mrssabinecallas

[mrssabinecallas]

OH MY DAYS LAD 😧😧

i love her.

Angels can have a little mouth play...as a treat

(commission)

[mrssabinecallas]

✨Bucking Bronco✨

@bat-boness keeps fucking cooking with their Cowboy Lucifer art and I shall do the same!!! @nayomi247 and @liveontelevision this is your fault too lol, we have now formed a small but mighty Cowboy Lucifer cult fan club

Lucifer x f!sinner reader

Summary: Lucifer finds himself in a punishing situation…

Warnings: 18+, smut, hand job, oral (m receiving), p in v

“You know, this wouldn’t be happening if you would come in from the farm on time, Luci,” you scolded as you finished tying the last knot on his wrists. "I don't think I ask for much."

This was the third night in a row your hardworking husband has missed dinner with you. You let it slide the first night. The second night you gave him a gentle reminder to not overwork himself. But tonight was the last straw. A third night of eating alone with a cold plate of food sitting across the table from you. You loved him dearly, but you hated that his priorities didn’t seem to be in order. You were going to make sure he learned his lesson one way or another. He tried to butter you up as he usually did when he came in from work late, knowing full well what he'd done. You feigned a smile and told him not to give it another thought. You told him to get comfortable and that you would join him upstairs soon. But when you walked into your room with your rope in hand, he gulped. He knew damn well that he was in trouble. You sat him down on the ottoman and wrapped your ropes around his hands and wrists, pinning his arms behind his back, effectively rendering him helpless against your ‘punishment’.

“Darlin’, I-I’m sorry, time just gets away from me sometimes! I-I would never do anything to upset you,” Lucifer stuttered. “P-Please, have mercy…”

You checked the tightness of your ropes before standing in front of your husband, towering over him in his subdued state. “Oh, I’m not upset with you! But since you’ve just been working so hard lately, I thought it’d be mighty kind of me if I helped you relax.” You brought your hand to his chin and had him meet your intense gaze. “Do you want me to help you relax, sweetheart?” you asked, knowing all too well that there was only one answer he could give you.

“Y-yes,” Lucifer responded meekly.

"That's my good boy," you praised, a small whimper escaping Lucifer's throat. You slowly dragged your hand down his open-shirt chest, stopping right above his already very apparent erection. He did his best to buck his hips up in an attempt to create any sort of friction. But all this did was cause you to pull you hand away from him immediately. He whined pathetically. "Behave now," you reprimanded. Lucifer looked up at you with glassy eyes and nodded obediently. You smiled and brought your hand back down to its previous spot, hovering just about his hard-on. You heard Lucifer's breath hitch as you finally placed your palm over his cock that has been painfully straining against his jeans. It took every ounce of willpower in him to remain still while you toyed with him.

"P-Please," Lucifer mewled, "I-I can't...hng..."

You pulled down the zipper to his pants lethargically, watching Lucifer's chest rise and fall more and more rapidly until you finally released his already leaking cock from its confines. "I love how needy you are for me, sweet pea." You gripped his length in your hand and started stroking him meticulously. Lucifer's whines filled the room, you've never heard sweeter sounds than his desperate cries. His precum leaked onto your hand, your jerking motions becoming smoother. You circled your thumb over the head of his cock, applying the lightest of pressure to it. Lucifer cried out as he bucked his hips once more from your teasing. You let go of him again, tears now welling up in his eyes from the loss of your touch.

"I'm sorry!" Lucifer nearly shouted. "D-Don't stop, please...I'll behave, I-I promise!"

"That's strike two, Luci," you warned. "You wouldn't want me to leave you like this, would you now?"

"N-No! Please...", a single tear rolled down his face. You smiled gently and wiped it from his cheek.

"Shh, it's alright," you cooed, "patience, my love. I'll take care of you."

He took a few deep breaths, attempting to calm himself down. He knew deep down you wouldn't leave him in such a desperate and vulnerable state. You knelt down on the ground, gripping his shaft once more. You stuck out your tongue and licked up the length of his cock, tasting all the precum that had spilled out of him. Lucifer's voice caught in his throat; he was beyond forming any coherent sentences at this point. He struggled against his binds, losing grip of his control fast. Your tongue circled his swollen tip, eliciting the smallest yelps from your lover, your hot breath driving him insane. You enveloped him suddenly, bobbing your head up and down, taking as much of him as you could. Lucifer was frozen, he dared not move again in fear of the repercussions. Instead, he was loud, moaning and whining from everything you were giving him in this moment. You let him go with a satisfying pop, flashing a mischievous grin.

"Tell me what you want, sugar," you teased him as your hand replaced your warm mouth. "Use your words."

Lucifer's hat had fallen in front of his face, you could no longer see his eyes. You lifted it up only to see them glowing a bright crimson red, his hunger for you now abundantly evident. "N-Need you," he choked out, "need to feel you, n-now. Please...ride me..."

You smirked at him and nodded. You stood up once more, removing your belt in one swift motion and tossing your shorts off so the side, your soaking pussy now in full view. Lucifer gulped audibly. You straddled yourself against Lucifer's hips, teasing his cock with your dripping folds. You decided to wear his hat on your head instead so that you could clearly see the disheveled mess of a man beneath you. He blushed hard at the sight. You leaned down and planted the tiniest peck to his forehead.

"Now, are you going to be late again?" you questioned playfully.

"N-No," Lucifer promised. "I'll come in from the farm on time, I-I swear! You'll never w-wait for me again!"

"That's exactly what I wanted to hear." You lined yourself up and slowly lowered yourself onto him, taking him an inch at a time. He was thicker than most, so he knew you needed just a little bit longer to adjust to his abnormal size. Not that you minded in the slightest, he was able to hit all of the right spots without even moving. Once you bottomed out on his cock, you both let out a wanton moan. After a few seconds of letting yourself stretch around him, you began to shift your hips. Your sudden movements forced Lucifer to lean against the crook of your neck for support. He felt as though you were trying to milk him dry. Which is exactly what you were doing.

"F-Fuck, Lucifer," you stuttered, "always making me f-feel so good, baby. Look s-so pretty under me..." Lucifer could barely hear your praises over his own sounds. This was pure bliss, but agonizingly torturous at the same time. His bound hands were eager to touch you, to hold you, to feel you.

"My love, please, I-I'm begging, let me go..." he cried into your shoulder. "I'm so so sorry, I-I...please..." You stopped your movement completely and started gently petting the back of his head. How could you deny him any longer?

You reached down and grabbed the sheathed blade that adorned his hip. "Stay perfectly still," you commanded, reaching around and carefully slicing the ties around his arms and wrists, letting the rope fall to the floor. You tossed the knife far away from you while Lucifer's hand immediately gripped your hips.

"T-Thank you, darlin'," he whispered against you, "let me make it up to you now. S-Show you how sorry I really am." Without warning, Lucifer lifted you up only for him to slam you right back down on his throbbing cock. The cry you let out was lustful and wanting. His hips bucked up into you at a relentless pace, your cunt clenching around him desperately while you both chased your highs. You dug your nails into his shoulders for support as he pounded into you over and over. You felt that familiar knot in your stomach growing larger, threatening to snap any given second as your lover pushed you to your breaking point with each thrust.

"L-Luci," you whimpered helplessly, "I'm close, s-so close, mmph, fffffuuu-uuuccck..." Your pleas only seemed to drive him even madder than he already was as one of his hands left your hips, his thumb finding that small sensitive bundle of nerves. You nearly screamed from the new sensation.

"Me too, sweetheart, m-me too, shit,' Lucifer breathed. "Cum f' me, l-let me feel you cum around me..."

With those words, stars clouded your vision. You felt your cunt pulsate around Lucifer's cock, tightening and squeezing him without abandon, your juices leaking onto his lap. Your orgasm pushed your lover over the edge as well, his grunts and whimpers echoing throughout the room as he filled you up to the brim with his hot seed, having to bite down your shoulder as to not lose himself in the pleasure. As you both started to recover from your highs, you cupped Lucifer's face in your hands and brought him in for a deep kiss. Your tongues fought for dominance, still trying to catch your breath in the process. You pulled away from him, his half-lidded eyes gazing up at your adoringly.

"You owe me a new rope," you chastised lovingly.

~~~

I have no real excuse for this :3

[mrssabinecallas]

holy shit

"Good morning, my passionate love."

-

Morning Cove gently waking you up. 早晨Cove輕輕地叫醒你的樣子。

[mrssabinecallas]

uh uh uh idk if anyone cares or wants to see this but i did a small velvette sketch cuz i was bored in my lecture today LOL

dubs 🤘😝

DONT STEAL THIS PLZ IDK IF ANYONE WOULD ITS VERY LAZY BUT DONT STEAL IT OR USE IT

#velvette x reader #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin velvette #velvette fanart #velvette x you #velvette hazbin hotel #velvette icons #hazbin hotel #hazbin vees #the vees

[mrssabinecallas]

HELPHELPHELPHELP

Me when I saw Lute:

BOOM!!! more lute for you!! <3 hope u enjoy!! Mwah!!

U can't convince me this pretty bitchy warrior woman does NOT have scars 💕

[mrssabinecallas]

MATCHUPS AAHHH

i love matchups i’ve actually never had one done but i love them :,)

so hii!! can i request a hazbin matchup?

she/her pronouns, female preference please (tho if there is a guy you have in mind you can include them, i’m bi so i don’t care LOL) i’m 5’8, have dark brown hair with red highlights, i don’t have a specific style but i dress more grunge. i listen to rock, punk rock, and indie rock music, and i’m an ambivert (introverted+extroverted). i’m a scorpio and i have some temper and attitude issues, but nothing too terrible. i’m very athletic, i’m always at the gym or working out somehow, and i really enjoy broadcast journalism! it’s the career field i’m going into after i retire from the military :) i also enjoy gaming as a side hobby, though it usually makes me mad so i can’t do it too often..

if there’s any more info you need please

done be afraid to reach out!! i’ve so excited about this eeee

have a good rest of your day and remember to eat something today! <3

ooh hope you like it then!

I match you with...

Lute!

I was a bit undecided but then your pfp inspired me, hope you don't mind

don't worry about having some temper/attitude issues, she's used to putting up with Adam and no one can compare to him when it comes to that

she always has to be in top shape too so I can definitively see some gym dates in your future

she's often very busy but never too much to support you and your ambitions

she isn't the best at expressing her feelings but demonstrates she cares by always being on your side and supporting you

if you lose a game in front of her she's ready to cuss anyone who caused your loss, be it your teammates, adversaries or the game itself. You can do no wrong in her eyes.

Really hope you liked it! Feedback is always appreciated!

[mrssabinecallas]

thats me guys i’m the special guest go listen to it

The latest episode of the Toon Tahn Podcast is out! We took a break from Camp Wawanakwa to take a little trip to Hell! @heart-of-the-morningstar and I are joined by a special guest to talk about Hazbin Hotel!

We discuss all the episodes and the characters! Kelley discusses her love for her *smol bab* Lucifer, I discuss major pacing issues and our special guest, Maddie, doubles down on the Vaggie conundrum.

Check out the Spotify link, as well!

Don't miss out on the next episode, where we welcome back Maddie to do power rankings and tier lists of all 16 songs from Hazbin Hotel!

What does 'Toon Tahn' mean? We are originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, hence our name! In Pittsburgh, we speak a language called "Pittsburghese," and we pronounce "town" as "tahn." If you don't like it, that's OK! Stick around for the cartoon breakdowns instead!

[mrssabinecallas]

AAAWWWWW THIS IS SO CUUUUTTTEEE EHEHEHHEHEH

Music (Lute x Reader)

Paring: Lute x Reader

Description: Y/n has been dating Lute for years. After her girlfriend gets home from the most recent extermination, she tries to talk to Lute about the person being around Adam makes her.

Warnings: I know that the description makes this sound angsty and like they're gonna fight but its actually really sweet. Fluff. Just fluff.

Word Count: 829, short and fluffy.

Master Lists:

Master Lists 

Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss Master List

A/N I came up with this when I couldn't sleep last night. I just think it'd be cute. (Listen, I could fix her.)

"I don't like who you are around him."

Lute let the door fall shut behind her. Her whole body ached and was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, demon blood, and grime. As her eyes fell on her girlfriend, laying on the bed casually with a book loosely clutched between her gentle fingers, she scoffed.

"This again?"

"Yeah." Y/n nodded, closing her book and putting it to the side as she got up off the bed, "I don't like it. He makes you..."

"He makes me what?" Lute spat back.

She was tired. The extermination had taken a lot out of her, been so much to deal with. Lute didn't mean to lash out like this, she just couldn't deal with it right now. It was all too much.

"He... just... when you spend too much time with Adam, you start acting different. I don't know."

"Well, not like I really have much of a choice." Lute exclaimed in exhasperation, letting her mask and her spear fall to the floor by the doorway she still stood in.

"No, I know." Y/n hurried to correct herself, getting to her feet, "I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry."

"Whatever."

Lute stalked off into the bathroom. The drying blood felt tight against her skin, she was exhausted. The fact that she knew Y/n was right on some level, that being around Adam did change her, made her more volatile and rude, only fueled her anger. The truth was, without him goading her on, Lute would never do half the terrible things she did.

She began to unhook her armor, letting it fall haphazardly to the marble floor of the bathroom. Lute shot the doorway a glance as she heard a slight rustle of fabric. Y/n stood there, leaning against the frame with her arms around her waist, watching.

"What?" Lute grumbled.

With a sigh, Y/n straightened herself and crossed the room. Turning on the shower, she stuck her hand under the water as she messed with the temperature, trying to make sure it wasn't too hot.

"Look, Music, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start something, I know you've had a long day. We'll talk about it later."

There it was, Music. Y/n had called her that since the minute they'd made things official. When Lute had asked her where the nickname had come from, she'd smiled softly and said something about her being art. Not the overlooked instrument, but the masterpiece that comes from it. All the fight slipped out of her.

Taking the chainmail off from beneath her plated armor, Lute walked over to her girlfriend. Y/n let out a short gasp of surprise as she snaked her hands around her waist, leaning her head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I snapped." Lute admitted, her cheeks flushed pink.

Apologies had never been her strong suit. Y/n smiled. Taking her hand out from under the water, she gently took Lute's arms from her waist. Turning to face her head on, Y/n held her hands in hers.

"I shouldn't have pushed it, Muse."

Muse. Y/n’s inspiration, her guiding light. How could Lute have forgotten? All the chaos, all the blood on her hands, and still -- Y/n loved her. Through all the bad, she somehow found the good.

"No, no." Lute looked away bashfully, "You were right. I... I just don't know how to get out of this. There is a person I have to be when I'm around him and... I don't like her either."

"Hey hey hey! Pretty girl!" Y/n exclaimed, dropping her hands and instead holding Lute's face gently, turning it to face her own once again, "We will figure it out. Together, we always do. All I ask of you is that you don't bring it home."

"I know, I wont anymore. It's not fair to you, I know."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Lute nodded.

Y/n smiled, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead as she let her hands fall from Lute's cheeks. Lute caught them in their descent to Y/n's sides and, leaning back in, kissed her lips gently in return. Y/n's cheeks were flushed a pretty pink when Lute leaned away a few seconds later.

"Damn, how many years has it been and you still get all flustered?" Lute teased.

"Oh, hush." Y/n waved her off, looking away, "Take a shower, you smell like... like..."

"Demon blood and sweat?"

"Yeah." Y/n nodded apologetically, meeting Lute's eyes.

Lute laughed. Somehow, Y/n just had a way of making her feel better. It could be the worst day in the world and coming home to that girl would make it all go away.

"I love you." she whispered as steam began to fill the bathroom from the hot shower.

Lute wrapped her arms around Y/n's waist, holding her close.

"Always, Lute." Y/n confirmed, nuzzling her forehead into Lute's shoulder, "Always."

[mrssabinecallas]

i’m a genius what can i say 🤭

hi hi hi!! you said you want people to come and rant about velvette, and i said challenge accepted! i love her 😭

i feel like velvette is the type to just expect people to do things for her, and she gets SUPER pissy when they don’t. this goes to say, if she finds a new sinner who catches her eye, she (like probably all of us on this app) daydreams of how amazing they are, and creates her own fantasy with this person she’s talked to maybe once or twice

it makes her think she knows exactly how you are and that she knows how to approach you, but when you don’t react like she planned, she is PISSED. like, she turns on her heel, sways her hips EXTRA as her designer heels angrily click on the concrete. she gets back to vee tower and almost takes out all the designs for her show that weekend.

vox and val don’t hear the END of it for days. vox thought valentinos outbursts were bad? nah. velvette took the cake. despite her size and rare lack of charm, this shook her to her core. how dare a filthy nobody sinner reject her advances?? do they not realize who she is?? how much power she holds over them, she could make them into a name in this afterlife, instead of a demon who just gets by slumming in the alleyways.

not to mention the countless sinners that would kill for an opportunity to even touch an overlord, an opportunity to be with her.

i like to think she makes designs based on her emotions, so you better believe she has a whole collection based on the anger you caused her. a whole line filled with angry shades of red and sharp, angular patterns that could cut skin.

by the end of her second outraged week, vox thinks she’s lost her mind. he has to go upstairs to reason with her (like he did with val in episode 2). and somehow, the charismatic HD overlord pissed her off even more. how dare he call her out? no, she wasn’t in love with with some random sinner she thought was attractive, how could he suggest that??

it wasn’t until she ran into you at her favorite coffee shop a few weeks later, where she felt the unfamiliar flutter of butterflies in her stomach, that she realized she was. and, despite her recent moods, velvette always gets what she wants.

so yada yada yada velvette tries for your heart again la dee da that’s for another time :)

i’m sorry this is so long i wanted a whole drabble um um um 😭😭 i just love her so much

have a good day/night and make sure to eat something today! <3

AHHHHHH SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP AND BANGING AT WALLS THIS IS PERFECT

[mrssabinecallas]

they were so me during this whole episode.

[mrssabinecallas]

LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND NON BINARY BESTIES…

WE NOW HAVE CONFIRMATION THAT THE TV MAN IS KISSABLE

REPEAT: THE TV MAN IS KISSABLE

[mrssabinecallas]

[mrssabinecallas]

[mrssabinecallas]

Simon: No one can hurt me if I’m cold and detached and not emotionally invested in anyone

Y/N: Hi :)

Simon: *sweating* Fuuuck!

[mrssabinecallas]

GUYS IVE JUST SPENT THE LAST 6 HOURS WATCHING TRAVELING CIRCUS DOCUMENTARIES AND I AM NOW GOING TO WRITE FIC WHERE SIMON IS A BIKER IN THE GLOBE OF STEEL AND F!READER IS A FLYING TRAPEZE ARTIST AND ITS LIKE LOVE ON THE ROAD OMGGJFJSKGJKGOMG IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE THIS

#simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #x reader #simon riley x you #simon riley #ghost cod

[mrssabinecallas]

ugh. tears are on my face.

Hold on

Trigger warning: ANGST AND COMFORT. SELF HARM, SUICIDE, BLOOD. PLEASE BE CAREFUL.

A/N: idk... not feeling particularly good today so... here. Suffer with me. I'm ok, I'm not alone for those who wonder, and I'm a safe place. Just one of those days. Fully written based on this song.

"Simon?" You called. 

As the door closed behind you, you frowned. The house was quiet, not so unusual with a roommate like Simon. But he'd always come to greet you when he was on leave and you'd be home from work. You'd often compare him to a cat. Nonchalant, pretending to not care when he can't live without his human. Yes. 

But this evening, there wasn't a Simon greeting you. 

Perhaps he was out? Meeting his team for dinner or a couple drinks. You stepped into the living room, the air felt uneasy. Dropping your bag and coat on the couch you stopped, watching the tv. The show running, sounds barely audible. The cup of bourbon and half empty bottle near it. 

The air felt thick. Yes. Uneasy. 

"Simon?" You tried again. 

You searched his room first. Hoping he was hibernating away there. Passed out from overdrinking. Wasn't the first time. He'd come home from a particularly harsh mission and you'd find him drunk or passed out on the couch. He'd apologize profusely when you'd try to bring him to bed, and won't look you in the eye in the morning until you push him enough for him to open up to you. 

But the house was silent. And he wasn't hibernating. 

Your pace has increased now, rushing to your own bedroom. He may have passed out on your bed. Mistaken your room for his own. Finding comfort in between the amount of plushie he'd often tease you about. Very unlikely… but plausible. 

But the bed was empty. And the plushies were lonely. 

Your heart was stammering. Ridiculous, no? He was a 6 foot something man, built like a mountain. He could take care of himself. 

But you knew he couldn't truly do it. 

Had he taken his bike? Drive out, after drinking? Letting himself ride out on the hazing booze? He wasn't that stupid. He was often sad. Often empty and scared. Often woken up in cold sweat and nightmares, and you'd join him for tea in the middle of the night. Perhaps if you called his phone he'd answer. So you dialed. 

But he didn't answer. And his phone rang in the house. 

Your head snapped towards the bathroom. The sound of his ringtone echoing there. You almost dropped your phone. Almost. And you knocked- pounded on the door. 

"Simon?!" 

But he didn't answer. And your heart was too loud in your ears. And the air felt uneasy. So you tried to turn the lock. Blessing the gods for the amount of times you complained it was broken and would open too easily but never called the landlord. 

But behind the door there were no blessings. And you found your Simon. 

You didn't exactly know if you screamed. But your mind did. As you rushed to the bloodied man on the floor. Pale face. Visible face. 

"Nononono… Simon, what did you do?!" 

But your voice was broken. And his eyes didn't open. 

You grabbed the closests towels, watched the large cuts in his wrists and you tried to stop the blood from gushing out. Your vision was blurry, hands shaking. And you were so glad you had the rule that he had to put his gun into a safe that you only knew the code of when he's off duty. And your heartbeat was loud in your ears and his own so low as your head laid against his chest. You called him again and again. Until his eyes fluttered open, barely alive. 

"Simon!" You hiccuped. 

"M'sorry…" 

But he wasn't truly. Was he? And you were angry. 

In pain and angry and sad and panicked. And God please God no. 

"If you're sorry, help me! Get up, I'm taking you to hospital, right now!" You screamed. 

But he didn't move. And you were crying. 

"Please don't leave me…" 

Was that your voice? You didn't recognize it. And his eyes filled with tears. 

"I swear, I'll love you all my life. Hold on for me…" you tried. 

You liked- no. You loved this man. How could you not? He was your everything. Nestled in this apartment and in your heart. Washed away pain and sadness together. 

"I'll make it right…I still need you" you tried. 

But was it enough? And was he strong enough?

He swallowed thickly. His throat was probably dry. But he tried to sit up and you felt hope rushing through you. You grabbed hair ties, anything to tie the towels tightly around his wrists and you stood up, hooking his arm around your shoulders. And he stumbled, almost falling with you, slipping on the blood on the tiles. You managed to walk slowly, dragging him to the living room, and you grabbed your keys. 

But time was ticking. And even sitting in the car with him next to you, you felt dreadful. 

He was silent. Too silent. You were rushing, too fast, dangerously. You could both die. He would die anyway, and a part of you would be ok with ending it all here if he didn't make it. So it didn't matter. 

But you came to a screeching stop in front of the emergency room entrance. And the nurses came running to see what was going on. 

You watched in horror, mixed with hope and somehow relief as they took him. His eyes locked on your frame you ran next to him as they put him down in one of those beds to drag him inside. Until they didn't allow you further. And in a last glimpse you spoke. 

"Come back I still need you…" 

But it took hours. And it felt like a nightmare you simply couldn't escape from. 

His team was called. Soon running to you. Holding you. When did you get blood on you? It was his- and you felt sick. Soap holding back your hair as you turned to the nearest trash can. Price growling at the prying eyes. And you were crying again. 

"I just want to take him home…" you sobbed. 

But it wouldn't happen right now. And you wanted to die too, the ache in your chest unbearable. 

Images and flashbacks keep you from sleeping during the night. You stood watch waiting for them to let him see him. Until you could. And you followed silently with the team to a room. He was sleeping. Bandages, blood transfusion and pale face. You stood next to the bed, arms crossed in a comforting move. And the boys talked to the doctor while you took his hand in yours. 

"Hold on. Please… I don't want to let go… I'm not that strong. I want to hear you say "baby let's go home"." 

But he wasn't listening was he? And you sat in the silent room, next to his bed. 

And you didn't sleep. You stared at him, tears blurring your vision once in a while. After so long, you knew he was a soldier. You knew he could die at any moment. You hoped and begged it wouldn't happen every time he left for months. And yet you were so close to losing him right now. So close, and you didn't see it. And now you feel guilty. The only comfort being the stable beep of the heart monitor. 

"You saved him. You were right on time." 

But what if you didn't? And you hadn't come home and found him? 

You closed your eyes, dropping your head close to his hand. You didn't want to move. Didn't want to talk or eat. You wanted to stay here. You didn't want to fall asleep. 

But you did. And you only woke up hours later. 

Eyes red from crying. Silence enveloping you and you didn't want to open your eyes. Maybe for a few seconds more you could believe this was all a nightmare. 

But you had to open your eyes. And face reality. 

You choked on air when you saw the brown tired gaze on you. 

"Simon…" you whispered. 

Silence still. You didn't push it. You closed your eyes, nuzzling his hand, trying to hide the tears. 

"I'm so sorry…" 

But you shook your head. And kept your eyes shut. 

"Darling… please… I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I put you through this." 

But you bit your lip, hard, to keep yourself from sobbing. And you failed. 

"Darling" his voice broke. 

"I can't imagine a world with you gone…" you sobbed. 

And he didn't answer. And you tried to muffle your sobs. His hand slowly and weakly tries to make you look up at him. You did, after a good mental slap of bravery. His eyes filled with tears. 

"I'm sorry. I'm here. I won't leave. I promise." 

But you were terrified. And you loved him. 

"I love you so much…" you sobbed. 

And his eyes closed, shut, as if the confession was too much to bear. A sin and a humiliating confession. You stood, nestling on the bed close to his eyes. And you sobbed against him. You didn't move anymore. Even as the team entered the room. Even as they talked, trying to defuse the situation with laughter. You didn't move. And you fell asleep. 

But you wanted to remain like that. And bask in the feeling of being next to him. 

He was let out a week later. With forceful military leave and psych evaluation, therapy. You had been adamant for him to do so. Remembering him that you would be here. You had a hard time walking inside the apartment with him. Flashbacks make you tremble. Everything left the way it was. Apart from the blood which had been cleaned by the boys when you stayed in hospital. 

But he noticed. And he hugged you. 

He comforted you. He was here. He was so sorry. And so were you. For not being here. Not being able to see he needed you. But how could it be anyone's fault? Now you were home. He was home. You felt on edge. You refused to let him sleep in his room. He had a fight until he saw the absolute despair in your eyes. Your bed. Next to you. No option. And now you wake up in the middle of the night to him. And you check his breathing. And you nestle closer and focus on his heartbeat. 

But there was a long road ahead. And you were more than determined to go through with this fight. Next to him. 

He had accepted the confession. Had accepted your feelings for him. Allowing himself to feel worthy. Therapy helped, and your stubbornness too. And he started to feel again. With time. And love. 

But time helps. And there is hope. 

Sometimes you still remember it. Sometimes you still wake up in sweat and you want to cry. But he wraps his arms around you. Kisses your lips and reminds you he's here. Forever. And you fall back asleep, cuddling up to him. And you're woken up in the morning by tiny footsteps running on the wood floor. The door swinging open and your sons jumping on the bed. Waking up their father. 

But you're so happy he held on. And you will forever thank him for it. 

In this new house. In this family. With that ring on your fingers. His eyes on you. His smile. And you were home. He was home. 

[mrssabinecallas]

simon riley??? more like simon railme