newbalancechucks

[newbalancechucks]

oh boy i sure do hope theres no arsenic in that chicken!! ^-^

#Taako time

[newbalancechucks]

how is it that all of lucretia’s one liners in moonlighting always the funniest fucking shit 

“oh you’re so deep in the test, you are knee-deep in test town”

“i particularly liked when you ripped the arms off that poor helpless robot” 

“here’s the problem: they just run right off the goddamn thing”

“goddammit we love domes around here”

“yes, it’s that we very quickly cut your hand off and get the bracer off, but then we attach the hand back and it’s like, not a big deal”

“are there any non terrible questions”

#SHES DOING BITS FOR HER DEAR FRIENDS SHE HASNT SEEN IN SO LONG

[newbalancechucks]

He's not a model, he's a wizard and a chef. (yea the hair thingies are different lengths I'm still thinking it over)

#Its taako time

[newbalancechucks]

Lesbians Love Him:

local carpenter and universe savior just friends with a lot of lesbians, reports say

[newbalancechucks]

sometimes really popular opinions suck and are stupid and you don’t even know how they became so widely accepted but you can’t say shit about it because the fandom would metaphorically drag you into the streets and egg you so you just let this rage fester inside you as the same stupid fucking jokes show up everywhere like a goddamn plague ★~(◡‿◕✿)

[newbalancechucks]

I would be a fool to not share some of the awesome work by @awkwardemons on TikTok

[newbalancechucks]

revisiting the balance finale and I am completely fascinated by davenport immediately concluding that they need to leave on the starblaster and continue to the next cycle. that’s so wild. it asks you to confront the fact that, even though the stolen century was only a few episodes, it covers 100 times more time than the rest of the podcast. davenport is ready for these last ten years to be just an incident in a long list of incidents. he’s ready for another 100 years, however long it takes to figure out a better plan. the fact that it could bring lup back! the fact that if lucretia won’t agree, it’s better to kill her and talk about it next cycle if need be! the fact that none of them could stay even if they wanted to. the fact that davenport of all of them is the most willing to let the world burn. would he have waited to try and get the light from lucretia? would taako? imagine what the first moments of them reforming in a new planar system would be. holy istus i can’t stop thinking about it.

[newbalancechucks]

93% Stardust, Nikita Gill

i really wanted to do so much more with this, so there may be a follow up comic later if i feel up for it. i love the ipre crew. 

[newbalancechucks]

why was taz balance so good. it didnt have to be it was literally a comedy dnd podcast between 3 brothers and their dad. the trios nickname was the boner squad. why did i cry three times during the finale that griffin specifically chose to be episode 69. one of them took their date out to a pottery and wine combo establishment called “the chug and squeeze” which, after later episodes, was scenes that contained shit thatd were so plot-twisty i stared at my wall for a good minute thinking about it. a character that was named garfield and was never given a physical description - which resulted in everyone just picturing the cat - had a clone of one of them stored away in the back room for reasons that were never given. griffin ended this series purposely on episode 69

[newbalancechucks]

I went a little crazy and designed/re-designed (based off my old drawings) a whole bunch of The Adventure Zone’s characters!! I don’t know what happened but I watched the D&D movie and something just clicked in my brain and I decided I missed TAZ, so I’m back on my TAZ bullshit 🩵

Of everyone I’m most proud of Taako and Kravitz’s designs!

[newbalancechucks]

[holds them gently] i offer.. blupjeans....

[newbalancechucks]

i feel like i always picture taako just like, slightly off from common portrayals. the taako i picture is "femme" not in the sense of "a full face of artfully-applied makeup and an impeccable fashion sense" but in the sense of "smudged eyeliner he applied 3 days ago and a bunch of mismatched clothes he got cheap from Fantasy Value Village that look like they belonged to someone's dead grandma".

"blond" not in the sense of "a natural blond" or even "a bleach blond who does regular maintenance" but in the sense of "he has very dark hair that he bleaches, but he can't be assed to actually keep up with maintenance, so he has minimum 3-4 inches of brown roots at any given time"

"wears jewelry" not in the sense of "wears nice expensive tasteful jewelry that perfectly matches his outfits" but in the sense of "he has a huge stash of cheap costume jewelry with obviously fake gems and he's wearing at least 5 things from it at any given time, with pieces picked purely on vibes and with no regards for how well they go with his clothes"

and if you read that and thought "but taako is supposed to be hot" i dont know what to tell you because if i ran into the man i just described in a gay bar i'd fuck him immediately

[newbalancechucks]

#Oh shit is the new graphic nov out?

[newbalancechucks]

the best way i can describe barry bluejeans is as a guy who's “just some guy” in spite of his entire personality and not because of it. like that’s a guy with absolutely no business getting categorized as “just some guy,” but because he’s a middle-aged man named barry bluejeans, he just keeps getting away with it

[newbalancechucks]

finished TAZ Balance recently

#HOT DAMN

[newbalancechucks]

The Director leans forward over her desk, her face drawn and intent. “So I suppose you’re wondering why I called you three in h–”

“Actually, Madam Director,” Taako interrupts, “I’m wondering how you got this lavender tea so right.”

The Director blinks. “I simmer the lavender blossoms in a saucepan with water and honey, because I’m not a fucking barbarian. Twenty minutes, dash of vanilla, the whole thing. Anyway–”

“It’s good tea,” Merle pipes up.

“Thanks, Merle. So–” 

“Hold up, hold up. Holllld up.” Taako actually raises his hand. “How– okay, I mean, what the hell, that’s exactly how I make lavender tea, how’d you know?”

“I know everything, I’m the Director.”

“Are you spying on us?” Magnus says, suddenly interested. 

“I can, uh, no, I can’t confirm that, or, deny, that horrific breach of employer-employee confidentiality. I probably just know that stuff because of all the cool superpowers you get when you’re in charge of a secret moon-based operation.”

Merle waves his hand enthusiastically. “Hey, what’s tattooed on my butt!”

“Kenny Chesney, which I know on account of you came into my actual office with your whole entire ass hanging out.”

“It was like three quarters, max,” Magnus says. “Hey, what’s my favorite tea?”

“You think tea is for chumps.”

“I do,” Magnus says, earnestly pleased. 

“Does anyone have any non-tea related questions?”

Merle waves his hand again. “Do you know about our secret st—“

“Taped under Magnus’s bed. Yes.”

“Aw,” Magnus says to his tea. 

“For someone with such extensive woodworking proficiency, I really thought you’d have, like, a secret drawer somewhere,” the Director says thoughtfully. 

“Hey, taped under the mattress is a classic,” Taako says. 

“It’s very, mm, very college hijinks, reminiscent, very Animal House.”

“Bullshit, you never watched Animal House,” Merle says.

“I may— I might have. You don’t know.”

“Name one— name one scene! Just one! Gimme a quote!”

“I don’t have to, because I’m your boss. Can I get back to telling you about your new incredibly important mission to save the whole— basically the whole entire world, already, or do you want to waste more time playing Fantasy fucking Trivia?”

The three Reclaimers look at each other, and then Taako uses mage hand to pour himself more lavender tea. 

“What’s Merle’s favorite tea?” he asks, grinning, and the Director drops her face into her hands. 

“Chamomile,” she says, in the grave, sorrowing tones of one who must bear the unbearable, year after thankless fucking year. “He thinks it’s sexy.”

#Quick reminder that i love them

[newbalancechucks]

that's what I wanna know 🤨🧐🧐