mischiefandspirits

[mischiefandspirits]

when i was a kid i used to respond to the "glass half full/half empty" question by asking how the liquid in the glass got there in the first place. nobody ever gave me a chance to explain my reasoning so i'm doing it now

if you have a glass and it has some liquid in it, up to the halfway line, whether it is empty or full depends on what happened before the question was asked. if you started with a full glass and poured half out until only half remained, the glass is half empty, because if you continued pouring it would be fully empty. however, if you started with an empty glass and poured liquid from another container into the glass up to the halfway line, the glass is half full because if you continued pouring it would be all the way full. logical, no?

i was 13 years old when somebody finally told me it was supposed to be some kind of optimism/pessimism thing. i always thought it was a riddle that nobody let me solve

[mischiefandspirits]

Au where the Drake’s don’t die (they’re just bad parents) and as Tim gets older they start spending a SLIGHT bit more time with him to train him to take over Drake industries. They start trying to set up a marriage to a daughter of a good family for Tim, but he’s dating Bernard, who is not only a man but from a “subpar family.” They demand he break it off.

Tim refuses to break up with his boyfriend, threatens causing a huge scandal and making out with Bernard in public if they engage him to anyone.

Jack and Janet threaten to disown him, bc they think Tim’s been living the soft cushy house (manor) life hidden away from the world on thier money this whole time, so they’re all, “You’ll come crawling back, you need us and our money, this will teach you a lesson.”

Tim, who has been practically independent since he was four, has extensive robin training, access to zetatubes, powerful friends (and enemies) in every major city across the world, at least eight fully stocked safehouses in Upper Gotham alone, a personal bank account under his own name with combined Drake and Wayne allowance, at this point is only in Drake manor when his parents are here (a week with an important gala every four months maybe) and has LITERALLY had a discussion with Bruce about a custody battle due to negligence so he can call himself a Wayne on paper not even a week before, just laughs.

“This is Gotham. I’ll get Bruce Wayne to adopt me.”

That makes them mad. His parents show him the disowning paperwork and kick him out. Tim doesn’t even run to Wayne Manor, he meanders over while tapping at his phone.

Bruce already had the paperwork ready. The Drakes don’t know what’s happening before it’s too late. Tim is a Wayne. They try to challenge it but they relinquished all rights and Tim has receipts of parental neglect and also he already has a room at the manor.

Tim takes over as Wayne Industries CEO (the sooner the funnier) and immediately starts being awesome at it, smug ass grin in every photo, the other Waynes cackling in the background as the Drakes seethe and thier stocks plummet. The next gala they go to, Bruce makes absolutely sure to turn to Tim and go, “So son, when is your boyfriend coming over for dinner?”

Bernard comes back from a family camping trip to find out his boyfriend started an upper crust civil war for the right to date him. And also he’s invited to Wayne Manor. Wtf Tim.

[mischiefandspirits]

Jason: MAKE ROOM PEOPLE!

Bruce: What are you doing? Why are you wearing a safety vest?

Jason: I'm the Bat-OSHA inspector

Bruce: Did Duke put you up to this?

Jason: No, I volunteered. Now if you could step aside sir, I'm trying to do my job

Bruce: I'm not going to be able to stop you, am I?

Jason: Nope. Now let's see, you've got literal bats flying around. Stalagmites and stalactites everywhere, that's a tripping hazard. Nowhere near enough handrails. No marked emergency exists. With all this moisture in the air, this place is basically a brothel for mold. I'm not sure what the proper enclosures for a cow and turkey are, but I know a cave ain't it. And it's that a child working in a box I see?

Bruce: Tim is in the "anti-villian enrichment enclosure" that you made for him!

Tim: Hi Jason!

Jason: Hi Tiny!- I hope you know keeping children in boxes is something not tolerated by Bat-OSHA.

Bruce: You put him in there not 30 minutes ago!

Jason: Always an excuse for everything.

[mischiefandspirits]

absolutely hilarious when Batman thought Tim and Cass, his most feral children, would balance each other out by working together.

Day 2 and Tim is shooting Cass with a gun for the bit

[mischiefandspirits]

Consider: Batman’s identity gets leaked to the press, enough that it’s a popular rumor but not enough for it to be confirmed, and the JL all pitch in to just. Gaslight the shit out of the media.

Superman: Uh, Bruce Wayne? Hasn’t Batman saved that guy a couple of times?

Wonder Woman: I’m unsure if we’re speaking of the same Bruce Wayne. The one who invited me to a gala three weeks ago and got so drunk he tripped into a chocolate fountain? This is the Bruce Wayne you believe to be the Bat?

Green Lantern: Doesn’t Bruce Wayne have like a million kids? And run a business? I don’t know about the rest of the League, but superhero-ing’s a full-time job for me.

Flash: (play dumb) Who’s Batman? (not that dumb-!)

Green Arrow: Why would I want to be on a team with a billionaire?

[mischiefandspirits]

Well that's something they have in common

[mischiefandspirits]

Hold the fuck up what do you mean Bruce wanted to kill the joker after he killed Jason but the Iran government and superman held him back

[mischiefandspirits]

Duke: Bruce, can you sign something for school?

Bruce, shaking his head: If I sign this, you're going to have to learn how to forge my signature. If you sign it from the start, you'll be able to sign whatever you want and they'll never know.

[mischiefandspirits]

I'm back with another crack meme, let's see how well this one does

If it does as well as my New Yorker Post then I'll make a navigation list for the memes :D

Bonus:

[mischiefandspirits]

they will never capture the pure gay rivalry essence of klance quite the same ever again and each day I weep that they flushed it down the toilet. She-ra came close but not the same because catra and Adora actually were on different sides of a war. Klance is so spectacular because it’s so unserious. Oh you’re racing to see whose giant robot cat is faster? You piss each other off sooooo much? Well sit your ass down pumpkin it’s time to mind meld and talk about your feelings. You ‘hate’ the other? Yet in the dark of battle you have each others back without a second thought? The denial. The shenanigans. I fear it will never be fully recaptured by modern man.

[mischiefandspirits]

Tim slap Damian

Meme from The Office Jim slap Dwight

I watch The Office for the very first time and I love it. I’m now at season 6😩❤️

[mischiefandspirits]

*introducing Grayson to the og JL (they don’t know bruce’s identity yet)*

bruce: this is my ward, robin

robin!dick: hi!!

clark: …batman, how old is robin?

dick: i’m ten! :D

diana: *frowns in concern*

bruce: …he would’ve went out on his own if I didn’t train him

clark: i’m not sure i believe that…

dick: no he’s right! i did actually go out on my own before he offered to let me work alongside him

diana: you patrolled the streets of Gotham on your own?

dick: mhm! at night, too!

clark, horrified: …i need to sit down.

[mischiefandspirits]

Okay, but literally all of these happened!?!?!?!

[mischiefandspirits]

Duke, Jason, Damian and Cass who only knew Kon and Tim during their "I would burn down the world for you" era asking the rest of the family how Tim missed their obvious chemistry, how he's been oblivious to the person he's been in love with since the day they met.

Steph, Dick, Bruce, Alfred and Babs, who all got a taste of their initial Young Justice years where Tim was one second away from framing Kon for murder, just exchange amused looks.

[mischiefandspirits]

lil guy

[mischiefandspirits]

I just imagined Tim's internal monologue that time Batman told him that he believed Tim wouldn't lie to him:

Tim holding an imaginary Oscars while daintily fanning at his teary eyes: Thank you, thank you, I don't even know what to say oh my gosh. Thank you to my parents, thank you to Tony Hawk, thank you to my friends and family, special mention to my sister Cass who's never once called my bullshit, thank you to my good man up there stay updog Jason, I can't think of a higher honor than this, this is my greatest achievement in my life *voice breaking emotionally* second only to that one time I caught a cheeto Kon threw from Kansas.

He raises the award saying 'Gaslighting Batman into thinking you're a good boy'.

Tim, externally, wide-eyed and ignoring Dick glaring at the back of his head: Whaaaat??? Me, lie??? To you??? Of course not Batman, I gotchu my man, my bro.

[mischiefandspirits]

Almost every Jason-Tim accidental brother acquisition fic pretty much goes like:

Tim: If not brother, why brother shaped?

Jason: completely failing to do anything that would prove this wrong.

#that’s basically the plot of #Little Red #lol