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novel idea:
I decided to build a personalized Skinner box.
I put names of evening activities on strips of paper. Mimicking the variable reinforcement of the feed, I included chores (doing the dishes, responding to emails), wholesome pleasures (reading a book, calling a friend), and dopamine hits (ice cream, cat videos). Instead of rationally deciding how to spend my evening, I would draw an item from the box.
The effect was immediate. Even though I didn’t actually want to do most of the individual tasks, somehow I thrilled at the prospect of randomly drawing from among them. Sometimes, the sense of adventure persisted even if I drew a chore. The very tasks my rational mind struggled to coax me into were magically transformed into treats by the power of the Skinner box.
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january was a struggle tbh.. all cloudy days had me going psychotic
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tumblr as a social media platform has sooooo many beautiful qualities about it that allows for delicate authenticity from even the most small and insecure of creators and real relationships to form and for that i am so grateful
what i mean by this is
anonymized / not linked to personally identifiable info
spontaneous visibility that allows ppl to see and interact with new posts from random people
people using their socials to create personal brand they can use publicly/ career gain causes ppl to start putting on public masks , pareto principle of who gets to post and be heard vs be an npc, anonymous and randomized visibility allows everyone to be vulnerable as they want to be without fear of being identified. on twitter even if theyre in like a soft and emotional non career niche or a shitpost niche everyone in the niche start adopting a specific attitude like soft infp 23yo uwu here for romance or like cool and dont take anything serious funny shitposter or just Capitalize every sentence because I am a career man with career opinions … its all so phony 🤢
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wow, now that tumblr is sufficiently dead, it looks about the right time that i return to blogging ✌🏼
one of my goals this year is to stretch my brain. another is to let myself be seen and accepted, in order to see myself as normal and acceptable (ie. stop pathologizing myself).
'blogging' accomplish both, i think. it's a step up from journaling where not only just my prefrontal cortex keeps my egoic mind in check, but now i also have to consider a potential audience. the past years spent in isolation, (as in groundedness in reality just went out the window on multiple levels – inter/intra-personally, virtually, societally, etc) has really messed with my conception of self in the context of others. the feeling of having a potential other in this exercise will force me to think hard to communicate my thoughts. the part of my brain that has used words to express nuanced and complex topics has atrophied so much. this practice also prepares me for the inner thoughts to be seen again, which i have been keeping so hidden with shame. making the internet a more authentic place for myself is also important. i've tried and learned so much in the past year which was my growth phase out of a miserable era, i think there's something to share.
this motivation came out of nowhere 2 hours past my bedtime so we will see if it continues… good night!
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nara’s ceramics and organic sculptures (esp the wide range in his ceramics book) really inspired me
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