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noahpinangoleaks · 2 months

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The State of My Art and My Mind (Yap Session)

the issues ive had

I have always spent an extensively long time putting any of my creative projects together, whether it's because I'm dragging my feet, I'm uninspired, or I'm scared of what people might think. It got really bad around my second EP, the songs that I would make were scarce, most of them cobbled together with an unintended minimalistic feel. I'm still proud of those songs in the end. I use them frequently as a reference point to introduce others to my music. But, even at the time, the music I was making did not reflect the inspirations I had. Probably because I had taken so long.

Since I started, I've carried a lot of embarrassment with my music. My top streamed song of all time is a song I personally hate. My performances in my mind have never been up to par to what I know I can do. I shy away from social media because I can't stand the self doubt. I do take solace in knowing that I am very, very far from the only person to ever feel like this, even in my own idols.

One of the primary issues that has been so hard for me to work on has been feeling the perception that the artistic world around me has worked faster than I've been able to. Artists that I've started out with have long since surpassed me and are thinking more big picture than I have in a while. When I started feeling like this, I resorted to jealous tactics in my mind. I grew resentful of other people who were just living more of the life that I wanted to live. I've never given myself the chance to feel like my music has been the first priority, and its left me feeling behind. These thoughts aren't cured, but I am working on them.

the solutions i've found

I've found a lot of independent support through other artists through social media. I've found I really benefit from seeing other artist's journeys, especially when they share the imperfections of their path. No one on this path is flawless. No one is moving at the same speed and path as anyone else. Even non-music creative artists, artists in fashion, visual media. It's refreshing and empowering. If you are one of those artists, know that I see and deeply appreciate you!

collaboration. shout out sam, lexie, JP, matt. you all fuel me creatively more than you know. since seethrough I have now 30 (at least) new demos that i've independently produced. Prior to this year I had distanced myself from the idea of being a producer, but now I strive towards it, even at the small level that I'm at (no matter what sam says).

other media. i've really taken to photography recently, some writing (clearly), even video editing. It's really interesting to me how different techniques from so many different formats can reapplied and reinterpreted into my own music.

More recently, I've spent a lot of time sitting with Sam, my parents, and other musician friends. I found that whenever I've been given the opportunity, my mind has been bursting with massive retrospective knowledge and opinions on the music industry. Knowledge and opinions that have stuck with me and are currently fueling this slow wave of creativity that I've been building up since October.

I'm working on finding peace in my artistry. I can take my time. I can see my projects through to everything I want it to be. I can find my place as a musician in the industry and in my own world. I can find the effort and passion that I need to reach my goals.

-- Noah

#music #independent artist #Spotify

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