meet-the-sun-chaser

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

Hey,

You can read this or not, totally your call. I'm not feeling great about how things are between us. Remember when you said you were tired and had a long day? Instead of talking to me about it, you chose to chat with your friend. I get it, you find it easier to talk in German. But when I tried to bring it up, you shut me down.

I've been trying to talk to you, but it's like you're shutting me out. I'm really at my limit here, honey. I've had enough of feeling disrespected.

Maybe we were happy before, maybe not. But this situation is just too painful for me, and I can't deal with it anymore. I get you were tired, but taking it out on me isn't cool. When I tried to talk, you just threw it back in my face.

This whole thing isn't fair. It's tough to accept, especially when I've put so much love into this. Maybe love just isn't in the cards for me. I can't stand anything related to German right now, even though I used to pray for a German partner. But it's clear now that it's over between us. All I can hope for is to pick myself up and move on.

#enoughisenough #I’m done #its over

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

Something that schools don't teach you but is much needed: how to have a work/life balance that works for you.

As someone who works fulltime and does classes and attempts a social life and hobbies, this gets very hard and stressful. But here are some tips I have for helping:

Learn to say no and not feel guilty. Picking up that extra shift when you had plans? Politely decline. Your friend is begging you to take ANOTHER class when your plate is full so you can have one together? Just be honest and say you can't.

Prioritize your sleep and eating. You can't function well if you don't sleep and eat enough. These are not things you can just push aside and do when you get the time. These are basic things you need to survive. These are literally basic needs. Don't throw them to the side. Your body does its best to take care of you. Make sure you take care of it too.

Have boundaries and be firm with them. If you tell your manager you can only work x, y, and z, don't let them add a or b to it. Respectfully but firmly let them know that you can't take on those things and if they have you do a or b, your work overall is going to majorly decrease in quality. Schedule time for yourself. For studying. For going out. And treat those set aside times just like you would if they were work or school times or appointments. You are the most important part of your life.

Understand that some weeks are going to be absolute hell. You're not going to have enough time. You're going to be exhausted and cry and throw things and want to quit everything. You got this babe. Take breaks and remind yourself how amazing you are and treat yourself after.

Prioritize things and adopt better habits. Wash your dishes right after using them. Get a set bedtime. Get easy breakfast things. Take a walk.

Your friends will understand if you just need time alone. I promise. They love you and don't hate you because you're overwhelmed. I PROMISE. And if they don't, maybe they aren't really your friends.

Not everyone is a friend. Some people are acquaintances. Some people are a 5 minute smoke break at work for your sanity. Some people are drinking buddies. Some people are library study date friends. And that's ok! Not everyone has to be your bestie. And trying to put that much energy into that many people will drain you.

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

If you grew up needing to keep everyone happy and content in order to avoid excessive negative reactions or behaviours, chances are you need to bring this habit also in the other relationships you join. So anytime the other person is feeling down, you may start stressing over what you can do to make them better, if it was your fault (you may think this even if it objectively isn't possible -eg. this person has had a bad day at work and you don't even work with them- cause you were often accused or blamed for everything in the past), and may stress them even more to get answers to your doubts.

If it happens, try to remind yourself that it's okay to have bad moments and to feel sad: it's part of life as much as feeling good and happy. It doesn't have to be your fault (and very likely it's not) and you don't have to be responsible for everyone's feelings. The person you're dealing with is just a person as you are, and they cannot always be happy and hyped, they do deal with stuff aside of your relationship too (not to say that even if it was something about the relationship, you still can give them space and the ability to process the situation at their own conditions). Let them know you're by their side if they need support or to talk or anything, and then let them deal with anything the way they rather. You don't have to make anything better for everyone, it's not on you. Sometimes people don't need to be saved by you and that's fine.

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

Dance on her soul

Wandering thoughts, I grew up always creating scenarios in my head.

Slow dancing in the kitchen light, you're too tall for me but I managed to lay on your shoulders. Allowing each word of "Fly me to the moon" to sink into our souls, awakening every feeling in our hearts. As we slowly dance, you look over me and kiss my forehead.

That is, my love. That's what I yearns for.

In other words, darling, kiss me.

In other words, please be true.

In other words, I love you.

Let me play among the stars, let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.

There, my love. That is where my little self is happy. She is now able to dance on her soul. There, she has a little smile. She is now in a rhythm where no one could ever write.

And she will dance forevermore.

#poems #flymetothemoon #dance #thoughts #soul

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

Your soul knows. It will literally tell you when it's time to start a new chapter of your life. Trust it.

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

“Give people time. Give people space. Don’t beg anyone to stay. Let them roam. What’s meant for you will always be yours.”

— Reyna Biddy

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

Maturity is not seeking revenge. It's healing and moving on, so you don’t become like the people who traumatized you.

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

“Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.”

— Charlie Chaplin in a letter to his daughter, Geraldine

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

one thing i need to start living by is “become the thing that you want” if i want friends who throw themed parties maybe i should start throwing those parties. if i want someone who writes me love letters maybe i should start writing letters for the people i love. if i want to hang out at museums and pretty cafes maybe i should invite my friends to these places. and maybe even then i won’t find the kind of people i want to be around. but then i would have become the exact person i want to be around. and maybe that’s good enough.

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

Complicated

Hey, I miss you. But I'm not sure if I am. I just feel so lonely lately.

Yesterday's therapy session makes me think a lot. I just found out something that I might want to share with you. Even I don't know whether you want to know or not. I supposed I just want to tell you because, you know, you're my boyfriend and all. But I think you don't want to know, or I don't even know how the truth is.

So apparently, I have a trauma. Since I was 8 years old and the thoughts has been hanging inside my head all this time. I figured out that's why I was so willing to make everyone happy instead of myself. That's the main reason why I always feel so lonely and tend to push everyone away. Because I was scared. I'm scared of making others disappointed. I was too scared to make people hurts so I pushed them away rather than keeping them around. Turned out I never scared of making myself disappointed. I never put enough care about me. I never asked myself if I am feeling okay or not. I put everyone best interest in mind. I never put mine.

It is sad. I want to learn how to love and take better care of myself. I want to have the confidence like you. You never have something to be afraid of. You never prioritize anyone else beside yourself. You never afraid of making people sad or hurt. All you care about is just, you. You never feel so lonely in your life. Like everyone is just so happy to have you and you keep them around without even trying.

I am so jealous of you. I want to learn. Maybe on my next session. I know that I treated you so badly these days. Like I always sent a lot of love emojis in my long messages but I am not. I know that I didn't call you 'honey' like I always did. I guess I just feeling so much detached from myself and I was looking for the way back ever since.

I don't even know if I miss you or not. I just feel so complicated. Like there's this big burden in my head that I don't know what that it. Its just hanging on my head until I can solve it.

As I'm writing this letter, I saw your text just popping in. I sent you a small message written on my notebook and I was shocked by the way you replied.

"Ahh honey makes me cry, I love you so much sweetheart" with so much love emojis in it.

Hey you never cried before. Hahaha. I hope that's true.

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

Saat dunia dijajah hiruk-pikuk alur video linimasa cepat seperti tiktok, reels, hingga youtube shorts yang membuat manusia seolah dipaksa berfikir pendek dan singkat. Ada dunia lain bernama tumblr, yang membuat seolah waktu berjalan lambat dan tenang, membuat penghuninya berjalan perlahan, berhenti untuk membaca, merenung, lalu kembali bergerak. Tak ada beat musik yang bising atau gerak layar yang menusuk mata, hanya ada tulisan yang dibaca.

Tumblr seperti kamar tempat kita berbaring setelah penuh dengan kepenatan dunia, tumblr seperti pantai kala senja tempat melepas lelah dari kebisingan kota.

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

Hi 17 yo Me,

I’m sorry that life is still disappoint you when 26.

I keep making the bad decision in my life. Now I’m stuck on it. I don’t know how to go back.

Here I am, 3am, crying alone in the room. I know. I know my boyfriend is sleeping beside me. We are home so drunk. We supposed to have sex but we got in a fight where he said I always asked the stupid question when I’m drunk.

Well, I have a good explanation why I am. I know what he did. I know what he did the other month when he was away from me. He lied. Yeah, he was fucking lied. And I knew what happened. All of my friends says that I supposed to talked to him about it. But I have no courage.

So here I am. Appoligizing to my 17 yo kid. Who has no idea what will going on in her life. And I am now dissappointed her.

I am sorry.

I wish I could do more.

I am sorry.

I will try to keep you safe, I promise.

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

I’m sorry for a second I used to believe that life is beautiful. But it is not anymore when I realize in the next second.

“Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?”

— Bob Marley

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

If you’re not ready to have a serious thing with me then what’s the point of all of this?

[meet-the-sun-chaser]

Hi everyone

Its been a very long time. I’m just going to let this flow and being honest.

So I met this guy since seven month of the year. We’ve been together until now and its quite intense. We spent so much times together. We went to Bali twice (as holiday) and also visited my hometown for whole week (holiday plus). He met my friends, sister, and I took him to every places that matters. I love creating new memories with new person that I love and care about. I haven’t met him with my family and I thought he recognized it too but he said nothing about it.

So here’s the thing: I really want to make this last. I mean I found him several moments really saying that we’re going to be married. Who to invites, where to hold the wedding, when and how. But the details only comes out when he was drunk. We never really talk about it. I gotta admit that he’s way romantic when he was drunk and in a fight with me. He says a lot of romantic things as he appologize, even when its not his fault but I somehow think that he just say it so I can go easy on him. So instead of we continue arguing, especially when we fight about things that not really matter, I would say pass.

I honestly dont know where the relationship would bring us in the future. But I do hope for a happy ending. I may just knew him for awhile, but having some trips and for a really long time (2-3 weeks), really shows the real character and everything seems pretty clear. Is it wrong if I just go with the flow wherever it goes? Or should I start to have a real-talk about real-things that matters?