newageauthor

[newageauthor]

dude im not applying to your job on squeamix dot com.

[newageauthor]

dan & phil moodboard

inspo by @whisksandslits's post!

[newageauthor]

[newageauthor]

fewer posts about “why do straight women date men who hate them” and more posts about “why do so many men hate women that it’s genuinely difficult for straight women to find romantic & sexual intimacy with a man who doesn’t hate them”

[newageauthor]

can everyone turn their lights off i wanna see the stars in the night sky

[newageauthor]

Once again randomly remembered this story about a couple who had a small parrot - pretty sure it was a budgie - who didn't talk but learned to communicate with people in its own way. Once it figured out that people always turn to check their phones when the notification sound comes on, it started making the text message notification sound to request human attention. The parrot also liked to follow people to the door whenever guests were leaving, and would use its wings to pantomime the motions of a person putting their coat on. A very clever, charming bird.

And every once in a while it just randomly hated some people. Not for any real reason, or even reason to suspect bad vibes, but by deciding "fuck this person in particular" for shits and giggles alone. And one time when the owners had invited a new friend to their home, the bird decided that it Did Not Like Her.

So in the middle of polite conversation, the bird - who was free to roam around the apartment at the time - hopped onto the living room coffee table, right in front of the unwanted guest. And in that moment, the owners put two and two together and understood that whatever mischief the bird had decided to do, it was now too late to stop it.

But instead of unleashing the absolute hell that even the tiniest displeased parrot could be capable of, the little budgie made its little "may I have your attention please" cell phone notification sound, and once the guest was focused on the bird, looked at her dead in the eye while doing the putting-my-coat-on wing motion.

The guest did not recognise the pantomime for what it was, but she was nonetheless delighted that the parrot would do a little wing-roll dance for her. And the host couple were at first too stunned and then too polite to tell her how impressive that gesture truly was. Their bird had shown both remarkable restraint and cleverness by using its entire vocabulary of human communication just to say

"I have an important announcement: I think you should leave."

[newageauthor]

My anthro professor has three forbidden words for his essays: problematic, interesting, and large. Point being they’re all filler words, he wants you to just skip straight to why it’s interesting or why it’s problematic. But anyway, any time I disagree with him in class I say to him “mm, interesting, but largely problematic.”

[newageauthor]

i wont lie i miss cock and pussy on dash unprompted. you used to be able to follow someone and theyd just put cock and pussy on the dash sometimes. nothing to do with their blog they were just having a moment. because of Horny. what do you get nowadays. a measly nipple? an Adults content warning ? all because of Woke. sick and twisted.

[newageauthor]

@ whoever is asking “would you watch Dan and Phil play [x]” I would watch Dan and Phil play literally anything, if they wanted to film themselves playing solitaire on separate ipads in complete silence (except for maybe an unhinged ad read) I would watch it. I have lost control of my life

[newageauthor]

dnp in the next gaming video:

[newageauthor]

A SECOND PLANE HAS HIT THE TOWERS

[newageauthor]

can we call him phlondie now

[newageauthor]

Did we just enter a new timeline??

[newageauthor]

"I promise we will play it again."

[newageauthor]

psychic damage

(i know im missing heaps my brain is mush rn someone help what other insane shit have they done recently)

[newageauthor]

[newageauthor]

daughter of the field