Nothing You Could Do
Sirius isn't one to sneak out of the house, he isn't. Remus' letter was just so concerning, he didn't have a choice.
Besides, it's not like he's going to get caught...
āJust fuck off!ā Remus slams the door shut on his father, pressing his back against it and trying to slow his heart a little. He does his best to block out the sound of Lyall shouting about him being disrespectful, or something, and drops onto his bed. āChrist.ā Sighing, he presses his hands against his face.Ā
Heās not exactly having the best day.Ā
For most of the summer, Remus has managed to avoid any major incidents with his dad. Anything too big stresses out Hope, and he really hates stressing out Hope. Still, itās about time, and Remus had felt it coming before today. Heād said exactly that to Sirius, in his last letter. It doesnāt mean heās thrilled about getting screamed at for no reason after spending weeks walking on eggshells, though. The moon being close isnāt exactly helping, either. His head aches, his skinās crawling and his hipās bothering him again.Ā
It isnāt often that Remus wants to live in London, but times like this? Yeah, heād rather be close to Sirius.Ā
Itās been three bloody weeks. Theyāve been sending letters back and forth, and itās been fine, but heās not going to hear from him for at least another few hours, and thatās only if Sirius writes back straight away. Remusā least favourite part of the holidays is that, really. He can put up with his dad, itās not that bad, but he and Sirius have just figured everything out. Maybe itās a little dramatic of him, but he misses him. A lot.Ā
A panic attack snaps him out of his self pity, distracting him by stealing his breath, shoulders tensing and hands shaking as his anxiety sends him pacing around the room. Great. Just fucking great.Ā
Okay, relax.Ā
Just relax.Ā
Fucking relax!Ā
Why should his dadās opinion matter, anyway? Itās not like-Ā
A thud outside his window.Ā
Remus jumps a mile, heart pounding. The bits and pieces from the night he was bitten come screaming back to him at the sound. Another thud distorts to a scrape, a gust of wind becomes a low, menacing laugh, and Remus feels like heās five again, begging his dad to check the wardrobe for monsters, insisting that thereās a pair of glowing yellow eyes in the darkness waiting for Lyall to shut the door and for Remus to be all alone.Ā
āMoony? Moony!ā A familiar voice half whispers, half shouts through the crack in the window, and everything in Remus starts to relax, to finally feel like thereās someone there for him, that heās not alone anymore.Ā
āSirius?ā
With that, Remus starts to breathe again.Ā
āCan you open the window? I donāt reckon I can fit through there.ā Miraculously, a laugh finds its way out of Remus, who walks quickly and shoves the window the rest of the way open, grabbing his wand to throw a silencing charm over the room before reaching an arm out to pull his boyfriend inside.Ā
āWhat the hell are you doing here?ā Remus asks quietly, a smile reaching his face at the sheer relief thatās letting him forget everything he had been feeling.Ā
āYour letter. Iām here to cheer you-ā He starts, until Remus drags him through the window and pulls him into a bone breaking hug, forcing the air out of Sirius a little and cutting him off. āUp.ā He ends softly, wrapping his arms around Remus and letting Remus bury his face into his hair. āAlright, darling?ā He just shrugs, eyes shut as he lets himself recharge, breathing finally regulating as he lets Sirius hold him. Everything that has happened seems to become a lot less important when he knows Sirius is there.Ā
āBetter now.ā Eventually, he pulls away from the hug and smiles at Sirius warmly. Lifting his hands, he presses both against Siriusā cheeks, cradling his face before pressing a kiss to his forehead, then his lips. āMissed you. So fucking much.ā Sirius just smiles, face going slightly red.Ā
āWant to talk about it?ā Remus shakes his head. Heās done enough thinking for the day, he just wants to enjoy having Sirius there. āOkay, yeah, thatās fine.āĀ
Thatās how they find themselves curled up together in Remusā small single bed, Remus resting his head against Siriusā chest and justā¦ talking. It feels like itās been years, as all of Remusā muscles relax and he finally starts to feel tired again, Siriusā fingers raking through his hair and slowly sending him to sleep.Ā
āCould you- would it be alright if you stayed until I fall asleep?ā He asks. āI donāt know if Iāll be able to, otherwise, sorry.āĀ
āOf course, darling. Anything. Thatās why Iām here.ā He doesnāt question how Sirius got there, or if heās even allowed to be there, because itās Sirius. He wanted to come, so heās here.Ā
What a fucking marvel.Ā
Sirius apparates far enough away from the house to avoid waking anybody up, before walking calmly back. God knows Effie will murder him if he gets caught. As he walks, he contemplates whether or not to go through the ground floor window like he did to get out, or to just risk the door. Heās climbed through a lot of fucking windows this evening. Still, itās worth it for Remus. The thought of his evening has him smiling in an instant, the memory of the way Remusā face had lit up sending that familiar feeling of warmth through his chest, the one only Remus could stir up in him. Fuck, he loves him. He hasnāt said anything yet, but he really does. He canāt imagine sneaking away from Effie and Monty for anyone else, but Remus needed him. Remus and his life thatās slowly imploding. He needs someone, and Sirius can be that someone. If that involves staying with him until he falls asleep every night for the rest of his life, Sirius is going to do it. Heāll stay with Remus until the end of time.Ā
Thatās the thought that leads him to the door. Clearly his body wasnāt going to let him crawl through any more windows.Ā
He opens the door carefully and quietly, stepping through and closing it behind him.Ā
Right, heās inside, heās done it-Ā
āYouāre home late.ā Effieās voice rings out from behind him, Sirius whipping around to face her. He lets his eyes sink shut, then.Ā
Shit.Ā
āEffie, hi! I just, uhā¦ went for a walk with James.ā He answers quickly. Prongs will cover for him, he always does. Good old Prongs.Ā
āThatās interesting, because James said he had no clue where you were when I came and asked him.ā Sirius glances to Effieās left, then, where James has seemingly materialised out of thin air, who glances at him guiltily and mouths a quick āsorryā.Ā
ā...right.āĀ
āSo? Care to explain why youāve snuck out of the house in the middle of a war?ā Her voice goes low and menacing, honestly terrifying Sirius a little. She sounds absolutely fuming.Ā
āI, uhā¦ā His eyes flick to James, giving him a slight warning gaze before he speaks. Effie doesnāt know yet. āI went to see Remus.ā He watches the realisation dawn in Jamesā eyes, who turns to glance at Effie, before back to Sirius.Ā
āNow?ā He mimes silently, and Sirius gives a slight nod. āRight, Iāll leave you two alone. Glad youāre alright, Sirius. Hope Remus is too.āĀ
With that, James walks out, and Sirius turns back to Effie before she can keep talking.Ā
āCould we maybeā¦ go and sit down? I- Iām really sorry, I think I owe you an explanation, at least.ā Effie nods, always fair, the two of them making their way to the dining room and sitting down either side of the table. Anxiety immediately weaves its way into Sirius, then.Ā
His relationship with Remus is the reason Walburga gave him the boot, and he hasnāt even started to broach the subject with Effie because, in all honesty, heās terrified. It took him years to accept his sexuality, how is he supposed to expect others to justā¦ not care? He canāt get kicked out of another house. Some logical part of his brain pipes up to tell him that Effieās never shown any signs of being homophobic before, so she probably isnāt, but that doesnāt mean she wonāt be uncomfortable with him being gay. People can be surprising, Sirius knows that all too well. Still, heās committed to it now; he just needs to find the right words.Ā
āWell? Iād quite like to know why you thought it was okay to go out to see your friend at night, without telling any of us! What if something had happened, Sirius? Nobody would have known how to find you, where to start looking! It was completely irresponsible-!āĀ
āI know, Iām sorry.ā He says quietly, eyes fixed on the table. āI just- his letter was reallyā¦ worrying. Heās, uh, heās not well, his mumās really not well, and his dadās not great, so I wanted to make sure he was okay.ā Effieās face softens, instilling Sirius with the slightest confidence, making what he needs to do ever so slightly easier.Ā
āThatās really nice of you, Sirius, but couldnāt it have waited? You could have just sent a letter back, and then visited him at a more appropriate time tomorrow? I would have said yes, then, and James could have gone with you. It would have been quite nice to have a chat with Hope as well.āĀ
āI- I guess I just- well, I wanted-āĀ
Words.Ā
Theyāre really not his thing, anymore. He can never find the right ones when he needs them. At least Effie picks up on his energy, face twisting with confusion and concern.Ā
āSirius, lovely, are you alright?ā Any normal person would nod, take a deep breath, and gather their thoughts before they came out in a collected and measured way.Ā
Sirius isnāt one of those people.Ā
His solution? Just keep talking, try to dig himself out of this weird hole heās trapped himself in.Ā
āIām- well, what Iām trying to say is that Remus and I, we- we have a different friendship to the rest of the group. Weāve been through a lot, and-ā He cringes a little at himself, stopping in his tracks. This is supposed to be a coming out, and heās banging on about friendship? āNot even really a friendship, actually.ā Shit, heās just made it worse. āNo, wait, not that we hate each other! Itās not- I didnāt go there to make him feel like shit, or anything. Fuck, wait, I shouldnāt have sworn. Christ, Iām sorry, I did it again, uhā¦ right, no, Remus and I donāt hate each other, I promise. Weāre actually- itās the opposite, really. Weāre dating, so we-āĀ
Oh.Ā
Okay, he just said it.Ā
Itās out now, no taking it back.Ā
Somehow, that makes it slightly easier to think. To slow down and figure out how to finish his tangent in some semi-coherent way.Ā
ā...Yeah.ā He murmurs to himself. āWeāre, umā¦ weāve been dating for months now. Six. I- I had a crush on him for so much longer than that, though. Longer than I thought I had, at the time. Which also, uhā¦ means I like guys? Iām gay. Itās- well, itās taken me a long time to accept, but Iām- Iām fine with it now, even if you and Monty arenāt happy about it. Itās who I am, soā¦ā He trails off, watching Effie, who has a slightly stunned expression in place of the anger and concern that had been battling over her expressions before. The silence only gives Sirius a chance to start overthinking again. He barely manages to stop himself from talking again as Effie processes. He must be struggling to hide how he feels, as Effie snaps out of her daze, reaches across the table and grabs one of Siriusā hands.Ā
āThank you for telling me.ā She says softly, giving his hand a squeeze.Ā
āSo you- you donāt mind?ā He asks, a little shocked.Ā
āWhy would I mind? Youāre happy, right?ā She asks gently. Sirius just nods, and she smiles reassuringly. āIf youāre happy, then of course I donāt mind. Remus is a lovely boy.āĀ
āYeah, but- but heās a boy, you really donāt-?āĀ
āSirius. Thereās nothing you could do that would stop me from loving you, okay?ā Sirius feels tears prick at his eyes, blinking them away quickly.Ā
ā...okay.āĀ
Heās safe.Ā
Heās home, and Effie doesnāt care that heās got a boyfriend.Ā
āThis doesnāt mean youāre not in trouble for sneaking out!āĀ
āYeah, I know.ā He says, fighting an amused smile, and trying to look at least slightly apologetic.Ā
It just doesnāt feel like a big deal anymore.
105 notes
Ā·
View notes
random lyall lupin headcanons because l&r fest is coming to an end soon <3
owns an old typewriter, and most of his letters are typed out. he only ever writes to remus, because he wants their letters to feel special
he's a smoker, but he never finishes his cigarettes (credits for this headcanon and the previous one to @bugboyremus)
his favorite fruit are apples. he accidentally swallowed a seed once and thought an apple tree was going to grow in him and he was going to die
he was really interested in muggle trinkets, a little bit like arthur weasley. (the two of them met in the ministry and became pretty good friends, despite the age gap between their children, the smallest (age gap) being ten years)
he's a natural ginger
despite the fact that he's very tall (i was thinking around or over one hundred ninety cms) and gangly, i feel like he has a very... intimidating look to him. the marauders were scared of him for a bit, and whrn they told remus he literally started laughing
has a really quiet, almost a chuckle kind of laugh
absolutely adores hope. worships the ground she walks on; to me, they almost feel like the barbie movie because he, too, is just there (we love him though)
really big fan of black tea, and in their family, he's the only one who likes it
doesn't like dogs. he's through and through a cat person, and they have an old, ginger cat named emilie
he's also a big fan of sheep
most of remus' sweaters are actually lyall's. his whole wardrobe consists of sweaters, turtlenecks, shirts, jackets (by jackets i mean those old, shabby ones that are more patches than jacket), coats, very worn out jeans and corduroy pants
highlighting in books is his worst enemy
73 notes
Ā·
View notes