas.” he smiles. “but to spare your heart, you don’t have to watch. you will hear her screams from afar.”

“aegon, please!” you plead. “you can send her across the narrow sea to exile. she won’t come back! and you can always kill her dragon to make sure.”

“oh (y/n). i love you so much. but you are naive.” he places a kiss on your forehead. “ser criston, take (y/n) on a walk. you can have my mother accompany her as well.” he pulls away.

your body feels heavy as you are dragged by your arm away from him and out of the throne room. you couldn’t even look at rhaenyra, your attempt to keep her alive having failed.

aegon lets out a sigh your body disappears around the corner. he looks at rhaenyra and smirks.

“to the dragonpit then, shall we?”

rhaenyra targaryen

despite the greens attempt to take back king’s landing and harrenhaal, they failed. miserably. the proof was, of course, dark sister having been cemented into aemond’s skull. one of their core leaders had fallen and daemon came back with the prince’s body, victorious. and then they stuck the boy’s head on the wall of traitors.

you were haunted by his dead face and the glint of his sapphire. blue would come to be a color that haunted you.

you had woken up in a cold sweat, heart pounding against your chest. your room was a lot smaller now, but rhaenyra was merciful enough to let you live. that was all you could really ask for.

the person that opened the door was none other than the king consort himself. his face was unreadable but judging from his eyes alone, he held some sort of contempt for you.

“your presence is requested in the throne room.” is all he says before leaving.

you’re left in your room to dress and eventually be escorted to the throne room. the sight before you is one that would be written in the history books.

rhaenyra sits on the iron throne, golden crown adorning her head. the crown of her father. she is dressed in black and the banners of red dragons on a black field have replaced the green dragons.

your stoic face falls slightly when you see aegon, head bowed and wearing nothing but his undershirt and pants, both dark with dirt. no doubt from being in the black cells.

they couldn’t even give him the courtesy of having shoes.

“aegon!” you exclaimed, running to him. there’s no objection from the queen on the iron throne as you turn the boy to face you. his eyes were red and his skin was pale. “oh aegon.”

“(y/n)? is that you?” he smiles. “gods. i never thought i would see you again.”

“it’s okay. i’m here. i’m here now.” you brush a few strands of his hair out of his face. you turn to rhaenyra. “what is the meaning of this?”

“there’s nothing else to it (y/n).” her voice is stable, not a single waver in her words. “my brother is to be tried.”

“tried for what?”

“tried for treason, for the killing of my children.”

“he didn’t kill your children.”

“they were killed in his name, killed for him. his brother killed my son. his soldiers killed joffrey. and his men attempted to kill aegon and viserys.” rhaenyra lets out a deep breath. “even if you were correct, he would still be responsible for the usurption of my throne.”

“it wasn’t his idea. it was his mother’s.” you stop, eyes glancing around. you don’t see a head of familiar brown hair or that familiar shade of green. “where is his mother? where is alicent hightower?”

you notice daemon’s mouth curling into a smirk at your question. “perhaps you can look at the traitor’s wall.” the king consort answers. “best we put her next to her vulture of a father and pathetic son.”

it didn’t take much to connect the dots.

“rhaenyra! rhaenyra please!” you move towards her, letting aegon go. “you must not do this!”

“what is a suitable punishment for treason then?” you cannot even read her eyes. it seems that fondness she held for you has dissipated, eroded away by the grief of war.

“not death.”

“what does it matter to you, hightower scum?” daemon asks.

“i swore to his mother that i would keep him safe.” your voice cracks as you feel your eyes water.

“could it not be because you harbor feelings for the usurper? or that you have been fucking him?” daemon’s words were vulgar and he was airing out your dirty laundry. but then again, a woman sat on the iron throne. all social conventions were going to break within the next few weeks. you knew that for certain. “personal feelings have no place here.”

“i cannot reason with king consort. but i know i can reason with the queen.” you look back at rhaenyra. “please! rhaenyra! i know you do not wish to kill your brother.”

there is silence met with your statement.

the black queen looks at her husband before letting out a sigh. you can easily read her face finally. i might regret this.

“you want my brother to live? then he must bend the knee. it’s quite simple. his life for pledging allegiance. and fully giving up his claim to the throne.”

that was the bone she threw.

you turn to aegon and he looks at you. he seems unsure but his face softens when he reads the look in your eyes. you were pleading with him, begging him to do as his sister said.

and while the feeling of power was great, the emptiness began to catch up to him. wasn’t this what he hoped for before this war anyways? to not become king so he can be free of responsibility?

aegon looks up at his sister and he falls to his knees. he looks back at the ground, bowing his head.

“i, aegon of house targaryen, hereby pledge myself to queen rhaenyra, first of her name, queen of the andals and rhoynar and first men, lady of the seven kingdoms, and protector of the realm. and i abdicate my claim as king.”

rhaenyra lets out a breath she had been holding for a long time. and her shoulder slouch slightly.

“so it shall be.”

#hotd x reader #hotd headcanons

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poruchik-logy · 1 year

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Hightower-Targaryen Family (modern au)

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poruchik-logy · 1 year

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@mannoxxannox ain't it the truth

no offense but why do cat owners let them on counter tops? do they not shed and it gets on the food

You think i have any control over these bitches

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poruchik-logy · 1 year

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Love you are the perfect candidate. You should do this @delicrieux

why are there no henry wrinter fanfics:((

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poruchik-logy · 1 year

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i’m just very happy to hear tht you saw it. i loved it and wanted to share with someone who will give it a shot :3

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poruchik-logy · 2 years

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The Great War (9/10)

Summary: After landing in a place he has no idea about, Tom comes across someone who can finally help him get back to Manchester

Pairing: Tom Bennett x fem! reader

#tom bennett #tom bennett x reader

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poruchik-logy · 2 years

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@13eyond13 dear, i know i’m 10 years late with a starbucks and we didn’t talk for a while, but i really need you to see this movie. reasons : 1) i think you’ll love it 2) i would be happy to hear your expert opinion on the movie. it’s been a while since i liked a movie so much. 3)rebecca hall is fucking amazing in this. btw hope you’re doing okay

#christine #christine(2016)#movies #2016

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poruchik-logy · 2 years

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Immoral content. Jesus Christ. What a timeline. Fiction about bad people and bad deeds written by an adult who clearly wants his ideas regarding those themes to stay in fiction and doesn't approve of that shit in real life for another adults who feel the same way = immoral? Nope bro it's just content. Nothing immoral about that. Immoral is whatever people in moral superiority hats are doing for the last few years. God bless Tumblr

“I’ll block you immediately if I see that you enjoy immoral content” girl on the immoral content website??

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poruchik-logy · 2 years

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I love Aemond and his fan community so fucking much. There's just something intriguing in almost every fic about him :3 Not only can i fangirl over him but also spend hours trying to analyze the psychology behind this imaginary man and fellow Aemond enjoyers. Stay StRoNg Aemond fans))))

hii could you write about aemond taking his eye patch off for the first time in front of you?

Yes my lovely Anons, I whipped up a lil something for you!

Aemond x reader

You carded your fingers through Aemond’s silvery hair, the light from the fireplace flickering on his relaxed face. You had loved him since the day you saw him, standing in the throne room, upon your first arrival to King’s Landing.

His eye was closed, head comfortably laying in your lap. Your fingers wandered across the planes of his face, lingering on his soft lips. His mouth twitched upward as you traced a pattern there, he hummed softly in contentment. How you longed to kiss him there, the thought of your lips on his lingered often in the back of your mind. Instead, you contented yourself with the rare quiet moments the two of you would relax together after reading long hours in the deserted library.

You turned your attention toward the leather eyepatch you always saw him wearing, frowning slightly as you were tempted to lift it off his face. He must’ve felt your intention because Aemond sat up rather suddenly, putting some space between the two of you on the sofa. His one eye surveyed you for a few moments, inexplicable tension radiating off his shoulders. “I do not wish you to see me without it.” He ran his hand along the strap of his eyepatch, making sure it was secure.

You twisted your fingers together in your lap, guilt washing over you. “I’m sorry Aemond, I didn’t mean to upset you.

“It is I who desires not to upset you, Y/N.” Aemond responded, looking everywhere but at your face. “Without the eyepatch I look like a ‘monster’. Or at least,” he chuckled mirthlessly, “that’s what I’ve overheard some say.”

You caught the flicker of pain that briefly twisted Aemond’s features, but he mastered his emotions in an instant, finally meeting your eyes with his own.

“Aemond, don’t say that.” You leaned forward, reaching toward him. “You could never look monstrous.”

He did not move or look toward you, instead fixing his gaze on the crackling fire. With a swift movement you got down on the floor, scooting until you knelt before him, forcing his focus onto yourself. You read anger in his face, as well as something else…something akin to hope.

Taking his hand in yours, you tried again. “You are the most handsome man I have ever looked upon.” Aemond made a derisive sound, glancing at you dubiously, but you soldiered on. “Your hair is the color of moonlight, your eye lilac bright. You are learned, clever and the best fighter I have seen.” You knew you were laying it on thick, but the stiffness of Aemond’s shoulders seemed to have eased, his fingers loosened around yours. There was still doubt on his face, as his eye flitted between your own, as if deciding something.

“If you truly want to see me as I am, I will not begrudge you.” In a fluid motion, Aemond reached to his face, pulling the eyepatch off his head.

A multi-faceted sapphire lay inside the socket of Aemond’s missing eye, it refracted the orange light from the fireplace on its many surfaces. He misread the awed expression on your face, looking away from you quickly once more. “I was ten years old.” He spoke quickly, as if trying to justify his appearance. “I had just claimed Vhagar as my own. The Strongs…Rhaenyra’s children…and Daemon’s ambushed me on my way back to the castle. They attacked me, all four of them, I fought them off until Lucerys came at me with his knife and…well.” Aemond gestured angrily to his face. “You see plainly how that ended.”

“What did you say to them?” You asked gently, prompting the prince to give you the whole story. “When they confronted you, I mean.”

Aemond breathed a sigh through his nose, his hands balling into fists. “They accused me of stealing Vhagar, the idiots.”

“Aemond.” You chided softly.

“I called them ‘bastards’…and I might’ve mentioned something about feeding them to my dragon, and how their father perished in a fire.” Aemond looked up at the arched ceiling, a small smirk climbing up his face at the memory. “I didn’t anticipate Luke bringing a weapon. You have to trust me when I say I had no intention of actually harming my kin.”

“I do.”

“I claimed the largest dragon in Westeros, and for it I lost an eye. Many at court abhor me, seeing me as something lesser.” Resentment dripped from his low voice, his lips now twisted in a frown.

You reached forward, hooking his chin with a finger, pulling his gaze back to you. “You are perfect just as you are, Aemond.” Leaning up to place a gentle kiss beneath the sapphire eye, you felt his breath catch in his chest.

“Y/N…” He breathed, turning his head so your noses brushed. “I am not a whole man. For this reason I have remained unbetrothed so long, I am not viewed as a desirable match for any nobleman’s daughter.”

“They are all fools and belong in the seven hells.”

This drew a chuckle from him.

“I see you as desirable.” You didn’t know quite where that bold statement came from, as they lingered long in the space between you.

You noticed the proximity of your face to his, feeling his warm breath upon your lips.

“You are truly lost, then, if your words are sincere.” Aemond ran a finger along your jaw, his hooded gaze on your mouth.

You were hardly breathing, your voice just a whisper of anticipation. “If I am lost, I never want to be found.”

Quick as a striking snake, his lips were upon yours, pressing with such desperate intensity you gasped against him, feeling his tongue take full advantage as it twisted around your own.

You moaned, the feeling of his lips and tongue upon yours sending little shockwaves down to your core. His fingers had taken hold at the back of your neck, pulling you further against his body, causing you to curve around him. Your own hands were buried in his thick hair, eliciting small sounds of pleasure from him as you tugged at the silken strands.

Aemond pulled away first, taking in your dazed expression, his blue gemstone eye sparkling in the dim light. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hold you like this, Y/N. To feel your body close to mine, taste the nectar of your lips, hear the sweet sounds you make.”

Heat pooled in your stomach; your cheeks burned at his intimate admission. Aemond smiled, kissing the tip of your nose with affection. “I didn’t want to risk frightening you, as much as I crave your company.”

“You don’t have to hide anything from me, Aemond.” You turned your face into the hand that cupped your cheek, placing a kiss to his palm. “You could never frighten me.”

He looked away from you, turning back to the flickering flames. “Hmm. I hope you’re right.”

In companionable silence, you curled into his side, leaning your head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around you. Sitting comfortably together, the two of you passed most of the night, stirring only when the grey light of morning could be seen out the window accompanied by the song of waking birds.

#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x reader #prince aemond x reader #aemond x y/n #aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond x you #aemond targaryen x you #aemond x oc #prince aemond

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