ominusgalaxy

[ominusgalaxy]

Plot twist: it was a coincidence and you're just an idiot

For some reason, you always suspected that your high school classmate can read minds. Determined to trip her, you keep cracking jokes in your mind, hoping to make her laugh, to no avail. One day, while idly thinking about how it would be to date her, you see her get flustered.

[ominusgalaxy]

But then they wouldn’t care about depression, they’d care about the money.

Companies would probably care more about depression if they realized that they lose 23 billion dollars annually in lost productivity due to it.

[ominusgalaxy]

Wait mosquitos kill people????????

I’m never going outside again...

Cale: Travelling was fun, I met a lot of new people. I even met a talking mosquito.

Fredo: Are you referring my race to some vulgar insect?

Cale: Both of you suck blood and kill people, what else could you be?

[ominusgalaxy]

I like comic sans

The only people who have opinions on fonts have STRONG opinions on fonts.

[ominusgalaxy]

I also do some weird shit irl...

You probably did some weird shit in other people’s dreams.

[ominusgalaxy]

Of all things to choose to draw, why a dick?

If you drew a dick on a vampires face they would never find out.

[ominusgalaxy]

How do you know what’s considered “slowly?”

“if you wanna cross the desert, take a camel and go slowly. Do not go any faster and do not use any other form of transportation. If you see something moving in the sand, ignore it. If you see something looking at you, stare at it back. Don’t touch the ground until you reach the other side.”

[ominusgalaxy]

Can’t be an orphan if you have parents

The Dark Lord receives a prophecy that a young orphan from the nearby village will end his reign. Instead of killing her, he adopts her.

[ominusgalaxy]

*kills it anyway*

One day you wake up with 30 dollars and a note that says “For Rent”. The thing is you aren’t renting out the place. The next day you see a spider and right before you kill it you hear it say, “Please i paid my rent don’t kill me”.

[ominusgalaxy]

Imagine lying in a hospital, taking your last breath, and you look to your left and you see...

This massive combine driving towards you

Due to the increasing ammount of souls that need reaping, Death has decided to upgrade from a scythe to a farming combine.

[ominusgalaxy]

Oh yeah, and also the thousands of mortal souls sacrificed to her

You have often described your girlfriend as a goddess and why wouldn’t you? After all she is beautiful, wise, 9 feet tall, has eyes that literally glow with holy fire, is well into her ten thousands and most of all charming and caring

[ominusgalaxy]

Well in the original fairy tale the prince poured a sticky substance on the stairs, which the shoe stuck to

Cinderella’s shoe apparently fit perfectly, yet it fell off

[ominusgalaxy]

Especially if you’re in their will

If you give someone money for their birthday, it’s almost like you lost a bet with them on how long they would live.

[ominusgalaxy]

Wait but 21 (U) could be considered 2 (B) and 1 (A)

If pi is infinite then I’d you match each number to their corresponding letter of the alphabet (a=1 b=2 ect) then there is a 100% possibility that the entire script of the bee movie exists within pi

[ominusgalaxy]

Bleeding?? What about crying?

Of all the ways the human body can expel fluid, bleeding is the one that’s most acceptable to do on a sidewalk.

[ominusgalaxy]

Can’t get any tougher than this #EthicalMemes

[ominusgalaxy]

I ABSOLUTELY HATE FUZZY SOUNDS!!!!!

That fact that describing a sound as fuzzy makes no sense but we still understand what we’re talking about