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had a 2 week break from tafe and i wanted to get so much done, but we're back tomorrow and i've done absolutely nothing. just drank too much and tried to survive. i love the course i'm doing and i love art and learning but i'm terrified to go back. the social aspect is really scary and draining and i don't know how to handle it. i am really not mentally well right now and i've been struggling and idk i just want to be okay so i can have fun and make art but i'm not.

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don't even wanna watch iasip, community, or play animal crossing... oh it's BAD bad

#not drinking tonight tho so thats something i guess

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drank a bit too much and listened to sad music and now i'm just really fucking sad. wow shocking, who could've predicted this happening??

#i actually didnt want to be sad!! i wanted to have a fun lil night but here we fucking are again!! #because i am unable to get over anything thats ever happened and i am a miserable loser to my core #but im like really not okay

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I cry a lot AND I’m unproductive. What now.

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if aaron dessner was a frog i'd carry him in my shirt pocket and buy him a little top hat so he can accompany me on long walks in the nature

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You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

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The "I don't have autism -> I have some autism symtoms but they're from other disorders -> I might be autistic but I won't self diagnose -> I might be autistic but the symtoms don't really go that far back in my life -> I keep finding more symtoms that link my behavior with autism -> oh my god so many things I do are autism symtoms -> jesus christ these go back as far as i remember" pipeline is real and it happened to me

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i know this is all a metaphor for a dying relationship but as someone who's heard a death rattle irl, followed by the silence as the soul was leaving.... oh i hate her for writing this 😭💔

#ttpd #the tortured poets department

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i keep trying to listen to all of ttpd again but it's like i get possessed and suddenly i'm listening to loml on repeat instead???

#loml #ttpd #the tortured poets department

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It's kinda funny to me when people are like "Abed listens to Mitski" look I love Mitski but Abed is strictly someone who listens to They Might Be Giants and nothing else.

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oops got really drunk and im crying and singing to noah kahan and taylor swift

#havent been this drunk in a long time and ill delete this later but whateverrrrrr

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my current ttpd favourites

#loml and so long london are top 2 right now #and the only skip is so high school #ttpd #taylor swift #the tortured poets department

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as a fan of the national and taylor swift, the last 12 months have been a great time music-wise. and aaron and taylor need to collaborate forever.

#we got 2 the national albums and a taylor swift double album with aaron allll over it like omfg are you kiddinggggg #and first two pages of frankenstein was released almost a year ago?? what the fuckkkk #not going to be surprised when taylor swift and the national are my top 2 on spotify again this year #the national #taylor swift

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the beauty of this album is that it really fully encapsulates what it’s like going from the devastating loss of a long term relationship, to the rebound you think is gonna fix it all, only to ultimately realize that you were using the latter to process your feelings about the former. the songs are so muddled, and the lyrics are relevant to both muses because her feelings were muddled and she had no idea where to put them or what to do with them. the rebound promised her everything she couldn’t get from the ex-love and she fell for it because she was so desperate to be really seen.

#oh i fear once i really process these lyrics i wil be unwell

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imagine watching always sunny like this

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aaron_dessner: I'm so excited and honored to share that I have contributed to my dear friend and collaborator @taylorswift's brilliant 11th album -- a 31 song double album / anthology called The Tortured Poets Department. We started working on these songs over two years ago and it feels like they have kept us company and evolved in beautiful and unexpected ways through so much life lived during this process. It's hard to believe Taylor and I have now recorded over 60 songs together (17 across this anthology!!) in the 4 years since we began working together on Folklore in 2020. I am forever grateful to Taylor for sharing her insane talents with and trusting me with her music. I believe these songs are some of the most lyrically acute, intricate, vulnerable and cathartic Taylor has ever written and I am continually astonished by her skills as a songwriter and performer.

I also want to thank the incredible @jackantonoff for his open hearted and open door collaboration with me through all these many projects and all of my talented friends who continue to contribute generously to my work. I could never have made all this music without a village of friends supporting me -- especially the engineering talents @heyjonlow @bellaicecream and @sharp_stick and as always my brother @brycedessner made many vital contributions and other friends like @900x @tingalayo @lanzprojects and @mooserob who have helped me so much over the years. Thank you to @serbangheneamixes for mixing these songs and @randymerrill_sterling for mastering. And all of these friends for their amazing contributions: @glennkotche @jt_bates_ @notfastbutslota @lcorchestra @robertamesmusic @jeremymurphymusic @spacemoth__ @beaunoise

It's not lost on me how lucky I am that this is my job and I feel so grateful to be a part of creating this vast, magically detailed and symbolic world of songs Taylor has crafted that we all get to inhabit and enjoy. Keep searching and you'll find some new detail, layer or sliver of meaning with each listen (x)

#i love aaron dessner so much oh my fucking godddd #aaron and taylor must collab forever pls their music together is so important to me