pleaselisten2meana

[pleaselisten2meana]

If anyone is new to these tags please listen.

Get out. Get out now.

I started this 5 months ago because I wanted to loose weight and I wanted to loose it quickly before I was 18. I was always the fat kid and thought I'd be happier and more liked if I was thin so I was so determined to do this.

I started slowly with 1,000cal a day and eventually it got to a point where anything 400cal or above wasn't good enough.

I thought I could just do this until I was at my ugw (50kg) from my starting point (88kg)

I'm now at my ugw and let me tell you, it isn't sunshine and rainbows.

I still feel the same

I still think I look the same

My mental health isn't any better

I dont even feel like I reached my goal because as soon as I got close to my goal the post kept on moving to 45kg or even 39kg which regardless of the other posts is dangerous and not fucking normal.

I try to maintain but the thing these cute tip posts dont tell you is that once your ready to stop, the cute tips are etched into your head and trying to break them feels like your breaking a law written into the universe by God so even if you want to get better, too bad, your fucked.

Eventually you'll get to a point where the pain of starving becomes too much and the food you've been hiding to avoid speculation from friends and family becomes so alluring you just can't take it anymore.

So yes some days it can be cute plates and organising every minute detail uwu

But that isn't sustainable, eventually you'll crack and when you do its so fucking painful because not only is your body going

'Why tf are you feeding me 3 month old low cal noodles at 10 at night'

But your brain is screaming like a fucking toddler because those extra 69.4 calories +/- 20cal because they're unflavoured and fucking raw is too much.

This isn't cute. This is pain masked as having a fragment of control. Get out now

#ana trigger #tw ed diet #thinspø #meanspii #mealspø