meteoritesystem

[meteoritesystem]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[meteoritesystem]

#every single day . -__-.

[meteoritesystem]

i dont think my childhood affected me that much

#text

[meteoritesystem]

Being trapped in a body is the worst thing that could happen to a girl

#q

[meteoritesystem]

whether or not the wizard is my father is irrelevant. next question

i don't have cptsd i shake and tremble constantly due to the wizard's curse

#text #me if making the same 3 jokes slightly differently was a job 💸

[meteoritesystem]

i don't have cptsd i shake and tremble constantly due to the wizard's curse

#text

[meteoritesystem]

EVERYONE in-sys going: Don't do the thing don't do it don't do it...

Meanwhile that ONE GUY: Guys.... You won't believe what I did

#q

[meteoritesystem]

fronting all by yourself, handsome?

#q

[meteoritesystem]

#:P #<- the fucking sufferer

[meteoritesystem]

''Doesn't know what it's like to receive love''

[meteoritesystem]

i hate not knowing who i am i hate not knowing if im gonna wake up tomorrow not remebering anything about the past year i wish i was fucking normal or i wish at least i knew what was going on.

i know i say this frequrnyly but i miss knowing (or thinking i knew) whats going on with my system and who everyone is and who i am and everything . and i know its probably bc my situation is changed and im not trapped in [location] talking to literally nobody and only ever eating or showering bc tubbo was making me . like i get why it changed but i want to know whats going on more i want to udnerstand myself and everyone and . whatever

[meteoritesystem]

[meteoritesystem]

I don’t care about it at all (I have carried its weight around like a rock on my chest since the very day it happened)

[meteoritesystem]

[meteoritesystem]

i know i say this frequrnyly but i miss knowing (or thinking i knew) whats going on with my system and who everyone is and who i am and everything . and i know its probably bc my situation is changed and im not trapped in [location] talking to literally nobody and only ever eating or showering bc tubbo was making me . like i get why it changed but i want to know whats going on more i want to udnerstand myself and everyone and . whatever

#text

[meteoritesystem]

maybe i dont have DID and- [feels a wave of deep annoyance and exhaustion that isnt mine] Ok.

#text

[meteoritesystem]

my body count? i only have one. my own. why would i own more

#me after almost outing myself as a system yesterday