I’m thinking about Pac and happy pills and maybe the only thing keeping him from taking them is that he does not have them anymore.
He thinks about taking them all the time, every single day. He imagines the disappointment on Cellbit’s face and feels like shit about. He imagines Mike scared and not knowing because the pills take that away and he can’t feel Mike anymore and he swallows the instinctual feeling dread that comes from not being able to shield him from this, even now. He imagines Fit’s concern and he can barely stomach letting him down again after all his promises to protect their family. He imagines his children seeing him high and out of control and them thinking he can’t stand to be around them unless he’s got a glazed look in his eyes, like they’re anything less than a joy in his life.
Even still he knows he’d still take the pills. If he had them in his hand, even with hesitation he’d take them.
He’d hate himself, he’d be disgusted with himself, but he’d do it and it would all go away, the hate and the disgust. He wouldn’t feel the helplessness of everyone disappearing again and again. The black hole of loneliness that his life has turned into. Because none of them are there and at least if they were there to see him as pathetic as he is to let them down like he knew he would, they would be there.
[ID: A screenshot of Grian and Scar’s Minecraft characters from Third Life SMP. There is white impact text at the top and bottom of the screen. The top text reads “THESE GUYS RUINED”, and the bottom text reads “MY LIFE”. /END ID]
[After they talk about Pac's debt to the Pancake Mafia, and Pac warns her about Sir Reaper]
Bagi: I think you're the one that needs to be careful, because soon you might lose your other leg.
Pac: N-no! NO! Please don't! Stop- stop! STOP TALKING LIKE YOUR BROTHER!
Bagi: [Laughs]
Pac: I'll pay you– I'm going to pay you!
I want to give a MASSIVE thank you to @wasabi-ribs, who was kind enough to check my translations and help me with the parts I missed (and also reviewed the final subtitled video)!
[ Transcript continued ↓ ]
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Bagi: Pac, pay the rent!
Pac: I'm going to pay! Hey- I'm going to pay right this second, the money that I owe you, and... and I'm- I'm serious! And look, if you want- if you have more money... If I pay your 4,500, will you lend me 4,500? No, then I'll actually drown in fees. [Laughs]
Bagi: [Laughs] I'll lend you, I'll lend you
Pac: No, not really Bagi. You've got those red eyes– I'm scared, Bagi. I don't know– I don't know what happened, actually it's an eye infection, I know– But something tells me it's not just an eye infection, that it's also some other things, you know? Like, um... y'know, right? [He fumbles again] Oh God wait, your brother– when he had those red eyes he would also turn evil. Nonononono– I'll pay you, ok? Where's the waystone? It's here, it's here, it's here– I'll pay you, ok? I'll pay the 4,500- we're gonna–
Bagi: I'll be waiting.
Pac: No no, oh- just– Just let me walk, my God, I love walking– OH, WALKING IS SO GOOD – [Pac teleports] I'll pay her.
[Bagi follows him moments after]
Pac: [Pac mumbles to himself as he begins transferring money to Bagi] 4,500... I need to pay her 4,500...