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lorrablr · 6 years

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New Year’s Resolutions 2018

1. Be a little nicer to others, and to yourself.

Being nice can never go wrong. This year, I will try my best to be nice to people even though I do not know them, or I know them genuinely. I will be nice to the people who hurt me, who make me sad, and to the people who make me happy. In short, to everyone.

2. Be more forgiving.

After the lessons I’ve learned last year, I realized that people aren’t perfect. We all have our fair shares of mistakes. This year, I will try to be more understanding and forgiving. Give people chances especially to the people who really deserve and understand their situations before reacting.

3. Keep some things to yourself.

I am a very vocal person especially to my friends and sometimes, I feel like I’m talking too much or sharing too much information. I know my friends do not mind but it just feels wrong sometimes. Especially in my social media accounts, there are things that I should not be posting, words that I should not be saying. A little privacy can hurt no one.

4. Save Money

I know that this will be the most difficult in this list because I am always hungry and I spend so much money on unnecessary things. I always go out with my friends, drink, eat frankie’s, and other kalokohan. I don’t regret it since I’m having fun but when I need money na, I have none HEHEHHE. so let’s save up self.

5. Worship More.

Last year, I started attending worships in Katip. I hope that this year, I would be consistent in attending these worships to get my weekly dose of Jesus. The reason for my existence. The person who never left. WAAAH I cannot wait to worship and praise him again.

6. Always choose happiness.

Whatever happens, always do things that can make you happy.

7. Study harder.

I’ve been doing my best for the past semesters but I know that I can do more. I should manage my time, set my priorities, and push myself more. Last sem, I got the lowest gwa so far in UP. Time to step up this sem.

8. Focus on self-love.

No one will love me but me. I’ve been giving so much love to the wrong people and I end up crying. All the love that were wasted before because of the wrong people will come back to me through me. It’s time to give more love to myself, focus on my dreams, and my future.

9. Take care of your skin.

This year, I promise to step up my game when it comes to taking care of my skin. It means washing it every night, removing my make up before I sleep, drinking a lot of water, and eating healthy.

10. Lose weight.

This has been a dream ever since. This year, I want to have the body that I want. I need to control myself from eating unhealthy foods, drinking softdrinks, and indulging into sweets huhu. I want a healthier and thinner body. I want to wear the clothes that I want to wear.

11. Lastly, take care of yourself.

Don’t let anyone take away the happiness that you’ve been experiencing. I was so down for so many years, I picked myself up, got so much help from the people around me, and now, I am genuinely happy with what I have. Don’t lose yourself again because of stupid reasons. This is the year that you will focus on what you have and what you have. Whatever you do this year, always choose yourself. Don’t settle for less.

#im just actually ranting okay bye

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lorrablr · 7 years

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I cannot believe it.

A few months ago, I have no idea how to get over a heartbreak. I cannot imagine myself being happy again, being okay again. I was miserable, broken, and it felt like the whole world was against me. But I was wrong.

Here I am now, happier than ever. I am having the best moments of my life with the best people. The people who never left and the new people I met. The love I was getting from the people around me is overwhelming. I would not trade it for anything in this world.

Months ago, I was feeling empty. All the love that I gave to the wrong person were wasted. And now, I am filled with so much love, thanks to all the people who love me so dearly. Their love is overflowing.

These past few months, I have been hanging out a lot with my friends. We go out for dinner, we attend parties, or sometimes, we just get drunk until the next morning. I have no regrets. Those were the best moments of my life. Sometimes, it will just hit me that I will never experience all of these if I am still stuck in that relationship. I realized that I was too young for it. I should be exploring the world and myself first, before giving time and love to another person.

I am so thankful for my family who never left me. For my friends who were always there to listen to all my rants. To the people whom I shared the best nights with. I will never forget all of you. You guys brought me here.

Of course, thank you God for guiding me. I have a lot of mistakes and wrongdoings but you still helped me. You never left me. Thank you for being the best. I love you so much. No one can ever replace you.

Lastly, to my self. I have no idea how you did it, but you did. You survived. And now, you are better than ever. God gave you a struggle that made you stronger. He taught you a lesson that you will carry forever. I am so proud of you. Please do not settle for anything like that again. You deserve the best things in life. You deserve a person who is kind, genuine, and loving just like you. Do not ever settle for anything less than what you deserve. You deserve the world.

I hope that you will continue to love yourself first. The future ahead of you is really bright. Keep on working hard and someday, you will reach everything that you have been dreaming of.

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lorrablr · 7 years

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it’s been 2 months

2 months since I cried so much because of you

2 months since we last talked

2 months since I told you how much I love you

2 months since you choose another girl over me

2 months since you left

2 months since I choose myself

2 months since I decided to finally and totally cut you off of my life

The first thing I did after crying so much was to cut you off everywhere. It was the best decision I have ever made. I blocked you, unfollowed you, and unfriended you. It was seriously a proud moment for me because I know that it’s really over. I am finally choosing myself. I don’t care if people will see me as bitter or something. I had to do it. FOR MYSELF.

The next thing I did was reconnect with my friends and family. I don’t know but it’s really true that they will always be there for you. I realized how important they are. I was really lost in the relationship that I forgot their worth. And now, I cannot imagine my life without them. They are one pm/call away. I love them so much and I know that they love me so much as well.

I would also like to thank myself for being super strong. I am so proud of you. Kinaya mo, and now, you’re so much better, happier. I’ve never felt this happy in a long time. The pain and anger made me realize my worth. It gave me the chance to become better, to grow, and to be my true self. In those two months, I’ve experienced so many things that I’d never thought I would experience. I gained new friends, I went to a lot of places, made bad decisions, and created the best memories with the best people.

Lastly, I would like to thank God for always being there. For listening to my cries. For being the best, bestfriend anyone could ask for. He’s really the legit one call away. One word away. One prayer away. This experience led me closer to him. He saved me. He let me feel all the pain because he will also be the one who will take it away. He taught me a very important lesson in life. It was a painful lesson but definitely, worth it.

Thank you so much everyone. I am so excited for the future.

Here’s to being broken, getting up, and becoming stronger and better.

#I AM HAPPIER

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lorrablr · 7 years

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there will be nights when you’ll just be sad

and that’s okay.

I don’t know. I overthink a lot and there are times when I think about what happened. Honestly, I have no right words for it. It’s a combination of being sad, angry, broken, happy, idk??

I’ve done a few steps to move on. I’ve unfriended you, blocked you and unfollowed you. It helped me a lot but I feel like I need to do more. Maybe I should literally and fully stop stalking you. Maybe I should avoid thinking about you. Putangina naiiyak na ako.

All I know is that I’m going to surpass all these. It will all pass and I’ll be genuinely happy again. I will forgive people who hurt me. I will forgive you. I don’t want to be angry anymore but there are just times when I remember all the things you did to me. All the cheating and betrayals. All the lies. I feel like I went through hell. I don’t really understand why but I know that these things will make me stronger.

I have no words for you. I don’t feel anything towards you anymore. I don’t hate nor love you. How can you love someone who ruined you di ba? I’ll get through this. I just need to focus on my family, friends, academics, and of course, God. He’ll provide because He knows what’s best for us.

I just pray that days like this will be eventually gone. I hate it so much.

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lorrablr · 7 years

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time for self-love

I always think of myself as someone who loves too much. I give too much. Too much of my time, effort and trust. What’s wrong with that anyways right? I grew up being nice to everyone. I always try my best to please the people around me. Before doing something, I think of its consequences and whether it will be good or bad in the end. For the past years, I became selfish because I feel like my feelings are always invalidated. I put myself first. I decide on my own. I do things that make me happy. Yes, it should be like that but I went overboard. It came to the point where I ignored the people around me just because I want to do something. I didn’t listen to my friends and I lost them. I didn’t talk to them for a long time because I choose another person over them. I choose myself over them. I became super selfish.

I got my heart broken recently and I don’t have them by my side. I was used to having them cheering for me and lifting me up. But now it’s different. They’re not here. I’m healing and learning without them. Yes, I understand. It was my fault.

Now, I’m trying to reconnect with them. Messaging and apologizing to them. I have no excuse for what I did and I cannot blame them for being mad. I just hope that someday, this will all be okay. What matters is that they know that I am truly sorry and I think this is a good start of fixing broken friendships. I am just too happy that I got to do it despite being scared. I am just waiting for them to reply and hopefully, they still want me to be their friend.

Everything happens for a reason anyway. Maybe this is God’s way of teaching me a lesson that I will surely remember until I die.

I am also currently reconnecting with myself. I lost more than half of myself for loving someone too much who just wasted my love. I try to do this by being away from negativity and surrounding myself with the people that stayed. This is an opportunity for me to find myself, grow and be better. I am so happy that I am free from a toxic relationship. I just wish that it will never happen again ( I would never let it happen again). I am just loving life, focusing on the good, and praying for more blessings. This is one hell of a roller coaster ride and God never left me. I cannot express in words how thankful I am for his guidance and patience. My heart is broken but God is teaching me to fix it again all by myself.

It will be a difficult journey but I know that it will all be worth it.

#life #rant

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lorrablr · 7 years

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I’m so done with you.

I gave you everything that I can give. I’ve loved you with all my heart and this is what you gave me in return. Another heartbreak.

You made me feel like shit. AS IN SHIT. You never cared about how I feel as long as you’re happy. You always tell me na wala akong tiwala sayo because I get jealous all the time. Well, my instincts were true. I didn’t get jealous for no reason.

I told you to stop communicating with those girls. You didn’t listen. I was hurt and shattered every time but I never told you. Why? Kasi pag sinabi ko, mas masasaktan ako sa sasabihin mo. You will just tell me na wala akong kwentang girlfriend and our relationship is nonsense. Ang gago diba? Yup, that’s how gago you are.

We broke up a week ago. July 31. The reason, I’m too jealous and nasasakal ka na. wow. All this time I thought I was the reason. I thought it was all my fault. Gago. Kaya pala. Lumalandi na pala sa iba.

I really do not know kung bakit hindi pa ako nasanay sa ugali mo. Pero there’s something worse than that eh. I was fucking destroyed. You made me feel worthless. You made me feel that I am not worthy of love just because I’m too jealous or something. Sobrang nakakagalit. Sobrang nakakagigil. You keep on texting me about how sorry you are for leaving me. You keep on texting me kung bakit bumabawi sayo si Lord because you’ve been experiencing some shit after you left me. You know what? Hindi ko din alam. Ang alam ko lang, I didn’t pray for those things to happen.

We still send each other snaps kasi may snap streak tayo but today will be the last day that I’m going to send you anything. I replied to you kanina lang, I told you na alam kong lumalandi ka sa iba before we broke up. You’re a liar. You’re a cheater. Wala kang respeto sakin. Wala kang respeto sa lahat ng babae. That’s what I told you. Hindi pa yan sapat sa lahat ng ginawa mo sakin. I didn’t even tell you na fuck you ka at tangina mo. Gusto kitang murahin at sampalin sa lahat ng ginawa mo sakin at sa lahat ng mga babaeng dinadamay mo. You don’t deserve anyone kasi gago ka!!!!

Naiiyak nalang ako kasi sobrang sakit. Sakit kasi I let someone destroy me this much. Sakit kasi babae nanaman yung dahilan kung bakit mo ko iniwan. Naiinis ako kasi ang gago mo sobra. Naiinis ako kasi wala kang konsensya, wala kang respeto at wala kang pagmamahal sa puso mo. Hindi ko alam kung paano mo nagagwa lahat yan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit binigyan kita ng sobrang daming chances kahit sobrang toxic na ng relationship natin.

Yes, I also have my shortcomings pero gago, I would never hurt you or anyone like that. Mamura nga lang kita sa sobrang galit, hindi ko magawa eh? Puta. Sobrang sakit. Paulit ulit nalang. I wanted you to change your ways. Yung pagiging babaero mo. I want you to be a better person. Pero if you don’t want to change yourself, you will never change talaga. Many people were hurt because of you. I was the one who stayed and trusted you kasi I know you can do it. I wanted to be there when you’ve already changed. Kaso hindi eh.

I’m just a normal person. I get tired. I pushed my limits for you. I became the most understanding, patient and most tanga because of you. I’ve loved you so much that I forgot to love myself. I’ve loved you so much that I forgot the real people who will never hurt me.

Despite all these, I know that I have God beside me. Always. He’s the one who never and will never leave. After our break up, God gave me so much blessings. I’ve never felt so happy. I got a lot of opportunities in school, met new friends and slots in my subjects. Yes, little things. But you know what’s the most important and biggest of his blessings? He saved me from someone like you. He saved me for so many times pero pasaway ako and I never listen. I know it was his will because I prayed for it.

The day before we broke up, that was a Sunday. You always tell me to go to church and attend mass kasi hindi na ako masyadong nagsisimba. But that Sunday was different. During that time, I feel so unorganized and parang ang gulo ng buhay ko. I know I need him. I know kailangan kong bumawi kay God. So I went to church. I prayed na sana maging okay na lahat. For my life to be organized kasi parang ang gulo. I told him na I trust his plans. I always do. And then monday happened.

He saved me from you kasi gago ka. I am worthy of so much more love. I deserve so much better. I deserve the same love that I was giving to everybody. Tangina mo gago.

Honestly, as much as I am hurt, I was happy you left. I feel like myself again. Hindi na ako nag-aalala na may manloloko sakin. I will never hear your painful words again. Hindi na ako magtitiis sa selos at sakit. Hindi na ako mapaparanoid. I can do things all by myself without thinking about you. Sobrang saya.

Right now, I am hurt. Sobra. But I know, I can surpass this. Kakayanin ko kasi you never gave me a reason to love you again. Wala na. Sobrang wala na. Gago ka, manloloko, cheater, kupal, tangina, lahat na. wala na akong maisip. I hope someday you’ll realize everything. I cannot put into words how much I am mad at you pero I know that someday, this will go away.

You broke my heart into million pieces for so many times but I keep on coming back to you. This time, hindi na. I don't want to be part of your shit anymore. Alam kong pang-ilang beses ko na to sinasabi. Pero hindi na talaga. Natuto na ako. I deserve better. Ayoko na maging parte ng drama mo sa buhay. I will never let you hurt me again. NEVER. I will never let you in my life again. Yes, you made me happy. I thank you for that. Pero wala eh, bawing bawi din sa sobrang lungkot at sakit.

Someday, tatawanan ko nalang to. You were a good life lesson. I'm still thankful that God gave me a very important lesson in life thru you. I still wish you the best of luck in life. And lastly, fuck you. Sagad.

PS: If ever you found this, read it. Buong buo mong basahin. Damhin mo lahat ng kagaguhan mo. Kainin mo lahat ng murang hindi ko nasabi sayo. I hope wherever you are right now, matino ka na. Di ka na gago.

PSS: To anyone reading this (except my ex), you don't deserve this kind of love. Nobody does. I'm just someone who settled for it for so long even tho I deserve so much better. If ever you are in this kind of relationship, leave. No matter how much you love the person. Oo, mahal mo siya pero if you experience this shit??? Di ka niya mahal. Just imagine how you can love the right one kung ganyan ka na magmahal sa maling tao. It will hurt but it will pass.

(photo not mine)

#ang gago #tangina mo #HAHAHAH

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lorrablr · 7 years

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I’m just gonna dump some photos from our baguio trip last february

it’s still one of my favorite places

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lorrablr · 7 years

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Today is June 2, 2017. 16 days before my 19th birthday and idk what to feel??

I just want to share some ((cause i cant remember the others??)) realizations that I’ve had for the past 18 years on this earth. ok so here it goes

PS: not all of these are cheesy cheesy corny stuff ok so here

1. i love dogs so much (of course this is #1!!)

2. be kind to people ALWAYS

3. number 2 depends pala. haha well most of the time, i just ignore people who are not nice. you don’t have to say bad things to them or hurt them. the best thing to do is to just ignore them

4. it’s okay to lose people. YES YES YES. I’ve lost a lot of people throughout my 18 years of existence and it’s okay!!! it’s like losing people cos you’re gonna have better ones.

5. Losing people also depends on you. There are times when you can fight for them but if they don’t fight for you, that’s okay. you just have to move on.

6. respect people. respect how they dress, how they talk, etc. especially their opinions

7. it’s okay to be sad and to cry. There are a lot of times when I’ll feel sad because I am alone and I’ll realize that it is normal and all people can feel sadness. When I am super sad like legit sad, i cry. i’m iyakin

8. just do your best and everything will follow

9. i don’t have a specific favorite genre in music cos i love them all

10. what people will think of you is none of your business so might as well do your thing

11. i have a thing for indie stuff. esp. movies and music

12. i am super duper clingy and idk how to stop

13. your family will always accept you and love you

14. going to church every sunday doesn’t make you a better person if you do not apply its teachings daily

15. health over acads always

16. always listen

17. always push yourself to be better

18. pamper yourself once in a while

19. eat healthy and avoid fast food and soft drinks as much as you can