myspaces-greatest-emo

[myspaces-greatest-emo]

I didn't use to have vivid dreams. I didn't really dream at all.

When I did dream, they'd be mundane. Like I'd just be chilling with whoever doing whatever.

Now I have dreams every night. Most of them are nightmares.

I'll dream the bio fam I haven't talked to in over half a decade is back in my life giving me hell.

Or about losing the only shelter I have, my car.

Recently, I've begun dreaming about not doing well enough at my job and losing it.

The worst ones, tho, are the ones involving my ex and her ex. They fucked two weeks after my decade long relationship had ended. They were right back in each other's lives in the blink of an eye.

It feels as if my ex had hers in her back pocket for our entire relationship. I think about that a lot. It hurts.

Even the nicer dreams I have are hectic. In those ones, tho, I'm still friends with all the closest friends I've ever had. So, despite whatever chaos is going on, I at least get to hang out with them again.

The other night, during one of those dreams, I realized I was dreaming and had a thought that's stuck with me ever since. I can't remember it exactly, but I remember the sentiment behind it.

"It's depressing how much I enjoy hanging out with these people, only to wake up and realize we haven't spoken in years."

I'm so fucking lonely. I appreciate people online reaching out, I really do. However, I can't express how much I miss just sitting in a room shooting the shit with friends.

This, too, shall pass. I just wish it would pass faster.

#tw depressing thoughts #depressing shit #homeless #queer #transgender #transgirl

[myspaces-greatest-emo]

Every time I think I'm pulling myself out of a depressive state - I get pulled back in

I want to cry, but I'm too numb

I want to scream, but I lack the voice

Why must time move so slowly

#tw depressing thoughts #depressing shit #homeless #queer #transgender #transgirl

[myspaces-greatest-emo]

I can't take this

The pain is overwhelming

32, homeless, struggling at a job that I definitely shouldn't be struggling at, and no one to turn to

I've accomplished nothing. I went to college for like a decade and stopped a few weeks short of getting my bachelor's because. I'm a failure

If I didn't have my kid, I wouldn't be here

I'm so tired

#tw depressing thoughts #transgender #transgirl #lgbtq #queer #homeless #depressing shit

[myspaces-greatest-emo]

I don't really know where to begin.

I'm sitting in my car in a gym parking lot. Vape nestled in the sports bra covering my disappointingly small tits. I'm deeply depressed. Overwhelmed with rotating feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, and apathy.

I don't know what to do.

I feel like I should reach out to someone, anyone, and tell them just how much I am mentally suffering. I stop myself tho because I'm afraid that it might come off as me trying to emotionally manipulate whoever I'm talking to.

Like, the kinds of things I've been thru and the kind of thoughts I have, I'm sure, would be upsetting and unsettling to listen to. 

I don't want to burden anyone with my pain. I don't want them to feel obligated to help. I just want people to talk to, and maybe a good hug.

#tw depressing thoughts #transgirl #transgender #homeless #queer #depressing shit