noficbyhalves

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men love to be shoved and grabbed and thrown around and pinned down its like enrichment for them

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funniest character dynamic in the world to me is when you have one guy knows hes gay but doesnt realise hes in love with his best friend and another guy who knows hes in love with his best friend but does not know hes gay

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the eagle and his sword... the mentor and his dai

#excuse me i love this #i am so normal about them #ahem anyway #i can't tell with the sketchy style but i think altaïr has a cane here? fabulous if true #altmal #altaïr ibn la'ahad #malik al sayf #assassins creed

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Just checking.... We all pronounce Miette like My-TAY in our heads, right?

#... I've assumed it was mee-yette #< prev basically same #it's a very french-looking construction so i just defaulted to that kind of pronunciation #tho i think that's what they mean by “mne-eht” just with a very unintuitive way of writing it

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It's about devotion and obsession. It's ALWAYS about devotion and obsession. And hunger. It's love with teeth.

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Based on @auroramoon-draws16’s idea in this post.

Desmond lost Altaïr.

He really can’t explain it.

He thought Altaïr would be fine. He seemed to have a grasp on the situation and looked like he was taking everything in better than Ezio and Ratonhnhaké:ton.

“The Apple has shown me visions of this future. I’ll be fine, Desmond. Just give me a phone with this internet thing in it.”

Oh god.

Desmond should have not trusted his words.

He should have anticipated something like this.

That Altaïr would get lost in the crowd of this…

Anime convention?

Oh fuck.

Desmond needed to find Altaïr before he gets suckered into Vtubers or one of those toxic fandoms (he seriously didn’t want to see Altaïr having an oshi or going to Twitter to fight some rando because they had differing headcanons) or worse…

Hentai.

Desmond did not exactly have any memories of Altaïr’s love life (thank god for that small mercies) but he knew that Altaïr was a curious little shit and would definitely research hentai and kinks and-

Desmond needed to find Altaïr for both his sanity and the purity of the Brotherhood’s image of the great Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad.

“And the winner of this year’s Cosplay Competition is… Altair from Abstergo’s video game franchise: History’s Hit Men: Murder in the Levant!”

Desmond froze.

Please.

Please, for the love of god, let this be a coincidence. Pleasepleasepleaseplease

“It’s Altaïr.”

Fuck.

Desmond tried to get to the stage as the MC laughed before asking, “Okay, Altaïr, how about a few words to share to everyone? Why did you choose to cosplay this character and did you learn to parkour because of him or did you cosplay him because you do parkour?”

“I was trained by-”

“-by our awesome parkour trainer!” Desmond shouted as he jumped onto the stage, placing himself between Altaïr and the MC. He gave the MC a charming smile that caused the MC’s cheeks to reddened and a few of the people in front of the stage to cheer.

“Oooohhh a modern take of the Assassins?” The MC flawlessly asked as Desmond kept a tight grip on Altaïr’s shoulder to stop the man from running away.

“Yup! We’re sorta a duo.” Desmond said, trying to bullshit his way out of this while Altaïr remained quiet.

Desmond wanted to believe it was because he knew he fucked up.

But no.

Most probably, he was quiet because he wanted to see how Desmond would get them out of this.

Asshole.

“He’s cosplaying Altaïr as the game showed and I’m cosplaying Altaïr if he was an Assassin of our time.” Desmond said.

“Oooohhh, that sounds nice.”

“He would totally wear leather pants!” Someone in the audience shouted.

No. He definitely would not. That shit was too tight. It would be hard to freerun… parkour… wearing them.

“On behalf of my partner, we are grateful that he won and we’d like to go now because, I’m gonna be honest with you, we haven’t eaten yet.”

That got a few chuckles from the crowd.

“Alright, give it up for Altair and uuhhh… Modern Day Altair!”

The audience clapped while Desmond walked Altaïr off the stage by pushing him.

“Dad’s going to kill me.” Desmond hissed.

“I will talk to him.”

Desmond rolled his eyes as he said, “That won’t do anything. He’ll just kill me after talking to you.”

“I’ll make sure he won’t.” Altaïr promised.

The saddest part of this entire thing is that Desmond actually believed Altaïr could do it.

“By the way, Desmond. Can I borrow a bit of money. I would like to buy fanmerchs of my oshi.”

“I left you alone for an hour, Altaïr!”

#this is fucking hilarious #everyone knows that giving altaïr access to the internet is a bad idea in any universe #desmond is such a precious lil smol harboring the delusion that altaïr is not a freak #/affectionate #assassins creed #desmond miles #i ship desmond miles with being alive #altaïr ibn la'ahad

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if you don‘t personally own one but your roommates/parents do and you are allowed to use it, that counts as yes

#yup. secret 10/11th option #people who have executive function to press their clothing fucking baffle me

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This machine kills AI

#fuck. yes.

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Also increasingly aware that a LOT of people "manage" getting through the 40+ hour work week by sleeping less than is healthy and relying on stimulants like coffee and energy drinks to keep them going.

For people who are unwilling or unable to do this...work really does just dominate your life. Like we really should not have to rely on unhealthy practices just to have a social life or keep on top of housework or whatever.

I know I post about this a lot but I'm so TIRED all the time and it's just so depressing that this is how we're expected to spend the one life we have.

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Bitches will find a fictional man attractive and then immediately imagine him in situations where he is losing alarming amounts of blood

#i'm in this picture and i'm not sorry

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the eagle of masyaf

#birb boi #altaïr ibn la'ahad #assassins creed

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*chants* CAPYBARA! EDWARD KENWAY! CAPYBARA! EDWARD KENWAY!

The last thing Edward remembered was the sound of his son screaming as he cut down the man that tried to attack Tessa. He could feel the blood leaving his body, staining his clothes and making it stick to his skin. His vision was getting blurrier by the second.

He heard Tessa scream.

His finger twitched.

And Edward Kenway breathed his last.

There was no light in the darkness to follow.

His life did not pass quickly before him.

None of the friends he had lost throughout the ages come greet him.

There was a cold that numbed his entire body.

Then nothingness.

He didn’t know how long he stayed in that state of nothingness.

When he realized that he was no longer nothing, the first thing he felt was warmth.

A bit itchy but it was warm.

And he was terribly hungry.

“Oh shit, you’re awake. Uuuuhhh…”

He blinked at the man in front of him. He was wearing strange clothes and English with an accent that Edward could not place. For a moment, the scar on his lips reminded him of the descriptions of both Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad and Ezio Auditore before the man almost tripped on himself as he tried to get to the other side of the room, mumbling to himself, “Can you eat Chinese?”

Edward watched with a body that seemed to weak to move at the moment.

“Oh shit, are you a capybara?” The man asked as he looked over some kind of rectangular slate in his hand. He pocketed it as the same time as putting back some kind of white strangely shaped box inside some kind of cabinet that lit up all on its own.

Instead, he took out some kind of vegetable and closed the cabinet.

He broke the vegetable apart, taking one leaf and pressing it on Edward’s… lips?

Edward ate it.

And realized…

He had a snout.

The man’s lips curved into a small smile and he fed Edward another leaf.

Edward continued to eat, his body moving on its own as his mind was still reeling for the fact that he was now inhabiting a non-human body.

What did the man call him?

A capybara?

What was that?

“My name’s Desmond.” The man introduced himself as he continued to feed Edward, “You almost made me pee my pants, you know. I thought some asshole threw a really big dead rat in the trash behind my apartment then you moved and well…”

Desmond shrugged, not bothering to finish his story as he gave Edward the last of leaf.

“I should buy you more food…” Desmond mused before he grimaced, “Shit.”

“Do you think it’s illegal to own a capybara?”

#pffffft #the image of a wholeass capybara running through the vents is absolute gold #we stan a trash rat #truly an unhinged tag to put on a post lol #desmond is doing fine tyvm #“lets not unpack the fact that my pet? capybara orchestrated?? my rescue???” #“and instead focus on how many people he may or may not have killed in order to do it. that is in fact sane and normal” #assassins creed #desmond miles #i ship desmond miles with being alive #edward kenway

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Malik Al-Sayf :3

#aufhfks #i cannot #malik al sayf #assassins creed

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gummy lamas

#yellow #it's the thousand yard stare and the slow collapse

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Underrated form of intimacy:

The quiet discussion and good-luck affirmations between you and the person helping you don your armor. The comfort of knowing that the straps and buckles are perfectly secure, because the person who did them up loves you more than words can say.

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Do you like fruits?

Feel free to suggest any poll you would like to see via chat or comment or ask :)

#ok but like #there's favorite (flavor) and favorite (i am a grown adult who needs to remember to eat the fruit that i buy before it goes bad) #and those are two different things #(cherries and kiwi respectively) #(we stan a fruit that can be left in the fridge for a month with literally no consequences)

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love it when it’s a character’s sense of empathy that leads them into committing atrocities. Homicidal bleeding heart gotta be one of my favorite types of guy