peytonleee

[peytonleee]

“Don’t cheat on your future with your past. It’s over.”

— stop reminiscing of the sick you, the sad you, the hospital days, the scaring everyone. it’s. over. 

[peytonleee]

my bare minimum rules for existing

brush teeth twice a day (any amount of time is better than none)

facial mist and eye cream for skincare

drink at least one big waterbottle throughout the day

if you can’t sleep, rest

one duo lingo lesson on the easiest settings

pick up and put away three things before bed (can literally be throwing away three tissues, literally anything)

stretch arms, tummy, neck/shoulders, and legs before bed (doesn’t have to be longer than like 30 seconds)

listen 2 yr body when it comes to food, try to have quick nutritious stuff for if you get hungry all of a sudden (more on that later)

try to give yourself one little treat (can be strawberry milk or an episode of your favorite show or 10 extra minutes of cuddle time w yr stuffies or a sticker or funny tiktoks or)

play a comforting show to fall asleep to, like brooklyn 99 or arthur or rugrats 

catch yr brain goblins when they try 2 lie to you

tell them 2 pay rent or get out, and that claire from bon appitite test kitchen aka everyone’s mom says they can’t come over for playdates anymore 

(”my mom said no” is actually how i shut up my anxiety and it works so like,,)

tell yrself yr doing a good job, even if you can’t say it directly then narrate it (”theyre trying hard, and doing a good job” or have yr stuffie tell u)

write a sentance or two in yr diary before bed

you can do more of these if u want but don’t burn yourself up <3

#getting better

[peytonleee]

My “overly complicated” study system and how it works for me

I personly don’t think my system is complicated but I have been told by many of my friends that I make school way harder than it should be by using this system. This system is the reason I call myself a “paperless student” in quotes cause I do kill a few trees (sorry trees). Anyway let’s get right into it.

Step one- LECTURE TIME- This is the step we all do. I take very messy notes in class while the teacher lectures. They normally look like a horrible, unorganized mess. (These notes are written on my Ipad in good notes). We’ll use an example from my religion 103 class.

Step two- LEGIBLE STUDY TIME- After class at home I decipher the mess that is my lecture notes and expand on them by typing up my notes on to a word document. (what I mean by the world expand is simply that I turn my bullet-pointed notes into full sentences.) These typed notes get printed out and placed into report covers I keep by my desk that I like to call my “class reports”. (sorry I don’t have a printed version as I have already given the majority of my notes to other people to help them study for the final exam)

Step 3- CONDENCEMENT- I take my typed notes and I conscience them into a few written pages. I try to get all of the information that I think maybe or know is important into 3 to 5 pages. (I normally do this closer to the day of the test so that this information can stay fresh in my mind.) (These notes are also not written on physical paper). We will use an example from my religion class again.

Step 4- THE HOME STRETCH- Just before a test (i use this as a study technique) I take my condensed notes and I condense them even further…and further….and further until I am left with only one page. (again no paper was harmed in this process….well not yet) I make my handwriting neat as can be and I print this one page out and add it to my “class reports”. I don’t have an example from my religion class because our professor allows us a one page note sheet on our exam (and takes them up at the end of the exam) so the one page condensed notes that I have are from an old physics class.

I would not expect this system to work for anyone else but I would suggest everyone try and condense your notes into one page as I feel its the best way to study for me.  hope this helps someone! 🙂

#adhd

[peytonleee]

Plan for Harm Reduction DBT (part 1/2)

Super helpful to stop self destructive or toxic behaviors or preventing relapse

Check reblogs for part 2

#therapy

[peytonleee]

How does one get people to stop being so guilt-trippy when I say no or put uo boundaries? Coming out of DBT I realised how fucked up "normal" people are at communicating, introspection and their immaturity abt their emotions. I don't wanna be hurtful so how can I make "stop pushing responsibility for ur emotions onto me" and "why give me a choice in the 1st place if you can only accept 1 answer " sound polite or nice?

anon honestly this is such the mood. after doing dbt all I could notice was how many people around me were fucking shit at communicating and having boundaries and accepting no

what I usually do is confront it directly with as neutral language as I can, tho everyone does still call me "direct" in a way that says they dont like it but I'm not actually being mean so they can't complain about it lol but honestly fuck their feelings, be direct.

so like the choice one right? that's a common one I feel like. i would confront that by being like "it feels like ur not really giving me a choice because ur looking for a specific outcome. I dont feel like I can really pick the option I want because ull be upset/dissapointed with me" or if u pick the option u want and they try to punish u for it, confront that too. so like if u say u wanna stay home and they get mad at u u can say "we agreed that this was an okay option for me to take and I really need u to respect that and not treat me differently/badly" or even name specific behaviors like "i want to chose x option but i am worried if i do u will be upset and yell/give me the silent treatment/slam things/ect."

I find a lot of people are not aware of their reactions and so calliny attention to their specific behavior so they have to actively think about it and consider it helps a lot. tho ppl will usually get defensive at first if u know them well it can be easy to pad that with reassurances and phrase things in ways u know they'll be agreeable to.

I also find for particularly defensive people lots of reassurance helps when ur bringing it up but that's up to u and ur empathy levels on how much work u put into that part lol

#therapy

[peytonleee]

little things that can help you if you have bpd

i’ve been seeing a lot of topics like “how to deal with someone who has bpd” and it always bothers me, because there is basically no topics about how to deal if YOU have bpd. that’s why i’m making this post, in my opinion as someone who has bpd. feel free to leave other tips and comment!

buy a notepad and write about your emotions. in DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), used a lot to help people with BPD, they tend to help others to regulate their emotions, basing on some principles, like:

identify and classify emotions; usually, people with BPD suffered/suffer from emotional abuse and it makes harder for us to have a knowledge about our feelings, since we never had someone to help us in this aspect. if you have hard times dealing with your emotions, you can create a special organization on your notepad, basing on: what just happened that could be a possibly trigger to your feeling? (EVEN IF IT’S SOMETHING MINOR, for example, if your friend replied to you in a different way, if you saw an image that made you feel uncomfortable); what are your physical symptoms about it? (for example, if you feel butterflies in your stomach, you are possibly anxious); what does this feeling make you want to do? (for example, if you feel like you want to hit something, you are possibly experiencing anger). and, also, try to identify your primary and secondary emotions, for example, if a friend forgets about an event that you would go together, first you may feel anger, but this anger can be followed by frustation or sadness (secondary emotions).

how to “change” your emotions; after writing about your emotions and trying to learn about them, you can add a subject in your notepad about “WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THIS FEELING”. your first thoughts may be pessimists, specially because borderlines are VERY impulsives, like “i should probably self-harm” or even “i should probably kill myself”, due to the intensity of bpd emotions, but right now, you have to think with your rationality. for example, if your friend is delaying to reply, you can think about the possibilities that are causing this problem: if they are busy, if they are having a hard time or if they just don’t want to talk right now. after thinking about the situation as a whole, you’ll ask yourself “okay, but what will i do?” and that’s why i think it’s important to create a list about what makes you happy and what distracts you, so everytime you have a hard situation to deal with, you can check on your list. “oh, i’m having x problem, but in my list it says that painting makes me happy, so what about painting something i saw today?”. if you don’t have anything that you like about, there is an app called Calm Harm, that can help you in self-harm situations!

increase and improve positive emotional events; i know that it’s difficult for us to focus on positive moments, but once you are feeling down, please try to write about what happened in your day that was a good thing. and when i say it, i don’t mean a BIG thing, it can be something like seeing a flower in your garden. write about your sensations when your experienced this moment and think about the possibility of living this moment more than once. for example, if i saw a flower and it made me happy, can i try to plant one, so i’ll see it more often?

apply pressure tolerance techniques; by distraction, self-care, improving the moment and considering pros and cons.

SO, in your notepad, have a space to: first, identify and classify your emotions; second, a space to write about how to change your emotions; third, a space to write about positive emotional events and fourth, write about what pressure tolerance techniqures you can apply to your life. 

practice saying no and saying what you need to the people around you; sometimes people with BPD tend to think that we are a burden to friends and family, and sometimes it’s not true. due to it, we often don’t tell what we really want. so, if you could, please, practice saying NO and what you REALLY need and want to people around you, even if it’s minor things. for example, if someone asks you to lunch with them, but you can’t/don’t want to, don’t let your abandonment fear decides what it’s the best for you, just say no, but not in the intention to hurt the other person. “i’m sorry, i really like you, but i can’t or don’t want to, since i have to do x thing/feeling x thing, but i really like you!”. when you say no, you can have a better idea about what you like and what you don’t, so you can start to let people know about it. for example, “hey! yesterday i said no when you invited me for lunch, so i realized i don’t really like going to public places, what about having lunch in my house next time?”

practice breathing techniques; intense emotions can lead us to panic situations or really bad physical symptoms. in stressing moments, we hold the air, increasing the level of carbon dioxide in our system, so the organism thinks we need more oxygen and make us breathe faster. the imbalance increases our heart beats, our blood pressure and the release of hormones such as adrenaline. i recommend ASMR videos to relax and you can breathe slowly, imagining a circle opening and closing, like the gif:

the post is getting long, so i’ll finish here! i’ll probably post a part two if you guys like! please leave a comment if it was helpful and i’m sorry if my grammar wasn’t very correct, english is not my native language.

remember that everything here is theoritical and it’s hard to apply these tips in your life, things will not suddenly change. but i believe in you and things take time, so don’t give up on getting better.

#therapy

[peytonleee]

Gifts for trans friends

As the holidays are coming up (whichever u celebrate), me and a ftm friend were talking about good gifts that are genuinely appreciated for him and other trans people.

-UNDERWEAR!! it’s expensive and that goes even more for mtf as fem underwear is v pricey.

-if ftm- sports or swimming binders. Not something most buy for themselves but when it comes to summer they’re so appreciated.

-nightclothes for their preferred gender- same as with the underwear, it’s pricey and isn’t something that u spend ur money on if ur trying to pass in public but helps u feel that bit better when at home or in the evening

-Woolly jumper for the cold months- u can get some really nice ones with slits at the back for mtf. Having others see that u have a bra on can really make u feel that bit more feminine. For ftm there are super comfy less shapely ones that come in nice autumnal colours so they can stay cozy

-FACEMASKS!! Who doesn’t wanna have good skin???

-light weight foundation or cover up for ftm that might wanna cover blemishes without looking fem with makeup

reblog with any more that u think of! Sorry if things aren’t covered

#d tips

[peytonleee]

How To Clean Your Room When You Have ADHD

A huge problem for people with ADHD (or any neuro-divergent condition or physical disability really) is not knowing where to start. You have this big project in front of you and you have no idea what to do first.

This is a guide based on the years of practice I’ve had learning to clean my room even when my mental illness and chronic fatigue is trying to ruin my life (and failing.) These are the steps I take, what helps me best.

This guide is designed to give you a chance to make a large, effective change in your room that positively helps your mental health. You are not expected to be perfect, you are not expected to do everything if it’s outside of your limitations, just do your best (and don’t push yourself too much… but I never listen to that self-advice, oops.)

Most important step: eat breakfast and take your meds. Trust me when I say this will keep you going, both in the energy and focus departments.

Next, try to recruit a friend or family member to help. By help I mean asking them to keep you company and keep you on track. Talking them will help keep you going, and give you someone who can offer an idea or suggestion if your ADHD gets you stuck.

Calling a friend over the phone is a good substitute if you don’t have someone to be in the room with you today.

Music is a good alternative to keep you moving if that’s all that’s available but trust me when I say having another friend with you helps a lot.

Supplies:

Trash bags

Empty hampers

Ideally access to a nearby washing machine and dryer

Micro-fiber clothes

Long duster

Prep:

Open your curtains (ideally) for the vitamin D and focus. Or turn on a lamp with a light quality/intensity you find comfortable.

Strip your bed. Take pillows, blankets, sheets, and pillow cases off. 

Washing sheets and pillow cases is mandatory because 1) it’s sooo so nice to go to bed at the end of the day and smell clean sheets, and 2) clean sheets are good for your skin, especially clean pillowcases if you have problems with acne.

Washing blankets, comforters, and duvet covers are optional. You should do it from time to time, but it’s not a priority like sheets and pillow cases. Some comforters and blankets can only be washed under specific conditions, or possibly only when absolutely necessary (because like, you stilled coffee or soda on it or your pet did something rude on your blankets.) Check wash requirements on the tags.

You can still probably ignore it unless you really want to. Again, this is about making a sizable change that positively affects you, not being perfect.

Put your sheets in the washing machine and put the rest of your bedding back on your bed and leave it there until you’re ready to put the sheet back on.

Next is laundry. Pick up every item of clothing off the floor or on nearby furniture. Every item. Even if you think, “I only wore this for a few hours the other day and there are no stains.” Wash them. 1) they smell like your floor, and that’s not a nice smell, and 2) trying to separate cleanish from definitely dirty is pretty demanding on mental focus spoons.

Just shove all those clothes in a hamper. It’s quicker that way. You’re going to wash them after your sheets.

Next clean up all the trash on your floor. Take a trash bag but don’t put in a trash can. You’re going to be dragging it with you while you work from section to section.

Food trash must go. 

Packaging and plastic wrap must go. 

Old school work can stay if you’re still taking the class or especially proud of that project, but otherwise just toss it. Find a folder or drawer for what’s left and store it away for now.

Start throwing trash on surfaces like desks, nightstands, dressers, and bookcases away.

Do not try to organize the inside of your drawers unless you’re planning to get really thorough. But that’s not today. Today you’re getting the basics done as efficiently as possible so you can feel better in your environment.

Take glasses, plates, mugs, and silverware into the kitchen.

Start working on cleaning up clutter on your desk and nightstand first. Next is dresser and bookcases. 

Use the micro-fiber clothes to pick up dust as you go. It keeps it from piling up, does not brush dust into the air, and goes quick this way. Dust tv and/or computer screens.

Pick non trash or clothing items off the floor. Try to find a permanent spot to either store or display it. If you can’t, maybe find a box to put those items in and revisit this problem later.

By now your sheets should be washed. Throw them in the dryer and wash your blankets if you’re ambitious. If not, wash your clothes next.

Take a break and have a snack, drink some water, maybe have a caffeinated drink.

Look at your room and feel proud, but also a little overwhelmed because it’s not done yet, but it’s getting there. Don’t worry. You can do it, I believe in you.

Procrastinate getting back to work. That’s okay. You have an hour before your sheets are clean, now is a good break time. Set an alarm for when your sheets should be dried and do whatever you want.

Alarm goes off, break over.

Dust the corners and tops of your walls to get rid of cobwebs. Having a taller or sighted person if this task is out of your ability (like it is for me on the eyesight front).

One last check for any dust around your bed. Move drinks away from your bed, nightstand and nearby surfaces.

Sigh, feel tired, and go grab your clean, warm sheets. Move your clothes or blankets from the washer to the dryer.

Come back, push all the blankets onto your (mostly?) cleaned up floor. Put the flat sheet on.

Feel tired and collapse on the covered mattress for a moment. You’re doing so good, and you’re almost there.

Make the rest of your bed.

Be very proud of yourself because you got a fucking lot done and I am sooo so fucking proud of you dude.

Optional things you can after this step:

Fold and put away laundry. This is a little concentration heavy. Make sure your friend/family member is nearby to help you stay on task. 

I highly recommend Marie Kondo’s folding method personally, saved me a lot of space in my dresser. Developing a set method for folding clothing makes it a lot easier to fold and put away in the future because your subconscious brain learns the motions and can practice them without you having to think too closely on it.

(She has several videos on YouTube, shorter than five minutes mostly, very visual with clear instructions, so it’s ADHD friendly, though not super blind friendly)

Now that your room looks a lot better, try putting those items that didn’t have a set place before. Your brain is probably seeing it like a whole new room and feeling refreshed.

That’s it, you’re definitely done now. Rest and relax. 

Turn on your favorite music, start doing your favorite task if you have the spoons, take a nap if you don’t have the spoons. Feel proud of yourself because you did a good fucking job.

It’s like… midnight now, and I’ve been up for two days, (because my ADHD brain was too loud last night to let me sleep. Mood? Mood.) I’m maybe a little too tired to edit this coherently, but you know writing these guides and posting them with minimal editing is so very on brand for my original posts.

Goodnight guys, I am off to bed!

I hope this helps <3 please leave me a comment in the replies or tags because I love going back to see what you guys left on my posts (believe that that I absolutely do this to my How to Write a Blind/Visually Impaired Character guide any time it gets fresh activity.)

Good luck, take care, and goodnight <3

#adhd #getting better

[peytonleee]

hoe tips: date night prep 💋

1. taking a bath before a date will calm your nerves and make your skin super soft! I recommend adding olive oil or coconut oil to your bath along with rose or lavender essential oil. exfoliate EVERYTHING (except your face) with some exfoliating gloves. shave your legs with olive oil (please be careful with all this oil,do not fall and die) If you wanna shave down yonder you can do that too (or not, it’s yo shit.)

2. get out and exfoliate your face in the sink, preferably with a konjac sponge or something else gentle. if you’re going to be putting makeup on I don’t think you should do any deep exfoliating right before.

3. do a sheet mask or a clay mask. I recommend the creme shop sheet masks or the aztec healing clay mask.

4.after you do your mask, tone and do the rest of your skincare routine.

5.slather yourself in a thick body butter or some cocoa butter if you wanna smell like chocolate 😉 put a robe and socks on. 

6. if you plan on doing makeup, make sure you prime so your makeup stays on. i also heard hard candy makes a good setting spray that’s only 6 dollars. nyx also makes good setting sprays. also try doing the buffing technique! this will help your makeup stay put and look gorgeous even during any extra curricular activities 😏

7. some pretty date night looks: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

8. Beauty Bakerie makes lipsticks are smudge,transfer and oral sex proof. They’re also vegan,cruelty free and black owned.

9. big bombshell curls, waves, silky straight ponytails, flexi rod sets and bantu knot outs are all good hairstyles for a date.

10. before putting on whatever you’re wearing, put a scented/or essential oil (dilute it with a carrier oil if it’s essential) between your thighs. NOT on your genitals. between your thighs. this way, if your partner goes down on you, you’ll smell sexy as hell. I recommend jasmine or vanilla. 

11. apply a little vaseline or vitamin e oil to your pressure points (your inner wrist, inner elbow,behind your ear and behind your knees) before applying your perfume. this will make the scent last longer. do not rub the perfume into your skin after applying, just spray it and let it dry. don’t overapply, you don’t want to suffocate your partner.

12. make sure you carry your own protection, (condoms/dental dams,etc.) as well as extra panties, 💦 mints/gum, and your phone charger. 

13. always let somebody know where you are ESPECIALLY if it’s a first date. I cannot say this enough. whether it’s a mom,sister,best friend whatever. just let somebody know where you’re going,who you’re with and what time you plan to be home. for your own safety.

14. whatever you’re wearing, you look good bitch 💋 

#d tips

[peytonleee]

I’m going on my first date this weekend with a guy I barely know, he’s seems like a very sweet genuine guy :) Do you have any general first date tips?

I have a few:

Dress in something that you are comfortable and confident in, it makes a huge difference

Drive yourself, this seems silly but you should have an escape plan if you need it

Have a few stories or conversation topics ready, something funny and light and shows what you like to do.

Relax, you are just trying to get to know one another, so just try and be yourself

Have fun! This is supposed to be a new adventure and not stressful, so make sure you treat it that way.

-Frankie (thatgirlaboveyou)

#d tips

[peytonleee]

Important Self Care Note: You Do Not Have To Do Everything To The Nines

A lot of times I don’t do the self care things that I need to do because they seem too daunting or time consuming or involved. But what I’ve learned is that I don’t need to do everything with my full effort to the best of my ability, I just need to do it. It’s much better to do a little self care than none 

You don’t have to wash your hair every time you take a shower. Or shave your legs. Or use that fancy exfoliating body wash. You can jump in and wash your face and your underarms and nether regions and hop out. You will feel so much better and be so much healthier than if you had sat in bed and not even approached the bathroom because the idea of conditioning your hair was too much

You don’t have to cook a full healthy meal. You can eat components that would go into a meal like cheese and left over rice. Or you can even eat just one thing like a slice of turkey or a piece of bread. Eating a simple thing is better than eating nothing, even if its a bag of chips

You don’t have to go to the gym and do a full workout. You can do a workout at home or go to the gym and just do one or two things. Your workout can consist of you doing ten sit ups on your living room floor

You don’t have to go for a walk. Open the blinds or even the window and let the sunlight in. A lack of sunlight can be detrimental for your mood and even health, so any little bit helps whether you are physically outside or not

You don’t have to do your hair up in a cool do or put product in it. You can just comb it and go on

If you are a person who shaves their face, you don’t have to use that fancy aftershave. You don’t even have to get every spot perfectly. You can half ass it and look more like yourself than you did, and that is pretty important to your mental health

You don’t have to brush your teeth for two minutes, floss, use mouthwash, and put in your retainer. You can do some or one of those things. Brushing your teeth for fifteen seconds will do more than for zero seconds, and using mouthwash alone will do more than doing nothing

Self care is hard sometimes and you get overwhelmed. We all do and that’s okay. The best way Ive found to get it done is to get it partially done. Doing things just “good enough” IS good enough when thats all you can do. Be kind to yourself and just do what you can. I love you

-a friend

#adhd #getting better #therapy

[peytonleee]

Some tips for when you feel like you can't move: Give yourself a countdown, and make one movement by the end of it, like sitting up, or maybe just do the whole movement you need to in one go. Or, what's more reliable for me, make a tiny movement, like wiggling your toes or fingers and work up to bigger movements until you can move again

That’s good advice!

#adhd

[peytonleee]

Sometimes you have to just treat yourself like an overtired toddler.

“Okay, as soon as you finish this assignment you can take a little nap.”

“You just cleaned your room, good job!”

“Hmm..maybe eating a snack will stop you from wanting to cry.”

#adhd #getting better

[peytonleee]

“Starting” is it’s own Skill

One thing I’ve come to understand while helping others with creative projects and working with my own executive dysfunction is that STARTING is it’s own skill.

Usually when someone expresses frustration at not being able to do something everyday anymore, or not being able to learn a new hobby it’s not actually the skill that they are having trouble with… It’s the “starting”.

Before you can ever focus on content or gains you need to build the habit of starting or “Showing Up”. 

Ingredients :

Physical Space. Clear desktop, empty notebook, cleared patch of floor in your room, open blank text document.

Temporal Space. 2-5 minute window where you tend to be very free.

Trigger. An “everyday” alarm on your phone.

3 weeks and a Calendar ( or 7 x 5 grid on scrap paper) to ‘X’ out days

Quality of content doesn’t matter. Bare Minimum is IDEAL. You could write “I don’t feel like writing.” for five minutes straight. You can draw squiggles and lines. You can workout by jumping up and down or running in place. You can spend that time threading a needle.

It’s about getting to the place where you don’t even have to think about starting. Trust me when I say you will get there, I can assure you your teachers have already used this technique on you.

Instructions:

Prep the space the day before (it can be as simple as an empty notebook in your bag, or clearing a spot on the floor.)

Set an alarm (trigger) for later. Use a pleasant sound.

When the alarm goes off spend anywhere from 30 seconds to five minutes doing the thing. (You can set a “Stop” alarm as well.)

You measure success by X’s on your calendar not by content or gains.

If you miss a day (’break the chain’) you do not need to punish yourself. Seeing that blank space on your calendar is likely punishment enough. — I buy myself a sweet drink and promise to try again tomorrow. (positive reinforcement is just better)

For the first month your only job is learning the habit of starting. It’s learning to muscle past the impossible distance between 0 and 1. Off and On. “Will Do” and “Doing”.

Starting is the most difficult and important habit to establish. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. It is completely different from every other skill and most people don’t recognize when they have it.

#getting better #adhd

[peytonleee]

A collection of things/tricks to help when you study :)

#adhd

[peytonleee]

Your favorite stuffed animal knows you’ve been crying at night and (since they can’t speak) they asked me to tell you that they’re proud of you for sticking through the tough times. Hang in there kiddo, there are better days ahead 💕

#inspiration

[peytonleee]

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too." "Which wolf will win?" "The one you feed.”

#inspiration #original post