organicfennel

[organicfennel]

One thing that will forever drive me crazy is my loose skin. I still look fat. Fat arms, fat stomach, fat thighs, because I have extra skin that hangs. It's like a punishment for ever having let my body get so bad.

[organicfennel]

Hey everyone~

I went MIA for about a month. So much traumatic personal stuff was happening in my life. I was grieving and not really caring at all about counting calories.

I feel like I've spiraled out of control. Thank goodness I only gained 2lbs, but my goal for the end of October was 108, only a 9lb weight loss. Now I'm having to lose 11lbs.

I also started a calorie calender for September and like, stopped after 1 week? So embarrassing...

I need help to focus myself, need help finding the motivation. It's SO hard to get back on track after binging for weeks straight. I've been trying to restrict for a week now and keep failing and binging.

I'm really frustrated with the current state of my body and weight loss.

I can do better, I deserve better.

#anamia #weight loss #dieting #minors do not interact #tw unhealthy eating habits #unhealthy diet #ana food diary #no minors allowed

[organicfennel]

At least I'm purging the banana laffy taffy I regretted eating yesterday 🥴🍌

Ugh I took a laxative last night and now I feel soooo sick ughhhh.

Like half the time, I have a nice, peaceful, bowel movement, and the other half it's just stomach cramps and pure suffering.

[organicfennel]

Ugh I took a laxative last night and now I feel soooo sick ughhhh.

Like half the time, I have a nice, peaceful, bowel movement, and the other half it's just stomach cramps and pure suffering.

[organicfennel]

2 days off in a row you know what that means!!!

I'm gonna take a laxative and shit my brains out

[organicfennel]

Well call me Wendy's because I am 4 for 4 this month. Half doing great, half not so much. Now I can clearly see why I'm not losing weight. I need to stay on track.

[organicfennel]

I keep wondering why I haven't been losing weight and it just occurred to me that I haven't taken a shit in like 5 days

[organicfennel]

TW: Ed, SH, Suicide

This is just a personal rant because I have no way else to vent this, I'm just posting to get it off my chest, don't even bother to read

Ugh I'm so fucking sad I wanna fucking kms.

I'm spiraling having an absolute breakdown about my boyfriend wanting to eat pizza tonight and fucking sobbing about it. I tell him I can only eat it if I do a workout for an hour and a half and he just goes "just do it. You can do it!"

How can my own fucking boyfriend of 6 years, we fucking live together, not notice or care that I very clearly have a fucking eating disorder. One that I have had before. That I'm literally starving myself to death to be skinny. I constantly only ever talk about how bad I want to be skinny, I cry over food, I fast for days at a time. How can he not know, when I'm making literally no attempt to hide it? I used to fucking cut myself, on my arms, on my legs, on my stomach, all over my body, and he never said a fucking thing about it.

He doesn't even fucking care about me. He's a really nice fucking person, he really really is, but he's so fucking absent and it hurts so fucking much.

I used to lock myself in the bathroom for hours when I was depressed and feeling suicidal and he wouldn't even come knock on the door. He'd be just too absorbed in whatever fucking game or show or thing he's doing to bother. I sometimes think I could just fucking kill myself in the other room and die without him noticing until it was well over and done with and I'm starting to realize more and more how right I am.

It's not his fucking job to fix me or make me better, but like not even checking in? Not even asking if I'm okay? What the fuck.

I have no one else. I don't have family, I don't have friends in this town we live in. My family sucks ass and is why I have mental issues, I am no contact with them. I'm isolated, I moved here FOR HIM. He's the only one I have, the only support for me, and he's too in the fucking clouds to notice or be able to give a shit about the fact I'm fucking dying.

[organicfennel]

I haven't lost any weight in like a week. I lost 10lbs in three weeks during August. I don't know what's up.

I'm really fighting the urge of hopelessness to just eat whatever I want, I need to keep it up and remember that I can break thru this I have to keep trying.

I at least know my metabolism is working okay because I still get hungry. REALLY hungry. Before when I would restrict, but didn't exercise, I wouldn't have hunger at all, and thats how I knew my metabolism had come to a halt, but this is different. Maybe I need to increase the intensity of my workouts, and workout even longer.

[organicfennel]

love the way a single, tiny Imodium pill fucks up my whole progress. I probably could have been 115 this morning but instead I'm stuck at 117.

I'm gonna fast today. should be easy, I have no snacks in the house and I work until 6pm today, so it's not long until I get home from the time I'll be going to bed.

[organicfennel]

I don't have the bandaged heart either??? So broken heart it is!

As predicted I didn't eat much yesterday because I wasn't feeling well. I feel a bit better today though so I might eat more.

[organicfennel]

I don't hace a tombstone emoji so I used an X and will be using that to represent a binge.

I started yesterday off pretty strong, and kept it up until the afternoon. I got two new piercings yesterday and I felt really woozy after, so I ate some animal crackers I had. Which led me to eating more, and then I just stopped counted. I probably ate around 1200-1400 calories, but I didn't count. For me that's a binge.

I'm disappointed but it's okay because YAY ✨new piercings✨

I feel kinda sick today, so I'll probably be low in cals, which helps make up for it.

[organicfennel]

!! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !!

🍓Age: 25

☘️Height: 150cm (4' 11")

🍓SW: 98kg (218lbs)

☘️ Diet start date: April 2020

🍓 Tumblr: Active since May 2022

——————————————————————

🍓 GW1: 128 🔓

☘️ GW2: 118 🔓

🍓 GW3: 108 🔒

☘️ GW4: 98 🔒

🍓 GW5: 89 🔒

☘️ UGW: 80 🔒

[organicfennel]

I keep seeing people on here with a 13 BMI and I just calculated what I would have to weigh to reach that and y'all .........

It's 65lbs..........

At my height I'd have to be 65lbs to have a BMI of 13....................................

New UGW unlocked....maybe not 65lbs, but I'm definitely taking it down from 89lbs to 80lbs.

[organicfennel]

Wtffff I'm so sad, I didn't lose ANY weight from fasting. I was so hungry all day long.

I hate taking Imodium, it fucks up my whole program :(((((((

all so I can go to work without shidding my pants. I should have just called in sick :(((((((

[organicfennel]

I'm literally so toxic because yes, I do think my quirky eating habits makes me better than others.

Like, when I meet skinny people with natural fast metabolisms that eat like shit, all I can think is

"you're gonna regret these habits when you get older and your metabolism slows down. I on the other hand, already know how to control myself and my eating"

I'm so fucking toxic and I hate it 🤢🤢

[organicfennel]

I wanna go to fuggin McDonald's just buy the kids meal JUST for the Pikachu box