myorganizedside

[myorganizedside]

Tag Along with Mars Rovers as They Explore the Red Planet in a New 4K Video

[myorganizedside]

Day 1**.What word best describes the way you’ve spent the last month of your life?

Rom-Com.

I know thats not technically one word but I dont care

#365 Days Of Writing #whatever

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Day 1**. What can money not buy?

The sense of sureness that your life has purpose and that what you are doing means something and that who you are actually matters. 

#365 Days Of Writing

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Day 1**. What have you read online recently that inspired you?

Ugh, read online? I listen to more things than I read these days. As far as listening goes, I heard a podcast containing a conversation between two writers that inspired me to start writing more again. I’ve been toying with the idea more and more, trying to find stories I want to tell and ways I want to tell them. And more than anything I know the best way to start making cool stuff is to just start by making something. 

#365 Days Of Writing #or not #whatever

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Day 228. What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?

Can I be making that decision right now? or is that too cheesy? 

The decisions I feel the best about are the ones that I decided to pour my heart into, the choices that felt like “all or nothing” were the only options. 

I look back at the times when some giant choice or opportunity loomed in front of me. Things like programs I wanted to try, or projects I wanted to be a part of or places I wanted to travel too. Things that I took one look at and knew I had to do. But these were simultaneously things that terrified me, that felt crazy in that “there’s no way this is going to work” kind of way. Decisions I felt like I definitely was not prepared to handle, I wasn't equip for, I had no idea how to even start. These choices, these thrilling, terrifying choices that I was pretty sure shouldn’t work, but somehow did. These choices that I knew could happen was if I went all in, 100% and didn’t look back. These were the best choices I ever made. And many of them were made rather quickly because I knew, in my gut and my heart, I couldn’t not do them and I couldn’t wait.

#365 Days Of Writing #sorta #way behind #but who cares

[myorganizedside]

Day 116. If I could grant you one wish what would you wish for?

I wish I was out of debt. 

Its hard to imagine my life starting until that day. Which I consciously know is not true, my life has already started. I can’t wait to start it until I think I’m ready. I’ll never be ready.

#365 Days Of Writing

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Day 115.If someone could tell you the exact day and time you are going to die, would you want them to tell you?

I wonder if knowing the day of my death would change my approach to my life at all. Would I be more or less reckless? Would I feel the need to leave something behind? Would I feel the need to start a family? Would my basic values change?

I think Id be better off not knowing when I’ll die because I pretty content with where my life is heading right now. 

#365 Days Of Writing

[myorganizedside]

Day 114. How do you define success?

Success is feeling fulfilled and like my life has a purpose that I believe in. 

#365 Days Of Writing

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Day 113. How do you know when it’s time to continue holding on or time to let go?

Usually when it starts to be cause more damage me than help. 

#365 Days Of Writing

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Day 112. What is your greatest challenge?

My greatest challenge is allowing other people to help me or asking for help. I don’t want anyone to see me struggle. I want to do all my growing on my own. I just want people to wait on the other side while I figure out how to do things by myself. I don’t want them to extend a hand or offer assistance. Part of me knows I should. Part of me knows life is meant to be lived with other people and growth feeds of other input and ideas. But I fight it. I fight because I’m scared of losing myself in someone else. I’m scared of owing someone something that I won’t be able to repay. I’m scared of depending on someone else because that might mean losing my independence. I’ll talk about my struggles sometimes, but don’t you dare try and help me. 

#365 Days Of Writing

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Day 111. When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?”

Lately, yes. But only with certain friends... thats terrible. I don’t like thinking that way... i wonder what it reflects about my own mental state/health when Im just viewing other people as a means to and end..:/

#365 Days Of Writing #super old but here it is anyways

[myorganizedside]

Day 110. When do you feel most like yourself?

I’m so glad the answer to this question is changing and expanding. I feel like myself at home.. I feel like myself with most of my friends. I feel like myself with my family, out on runs, at anything Kato related, at church, out to coffee. 

I’ve reached this new threshold of self-assured-ness that used to feel so far away and impossible. 

[myorganizedside]

Day 109. What would you not give up for $1,000,000 in cash?

My family.

My friends. 

My mind. 

My progress. 

My body. 

[myorganizedside]

Day 108. If your life was a novel, what would be the title and how would your story end?

When I think off my life and the journey it has been, in a relatively short time, I think of it in sections, chapters. 

I know there was childhood sections. Like this: 

The home-schooled years: Where I went to that one little church school sometimes, and I was a very awkward creature and I used to read a lot. 

the church grade school period: When I attended church every Wednesday and Sunday, participated in church musicals and bible school. When I was also still awkward but also would develop extremely obsessive crushes on people. 

The unstructured outdoor play times: Which occurred after I befriended the neighborhood kids and we would let our imaginations run wild and we ran through the wild back yards of our houses and sometime make it all the way down the street to the beach. This was the era of tree climbing, hand-built forts, and lots of tag. 

then there was adolescences... 

That one year I went to middle school: Where I barely talked at all and just silently observed how these “normal” people act and how to stay off the radar as much as possible. My main life goal was to blend in and go unnoticed. Except this was the beginning of my pursuit for academic achievement. Because until this time I had never been able to so easily see how I measured up against peers.... and I liked how it was looking for me. 

the period when i decided id rather sleep in the closet

Public high school is a whole new world: So this was the where I learned how to make friends... and make boys notice me without anyone else noticing. That year spent observing meant I had a slightly better read on the people around me and that helped with developing friendships that weren’t completely based on the face that we all just had to be there everyday. 

Then there was high school+Track when I started channeling that little wild, outdoor creature I was as a child and put it to use on a sports team, instead of coming home to sleep after school everyday.

mini chapter: those few month when I hung out with kids from the other high school. That was my first experience around kids that drank and generally didn't adhere to the “well behaved” standard I’d grown up around. It was a fascinating excursion.

Then at the end of high school there was that year when I tried the church across the street:. That opened up a whole new world of people to me, and a more exciting social life/church experience. I must also say that I  have blurred out a lot of this experience from my memory, yea that’s a side-effect of teenage infatuation/heart break. 

Theennnnn the beginning of adult life. 

I didn’t know that college was an option... I thought it was just the next thing you do:  After finally feeling like I had gotten the hang of things, I move to a new city surrounded by new people in an totally foreign and significantly less structured environment. Weee. restart the friends process... it proves to be much slower this time. 

The crew phase: When I joined a sports team because I felt like a bum and a cute boy at the info table told my I should. 

Breakup and restart: Meet a cute boy who’s life/history/interests/current dating situation is strangely similar to my own. Go through hard break-ups at the same time, emotionally support eachother, then start dating and go on fun adventures together. 

That time in college when I was dating someone

Turning point chapter, went abroad and reconsidered my life. 

Came home, sought help, joined Intervarsity.

Realized I didn’t have many/any friends, began looking for solutions. 

Stopped dating and started asking hundreds of questions to hundreds of people. 

Decided to stick around for another semester and do a summer program that would take me to another country. 

Kept asking questions and meeting cool people

shitty time with a slimy person.. hit bottom

lead a small group and learned how to admit I have no idea what I’m doing and have lots of emotional baggage shoved in “boxes”

graduated and rean away to costa rica

came back to keep leading small group and finally unpack the college-boyfriend “box” and learned how to feel free. 

worked a cool job on the roofs of government buildings (which in the long run totally screwed my taxes up. 

got laid off or what ever you call it as a freelancer

job hunt and feel aimless. struggle with maintaining friendships

Get a job and feel aimless and struggle with maintaining friendships. 

Finally get the hang of things, become financially responsible, jumpstart a new phase in that old project. start making an effort to have better friendships because its finally warm outside.... 

Seems like a long book but it would be fun to write.

#365 Days Of Writing #Super late post

[myorganizedside]

Day 107. Who or what do you think of when you think of love?

I think of family. I think of love as total acceptance and the knowledge that nothing I could ever do would lessen that love.

#365 Days Of Writing

[myorganizedside]

The first episode of of this show was so cringe-y I wasn’t really feeling the show, but I kept hearing good things so I kept going. And now, I’m thoroughly enjoying this show. All the topics it touches on, the way it treats sensitive subjects, how honest it is, the fact that it is legitimately a passion project for Aziz. I love it, and actually highly recommend it. 

Master of None - 2x08 - “It’s not like this was my choice. It’s just who I am.”

#master of none #things I'm enjoying

[myorganizedside]

So I’ve been listening to a podcast about parenting...”why?” you ask... Because I don’t really think I want kids. I’ve heard close to 20 episodes of this podcast and highly recommend it. I wanted to share this episode because I appreciate her sentiments 

#parenting #the longest shortest time #podcast