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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Oops I meant Ushi. Thats the last one you haven't done of the pet
Not realistically. It’s been a really long time and I have other stuff going on. I’d probably redo the whole series if anything like that happened, but more likely it just won’t happen.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Hello! Where can I read your P.E.T. series?
https://www.deviantart.com/doomedfool/gallery/ There you are.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Mire Siren, Barbara-ann
2/9/2020 - Day 13 AND LOTS MORE. Witch #1
The Witch of Blackmire Swamp. Originally know as a bog filled with latex-producing trees and plants, it was corrupted with magic, causing thick, dark pools of grasping, living latex that has seeped and warped much of the region, giving it the name of Blackmire.
In this place, Barbara-ann Blackmire resides as the only mortal resident, a motherly human witch living as part of a monster family: Her ‘daughter,’ Beckoner Blackmire, and the hag responsible for changing the swamp and putting Barbara on the witch’s path, known as Granny Lash. An accomplished witch, though bound to her swamp, she knows many spells, but her magic is strongest in her voice. She often sings, luring in unwary travelers and trespassers, giving her the title ‘The Siren of Blackmire.’
Having spent much of her life in a magic, monster-filled swamp, Barbara-ann’s exact age is not known, though her body is mature and robust, with a matron softness one would not expect from life in the swamp. Her sun-kissed skin is dusky, and her hair and eyes mirror the dark colors and glossy shine of her black lips, coated in the living latex that covers every aspect of her life.
This includes her clothing, a simple latex dress, and coating her feet in latex in place of shoes. While her hands and arms are often latex-coated as well, this is more a matter of her craft than a fashion choice. She dresses simply in part due to being removed from civilization, but an open and easily doffed outfit accommodates her life in the swamp, such as swimming, or soaking in pools of latex for relaxation and as a form of bathing. It also offers convenience with her magic, such as using latex second skins to change her shape and transform.
Though a witch of a corrupted wilderness, Barbara is a gentle soul that acts like a mother and provider to the various creatures of the swamp. She likes slimy and scaly creatures the most, and keeps them like pets, particularly after using her magic to infuse them with latex. Frogs are a particular favorite, as she will often lead them in a chorus with her singing while using a wand as a conductor’s baton. She is kind, but her life has left her knowing nothing but the swamp, and leaves her oblivious to the outside world. If she had any memories of life before the swamp, they have been forgotten or erased. Thus, she can’t imagine her hapless victims ever wanting to leave behind the embrace of her loving home. This is further caused by a quirk of Barbara’s magic, as a person under any of her enchantments cannot speak a mortal tongue, leaving them at the mercy of the witch’s affections.
As an accomplished witch, Barbara has a strong mastery of magic that suits her home. Able to command the living latex, she can use it to coat and infuse creatures, giving them second skins and changing their forms. These second skins are akin to cursed items, clinging to the victim’s bodies and gradually becoming one with them, unable to be removed by the wearer themselves without magic or tools. Feeding on their minds and spirit, victims change over time, forgetting themselves and becoming latex creatures, producing their own living latex.
They will exist in this way for a time, but ultimately the living second skins never truly stop feeding on their hosts, and without any memory or strong will, ultimately the wearer will lose their shapes entirely, becoming liquid living latex, only able to form a simple shape, some part of their bodies that clings in what remains of their memories, such as a hand or mouth. Pools of this liquid latex are a number of these simple souls, all mingling together in a collective bliss, existing thoughtlessly, at a level below the simplest animals, only responding to strong commands or anything that physically disturbs their liquid forms.
Barbara’s most infamous spell along these lines is ‘lilypad chorus’, a magic song that turns listeners into latex coated frog-creatures. Any frogs under this spell also serve to empower the spell, compelled to add their frog-song to Barbara’s efforts, hence its name as a chorus.
Though frogs are her favorite, the Siren of Blackmire can produce a number of different skins, creating a number of different forms. Besides reptiles and serpents like latex lamia, latex plants and aquatic creatures are all among Barbara’s choice in second skins. The reason for this focus on swamp creatures is due to her other main magical ability, to create second skins to use herself, to change her shape, temporarily becoming a variety of latex monsters. While not suffering the same cursed effects as when cast on another, changing her shape this way does alter Barbara’s personality and mannerisms.
Rather than a side-effect, this altered behavior may be intended by Barbara’s mentor, Granny Lash, as one of the conditions of the swamp witch’s magic is that Barbara must shed her human shape at least once each month, through which she purges her spirit of bestial desire. This, along with her regular need to submerge herself in the living latex of the swamp, sustains Barbar’s magic and longevity, while the hag that raised her profits from these cycles of transformation and degeneration, both Barbara’s, and her victims.
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SO YEAH. This month has not gone how I wanted in the slightest. That said, while I have more I’d like to say on this character and talk about the other members of her ‘family’, I’m looking to stay up late tonight and just blitz though as many shorter witch entries as I can to try and go out of February with a bang. That said due to what a dud this was, witches as a theme will probably continue, if I don’t just hard roll into what I’ve got planned next, we will see what this evening gives us!
-2/29/2020
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Next writing delayed, aiming for tomorrow.
Family member returned from surgery today, so ended up running errands and returning home from house sitting took up the evening, and it’s an early night tonight. I’ve more or less settled on the first proper witch entry for the month though, and did start this morning before work.
Have a good evening.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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An Introduction to Witchcraft, Part 1
2/5/2020 - Day 12
To the reader of this grimoire, allow me to extend my greetings, and the assurance that you hold a great treasure in your hands, for you hold the key to beginning a journey onto the often misunderstood, wondrous, bizarre, and admittedly dangerous path of the witch. It is a path of constant balancing, a path that runs between mortality and monstrosity in pursuit of power that can be grasped by neither alone, and the culmination of which brings one to stand as a being wholly unique, reaching beyond mortality. 
Before beginning, I must acknowledge those whose words and examples I borrow and adapt. Lady of Certainty, Golden Lady. Without your examples, I doubt I would have survived my failures. “Witches keep their promises, but neither can they fail to show gratitude.” 
As a former human, I shall attempt to speak in a more direct manner from here on, without the excess ‘oooooooooooooo~ so mysterious~’ of the standard occultist, that I might be understood by creatures across different times, worlds, species and creed. With that, let us begin. 
What is a Witch? Part 1 - Background
To understand what a Witch (or Warlock) is, it is necessary to very briefly cover magic, and the division between mortals and monsters. As this is a tome about Witchcraft, I shall leave excesses on magical theory to mages and their studies. For you, the reader, please allow this to suffice: 
The world, all the worlds, can each be considered a creation, a work of art, composed of countless countless other works. Painting, sculpture, music, writing, all these things embody the living spark, to use one’s mind and soul to create something that exists beyond simple reality. That is the basis of magic, and the first step in using it is opening oneself to the possibility that it exists, and that it can be wielded. Magic allows its users to make the world from what it is, to what they believe it should be. 
That stated, magic is a living force, and a powerful one. Magic changes its user. Put simply, this is the difference between mortals and monsters: mortals can’t handle magic freely. Consider fire. A human cannot hold fire in their hand without hurting themselves. Instead, they make a torch, a tool to carry the fire with them. For mortals, magic does not support their life, so it does not come naturally to them, and the uninitiated trying to channel magic directly through their bodies can cause serious harm or unpredictable results. So, they use tools. Wands and staves, orbs and books, crystals and totems, ritual weapons, holy symbols, all of it allows them to channel and shape magic, each a little differently from the other. 
‘Monsters’ much more simply have magic as part of their life. This allows these creatures to use magic freely, as it is a part of them, but is also means they *must* have magic to survive, as their existence often spits in the face of physics. On the upside, this means powerful creatures, like archfiends or Fae Lords can’t freely treat worlds like their personal game rooms and larders.
What is a Witch? Part 2 - What Actually Are Witches?
All of that out of the way, A Witch is a magician that uses the magic of monsters to cast spells and perform their craft. That is a short, neat definition, but what does is mean? Broadly, it means a mortal taking monstrous influence into oneself, becoming something between monster and mortal. By doing so, a witch gains the powers of monster for themselves. A fae’s glamour, A demon’s lore, a gorgon’s gaze, a harpy’s wings, or the resilience of the undead. All this and oceans more lies within the secrets of witchcraft, needing no fetish or magic tool but one’s intuition and soul to guide themselves, with the potential to reach heights outside the realm of humanity, and even beyond monsters. 
What does it mean for a mortal to take a monstrous influence into themselves? How does this occur? In short, witches gain their abilities by making contact with monsters, and the monster’s power is set within them, like a seed the witch nurtures by exercising their craft. The methods witches make contact and gain these powers vary broadly, but can be grouped into three categories: The exchange, where both a mortal and monster agree to a contract or deal (stories of witches selling their souls to demons and becoming their slaves, do happen, though is not nearly so omnipresent as stories would lead one to believe), the curse, where a monster forces their magic onto an unsuspecting or unwilling mortal, and the theft, those cases where a mortal forcefully takes a monster’s power, often by its subjugation or consumption. 
The place witches inhabit between mortal and monster also gives them a unique role, as one of the fundamentals of witchcraft includes the ability to universally speak to and understand monsters, which is unheard of in mortals. This gives witches recognition among monsters, and witches can often provide goods and services to magical beings as well as mortals, making friendly connections with monsters and gaining new spells and abilities, as well as having the potential to mediate between mortals and monsters.   
However, there are risks in dealing with monsters. Just like mortals, there are all kinds, and many of them stand outside of mortal sensibilities of what one might consider good and evil. Even those not actively seeking to trick a witch may include burdens with their gifts not easily carried. “A blessing and a curse share the same substance.”  Though one is protected against magic by this monstrous power, carelessness and excess can cause the magic placed in them to grow out of their control. This turns witches into monsters themselves, robbed of their mortality, and often, their sanity. Once this fate befalls them, only legends return.
What is a Witch? Part 3 - Why Mortals Pursue Witchcraft
Despite the title of this section, I will not be so arrogant as to state that every mortal’s desires could be captured in a mere part of a single text. Perhaps it would be more accurate to consider ‘why do mortals pursue witchcraft over other magical arts?’ Particularly given the dangers and often ill-reputation that follows witches. For a brisk comparison, consider the fundamental arcane magician, a Mage. 
Mages are students of magic, the embodiment of the mortal approach to magic. Gathering into schools, they take a more rational and rigorous approach towards the arcane arts. Study, research, training, practice, seeking scientific precision. Spells and formula, recorded, reproduced, and refined. Though different schools or teachers will have variations in their practices, magecraft is a form of study that is built on that which came before. 
Though this certainly makes it much less inherently dangerous than witchcraft, it is also much less accessible. Attempting to learn magecraft alone is the equal of trying to learn about a foreign art, written in a language you do not speak. One requires a competent teacher. Lone teachers are difficult enough to find. Then consider how rare schools to magecraft are, never mind worlds where magecraft does not exist at all. Then there is the matter of the costs to attend such schools, as well as the resources necessary to practice magecraft, beginning with a magic tool. It is not only resource intense, but it is demanding of one’s time and ability. And while there are many different branches of the craft to explore, a weakness or failure to grasp certain fundamentals or grasp certain concepts will block one’s ability to advance, sometimes for a lifetime. 
Imagine a great, spiraling tower, built from all the knowledge and discoveries of past mages. With dedication, one can master each step, continuing to climb the path built by those who came before. But is a narrow path, and there are simply those lacking the ability to make such an arduous climb, and it is only as one nears the top that one can take in the freedom of the heights, and begin adding to that great monument to mortal mastery.   
In contrast, witchcraft is a much more flexible path towards power. Though perilous, it is open to many. This includes the foolish hungry for power, yes, but also those without the ways or means to pursue magecraft. It is a craft of the self, and intuition. A witch can still use magic tools, but does not need them. A witch can seek out fellow witches, or speak with monsters for new paths and new insights, but it is their own aesthetics that they use to advance down the witch’s path. This means a witch can advance on their own, by making peace with and creatively using their own talents and crafts. And one gets results immediately. As dramatic as they are, stories of deals with devils to escape from dire straights form the basis of many humble witch’s beginnings. 
To compare once again, if magecraft is a tower built of knowledge, leading to the heights, then witchcraft is a spiraling stair, leading into a deep, dark well. It is easy, even natural to descend downwards, and the knowledge is all along the walls and stones, new insights waiting for the hands as much as the eyes, but the deeper you go, the more treacherous the steps leading down, and carelessness or recklessness can mean a never ending fall. All the while, “they abyss returns even the boldest gaze.” 
What is a Witch? Part 4 - Why Do Monsters Create Witches?
Fortunately, while monsters are as individual as mortals, the reasons why they grant mortals their power and create witches fall under a fewer, broader categories. 
Primarily, witches are useful to monsters. Setting aside their unique position as beings between mortal and monster, many monsters, even unsophisticated ones, can appreciate the work of mortals, whether this is offerings of food and drink, or simply a humanoid with thumbs and time to spend. For every story of a monster that attacks a human village, kidnaps elves, or turns goblin tribes into cults of worship, there are monsters that want to go about their lives and be left alone, just as much as any mortal creature, with the difference being that many monsters are not able enjoy the comfort of mortal civilization. Having a reliable and reputable provider of services is something all creatures can appreciate. Even a demon will often take a simple deal without any attempts at manipulation, even if only to wait for another chance at some sinister plan. 
The other main purpose, and arguably the ultimate purpose of why monsters *can* create witches, is as a form of propagation. The list of creatures considered monsters is vast. Creatures that only possess a single gender, creatures that are rare, and even creatures that cannot naturally increase their numbers, such as many undead. Even ageless creatures like the Fae still desire companions. A witch who loses themselves and becomes a monster is still a gain for monsters, and probably one that has at least helped monsters, if not made more monsters themselves along the way. Of course, there are monsters infamous for attempting to trick witches into being their minions and slaves, but as a great witch who has crossed many worlds and met many creatures, mortal and monster alike, thinking creatures are more alike than they ever know, wherever you may go. 
And thus concludes the introduction to the world of witches. There is still much more to be told, and many witches to speak of, and stories to tell. To those who wish to walk the path, I wish you well in all your striving. 
-Witch of Reflections    
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Witches - A Primer
2/4/2020 - Day 11 (Not a miscount. An unposted project received two days of attention, and will hopefully see the light of day when an opportunity presents itself. 
Before going more in depth, a brief set of definitions of what I define as a witch, which is a little different from the general. I’ve thought about this for the better part of a decade, so I can go pretty in-depth on this, which is why I wanted to offer a tl;dr at the start.
Magic: The living force governed by Aesthetic Law, able to suspend or supersede natural and physical law. 
Aesthetic Law: In short, the laws of creation, where the will or soul of beings intersects with the creation known as the world. Physical Law describes the world as it is, while Aesthetic Law describes the world as it should be.
EX: If the world is a creation akin to a work of art, then rules relating to arts, stories, music, ect. are expressions of and part of existence itself. 
Spell: The willful use of Aesthetic Law to draw upon and shape magic to a desired outcome. 
Witch: A magician who uses the magic of monsters, becoming like them. Though the methods of contact and forms of magic vary widely, they are most noted for being able to utilize abilities beyond even other mortal magicians, and are able to use magic without the need of magical tools, fetishes, foci, ect, though not without their own costs and risks, including the loss of one’s self and the act of moving away from one’s former mortality.  
EX: The title of witch, though traditionally feminine, can be used for male and female practitioners. Warlock is the traditionally male title, but is likewise interchangeable, and depends on region, culture, practices, ect.   
Witchcraft: The specific magical spells or effects that are uniquely available to witches, though witches are not restricted to these specific crafts. 
Monster: Creatures for whom magic is a fundamental part of their existence, such as fiends, fae, magical beasts, elemental spirits, and countless other creatures.
Mortals: Counterparts to monsters, they are beings normally born without intrinsic magical abilities, and do not require magic to  maintain their existence. They are unable to naturally harness magic themselves, and require special magic tools, such as wands, staves, orbs, rings, ect. They include creatures such as humans, goblins, elves, and serpentine,  among others. 
EX: The line between mortal and monster is often blurred to the average individual, but put simply, creatures should be considered on a continuum rather than a simple dichotomy, particularly when discussing witches and witchcraft.   
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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So Tumblr hates underlines I guess
Working on the first primer on witches and it keeps removing my underlines. Why you gotta be so dumb, tumblr? At the very least it’s just an annoyance and has not damaged the work. And now back to it.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Feburary’s writing theme is Witches!
Title. Thanks to everyone that voted, Witches beat out elves 3 to 1. Updates will most likely resume on Tuesday, the 4th. I’ll try to finish my imp thing before then, but full day of work tomorrow and I don’t expect it to be easy given I have a lot of just physical mess to deal with. This day was spent mainly with family.
I’ll have a nice 2 1/2 days after that though, so I’ll be doing my best with the time I have to try and get rolling again. That and hopefully witches being my  obsession will help me find some extra strength.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Hey there. Still working on the current project. Just having trouble with finding energy after work. That said, it’s a new month, and since it’s my birthday month, help me choose a theme! I already put the poll up to discords I’m on, and wanted to go ahead and share it with all of you.
I’ll be making my decision after I get off work today, so don’t wait!
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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An update is being worked on, to be completed tomorrow.
Evening was kind of a downer. We will see what happens tomorrow.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Day 8 - A brief thought on monster characters
As this is part of my wheelhouse and serves as a kind of arch-theme for some specific things I’ve been wanting to put out anyway, this is just a brief matter of my thoughts, and maybe consider it advice for people writing or creating new characters. Note this is just my personal opinion, of course feel free to disagree.
If you are making a monster character, or in general, non-human characters, it is an opportunity to really take the chance to embrace weirdness, and come up with something unique. Not just in visual design, or even abilities, but taking the opportunity to consider things like how fundamentally different such creatures can be mentally and culturally compared to what we know. Whether that’s aliens, devils, goblins, plants, sentient paintings, whatever. Lean into it. Go wild. Get creative. And that includes even if you are going with something else that’s established. Don’t be afraid to buck trends. If you think elves should all be modeled after Wii-Fit trainer, go in on it. Think up a reason after the fact if you can’t beforehand, just aim for internal consistency.
Don’t be afraid to think broadly when designing a character either. Use associations or symbolisms that already exist to make some links for character ideas. You have a plant girl character? No reason why they can’t repeatedly cycle their age/body type with the seasons, starting out young in spring and maturing until they turn to crones in the winter and fall into death-sleep to shed their bodies and start over again in the spring. Even taking tried and true concepts and just applying them with unique personal perspective can really give a character something that makes them fresh.
tl;dr: If you make a monster character, make them WEIRD, you coward.
Thank you, and good night.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Day 7 - A few random ideas I’d like to do with Bri
https://phantomoftruth.tumblr.com/post/190029284633/1-2-20-day-1-at-long-last-properly-introducing#notes
1-15-20 Day 7
Or, very tired due to staying up late and getting up early, so just briefly thinking about lewd ideas I’d want to do to my OC.
-A male agent 8 outfit, With potential for extra lewdness with hypnoshades and nice low-cut tight pants for extra erotic jojo poses.
-A rave slave, complete with wild hair and blacklight/glow in the dark lipstick and bodypaint to be illuminated for use on the dance floor. Admittedly lots of room for the general design and hypno options, could absolutely work some latex doll into the concept. 
-A camera/selfie slut. Classic hypno-phone type stuff, able to work in bimbo/gyaru elements, as well as pornification going well with the exhibitionist aspects, the idea of becoming a thing for people to masturbate to.
-More wild and different monstergirl reflections. Just off-hand   -An Oni Bri   -As a jiangshi   -I’ve also wanted to toy with some swampy designs, like a frog and mushroom girl.   -A mirror monster (I actually have a sleepy sketch of this which I do plan on posting sometime in the near future, when I have the chance to actually write something to go with it.   -At least one spoopy thing.
-Using slider-shenanigans to demonstrate some otherworldly mc workings of witches, elves, elven witches, ALIENS, and more.
For now though, need some sleep. Good night!
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Day 6 - A brief idea and talk about the future.
So I am properly well again, though still taking the rest of my antibiotics, and between being ill, working, and being distracted by the good game that is Hades, it all helped to put me on the backfoot with my writing goals.
That stated, I was working on something earlier today that just didn’t pan out, so at the very least it’s not for lack of effort. I just need to make an active effort to not attempt to plan things out so much and just write things, as it’s the constant choice paralysis that honestly keeps me from writing anything.
The other difficulty of note is kind of managing the different platforms. I *think* the immediate works I’d like to post images for should be fine here for tumblr, since they are reposts of things that were not flagged by the system, but then again, would linking to hypnohub here cause a post to get flagged? I don’t know.
I’m thinking if I can pick up more regular activity, I’d probably see about actually using twitter to link updates in one place. It’d also be nice to do things like votes on pieces over a week or month to find out what people liked the most so I can follow up on things.
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All that out of the way, a lewd, vaugely monstergirlish(?) thought, originally thought of due to the song Centerfold, perhaps partly inspired by my thoughts of an older Mcstory, Read Me, by A Sinister Bent.
One monster girl concept I’ve had in the past is of a living grimoire (and just now typing this up made me realize I never actually brought this up here and may not actually have written down the character at all, which seems wrong but it’s late so we have to move along).
Imagine a pin up book. A porn magazine. A living fetish magazine. Possessed by a corrupted spirit. A corrupting spirit, ensnaring souls with lust, sucking them into the pages, putting them on parade, each one a different lure, letting the creature cast it’s net just that little bit wider. You want them. You want to be them. A harem in your hands, sucking away at you, warping your mind and feeding on your spirit. You become a pawn, a goon, a helplessly perverted mind rotted husk, or fully, physically absorbed by the book, another model on the page, another piece in the collection, either the puppet of a sinister will or part of a collective entity of corruption, nesting in paper pages.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Day 5 Oh Come On Already
One of the few nights I get to stay up late, and I have painful pressure/can’t hear out of one of my ears now. Just can’t catch a break.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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World of Beasts - Introduction
1-7-2020 Night 4.
Still ill, still grappling with the trash of life. But it’s a new year, and a new decade, and that means going forward despite the obstacles in the way. So please enjoy this setting introduction I’ve been kicking around for a little while, for all your dark, wild, fantastical and slice-of-monstery-life needs.
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If a regular human could see the Earth now, they might consider it a nightmare. It is a place where the sun no longer shines, instead bathed in the dim light of spectating alien moons. These living moons watch as the land warps and blooms, fantastic and phantasmagorical, comfortably wearing away at the still-fresh ruins of the human world. Physical law has been relegated to a set of gentle guidelines, as magic runs free under an everlasting night.
That said, regular humans no longer exist in this world. Creatures, the living, the dead, those between and those outside of life, co-mingle. Most of them were once human, but that life is gone, beyond death, beyond dream. Only a rare few remember the time before, and there is no rhyme or reason. They have all shapes and sizes, beasts, spirits, monsters, bodies of fur and flesh and scale and slime and wood and stone and instinct, always instinct that thrums at them, guiding them in their souls.
The change was not that long ago, but no one knows the reason. An invasion that humanity could not hold back? A fate they brought upon themselves? Or something fated, inevitable and irresistible as the turn of tide and time? Whatever has been done, cannot be undone. Yesterday is gone. There is only a single, eternal night, and each step taken into the new, unknown darkness.
And yet, life persists. These creatures, ogres and imps, goblins and ghouls, talking beasts and living dolls, all these and more still act. Still desire. Still hunger. So they seek. They hunt. Sometimes preying on each other, sometimes subjugating each other, sometimes coming together. As allies. as lovers. As friends. 
All the while, black spires stand alluring against the moonlit horizon. Dark and twisted forests pulse, calling like a heartbeat. Towns and cities that never saw the light of day glow with eldritch lights, even as the streets groan, thirsting. All reaching out, compelling the strongest souls to come, come, come. All this and more. more than could fit in a thousand dreaming minds.
So ends the world of humanity.
So begins the World of Beasts.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Night 3 - Illness Delays
The short version: The matter that had me down yesterday has been resolved. However, I came down with a bit of illness due to excess work and stress, so I spent several hours shivering with muscle aches and sweating like crazy. I did have a few ideas for different things to write, but given how late it is now, I’ll resume tomorrow.
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phantomoftruth · 4 years
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Day 2: On Hatred
This is not what I wanted to write today, and I apologize in advance for it, but I have been poisoned by hatred, and I will not allow it to keep me from my goal.
I have tasted Hatred, and it has granted me understandings I did not wish to possess. As I sit here, alternating between this screen and holding my head in my hand, a perpetual steam of bile in my throat, and I don’t know what to do.
I face a life-changing decision, and I do not know what to do. It hurts. I hurt. I hurt for a long time. I am consumed. Enervated. Inflamed. I couldn’t even spell inflamed right just there.
I’m so tired. I seek to cast a burden off my spirit, and another is added on instead. Puck and peck, I can’t even keep a straight thought. I want to scream. I want to be violent. I want to spit poison curses like an ever-lasting wellspring. I want to cry.
Grant me peace Give me strength Show me the path Cleanse me. Purify my spirit.
I beg you. I beg you. I beg you.
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