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Hypebeasts make shitty storytellers

Watching WESTWORLD like being told a really cool story by an overly excitable teenager. They know they’ve got a cool ending. They’re trying to be coy about it, so they can enjoy the anticipation for as long as possible, but are unable to finish a sentence without smirking.  What results may, in fact, be cool, but it never feels like a story. At least not one that ever allows the audience to lose itself in the world they’re creating. The performances are all great, as are the production values and FX’s, but we never stop crafting theories about what might all mean.  I like a good mystery box as much as the next guy.  WESTWORLD just feels like it loves its mysteries so much they forget why we’re here in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong: the latest season has been a blast. Cyberpunk Jesse Pinkman plus a sexy Terminator lady is a winning combination in my book.  Plus, Vincent Gallo is creepy as fuck. I just find myself giving less of a damn the longer it goes. I can’t help but wonder how much cooler it would be if they quit dancing around their own cleverness and just told a more linear story.  Plus, they still don’t know what to do with Maeve

#westworld #tv #hbo #mystery box

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I really hate talking about politics on Facebook these days. I get the impression most of us would rather beat each other to death with memes than listen to what the other person is saying. It feels like we're just repeating other people's talking points in our own words. I used to think Facebook gave us an opportunity to discuss the things “society” has deemed impolite for parties and church, like there was something gained by knowing what your coworkers and family really think about everything.In reality, it’s all just a big performance to make us all feel like we’re part of the national conversation.

#politics #Facebook

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I like Amazon’s Hunters a lot. It wasn’t what I was expecting, although I’m not sure what I was expecting from the show. It’s a wild, pulpy faux superhero story about Nazi hunters in the 1970′s. It’s a more effective Jewish revenge tale than Inglorious Basterds, I think. Love Tarantino, but his revisionist history often feel like the product of someone who watched a couple documentaries and got real mad. Hunters feels more authentic. The reality is heightened here as well, but the show feels like it understand the evil of the Nazi’s, the holocaust and the effects it had on Jewish culture at a deeper level. While the story might have been better if they’d spent less time winking at their own grindhouse shenanigans, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hooked from the moment Dylan Baker drops his southern drawl to reveal the Nazi within.  Strong performances across the board really tie the whole show together, but standouts include Logan Lerman, Jerrika Hinton, Greg Austin and of course, goddamn Al Pacino. 

#hunters #amazon #al pacino #nazis #holocaust #grindhouse #puip #logan lerman #jerrika hinton #greg austin #carol kane #saul rubinek #tv #quentin tarantino #revenge #nazi

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You’re all talking points and nonsense. Thanks for proving my point about how ridiculous the anti-Bernie derangement has gotten. Your bullshit is doing more to get Trump re-elected than anyone else.

Please fuck off now.

I always think of this clip whenever someone tries to tell me Bernie’s campaign is all about his ego. I can understand if you don’t think he’s right person for the job - we all see the world differently, arrive at different conclusions about what progress really means - but telling me he’s selfish, secretly hateful or running a long con strongly suggests you haven’t really been paying attention. Or, you just can’t engage with the substance of what Bernie’s saying, so you’re desperately trying to discredit him any way possible.

I didn’t start paying attention until after AOC endorsed him. Most of his rallies, speeches and other campaign events are available on Youtube.  What’s immediately clear is that Bernie is serious when he says “not me, us.” He spends so much time just listening to other people share their stories, and his responses never feel canned. It’s obvious to me this is a man who gives a damn, and won’t forget about us when we vote him into the White House.  There’s a lot to feel shitty about in 2020, but how well Bernie’s campaign is doing is about the only thing giving me hope right now.

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Haha yeah, I am aware. Thanks for sharing your cynicism with the world, Bernie seems like the real deal to me. Obviously, nobody knows what’s in someone else’s soul, but I’ve seen nothing from Bernie to suggest otherwise.

Like, if his goal was to make money off the American people, there are much easier ways to go about it in politics than spending thirty years fighting the establishment. Trump, Bloomberg and the rest of the Republican Party have demonstrated that.

I always think of this clip whenever someone tries to tell me Bernie’s campaign is all about his ego. I can understand if you don’t think he’s right person for the job - we all see the world differently, arrive at different conclusions about what progress really means - but telling me he’s selfish, secretly hateful or running a long con strongly suggests you haven’t really been paying attention. Or, you just can’t engage with the substance of what Bernie’s saying, so you’re desperately trying to discredit him any way possible.

I didn’t start paying attention until after AOC endorsed him. Most of his rallies, speeches and other campaign events are available on Youtube.  What’s immediately clear is that Bernie is serious when he says “not me, us.” He spends so much time just listening to other people share their stories, and his responses never feel canned. It’s obvious to me this is a man who gives a damn, and won’t forget about us when we vote him into the White House.  There’s a lot to feel shitty about in 2020, but how well Bernie’s campaign is doing is about the only thing giving me hope right now.

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I always think of this clip whenever someone tries to tell me Bernie's campaign is all about his ego. I can understand if you don't think he's right person for the job - we all see the world differently, arrive at different conclusions about what progress really means - but telling me he's selfish, secretly hateful or running a long con strongly suggests you haven't really been paying attention. Or, you just can’t engage with the substance of what Bernie’s saying, so you’re desperately trying to discredit him any way possible.

I didn't start paying attention until after AOC endorsed him. Most of his rallies, speeches and other campaign events are available on Youtube.  What's immediately clear is that Bernie is serious when he says "not me, us." He spends so much time just listening to other people share their stories, and his responses never feel canned. It’s obvious to me this is a man who gives a damn, and won’t forget about us when we vote him into the White House.  There’s a lot to feel shitty about in 2020, but how well Bernie’s campaign is doing is about the only thing giving me hope right now.

#bernie sanders #Bernie 2020 #democratic primary #election 2020 #not me us

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Honestly, fuck Mitt Romney. Cool he was willing to break with his Republican cronies, I guess, but I’m not going to praise someone for doing the bare minimum of what’s right. He’s still a cog in the machine which paved the way for Trump to turn this country into a circus. Guys like Romney and McCain take these noble stances, but it’s never enough to actually stop Trump, so it’s all kind of a wash to me. Conservatives hate participation trophies anyway, so why should Romney get one doing the bare minimum he could do to stand up to tyranny.

#politics #Trump #Mitt Romney #impeachment

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Me after watching THE GOOD PLACE finale...

#tv #The Good Place #NBC #derek #Maximum Derek

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While I understand the desire to say things like VOTE BLUE NO MATTER WHO in the face of how the Internet handles its political fandom, you’ll do yourself a world of good to just shut up about it. No one’s going to hear you until the primary season is over. I’ve never not voted Democrat in my life. I shouldn’t have to swear allegiance to whoever the party gives me just to satiate your Trump anxiety. 

What we need to accept is most of the people saying stupid #NeverWhoever shit right now won’t be so diehard once their candidate actually has a chance to lose. Some might stick to their guns, and we’ll need to find a different approach to winning their vote at the time. The appeal of standing by your bullshit convictions fades pretty quickly once the reality of four more years of Trump sinks in, and they get a look at how lackluster third party challengers tend to be.  They may not wear the DNC friendship bracelet you really want them to wear, but you’ll have their vote regardless if you just be cool. 

The mistake those folks are making is assuming the Internet is having a political discussion. It’s a meme party.  A food fight on whatever social media platform we’re calling a cafeteria. Facebook isn’t for discussion. It’s a digital front lawn we decorate with stolen flamingos and paraphrased ideas. Nobody’s looking for a debate. We’re looking for agreement, to be told our memes our cool, and to maybe get really famous + rich. Demanding anything more from the Internet during primary season will only birth more trolls than inspire anything productive.  Unity can wait until the general.

#blue no matter who #democratic primary #neverwhoever #bernie sanders #elizabeth warren #andrew yang #yanggang #tom steyer #amy klobuchar #Pete Buttigieg #joe biden #neverbernie #neverwarren #neverhillary #trump #trump 2020 #fuck trump #if bernie doesn't get the nomination i'll just die

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PETE BUTTIEGIEG IS OBVIOUSLY FULL OF SHIT, YOU GUYS.

The latest episode of SOME MORE NEWS is a wonderful takedown of every boomer’s idea of good millennial, Pete Buttiegieg. It’s a solid deep dive into teenage history as a Bernie Bro to his time with the shady Cohen Group, and ultimately explains him away as an ambitious creep who’ll say anything to win the election. He sees politics as a game, not civil service. He cares about status, not about fixing America. He’s the kind of candidate particularly appealing to white liberals because he’s selling a progressive future with a not-so-subtle promise not to rock their privileged boat too much. Highly recommend everyone still on the fence about him check it out.

What kills me is the number of friends, family and otherwise respectable folks who I’ve heard raving about what a charming public speaker the guy is. So many half-baked comparisons to Obama. It doesn’t make any sense to me. It makes me wonder if your bullshit detector is broken that you can’t tell when someone is telling you what you want to hear.  If Pete Buttiegieg were a salesman, he’d be kind whose words seem to be constantly counting his bonus check and ultimately makes avoid the store in the future.  Don’t vote for Pete. We can do better.

#politics #Pete Buttigieg #democratic primary #candidate #some more news #cody johnson #youtube #videos #moderates #centrists

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Terminator: Dark Fate isn’t a terrible movie. Of the attempts to recapture Judgement Day glory in the Terminator franchise, this is easily the most watchable. The new cast is charming, the new Terminator designs feel like something of a Lovecraftian evolution from from the classic T1000 design, and the filmmakers make a sincere attempt to shift the frachise’s focus away from the John and Sarah Conner.  All the Terminator movies are fun for those who enjoy weed + big budget science fiction extravaganzas, but Dark Fate gave me the most of the old time Cameron vibes we’re all chasing.

Unfortunately, it’s still not very good. It’s failure is the same as in all the other sequels. They’re not creating a new story or expanding the universe. They’re looking for new ways to tell the same time traveling robot story over and over again. I may have had a better time with this one than with Genisys or Salvation, but it still left me thinking the same thing they all do. It shouldn’t be hard to make a good Terminator movie.

Spoilers after the cut...

Undeniably, Dark Fate’s darkest fuck-up was the killing of John Connor by a T-Arnold who hadn’t heard of Skynet’s destruction. Humanity’s much-hyped savior is cruelly brushed aside early in the film like he’s a scream queen whose star had gotten too big for the sequel. It the kind of cheap trope which ultimately makes the final product feel cheap. Something you’d hope this franchise would be above, but your expectations may be too high considering this entry’s subtitle.

Regardless, John Connor’s dark fate essentially takes the piss out of everything, right off the bat. A shocking moment which adds nothing to the story, and sabotages what they got right. Neither charming performances from Gabriel Luna, Mackenzie Davis and Natalia Reyes or the dual nostalgia bomb of Schwarzenegger and Linda Hamilton back is enough to wash the bad taste of a dead kid away. Which is too bad. Dark Fate really feels like an early draft of a great Terminator movie. Establishing that Connor isn’t the savior of this new apocalypse is smart, but they should have found a less jarring way to shift the focus.

Here’s how I would have done it: Show us a John Connor who grew up in a world without Skynet. Maybe he made peace with the reality he wasn’t going to be a military leader, even while his mom never stopped apocalypse prepping. John settled down with a family in the suburbs and got fat + happy. His relationship with Sarah is strained, but he’s trying because he knows what she’s been through. Open on a non CGI’d Eddie Furlong playing John as a fortysomething schlub inviting his mom to a family gathering.  His son or daughter happens to be dating this nice girl named Dani. When the gathering is interrupted by a Rev-9 and a cyborg from the future named Grace saves them, everyone is shocked to discover Dani is actually the target of the future’s wrath this time. John could even die at this point, perhaps heroically sacrificing himself to save the team. It would be sad, but it wouldn’t be such a gut punch.

I don’t know. Hopefully the next attempt to reboot the franchise moves past all this time travel bullshit anyway. Don’t overthink it. Show us a not-so-distant future society at the moment the machines turn against them. Most importantly, do it from the perspective of someone who isn’t humanity’s savior.  Just show us what the apocalypse will be like for the rest of us, give us lots of Terminator-flavored battle scenes. This is what people what to see from this franchise, and it’ll probably do a lot better than all the weird science bullshit they’ve come up with thus far.

#terminator #dark fate #movies #terminator dark fate #judgement day #t2 #john connor #eddie furlong #arnold schwarzenegger #linda hamilton #natalia reyes #gabriel luna #mackenzie davis #science fiction #bad sequels

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Whoever does the daily break schedule at my office is fond of using inspirational quotes. This quote from MLK Jr is used often, usually on Mondays. A wonderful quote. Certainly not the worst way his name has been shamelessly exploited by a corporation or folks trying real hard to not come off racist. It's just, as motivation for a bunch of chubby white people to power through their work week, using an MLK quote for a break schedule seems a bit reductive. In the context of an employer whose likely to replace us all with robots when the tech becomes affordable, inspirational quotes like this only make me think about flying out a window.  

Anyway. Happy MLK Day everybody.  I'd love to see a sitcom that just follows MLK’s ghost around as he comments on all the weird way the world bastardizes his legacy.  That’s a free idea for you, Internet.  

#mlk jr #racism #the office #don't fire me hr #robot takeover #inspirational quotes #mondays #i can't believe i'm this old and i still work in an office with a break schedule

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One last comment on the news Hank Azaria will no longer be doing his most problematic voice: The funniest thing The Simpsons could do at this point is hire Hari Kondabolu to be the new voice of Apu. As his documentary suggested, he could just clear his throat and sound like Kondabolu. He’d bring a different energy to the role, obviosuly, but that could make things interesting again on an otherwise old-as-dirt TV show.

#hari kondabolu #apu #the problem with apu #the simpsons

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CHET DESMOND Live at the Roadhouse

I’m not going to tell David Lynch & Mark Frost what to do, but it would have been cool to see Agent Chet Desmond in Twin Peaks: The Return. He could have shown up at the Roadhouse playing a song as Chet Desmond. Maybe a Roy Orbison tune (because Chris Isaak famously sold his soul to the devil for Orbison’s voice) or an original song. I think “I Believe” off of Isaak’s Forever Blue album would been a great song for a guy stuck in the Black Lodge to sing. A cheery song of rockabilly hope, half aware of the futility of it all, but he keeps singing anyway. He’s older, understandably wearier from a lifetime lost in an unimaginable hell dimension. Only his memories of the music keeps him from going insane.  

As the song ends, Desmond looks out across the adoring audience. He locks eyes with a pretty girl, clearly smitten with what she just heard. They exchange awkward flirty looks, and for a moment, we’re teased with the idea the song might have been wrong about beautiful days and Chet Desmond.  A smile crosses his face.  He takes a step off the stage, and is promptly whisked away to his purgatory, Laura Palmer in the Red room-style. The pretty girl is stunned for a second, before blinking and shaking it off. She turns back to her friends like Chet Desmond was never there.

#chris isaak #twin peaks #tv #music #fire walk with me #agent chet desmond #the road house #laura palmer #the black lodge

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It’s too bad this guy was such a dipshit. He had such a great username. I won’t tell you what it was, because it’s important we don’t hype dipshits even if they have cool usernames, but I feel like he and I would have very similar taste in Coen Brothers movies.

Regardless, this disingenuous nonsense was found in response to the news Hank Azaria will no longer be voicing Apu on The Simpsons. I understand what he’s trying to say, but a hateful stereotype with a pretty bow on it is still a hateful steretype. It doesn’t change the character only exists in the show because Azaria thought the guy who worked at the convenience store near his apartment had a funny accent.  

What is funny is how eagerly these dipshits call social justice-minded individuals snowflakes, when they’re the ones losing their stuffing because a documentary suggested a supporting character in a cartoon might be bad.  Hari Kondabolo's documentary was a remarkably chill affair. He wasn’t carrying a pitchfork to ruin the character or calling anyone racist for enjoying the show. He just wanted to have a conversation about what it’s like to grow up when a character on a popular cartoon has an accent which sounds like a “white guy’s impression of what your dad sounds like.” I’m glad folks at the Simpsons are starting to listen, even if their initial response was a little pissy.

#the simpsons #tv #apu #hari kondabolu #the problem with apu #sterotypes #dipshits #trolls

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Elizabeth Warren, You’re Breaking My Heart

For the bulk of this Democratic primary, I’ve been sitting comfortably in the “either Bernie or Liz would be cool” corner. No doubt both candidates would have different approaches to the presidency, but those differences seem minute in comparison with the rest of the bastards. The fact they both seemed to appreciate their similarities and each other made it all easier. The plan was to force myself into a decision before the Michigan primary on March 10th, and simply enjoy having two strong progressive options in a race normally dominated by corporate funded centrists.  Seems like any liberal claiming to give a damn about moving the needle forward should have felt the same.

Sadly, Liz decided to stink up this hippie commune this week. CNN cited anonymous sources who overheard Warren telling people about Bernie saying women couldn’t be president. 

Warren confirmed this phone game was the truth,  refused to talk about what Bernie actually said, but was ready to a pivot convo about why she’s the better progressive candidate. 

Folks are trying to insist Warren’s campaign wasn’t behind the leak, but frankly, that’s ludicrous. The timing is just too perfect for her campaign just a few weeks leading into the February 3rd caucus. Her responses have been too manufactured to both bolster her woke bonafides, while not directly participating in the kind of dirty politikin’ legend says Iowa voters hate. This was a decision. This was a desperate gambit to bolster her numbers with progressives. I don’t buy all those conspiracies about her selling her soul to be Biden’s veep, but the sudden Warren lovefest in the mainstream does seem like the lizard people decided she was the progressive they could stomach.

I don’t think it’s going to work. It smells like such an obvious lie. I don’t believe Bernie would think it, let alone say it to Warren right before she announces her candidacy. It just doesn’t rack with anything else we know about the guy.  It could only sound like something he’d do if you’re one of those who blame him for all of Hillary’s 2016 woes. Long term, I think this will only hurt her with progressive voters. Some folks have been obnoxiously declaring her a faux progressive ever since she chose not to endorse Bernie in 2016. This doesn’t make their argument any better. It just makes arguing against them feel all the more futile.

This sucks. I’ll still be “voting blue no matter who,” so all the milquetoast moderates can relax, but this has effectively tanked my fandom for Warren.  

#election 2020 #democratic primary #bernie sanders #elizabeth warren #politics #hillary clinton

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This is literally an interview with joe biden. Not an onion article lol

ugh we’re fucked