pillsandabortions

[pillsandabortions]

When he thinks imma let him fuck, when in reality I’m about to ask him for “space” in our relationship for the first time in 5 years🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 kno ur worth, accept NOTHING LESS, refuse any type of emotional neglect from anyone period. Even if it’s your soul mate/lover. Always love yourself FIRST, never last. Thank you to all the scummy people who trashed my feelings like it was their job in my past. Thank you to my past for making me that hard-headed ass bitch I am today. NOBODY AND I MEAN NOBODY IS GOING TO SIT HERE AND TREAT ME LIKE IM ANY LESS.

[pillsandabortions]

I feel a sudden change coming it’s not what u think.

[pillsandabortions]

A tension fueling thing my dad passive aggressively dose is look down at the ground, nod his head and say ok when he disagrees with any discison I make. But he stops at ok because I have set the bouncy that I make my own choices.

Idk I want myself to establish this and accept it. High functioning tolerating.

[pillsandabortions]

I’m tired of feeling like IM THE BUZZ KILL

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I think I’m fucked in the head

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You know when you don’t feel ok and it’s like nobody fucking cares lol

[pillsandabortions]

-my mom telling me all my friends are ghetto:

My response: sending them pictures of my friends and giving brief discriptions on how great they are for each individual

My mom then told me later on “I didn’t mean it”

-my dad telling me I am phycotic

My response: screaming, yelling cursing and terrified hisarical crying

-I recently when to the salon and got a expensive dye job and had beautiful pastel pink hair and my mom insisted I change it back to blonde to attend a wedding

My response: I left my hair pink because I feel beautiful with it. I was a bridesmaid in the wedding and pretty much the whole bridal party complimented my hair

My mom after the wedding: “you’re pink hair was a big hit, everyone loved it”

-I accidentally got pregnant by my abusive ex boyfriend and was thoughtfully thinking about all the options I had.

My mom: “no adoption is not an option, you either get an abortion or you are kicked out of this house”

Me confronting her 2 years later about giving me such an ultimatum. Her response was: “that never happened, I never said that and if I did I don’t remember that.”

-my parents got angry at me for spending a few days at a hotel with my boyfriend (I’m 23 and have a full-time job) and I stopped by my house to get some things, I also forgot my house key. My mom let me in kindly because I woke her from her sleep. I grabbed the stuff I needed and told her my plans so she won’t worry about me. She freaked out! Asked me “where are you getting the money” my dad chimed in “are you even saving for your future?” I was histariccally crying and at the same time I pulled out my phone to show them the discount rates I get from T-Mobile. They were still angry. When I told my dad “I’m confused, I didn’t feel I did anything wrong I don’t understand how this is effecting you, but I’m all ears to hear any concern you have.” All he said was “get out of my house” (I screamed, cursed and cried throughout this 10-15 argument)

I have extreme anxiety when I speak to them about some topics.

I find it very difficult to choose a career path for myself and I’m constantly told I am lazy.

A patron at my job stopped me one day and said “I’m friends with your mom, she always talks about what a hard worker you are” I was shocked and said the the patron “really?”

Sometimes when it comes to handling things in adult life my parents give me thoughtful suggestions, I tend to rudely brush them off because I feel like I have the ability to fix my own mistakes and make things right. However I get the sense the think I’m “incapable of doing such things” because they get upset when I want to handle something alone.

They very kindly pay for my shelter, groceries and they even bought me a car, and an awesome dog. They cherish holiday tradishans with me and create the best loving home environment for me, these things are held against me SOMETIMES in arguments to justify whatever emotional abuse they inflicted on me.

#narsassist #emotinal

[pillsandabortions]

Me: *possible exposure to Covid at my job*

Parent: *tries to micro-mange me at 23 yr old adult about my correspondence with my job*

Me* tells parent I have it handled*

Parents *gets angry at me*

It’s always my business they got a problem with, first they intervene, then they may not understand some information at hand and get ANGRY AT ME FOR THEM NOT UNDERSTANDING

[pillsandabortions]

I’m so sad, sososo sad. I am considering ending my journey. I can never be good about hand will always be scolded for mistakes I can’t control. I will never have a good realationship with my parents ever and it makes me so sad. Why me? Why do they have a perfect realationship with my siblings but not me... why do they guilt me after I ask for something? What happened to the word no? More importantly why didn’t my mother abort me?

[pillsandabortions]

My life overall is going super well, except every time I think about my realationship with my mom I immediately get depressed and want to cry on the spot. I feel extremely distant from most of my family. I don’t understand my mother’s logic and she can be mean a lot. I have no desire to become close to her or repair the realationship. I used to but she has shown me she truly gives no fucks so why the fuck should I give positive energy back? Oh also I need to mention how she and my dad will RANDOMLY BE EXTREMELY NICE TO ME ONCE IN A BLUE MOON. I remember a birthday surprise for me right before went on vacation. When I returned from vacation I was IMMEDIATELY repremanded and ended up apologizing for extrending my own vacation. My mom and I have extremely toxic arguments and then the next day she acts like my “best friend” or overly-friendly. And I know there is somebody in the world who understands what type of emotional trauma that builds for a person. Being marked around happy and angry it fucks with my head so much and they love to watch me suffer.... my mom makes me want to kill myself sometimes no cap. She makes me feel depressed and what’s even more depressing is how imma feel looking back at this when time runs out with her. But the reality of life THE MEANING OF LIFE is to be emotionally jerked around by somebody and then continue to be emotionally jerked around when they are gone. That’s the meaning of it, it’s only meaning and that’s all there is to do. That’s the end point the light at the end of the tunnel is depression.

[pillsandabortions]

I wanna drink so bad but I can’t cuz I had surgery

[pillsandabortions]

I’m so boring & annoying

[pillsandabortions]

Scrolling thru my own tumblr is painful asf. I have so much self hate it’s sad from me to me. Of corse I’m far from perfect but I can never seem to be satisfied w myself. I use my past trammas as an excuse to act out and I’m exactly like the people I talk shit about. It’s really hard to change patterns and anybody who has ever overcome their own toxicity I give all u credit. I aspire to be able to do the same for myself but it’s like this: I’ve been on the same train tracks so long I’m not even aware there is another route and multiple other directions to take. I always tell myself “one day I will....” whatever change it is and then I just sulk around not wanting to put the effort to do it. I do want to put the effort in but it’s like me every time I go Ice skating; clinging onto others and falling when I’m own my own. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I’ve mastered is fronting, this is a prevalent feeling to me because I know I’m doing it but I’m addicted to it. I always want people to think I’m emotionally strong and emotionally intelligent but when it comes down to it it’s all cap. Actually no I give myself credit for things I legitimately have put behind me but I have so much work piled up it’s overwhelming. I have strong will power for some things and I’m proud to have that, on the other hand I’m addicted to my toxic traits because is see them as warm teddy bears that keep me safe. Part of me wants to make my entire social media completely privet and only have myself see it so when I regret what I post later I don’t feel so embarrassed, ashamed and passive aggressive. I’ve already tried deleting the apps from my phone but I’m so bored cuz I’m idle a lot. I’ve tried to take up hobbies but I lose interest quickly. I’ve tried to give myself self affirmations but they die quicker then a small wooden match right after you light it. But you know the fuck what? I’m just going to keep trying harder and I’m going to be so hard with it and the changes willl make me uncomfortable at first cuz I won’t be used to them. God dammit I love metaphors but for real like the toxic traits remind me of a toxic ex bf who spews insults and won’t let u leave. I guess somebody gonna have to get cut for it to end 🤣 ahhh why is that SO real to me tho ? But on some real shit fuck the cutting part, I just basically mean like I have to figure out how to leave the toxins.

[pillsandabortions]

[pillsandabortions]

post-orgasm shame

[pillsandabortions]

[pillsandabortions]

am i doing this right