old-timeydildomachine

[old-timeydildomachine]

hey im free later if you wanna like get married or merge souls or something

#🥰🥰🥰

[old-timeydildomachine]

you sit down at the plastic table because your partner likes being outside at the bar even though it’s 90 degrees and 60% humidity at 10pm and you thought this corduroy dress was soooo cute but now youre all sweaty and so one of your balls has escaped your panties but youre wearing fishnets so your loose nut is now dying like a sea turtle in a six pack ring and youre the desperate diver trying to save it but blind and one handed and stone faced cause you can’t draw attention to the fact that youre doing a high stakes wildlife rescue on your stupid scrotum in public because it might turn into a six month news cycle and desantis might fly out to personally bulldoze the bar. and its a thursday

[old-timeydildomachine]

You know what would be a good story? a fat girl vampire.

can you imagine?

“I’ve never seen you eat are you insecure” “no…”

“here let me lift that for you” “I got it, thanks” *uses inhuman strength to lift bags*

“I’ve never seen you go to the beach, do you have trouble shopping for a bathing suit” “haha… yeah”

“There’s no way that girl can catch me… she’s huge!” “Hello, dinner.” *running with super fast vampire speed*

“She can’t fit in here! I’m safe!” *turns into a gas and slips under the door*

“How come you never go out?” “Well, I never get invited to parties…”

“Come to the gym with me! We should lose weight” “Not in a thousand years.” (incidentally, that’s when she was last alive.)

“You need to go on a diet!” “I’ll start with you.” *literally eats that person*

[old-timeydildomachine]

[old-timeydildomachine]

i'm so curious as to how running this blog has affected you like genuinely. do you see things on your day-to-day and instinctively id them as entities

The joke is on you because I did that even before, as I am a genius with an analytical mind and perfectly well-adjusted.

The main way running this blog has affected me is that one time I talked about Homestuck through the lens of the Entities on here and someone sent me death threats over it, and now we plan to get married soon 💜

#Thats my wife you son of a bitch idiots

[old-timeydildomachine]

[old-timeydildomachine]

I got too excited while playing chess and told my opponent that I was going to slit his throat and slaughter him like a hog. something to work on for next time

#Was playing Risk once and told one of my opponents that the ocean of blood i cut from the bellies of his men #would nourish the crops of my new nation's peoples #So I feel you OP

[old-timeydildomachine]

The US military emitted 640 times as much CO2 as Taylor Swift last year

[old-timeydildomachine]

it always sucks in romances when characters aren't active participants in their own relationship or attraction. when it's always "why do i feel this way" and they can't name a single reason they like the love interest i'm like idk man i think you should get out of there maybe.

at some point if you're going too hard on the Genuine Confusion and the character having no clue why they're doing anything they're doing or why they even like the other party it's like. I think you were cursed by a wizard. or an author, which is something similar. it becomes something akin to The Narrative Has Mandated That This is A Love Story and Therefore I Must Be In Love rather than like. a convincing romance between parties who care about each other

[old-timeydildomachine]

[old-timeydildomachine]

the five homoerotic love languages:

- intimate stabbing

- outright obsession

- confused pining

- "no one knows me like you do"

- lifelong promises that always sound suspiciously like wedding vows

[old-timeydildomachine]

(flirting) hey, do you wanna develop folie à deux together?

[old-timeydildomachine]

"falin isn't fat in canon (so stop unduly giving this series credit for fat representation in her case)": a very fair point! it *is* honestly a bit concerning that people are so conditioned by media to think stick-thin is the norm that they think medium-sized bodies are fat. and i've seen some very good points about how almost every character we see that has a heavier build is just like that because their race is naturally more stocky, and that almost no characters in this story are "overweight" by their race's standards. so while this story is much better than a lot of others with its body diversity, there are still some things that it could do better.

"falin isn't fat in canon (so stop drawing her fat)": your ignorance astounds me and your foolishness knows no bounds. i could fill libraries with the things you don't know on this subject. every time you bitch i give her another roll.

[old-timeydildomachine]

“Lord Byron gets up at two. I get up, quite contrary to my usual custom … at 12. After breakfast we sit talking till six. From six to eight we gallop through the pine forest which divide Ravenna from the sea; we then come home and dine, and sit up gossiping till six in the morning. I don’t suppose this will kill me in a week or fortnight, but I shall not try it longer. Lord B.’s establishment consists, besides servants, of ten horses, eight enormous dogs, three monkeys, five cats, an eagle, a crow, and a falcon; and all these, except the horses, walk about the house, which every now and then resounds with their unarbitrated quarrels, as if they were the masters of it… . [P.S.] I find that my enumeration of the animals in this Circean Palace was defective … . I have just met on the grand staircase five peacocks, two guinea hens, and an Egyptian crane. I wonder who all these animals were before they were changed into these shapes.”

— Percy Bysshe Shelley on the lifestyle of Lord Byron (via timemarauder)

[old-timeydildomachine]

me trying to convince myself that the whole spectrum of human emotions is a good and necessary thing to feel even if its not comfortable while im actively experiencing emotions that make me feel like my bones are being dissolved in acid

[old-timeydildomachine]

Parents really post stuff like this online and wonder why their kids don't trust them

[old-timeydildomachine]

“One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: “When you’re in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe.” (I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil—lighthouse of your universe—as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while howling at us. He went on, “Nothing means as much without that person.” One of the men in the class repeated, incredulous, half-laughing, “So you’re saying you can’t enjoy, like, a vacation, without someone if you’re really in love with them?” “Of course not.” the professor replied. “Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don’t witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you. It’s not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more.”

— (via lovelyeverythingg)

#GOD!!! HE GETS IT!!!