Chase: Some of you desperately need to wash your emotional support water bottle.
Skylar: I don't like unflavored water, though.
Chase: BACTERIA 馃憦 IS 馃憦 NOT 馃憦 A 馃憦 FLAVOR 馃憦.
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Adam: *wearing cowboy hat and fake mustache for the school play*
Leo: Hey, nice mustache!
Adam: Thanks, I made it myself.
Chase: Very bushy. What did you use for the hair?
Adam: *takes off cowboy hat to reveal bald spots*
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On the phone
Horace: Honey, I鈥檓 breaking up-
Douglas: I'm pregnant.
Horace:
Horace:: I meant the call.
Douglas: Right, sorry. I panicked.
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Leo: Hey Mom, I'm dating Janelle now, and-
Tasha: You couldn't have found anyone better?
Janelle: But Mom! I love her!
Tasha: I was talking to Janaelle.
Leo:
Janelle: The store was sold out of everything else.
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Adam: Speaking of money, how bout the 20$ you owe me?
Chase, taking out a 10 dollar bill: Oh yeah. Well, I only have 10$.聽 So, here's 10$. I owe you 10$.
Adam: Thanks.
Bree: Hey. You owe me 20$.
Adam, handing the bill to Bree: Well, here's 10$ and I owe you 10$.
Chase: Ah, ah. You owe me 20$.
Bree, giving the bill back to Chase: Here's 10$, I owe you 10$.
Chase, giving the bill back to Adam: Here's the 10$ I owe you.
Adam, giving the bill back to Bree: Here's the 10$ I owe you.
Bree, giving the bill back to Chase: Here's the 10$ I owe you.
Chase, pocketing the bill: Good! Now we're all even!
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Skylar: Hey.
Oliver: Hey!
Skylar: Do you know this girl?
Skylar: *sends a screenshot of Spark's social media*
Oliver: Yeah, Kaz dated her for like two days.
Skylar: She just requested to follow me.
Oliver: Have you ever met her?
Skylar: No.
Oliver: Then don't let her follow you.
Skylar: But that's mean!
Oliver: You don't know her!
Skylar: But you do!
Oliver: We are not the same person!
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On the phone
Horace: Honey, I鈥檓 breaking up-
Douglas: I'm pregnant.
Horace:
Horace:: I meant the call.
Douglas: Right, sorry. I panicked.
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Marcus: I think I got your lunch.
Marcus, pulling out a note: "I am very proud of you. Love, Dad"
Daniel: Oh, yeah. I didn't think this was meant for me.
Daniel, holding up a note: "Be good. For the love of God, please be good."
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Marcus: Dad, can you sign something for school?
Douglas, shaking his head: If I sign this, you're going to have to learn how to forge my signature. If you sign it from the start, you'll be able to sign whatever you want and they'll never know.
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Oliver: I think I鈥檓 coming down with something. I鈥檝e been so nauseous lately
Kaz, dead serious: Maybe you鈥檙e pregnant
Oliver:
Oliver: I don鈥檛 know who鈥檚 the bigger idiot. You for suggesting that, or me because I almost had a panic attack
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Bree: *crying over an ex*
Douglas: Don't cry over your past!
Douglas: Cry over your future!
Douglas: Things are only going to get worse-
Tasha: You're not HELPING
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Horace: How you manage to stay so positive?
Phillip: Delusion!
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Gus: Do you play any fighting games?
Skylar: Every time I step outside
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Krane: Of course I "pull bitches."
Krane: I pull bitches into my dark realm of terrors.
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Leo, pointing at Spin: That child is morally gray at best
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Sebastian: 'You'll never find the body' is such a boring threat. A better threat would be, 'You'll never stop finding the body.'
Spin: Or just say, 'They'll be finding parts of you for at least four month, and you'll still be alive for three of them.'
Sebastian: Now that's a threat!
Adam, covering Bob's ears: *horrified silence*
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MegaHertz: As if it's MY fault my love language is acts of service and all I know how to do is kill
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