mrs-theirin

[mrs-theirin]

I really love that the origin playthroughs add real, otherwise inaccessible context for what the origin characters are experiencing and how their world view works, its amazing. That said first experiencing the actual lived reality of Shar's wound on Shadowheart's hand was fucking gutting. Not a mere bad = pain shock collar, but traumatic visions of being abused as a child forced into her head. Your Goddess who you love and who you fear utterly holds a controller that allows her to trigger & retraumatise you at any moment, and she does it when she arbitrarily disapproves of your thoughts and feelings.

Not only is that obviously deeply controlling and traumatising itself, it also captures an experience I think is really interesting, and may be unique to Shadowheart's Lack Of Autonomy Trauma (tm); it turns her automatic internal self, not just her body or thoughts but her Feelings, into things that she fears, and things that betray her. Who she is becomes a threat that she must resist expressing or even experiencing at all, because Shar may notice and punish her for it.

This is why I think of Shadowheart as most likely to be highly dissociative (on top of yknow, the lost time, the focus on oblivion, the routine abuse and the alienation from herself), because she can't really retreat inwards. Even the internal world is unsafe and needs to be escaped sometimes. When thats the case, you either sedate yourself (which I hc that she probably does too often) or you fracture, and numb out.

I think this is why Shadowheart seems to be the least obviously angry of all the companions toward her abuser; anger, even secretly held within to fester into resentment and rage, could not be abided. It had to be totally muted. When she turns from Shar, she is not angry but fearful, regretful, sad, confused. Even when she's free from the wound, she is more mournful than angry. She is ashamed, and deeply devestated. But she doesn't express rage. That emotion is still locked away for her.

I wonder how this impacts Shadowheart's self-trust. Her ability to believe herself, to trust her thoughts and emotions are real. I speculate that Shadowheart internally probably would dismiss lots of thoughts, feelings and desires she had as her being stubborn and disobedient. They were punished as such since she was a child, why wouldn't she believe it? It's difficult to live like that. Nothing feels certain. Nothing but something undeniably bigger than yourself, like faith or a God or the abuser that has put themself there.

When I think about that and the wound on her hand, and Shar's utter cruelty... I'm just floored by how brave Shadowheart is. In most cases, if you've befriended Shadowheart and been nice enough, she will choose to save The Nightsong without any input from you. She is so, so brave. She wants to fight for what feels right, for freedom, and for herself, even when she knows what Shar can and does do to her. She faces down the wrath of a capricious Goddess she's personally angered, and handles it with unsettling grace. Shes so used to pain, and making herself nonexistent, but she still fights for herself. I just love her so much

#oh interesting. #bg3

[mrs-theirin]

the circus was in town that day 🤡

[mrs-theirin]

[mrs-theirin]

the dev patel girlies have KNOWN how hot he is for years and years but the little giggle I heard from a grown man seated next to me when he took his shirt off in monkey man tells me it's truly over for everyone else. god bless

#monkey man

[mrs-theirin]

Handsome boy. I am really proud of this portrait, yet people seem to prefer the older version for some odd reason.

#bg3

[mrs-theirin]

HEAR ME OUT

#lmfaooooo #i get it #i don't participate but i am a supporter #fable 2

[mrs-theirin]

i cannot be the first person to post this here but i am going so fucking insane about the gaia music collective's one day choir singing wait for me. the opening harmonies are you KIDDING me

[mrs-theirin]

Chastity kink guy who is also a prison abolitionist: the only cages people belong in are—

#nsfw

[mrs-theirin]

btw if you borrow dvds or cds from library you can rip them onto your own blanks or onto your hard drive or whatever. librarians don’t care and they won’t know if you do it or not

#my dad told me he did this and then told me not to tell anyone lmfao

[mrs-theirin]

i want 60 thousand votes by next thursday

#obviously

[mrs-theirin]

[mrs-theirin]

So we all know that Tumblr is US-centric. But to what degree? (and can we skew the results of this poll by posting it at a time where they should be asleep?)

Reblog to increase sample size!

#yup

[mrs-theirin]

Just checking.... We all pronounce Miette like My-TAY in our heads, right?

#MYTAY?????? #mee-yet-ta

[mrs-theirin]

[mrs-theirin]

i just found out tumblr was storing over three GIGABYTES of cookies on my device without me knowing and that's why it's been running so fucking slow recently... incredible. anyways everyone go clear your fucking cookies. don't let this website run a goddamn video game's worth of disc space in the background for no good reason.

[mrs-theirin]

*SIGHS*

Another AO3 app that's pretending to be official when it's not (or at least isn't making it clear its unofficial.) They're using AO3's name and logo, and embedding ads.

There is no official AO3 app

Someone else is gathering your data, potentially your log in information etc and making use of it how they please. (They say they're not but their privacy policy says otherwise)

They are making money from the ads without the fic writer's consent.

They've also rated it Pegi 3 (which is ludicrous)

Please, even if you care about nothing else, for the safety of your data, please don't use this app. Certainly don't give it your AO3 log in details.

I've told AO3 that it's infringing on its copyright. I will be requesting they remove access of my work as I do not consent to my creative content being used to generate ad revenue for them.

I will be reporting it as incorrectly rated.

The only email address I can find is [email protected] which is included in their privacy policy, and [email protected] as their developer.

[mrs-theirin]

Once while I was at work a grown ass man told me "no matter how tough you act you'll never be a man, just like I'll never be a woman" and I know he MEANT like "I'm tougher than you because women are weak" but I heard it in Queer and went "Oh.... sweetheart" and he just completely recoiled it was insane