Last Seen Blogs
Text
I hate the fact I'm constantly wondering if I have some kind of dysphoric disorder. I mean, of course I want to know everything's alright, but if nothing's wrong then all that pain I feel, felt wouldn't be justified and I feel bad, like I secretly wish something was wrong just so I'm assured, for with 'creation comes destruction' right, and I'll be able to get through if because the problem has been identified. But of course I don't want to be 'something wrong' because who the fuck does? But if I'm 'not', then I'm just shit, seriously screwed and all that time pondering wasted, well it hurts either way.
#Shit#on the ipad can't get a fucking cut off line#what the fuck who cares I just have two fws#Yet god my social anxiety really transcends all#fuck you van#fuck you
1 note
·
View note
Photo
The Holy Ground.
29 notes
·
View notes
Photo
12 notes
·
View notes
Photo
“What a player, what a man, what an absolute diamond of a footballer.”
324 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Well, you can wait till the changing room, can’t you?
Love is in the air, love my Lamperry! <3
146 notes
·
View notes
Photo
[42/?] favourite photos of Frank Lampard
9 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Petr Čech’s post match interview after 2-0 win against PSG [x]
151 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Our happy Lamperry ~ Legends
189 notes
·
View notes
Text
All I knew was that I wanted to work with animals, I just HAD to work with animals, I CANNOT work with people because they're absolute assholes and so on, so forth. So one of my earlier choices, zoology. It seemed perfect at that time, I would be studying animals and doing science but then I came to realise that i found lab work tedious and after doing some research into the subject decided that no,no I don't think so anymore...I don't think i want to spend my entire life doing this.
So no, and then SPM was over and I worked retail before going into college. And people, oh god. The thing is i got irked because I wanted to be treated a certain way and when that didn't happen i got fucking upset. Now that I'm older and not so fucking naive, I can see just how stupid and, basically how I refused to come face to face with how people view me and how they'd treat you based on how you scowled at them and how I lived in my dreamland and refused to fucking ACCEPT reality. Still not doing very well now but i think I'm getting better.
Anyway, college. Went to register and immediately brought up how I didn't, DID NOT, want to do maths. But the lady counselor, probably too used to smart ass Chinese nerds coming in for the a levels looked proper stony face shocked and i like a fool, and because I didn't want to take four subs, dropped the idea of psychology to take maths. Wow.
So, initial days were alright. I actually did math at night, completed my assignments and did the required reading for bio and chem. I thought about going back to a childhood dream about becoming a vet...but then it became too much. I went in to a levels without doing add maths in high school because I hated it...and that, that was the first stone cast.
I started ignoring my math homework, breezed through classes because I couldn't understand a damn thing...I know, I know.. if I was a bit more hardworking, dedicated, i should have gotten a tutor, done a butt-load of practise papers, asked classmates for help.... but I just, i just couldn't... and the worst thing was that it became a disease and it was fucking contagious...
I was never a fan of chem but it always held my interest until my math break down, and bio, sweet bio...got infected as well...I just couldn't do any work, refused to put in any shit, not to mention i was having a couple family problems and work crap going on as well...it was too much...
So what would you expect...did badly, failed everything...went into the new sem promising to work harder, changed my career choice from vet surgeon to vet nurse to lessen the academic pressure, and quite frankly I think it suited me better... but I don't know...then classmates slowly left, one decided to transfer to the new intake, another changed to MUFY...and then the thought of starting again just grew and grew...like if I start anew I can drop fucking math..take pysch...I could turn over a new leaf...i can actually make the grade and go study abroad with a mara convertible loan...yes,yes,yes...and so i did.
Sure, it came with it's problems. Coming from a class which reeked of diversity(Iranian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, a half British, African, Singaporean, New Zealand) and just 4, FOUR Chinese girls, an okay number of chines dudes and a good ratio(for a private college) of Indians(4) and Malays(1.5) it was a dream...and then smack bang into this class which is almost 95% Chinese girls.... It was like being back in Alfie's tuition. Oh, the school spirit...the enthusiasm...Oh god the class jerseys...anyway...there's also only 5 guys at all times and two Indian girls, yes. Also, I'm a year older than them and it's felt, also I went into the class rather awkwardly, and it's staying that way but getting better( and anyway not that important) Study wise I could be doing better but otherwise a step up from last year...so yeah...
Anyway the real reason I'm ranting is because the mara loan websites are finally in and they don't support vet nursing, yup..heart breaking...something I thought that i could actually achieve...I mean, if i do a little more research maybe I'll find something like, oh you can but you HAVE to come back and work in M'sia, and yes but you totes have to pay us back now...300k odd..nuh-uh...so no...and just like that, a dream was over. I just couldn't believe in it anymore...also....i was starting to doubt myself, wondering if i was even smart enough to get the BCD grades, whether i could get the bare minimum work experience, whether my mentor's reference for me is a total shit pile because of my performance in her classes...yadayada shallallalala...
so now i have a new direction(Mel would start going heyheyhey now)
Nursing.
I know, I know...you're all going to say 'Excuse me? But for someone who can't interact well with people, hates social settings, can't even look people in the eye properly, you, you want a job with that much human contact?'
Hear me out. I've been doing a lot of proper thinking these days and I've come to understand that my choosing A-levels was yes, primarily because I wanted to keep my options open and also b) i didn't want group projects that would make me and my grades dependent on others c) i wanted a course where only the end product matters(the actual exams) d) minimal people interaction and e) I wanted the possibility of studying overseas which would lead to the possibility of working overseas and the possibility of getting PR there and never having to come back to M'sia again
and you name it, A-levels has it...
but moving on...let's be honest, the whole race-religion thing(let's just call it waffle) I've got going on has been not only the bane of my life but my parents too, I was forced to go into private education, which gave us financial issues, the social aspect of my life got so screwed for I had to be so cautious in dealing with people so they wouldn't think the wrong things about my waffle... that it just dragged me to a point where i decided one day, 'hey if I don't interact with people, I won't have to explain myself to them, that is brilliant...' and unfortunately it stuck and I got to this point where I'm this awkward little shit. It seems unbelievable that I have the most outgoing people in the world for parents but me and my sis are these socially awk people. Well, Mel not so much but that's because she, in a way, managed to condition herself to be more normal and heck, she's even doing a mass com degree...she's going to be a copywriter but you get my point.
It's strange but maybe those who shy away from people eventually find themselves among them.
My parents have not lived together for almost 9, nine years. And this thought just occurred to me a couple of months ago. There really seemed nothing wrong in the fact that I only saw my dad outside of my maternal grandmother's house. Over the years...several times a week, then several times a month, then several times a year...and after that episode last year, i haven't seen him in about 7 or 8 months now, I think we had a couple of phone calls...and this life was all thanks to our government's laws and also my mum, a bit. I never thought my family situation was weird but now...it is..it is...sure I know all families have their own problems, but seeing and hearing about people and their normal apple pie family stuff with normal problems; friends, studies, relationships, other shit..it just seems so unfair that I have to deal with all that and my waffle too. I know people suffer differently, but sometimes, man, I just want to scream.
Shit, totally ran away from my topic. Anyway, why am i aiming for nursing now? Well, let's divide it into categories.
Academic: Nursing in IMU(the only uni I'll be going to if I do nursing) only requires EE. That's right. I could do badly, fail a sub, and still get in. Talk about a back up plan.
Social: Said uni is in KL, so if i go there, I'll have to move out. Independence, baby!(which was another reason I wanted to go abroad, but hey, same thing, just a lot more closer...like an hour and a half by train) Also maybe I can actually hang out with people instead of like last time(not like there's anyone asking me now) always declining because I couldn't miss my train or it would make me too tired by the time I got home. Yeah, but more the moving out part.
0 notes
Photo
together
#Ah#what the everhell#lamperry#but still not a shipper#I don't believe in shipping real life personalities together
48 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Credit to fromlampstoowen for original picture :)
#youth#lamperry#shit people are going to think this is some kind of lamperry blog#I honestly don't ship them#I just appreciate their lovely bond#shit is that what all shippers think?#but I'm serious#I'm not
114 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Pre-match pic
20 notes
·
View notes